The "Forever Alone" thread

[LateWhiteRabbit]

It's a lot harder to socialize once you're out of school. Your friends/acquaintances tend to be people you met when you were in school, or coworkers. There are meetup groups and things like that, but it's hard to find things with traction.

But yeah, it's tough once you reach a certain age.

This. So much this.

I've been alone for years, because I just had a core group of friends from childhood that I spent all my time with. We joined the military together . . . I'm the only one who got a discharge that didn't include a flag-draped coffin.

I had a fiance at the time, but she cheated on me because, quote, "you're no fun to be around anymore. You don't party like you used to and you're too melancholy to enjoy spending time with." Gee, I wonder why? Maybe it was all the funerals I was helping plan, widows I was sitting with, and eulogies I was writing? (I feel I dodged a bullet with her, so I'm relatively happy with this event now. Talk about unsupportive.)

I'm an introvert - I like spending time by myself, so I think I forgot how to make close friends, since I had made every friend I ever had when I was a child and less inhibited. I also had a bad case of survivor's guilt for a while (I was supposed to be with one of my friends when he died, but took a different assignment at the last minute. Not that it would have mattered except for killing me too, since it was a bomb that killed him.), and felt like making new friends was a dishonor to the memory of those I lost. Probably fear of getting so emotionally involved with new people who might die too was involved as well.

And yeah, it's hard to make friends at work, because all you tend to have in common is work. Once a job is over . . . well, why bother to keep in touch? If you do, you find you have nothing to talk about.

Still, all you can do is leave yourself open to new possibilities and try not to shut other people out. It's scary, but making yourself emotionally available is the only way to make lasting friendships.

[Dollywitch]

Actually College is easier to socialise in than school since you can actually find people with common interests, and a lot of schools don't even have proper clubs(mine didn't).

Out of college? You're fucked. Taking that into account, I've been doing amazingly well for a tranny with aspergers.

[KomiTsuku]

I've pretty much always led a life of solitude and seclusion. It was one of those things that started small, but as time went on I grew more and more secluded from the rest of humanity as a whole, online and off. Disregarding the office calling me, my phone rings twice a month at most. Being stuck in a tent in the middle of a warzone helped a little bit, can't really get away from people then, but I've always managed to draw a wall around myself. I'm not really sure if it is me or them, but I always feel like a burden on any conversation. Maybe it is because I'm always in a leadership position whatever I do, but I always feel separated. It's good when you have to make the tough calls, but I am lonely, I admit.

Bwahahahahaha, I haven't ever had a date and I've only one had a girl hang out with me. I'm a celibate (personal reasons), so I take a lot of hassle from the guys at work. I've ran several anime conventions, but I talk to even less people there than I do elsewhere. Online isn't much better, might even be a little worse. In the several MMOs I play, my friends list has maybe one or two people on it. It's really pathetic how much I look forward to even the most simplest e-mails or comments. >.<;

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand very well how you feel. I'm afraid, however, this is one of those few times that old Chief really doesn't have a solution.

[Crusher]

Woah, even to less people in conventions? I always thought those are the days were everyone can finally talk to people with similar interests, making that one of the best days in their life.

[Samu-kun]

Ooohhhh man, I thought I was doomed to love only 2D girls and spend all my weekends drawing cute little girls with innocent dreams and pure hearts for the rest of my life. My first real love rejected me and ran away with another guy two times before I realized she was just toying with my feelings, almost every other girl I've asked out has rejected me, I had to move away from the only girl I even had a chance with, and I only got my first girlfriend by getting cynical and acting like an manly asshole. And that only lasted three weeks before she dumped me.

But then all the luck I was supposed to have in the past 10 years came in one big package three weeks ago when someone left a cardboard box with a cute little cat girl sleeping inside of it in front of my door. Since then, I've taken her in, bought her a lovely little maid outfit, and now every day is like a moeemoee love story. We've gone on lovely dates to the beach together, went shopping together, rode roller coasters at the amusement park together, played MarioKart Wii together, and watched moe animes together. Hnnnrggghhh...

Have I finally lost it and begun to hallucinate a la a certain Jin-tan of That One Anime I Saw That Day That I Still Don't Know the Name Of? Well, apparently not, since I've taken photographs of all of this and Sake-Bento and Fawn confirm that they see her too! SO IT'S ALL REAL!!!

[Camille]

I was never particularly close to anyone (outside of my family) growing up. I am the poster child for dysfunctional platonic relationships. I did make some friends in high school, but my parents were very strict on me and rarely allowed me to see them outside of school, so I wasn't able to get very close to them, either. After we graduated, I drifted even more and now I basically don't keep in touch with anyone from high school. Getting on Facebook and seeing them all socialize and hang out just makes me feel depressed, so now I generally don't bother. Very very occasionally, during breaks when they come back to town, we meet for coffee or something, but it's been almost 2 years since something like that's happened, so I kind of gave up on that, too.

College wasn't much better. It's easy to make acquaintances and get together in study groups, but once you no longer share a class/interest, the relationship dwindles. After 12 years of secondary school and four years of college, I have all of one offline friend who is not related to me. All she and I do is meet up for lunch once every couple of months... We have almost nothing in common and I'm actually amazed our friendship has even lasted this long. The rest of my time is spent alone, with family, or talking to people on the internet. My best friends are friends I've met online. One of them, I've been to her house (even though we live in different states) a few times and now she and I are doing a visual novel together (Machina Jewel). But the majority of my online friendships aren't all that close, either.

