Wings

[lordcloudx]

written with the author's self-induced depression leading to random fits of insanity and suicidal tendencies in mind. Hey... who cares. In my country, you win prestigious literary awards by poetically describing people rolling in cow dung.

Wings is my very first visual novel. It was created using ren'py and the presentation styles were inspired by the doujin visual novels "Narcissu" and "Soremata" as translated by Insani. The story is told in a very subtle fashion with vague philosophical messages in order to allow each reader to gain their own inferences and interpretations. Although it's much shorter than "Dual Hearts" I truly believe that Wings is superior to my more recent work.

get it here
http://animerd2k2.freewebsites.com/project.htm

[Wolfrider]

This will have a sequel, right?

I'm new to this forums, downloaded this VN and played to the end. It leaved me a feeling of emptyness (so, the story suceeded in that) but really interested in knowing "the answer"

A good work, the graphic for Kotori is excellent. And the canvas with the photo in the scenes when she talks alone are OK (are these inspired by 'stage nana vol 24' -Narcissu-?)

but the ending looks like a sequel is on the works.

Oh, please, if my english is 'engrish', correct me, i talk spanish as my native language.

[lordcloudx]

First of all, thank you very much for reading my story and letting me know that it can have an effect.

I'm new to this forums

Don't worry, that makes two of us. I just joined yesterday and the mods and admins all seem very accommodating.

are these inspired by 'stage nana vol 24' -Narcissu-?

Exactly! The presentation style is almost a rip... but I like to call it a kind of tribute to a vastly superior VN than mine...(I shed more than a few tears from the beginning to the end of Narcissu) Or I'm trying to continue what Tomo Kataoka tried to reach for in his author's notes.

oh... and some of the styles were also inspired by soremata

but really interested in knowing "the answer"

Ok. I wrote the ending of Wings with the intention of letting the reader's own experience with the story tell him/her what the "answer" was. So... the "answer" is actually up to you. You could say, the end of life... or conversely, the end of death and the search for eternal life and even deeper, the eternal consciousness beyond the acquired personality shaped by the world. That state where the individual is aware of his capacity to experience life but also totally detached from the physical body.

I'm being too vague and long-winded. (bad me! bad! bad!) To sum it up. I'd paraphrase Kurudo Akabane from Get Backers.

The true answer is one which I myself do not yet know

A good work, the graphic for Kotori is excellent

Thank you. I tend to be lazy with my art and don't like to redo stuff even if the proportions look strange sometimes (see dual hearts). I can probably redo the inking on most of my art, but... I'm lazy

but the ending looks like a sequel is on the works

I'm sorry no sequel is currently in progress... but I don't announce my works until I'm finished anyway. I do plan to continue the story sometime, maybe even using a different set of characters or even no characters at all, but until I regain that feeling I had when I wrote this, wings won't get a sequel (in fact, I'm feeling very insane right now. See my intro on my first post?) . I'm planning on reading through AIR (which will be hard or maybe impossible equipped with only kana and nursery level kanji plus dictionaries) but assuming I actually understand it. I might be in the proper mood to write again after finishing it.

good news is though... I usually finish off my visual novels with art, music and everything in a little more than a week when I'm in hyper er... (nah! too hentai) let's just say, limit break mode.

Oh, please, if my english is 'engrish', correct me, i talk spanish as my native language.

my policy on a casual chat like the one we're having is that if I can understand what you're saying, who cares? and I understand you perfectly fine.

I speak hiligaynon (a Philippine dialect spoken only in a tiny city which is a sub-atomic particle on the world map.) as my primary language and tagalog and english as my secondary languages. So even my own english might seem a little awkward to a native speaker. But we're not native speakers so a few lapses is forgivable right?[/i]

[Wolfrider]

I was also almost crying in Narcissu... but the story itself broke my sadness. Narcissu is to me a story about live, not about death.

Two people, that in a journey together towards death, suddenly start to live.
(wow, that is probably bad poetry in bad english, or a new literary style, i'm a genius ^_^)

But on the topic of Wings, i played it again yesterday, and discovered new factors in the story. I know now that it doesn't need a sequel (but, i insist, it would be good) but leaves the answer to the reader.

And really, i want your hyper-hentai-mode, errh, no i mean... Limit Break; So i could finish a project that i am working (yeah, it's a Renpy Based VN) but i made a decision that can cost me my life...

I decided that RenPy scripts, Graphics, and Music will be original, and mine. So it is a real hard...

So i thouhgt you could act as a judge for this


And please, keep the good work (wow, three Visual novels in a row)

[lordcloudx]

Two people, that in a journey together towards death, suddenly start to live.

