NaNoRenO 2011 - Rapunzel (Fixed Download!)

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Re: NaNoRenO 2011 - Rapunzel (Fixed Download!)

#16 Post by Muse » Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:02 pm

Such a marvelous game! I am not a fan of kinetic novels normally, but this one was just perfect. Gorgeous writing, and the art and music fit perfectly as well. It makes me very excited for Snow White & Rose Red! It has been so long since I read a rendition of a classic fairytale, and I just adored this one.

I may have found a couple parts where some very, very minor punctuation was missing. I don't know if these were different on purpose, but two statement used periods instead of a question marks, so I wasn't sure if it was intentional, to give it a statement tone, or a typing error. Also, one sentence was missing a period, and a few others used two periods instead of ellipses. Here are the lines:
“Rapunzel: I.. Altair, you don’t even believe in magic, how can I go away with you.” (This one also is the one I was wondering about the question mark.)
Altair: “Rapunzel… *next line* I.. *next line* If I promise to try and believe in magic, will you try and come with me?”
“Would she understand that Rapunzel was in love.” (Another question mark one.)
“Altair continued to stare into her eyes seriously” (missing a period)
“Rapunzel: I.. wow… I… r-really?”
“Rapunzel: I.. I’m afraid.”
Again, I have no idea if these were intentional, because so much in writing is up to the author's intention, but I figured I would list them just in case.

I am so glad to have finished this story. The characters were absolutely amazing, and that is something that is not always easy to do while staying true to fairy tales. Thank you to everyone who worked on this for such a lovely story!

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Re: NaNoRenO 2011 - Rapunzel (Fixed Download!)

#17 Post by Starling » Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:24 pm

First of all thanks to everyone who's played :D! (Even those who have not replied, if you have actually gotten through the game I am really thankful)

And all the compliments on the writing are making me blush mad, writing is something I've only pursued as a hobby and not a job so getting compliments on it is just way more surprising. I'm so glad it wasn't terrible.

@Muse: Being told you enjoy it despite disliking KN is a huge compliment for me, so thank you! I know the stigma KN's have, so I didn't expect to many people to even give this a try because of it. About the minor punctuation issues, the only thing I did on purpose are the double dots mostly because of fact that I used to be a HUGE stylistic writer (amount of ellipses matching how long the person pauses) So when I have a bunch in a row I usually only put three periods at the end. The other places I just had not caught so THANK YOU <3

And just in general, wow, I'm so happy you enjoyed a lot, I tried really hard to walk the line of a good story&original characters/yet keeping quite close to the original fairytale. And I'm going to have to really focus on SWRR this summer :D I can assure most it will be pretty much the same style of writing as this, just a static point of view to the girl you pick.

@Wright1000: Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

@sake-bento: ...AHHHHH Hi XD Since Re:Alistair was the game to inspire me to make games the fact that you had played it made my day XD So thank you and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :D:D:D
Rapunzel -- Fairy Tale Kinetic Novel
(NaNoRenO '11 )
the empty orchestra
(NaNoRenO '14)
(NaNoRenO '15)

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Re: NaNoRenO 2011 - Rapunzel (Fixed Download!)

#18 Post by Esphirisa » Fri May 06, 2011 1:15 pm

There are a few punctuation mistakes but since they're minor I won't mention them. Here's the other mistakes I've noticed.
(After being locked up) "The girl in the closet than sank to the ground and wept."
(When Altair returned but Rapunzel wasn't here) "... wondered if she had decided whole heartedly" (I think there shouldn't be a spacing between the last two words.)
(After Mena 'punished' Altair) "She reached a hand to touch Rapunzel's forhead"
(After Altair regained his sight) "Altair continued to stare into her eyes seriously" (missing a full stop)

Believe it or not, I've never read the original text(though I know the gist of the story), but I've really enjoyed this one. I like how much it seems like a storybook with the writing, the textbox(I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure of the right terms) and the art. I really like your writing style. I love the fact that it was the simple words that truly hit home. The characters' expressions also changed at the right times. It was sweet and it has my favourite line from any fairy tale : "... and they lived happily ever after". A desert prince and a trapped princess. What else could a romantic want? Though it seemed a little bittersweet because of what happened to Mena. Its kinda sad that there wasn't any mention of her afterwards. It seems a little cruel of Rapunzel to leave her adoptive mother, the only person she knows and loves other than Altair, like that.

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Re: NaNoRenO 2011 - Rapunzel (Fixed Download!)

#19 Post by Miss-Mae » Tue Nov 08, 2011 1:50 am

I finally got a chance to play this today, and I must say, I was very impressed with this game! The story telling was well done, the art was good.. I just really liked it. Thanks you so much for making and sharing this. :D
Come visit me, if you like, at: / <3 or on my NEW game making blog, which you can find here: <3

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