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pondrthis wrote:PS: "Escorting" is something that traditionally goes hand-in-hand with prostitution, which is why AuCN keeps warning you that the guy might be expecting sex. AuCN hasn't been too great about being clear in this thread, she's used a lot of "you should know what that means".

Seriously, AuCN. The girl might NOT know what you mean, and that would be the most dangerous circumstance.

It's not that I'm hurt, but was quite shocked...does it really have to lead to prostitution? I mean, seriously,we're doing it on formal basis, with parents knowing the activities, and to places where there are many people.
Yes, I was quite puzzled with the line "you know what I mean" but since you cleared it up, I kinda understood it. And, to tell you honestly, I've done a background check on him about two days ago and received it today. And as far as I know for now, I think my cat is may put me in a more dangerous circumstance than him.

There are plenty of guys who are not raging sex-hounds, and there are plenty of guys who aren't *really* raging sex-hounds but act like they are anyway because they've been told that's what's normal for a guy, and they want to be 'normal'.

Paid companionship (in the platonic sense) used to be much more common than it is now because of cultural and economic changes. There are people even now who work as escorts in a completely nonsexual sense, often either as an accessory (displayed for the benefit of others, so that they think your employer has a date), a host/ess (to improve mingling and social flow at a function) or just because someone is very lonely.

Not all very lonely people are predators.

Some employers are predators, and this is true no matter WHAT they're employing you for - inappropriate sexual advances happen to people hired for other kinds of labor as well, not just companionship.

However, escort services are generally legal and prostitution generally isn't. Many escort services ARE people selling sex, but pretending not to so they don't get arrested, at least until both client and server can work out what exactly they want to exchange. This can also mean that some people paying for legitimate escorts assume they are hiring a prostitute, which can lead to some rather unpleasant misunderstandings.

And worse, a victim assaulted under these circumstances tends to be blamed by everyone for having taken the perfectly legal job in the first place. I've seen some quite nasty comment threads on stories in which a woman was attacked by a man who had previously given her tons of unrequested presents - the commenters all piled in saying that she was obviously an evil woman milking him for his money and "should have known" what he would expect in exchange. Sometimes people aren't very nice.

It's not that I'm hurt, but was quite shocked...does it really have to lead to prostitution?

Of course not! It's just an assumption people make based on their own current cultural norms. Cultural assumptions don't always make sense. You'll find some people who are SHOCKED at the idea of a woman being paid to go out with a man, but find completely normal for the same man to ask the same woman out on the date and pay for everything ELSE on the date. (It's wrong to bribe her with money, it's fine to bribe her with a free dinner+movie? Okay...)

@AuCN: I know you aren't trying to be hurtful, and I'm not really offended so much as put off because it's what EVERYONE says . I want you to know I have nothing against going with your gut feeling, either. I just think saying "guys who give you the creeps are creepy and you should therefore watch out for them" and "all guys are creepy and want sex" are two different things! I also think you should protect against the worst case scenario though rather than worry about protecting some kid's feelings... be direct about the possibilities, and openly say that they're only possibilities.

I'm not trying to bash escorts here. I'm just saying... Wikipedia's "escort" page redirects to "call girl".

@platonicheart: It would indeed be a date. In fact, hanging out "just the two of you" at all is pretty much a date when you're in high school.

I'd love to tell you how to determine which guys want to be friends and which see you as a woman, but I don't know anything about guys other than myself. I personally see every girl as a woman, hence the rampant flirting. Of course, when I have a girlfriend, I don't want to advance beyond friends, but it's not 100% "out of my thoughts" so much as "out of the question". (I just proved AuCN right on some level, didn't I?)

@Pondrthis. Just making sure. I say a lot of things that I don't mean in a serious sense, but it all gets kind of lost on the internet. Rest assured, my tone of voice was spot on for subtle hints of sarcasm. It would probably help if I wasn't spelling every second word wrong because I'm tired. Ain't helping communication at all

I'm more used to a society were 13 year olds seem to know all there is to know about sex, so I was a little thrown... and unsure of the appropriateness of the conversation, especially in this forum and possibly with someone who was quite young (that was why I was checking her age) I was probably being too subtle about it I suppose.

(I just proved AuCN right on some level, didn't I?)

I shall stay silent for risk of further incriminating myself. And I would be lying if I said I didn't look at most males within my age group as a potential partner. Too bad I attract creepy people >_>

@platonicheart. Like Papillion said, escorting is legit business and has been around for a long time. Geisha were a type of escort and sexual favours didn't always come into play. Most of the time they were paid to entertain and provide companionship. However, a lot of people do not make this distinction.

If you don't think the guy is dangerous, then continue to see him. But I would cut the paying thing down. Maybe just get him to buy your coffee or something. Tell him he doesn't need to prove himself. But keep to public places where there are lots of people and don't be alone with him for now, just in case.