Good Stuff! You should use that line in your VN or maybe turn it into a poem. I think this is an irony or something like that.

Back on topic:
I'm glad you liked wings I'd thought it would offend a lot of people with the main character's attitude.

ok you want my opinion on your art?

The lineart is good. In fact, your inking is better than mine. Just try to add more detail to the eyes. Like a reflection of light, a little bit of white near the edges should do the trick. Also, I suggest you redo the right hand since your character is clutching a bag, you should make it look like she's actually holding it, draw the hand like a sort of shovel then add in the fingers with three joints for each one. An easy way to get the hand position right is to take a photo of your hand holding something, maybe with a camera phone or something like that and use that as reference.

Also, to see if you got your proportions right (I usually goof on this one) try flipping the image horizontally if it still looks ok, then you've got it.

oh and the pose, why not try making her hold the bag with both hands like the standard anime schoolgirl? Though I think she's older than that.

This one is just an aesthetic choice, totally up to you. You might want to slim down the neck and hands a little since your character looks like a slender type. Some anime female characters have as thin as their arms.

The hair could also flow just a little bit more naturally and could use that freshly shampooed glow with some white streaks unless she really doesn't have shiny hair.

Lastly, the color is good and you could do away with all my other suggestions, but I think you need to add more shading to give it that 3d look, unless you want to do your art like the way I did Kotori with extremely light colors and emphasis on the black ink.

here's an example of a different way of using color. (heh! It can even mask bad inking skills)



This is Princess Phaedra from my original fiction story "The Princess of Fire" it's a prequel to my completed and abandoned rpgmaker2000 game "Dream Chasers"[/quote]

[Wolfrider]

I also think that your protagonist of Wings can offend some people; but it is the nature of 'Wings', i think that if you remove those and make the protagonist more 'normal', then the essence of the novel will be lost.

In fact, Narcissu itself can make some people feel really mad (for example: religion issue about suicide) but it is the spirit of the work, not give the reader a moral, but let them THINK about the topic. And -as i said before- in this factor, Wings is a succesful work.

¿Do you selected the name 'Kotori' for the meaning of the jap words? ('Little Bird')

Thank you for your opinion, i'm trying to improve my art, and thet help me very much.
On the art, you are right. I am having a bad time with the eyes; i must work more on this (or declare that 'my style is different' ^_^U) not, seriously i am working on eye detail, The hand is what i call a shading problem. The lines are (i think) fine but without shading, they look like 'short fingers'
the image is flipped, i drew the girl looking left, then scanned and changed my mind... (deja vu?)
On the 'slender factor' i must explain some facts. The girl has 23 - 24 years old, and she MUST reflect that age, that is why I drew her with neck and hands as this (I am glad that the effect was exactly what i wanted) The same goes for the pose, the bag is heavy-loaded (look the center of it) but she is strong and can lift with one hand only.
her hair is OK. When she was younger it was shining; now it is not. (I can't reveal the reason just now)
SIDE NOTE: the phrase 'standard anime girl' is really amusing.

Your coloring style is amazing, near professional, tho only trouble that i see is the left leg. If this helps, try drawing (well, sketching) her nude, to see her position complete, then erase some lines and draw the clothes.
At least, when a drawing is making me angry, it is what i do.

[lordcloudx]

Yup. Kotori's name was specifically chosen for it's japanese meaning. Also Hikari.

Another suggestion I have is to try inking with the photoshop pen tool... if you have the patience. I personally only use this method for single drawings, as it would take too long to complete if I used it in a game with only me working on my projects.

but it does make the lines so much smoother. Check out my Ayu Tsukimiya fanart on this topic http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 2573#12573

About the eyes. They're usually drawn in a similar fashion to the way the japanese write in kanji... but an easier way to do this is to use two lines for the upper lid to make them look thicker. and the lower part of the eye should be slightly shorter and thinner.

About my Phaedra cg. Yeah I noticed that part about the leg too late and as I'm lazy to redo my art and the fact that I did that about a year and half ago for The Princess of Fire, I'll leave it at that. I'm planning to turn this story into a kinetic novel as well, so I might start with some fresh artwork. Actually... I do start all my sketches with the basic structure of the human body, but I think I have a perception problem being left-handed (that's my alibi) and my drawings tend to lean to one side.

[mikey]

Thanks for a very good VN! I played it and here's some words.

Concerning the philosophical side of things, I am very glad that something like this made it into a game/VN. I'm not entirely certain that the questions about purpose are adressed as clearly as in Metropolitan Blues, but they evidently have a basic theory/interpretation in mind, with the loose ends being there just to make it more of an everyone's game.

