netravelr- Thank you so much for the feedback!
Hmm, actually I was doing the painting while my friend was doing the sketches so it turned out as going back and forth between our very different images, so I understand what you mean. But I do know what you mean by what you thought I was doing as well, and I think it's interesting so thank you for the suggestion of grayscale. =D I do want to try that out.
Victoria- Aww, >< thank you for trying this out. I am an aspiring writer, and I do get a lot of critiques on my questionable sentences though. But I also intend to experiment with it as far as I can. =) Good luck to you as well.
Applegate- xD ... Oh boy.
First of all,
thank you very much for taking a look at my project. ><
Critiques as well as reviews are extremely appreciated!
Of course, I am glad you found the drawings nice.
I do realize I have issues with tenses. xD; I am working on that as much as I can. I've had problems with tenses as long as I can remember, because I tend to like to jump back and forth from present and future or past a lot in my stories. So thank you for pointing out where I missed them, it does help me for future references. =)
About the description, hmm you're right. I could have just wrote "ground", I guess I just thought it would flow better with my writing. =) And as you say, I can't please everyone, but I do take personal opinions to mind too.
It's a visual novel, albeit a short one, and you seem to know what makes a good one so your opinions are much appreciated. I wrote as if it were just a novel, and you pointed it out that I should be writing as if it were for a visual novel. So I'll greatly rethink on this one. I love visual novels as much as writing, and I would love it if I were able to create writing that would go hand in hand with the art.
But if I were to just point out my opinion, I think that it's a matter of style too. I think at times there are things that doesn't have to be included, but can be to project a sharper image of the background. Since mine was in comparison to his thoughts, I thought about explaining what was around him more.
Though I have been writing for a while, I am really new to first person. I've written it a few times, but I haven't got the hang of one-person world. Where one person will think, observe, and point everything out about everything else. I can't seem to believe that one (normal) person could be so observant, so I narrated observations a little bit separately. Sort of like this and this happened, but I could only see/hear this. I agree though, that it does become contradicting, so I am planning on studying more first person narratives.
Thank you all for hanging out with me through my attempt, though. =) I've really learned a lot. While I can't promise that I won't make mistakes again, I can promise that I will always do my best to fix them. I intend to have fun at least, and if I could bring some sort of entertainment to others, I would be more than happy.