^^^

I agree with Auro-Cyanide.
If you want to get to know him better, let him take you out on an actual date.

Auro-Cyanide wrote:But keep to public places where there are lots of people and don't be alone with him for now, just in case.

And here we have all the advice we SHOULD have given from the get-go.

When you're young, especially if there's something unsettling about the guy (so unsettling that it drives you to post in an internet forum!) or he seems too good to be true, this is excellent advice. Actually, forget about young, no matter how old you are it's good advice. This isn't just about sex; there are a million different reasons being alone with someone can be dangerous.

Just decided to butt in all of a sudden. This topic really reminded me of a certain song. Don't mind me just wanted to do some random sharing.
But, I agree with the others though, but for me I wouldn't want to drink or get anything he offers, I'm a little too paranoid sometimes.

@platonicheart: It would indeed be a date. In fact, hanging out "just the two of you" at all is pretty much a date when you're in high school.

I'd love to tell you how to determine which guys want to be friends and which see you as a woman, but I don't know anything about guys other than myself. I personally see every girl as a woman, hence the rampant flirting. Of course, when I have a girlfriend, I don't want to advance beyond friends, but it's not 100% "out of my thoughts" so much as "out of the question". (I just proved AuCN right on some level, didn't I?)

Oh, a date. Well, isn't a date something that happens between two people who have feelings for each other. And for the record, I'm no longer in high school. By the age of 18, I may be already a graduate

Yeah, you somehow supported aucn's point of view. But I think your way of thinking isn't bad at all. So, you mean, you can't differentiate the two???

Auro-Cyanide wrote: @platonicheart. Like Papillion said, escorting is legit business and has been around for a long time. Geisha were a type of escort and sexual favours didn't always come into play. Most of the time they were paid to entertain and provide companionship. However, a lot of people do not make this distinction.

If you don't think the guy is dangerous, then continue to see him. But I would cut the paying thing down. Maybe just get him to buy your coffee or something. Tell him he doesn't need to prove himself. But keep to public places where there are lots of people and don't be alone with him for now, just in case.

Yep, I don't think he's dangerous,so I think I'll keep your advice and keep on seeing him in a non-paying level. As for public places with LOTS OF PEOPLE I don't think I can promise that because I hate crowded places, but I can promise to never spend some alone time with him for now.

One of my guy friend, who I know is not a creep, unless he has a hidden identity
really liked this one girl who I happened to be a friend of. Like a lot... for a year.

So basically, like how your friend had introduced him to you, I introduced my guy friend to the girl. They hit it off fine and talked a lot, texted, etc. Now, to you this may sound like a normal relationship, but it started off with my guy friend giving her little presents. On occasions where presents can be given, he made sure he had something for her. Like Valentine's Day, he bought chocolates for her, but he also made sure he had chocolates for other people too (so he's not being suspicious).

Then, after they actually became friend due to a mutual friend, ahem me, he started getting things for her directly. At first, the girl told me it was sweet, but kind of weird since they weren't going out. However, she accepted them anyway to be courteous. After presents after presents, I think she finally got the idea.

Honestly, after years of knowing him, my guy friend wasn't the type to actually directly tell the girls he liked that he liked them. So the girl actually made the first "move."

They dated for couple months but now they've broken up... it wasn't like a bad break up. He treated her like a princess and she liked that.

So, the moral of this story? Perhaps you need to see what's up with him and decide for yourself. We can't see whether or not your guy is a good guy or the bad guy. Only you will know this.

& good idea about going to public places. Watch his actions. How does he respond to this? How does he interact with others around him? & since you've mentioned about seeing him in a nonpaying level, why not suggest to do something with him? Amusement park? Study together? The possibilities are endless.

So you should see if he genuinely likes you. If your feelings are mutual, go for it.

@Snowflower: Well, my friends kept on telling me that he likes me, but right now I see him as a friend. Some say that we are dating but I really can't think that our going out is dating since its different from my previous bf. Because my previous one always brings me to places that are fun and that's what I think a date is But no use comparing it right? Since he's already passed away

Maybe I should try being friends with him, though I would wait for him to invite me to other places besides a coffee shop and tea house

platonicheart wrote:Also, is it okay to accept gifts from random people and be clueless why they do such acts?

Someone did that when I was in the Artist Alley in AnimeNEXT (I had a table there). Completely random person handed me money and didn't want it back. D: Totally unexpected but I'll never forget it.

I think you're fine for accepting it. They did give it on their own free will... and just as long as it's not illegal money (fake, blood money, etc), then it's okay in my books.

Hehe...looks like I found someone who values money very much

@platonicheart
I'm sorry about your ex.

Yeah, I think it might be best if you start as friends, but I don't think it's all up to the guy for choosing date locations. Sometimes, it might be more fun if we choose where we go as well.