This is actually something very good, as I personally found that Narcissu was lacking just this and it simply pulled down the whole work (despite its length, professionalism and everything else). Wings' philosophical aspect feels less constructed and more immediate and emotional, and in turn more honest of a philosophical approach, even though I'm not really a friend of metaphores in this department ("wings").

The presentation is a nice Narcissu-tribute style thing, even though a few filters applied to the backgrounds to make them more cartoonish would create a more abstract effect, but this is more of a personal note. I usually listen to my own music while playing, but I took the liberty to look into the game folder and it seems the music is taken from other games? It's not anything that would bother me, but it might bother others.

The only real drawback I saw for myself was the usage of very specific titles like Final Fantasy and others. It made the game less abstract and ruined an imainative world I had in my head.

I have played/started your other games, and they both look fine, but I think this one is your best and most personal. I didn't read the author's notes though, just to keep the nice illusion, so I hope I haven't misinterpreted anything. But even if I have, it's been an enjoyable experience.

[lordcloudx]

Well... What can I say? (a lot actually) thank ya for the detailed feedback on the story and I'm glad you liked it.

Yup, the music is taken from other games.

I didn't have the tools nor the knowledge to make my own music when I wrote this story and I was in a real rush to finish it, because I was actually feeling my protagonist's feelings and strangely, loving it. (and people around me began to notice), so I decided that I should finish this project quickly and move on and detach myself from it

About your comment on the philosophical aspect, I think you're one of the few people who actually understand my style of writing. My essays and stories are often scorned and criticized as mediocre and too ambitious by the elitist so-called experts on Philippine Literature in my country who mostly focus more on the structure of the written works and talk as if that is all that defines the art of writing, instead of just enjoying them the way they are presented. (I can give examples of these so-called "professional" poems if anyone is interested and they can sue me if they like, not that those xenophobes would have the brains to even find this post nor figure out who I am anyway.)

I'm also glad to know that some people are taking the option not to view the author's notes because that's why I included that option in the first place, so it wouldn't ruin the experience for those who felt "something" while reading it.

Now, that I'm finished with Wings, I guess I can make a special edition just for fun sometime with redone backgrounds and cleaner colors for the character art plus my own music of course. Oh... and I'll take your advice about not mentioning real-life games too.

[PyTom]

I should point out that if you were to remove the copyrighted music from your games, we'd be happy to have them in the Ren'Ai archive.

[lordcloudx]

Ok, I'll start with wings. The music for Hikari's Ribbon are all original and I just need to change that single fushigi track in Dual Hearts.

[Taleweaver]

Played "Wings" now, and while I'm rather pleased with the plot and the philosophical implications, the end seems a little... shallow to me. Yes, shallow is the right word, I think. The suicide implication in the end is rather clear, but it doesn't seem as though that would be an answer Kotori should be pleased with. Considering the fact that the main "Wings" philosophy is about the strength that is born when two people find one another, just ending up as a "loser in life" doesn't seem a good conclusion.

The ending looks as though it offers a positive outlook, but it never explains what could be seen as positive about it. That's the main flaw, I believe.

[lordcloudx]

Maybe, well whatever works for you. I expected some people to react that way. But although the ending might imply suicide, it's up to you how to interpret that. It doesn't have to mean that the protagonist was a loser in life.

Oh... and I'm not saying that suicide was the answer either. I already knew that this was how it would look to some, but not to others. I'm just playing some mind games with the reader. Kotori and the main character found two different answers after all.

Anywayz, the special edition of Wings with original music and some extras is 99% complete. I'll upload it here later. Anyone care to test?

[mikey]

The ending looks as though it offers a positive outlook, but it never explains what could be seen as positive about it. That's the main flaw, I believe.

I also believe philosophy should be clear.

With Wings though, I have to say I enjoyed its relative clarity and merely implied suicide more than the questioning nebulosity and actual suicide of the title that inspired it.

[lordcloudx]

Here is Wings special edition I'm still using the old version of ren'py but I will upgrade to the latest version for my next project if any.

Zip File
6.94 mb
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BLT3ZIU2

Windows Installer
5.57 mb
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=59WIXMB0


Is this one ok for the ren'ai archives? And can someone please host one of these for me so I can submit to download.com? I was using geocities but both these files exceed the maximum file size limit.

No changes in the story except for Mikey's suggestion about not mentioning real games.
-Some new CG
-Blinking animations
-used some filters on the backgrounds
-added a little intro movie
-and replaced all the copyrighted music with my own.

thank you for your feedback mikey and Taleweaver. I'll keep em in mind the next time I write a wings type of story.