I think growing up devoid of close relationships has turned me into a very closed-off kind of person and I find it hard to open up to people and socialize. I've been told that I'm intimidating at first, though I totally melt and turn into a softie once you get to know me. I used to at least be talkative and social in high school even if I had trouble with close relationships, but I had a bad time in college and literally became a hikkikomori for a year and a half. I was afraid to answer the phone and was absolutely terrified of store clerks, felt like passing out whenever I was in a crowd... Got to the point where I only left my room to eat. Obviously I got over that and I've gotten better now at talking to people, but I still feel terrified when I talk to strangers and my heart rate goes up 300% whenever I try to raise my hand in class. XD; Severe social anxiety still. I don't think I put up walls or anything, and it's not like I distrust people, I just... I dunno. It's hard for me to socialize now after 22 years of not doing it properly and honestly I really can't be bothered anymore, lol.

So yes, another forever alone person raising their hand here. It only gets harder to make friends the older you get and the more you get set in your ways. I'm so used to doing things alone now that it honestly just feels weird when I try to go out with other people. I get irritated when I'm eating at a restaurant alone and the waiter hits on me, thinking I'm some sort of depressed lonely person. I do get depressed about it at times, but most of the time I think I'm pretty well-adjusted because I'm so used to living like this. I threw myself into some pretty bad romantic relationships over the years, so now I kind of... Well, I'm enjoying being single right now, haha. Now I spend most of my time with VN boys instead of real ones. :'D

I dunno, I think it's all about perspective. I know people who had it way easier than me and feel depressed constantly about their lack of friends, whereas I'm generally okay with where things are. I am generally confident in myself, so I accept that I'll probably be alone for most of my life without thinking too hard about it. Honestly I don't have a whole lot of advice... There are the obvious things like joining clubs or going to local book groups or that sort of thing in order to increase your exposure, but I think that's kind of like going from the frying pan into the fire. XD;

Edit; HOLY CRAP THAT IS TL;DR I AM SO SORRY. I guess I really felt like ranting tonight. 0_o

[KomiTsuku]

Woah, even to less people in conventions? I always thought those are the days were everyone can finally talk to people with similar interests, making that one of the best days in their life.

I'm always working in the operations department, (except for Otaku Omaha, where I got to run Consuite) so I don't spend a lot of time on the floor. When I do, it always feels like people go out of their way to avoid me, so I don't tend to press the matter. It's grown to the point where I don't really know why I help run them other than boredom and tradition. Back when I was in college, I worked solo a lot since people, like in every other aspect, go out of their way to avoid me. When I went to the clubs (or ran them, I did that a lot), nobody really wanted to talk with me, often either ignoring me or routing me out of the conversation.

Being shy is the one thing I'm not. I have no problem speaking up in professional environments and have been complemented for being an eloquent public speaker. Maybe it is because I'm ALWAYS in a leadership position where I can't afford to be quiet or shy, but it isn't really an issue. Nevertheless, the second we are done with work, I get pushed back into my little world and ignored. Sigh... I wish a waiter would hit on me so I'd actually know what it was like to have another human being show interest in you.

Probably for the best. I'm never home enough to actually develop a relationship with a person IRL anyway. I don't think too many people, male or female, could keep up with me. And that's why, kids, I'm a romance writer.

[Auro-Cyanide]

I'm usually okay at dealing with people. I'm good at being friendly, and while I'm generally nervous around people, I have gotten to the point where I don't have much problem speaking out. I'm just lazy. Really, really lazy. I have never had very close friends because I really can't be bothered getting into that. I DO have a group of friends from high school and we still hang out and enjoy each others company. They seem to like me for some reason that I don't totally get. But I dislike drama and apparently that is needed for deep friendships. I can be sympathetic and all that but my patience doesn't last very long. I'm usually only concerned with those I consider important and don't bother much with anyone else. That probably makes me a not very nice person, but I've always been that way. I didn't really make any friends at uni simply because they were not my type of people. I had no interest in them because of what they were interested in (parties, music, drinking, blah blah)

I'm terrible with males though. For some reason I have yet to fathom, I have associated showing interest to showing weakness. I have a terrible time making eye contact and I tend to be pretty icy towards people I don't know. I have gotten a bit better, but finding the guys I want is hard, especially once you do leave social gathering places like high school and uni. I'm not going to find someone in my own house, that's for sure :/ Plus, I want a gamer, so he can play his games and I can make mine... I don't know if you would call that a relationship though, hmmm.

So basically, I'm alone most of the time, but I'm not really lonely. I know that it's my own actions that have caused it and I could change it if I wanted to. But right now I'm too lazy.

[Lumen_Astrum]

*raises hand* Yep, add me on the Forever Alone list.

I had many friends back at elementary, but they're only a few. My weird attitude probably triggered that. But then, when I was in grade 6, I had this on-off friendship with someone, and I was kinda pretty scared that we graduate with electricity between us, lol. But I tried my best and we graduated being friends.

But after that, our friendship kinda dwindled. I had to transfer to another school at the capital city (since I live in a semi-rural area) because I don't really want to bother my parents about my education fees. At first year, I made a couple of bestfriends and we had some sort of friend circle. We stuck into each other's interests and lalala, even though we don't have the completely similar interests. There was one of them though that stuck to me. She had the same interest, same habit, even the same preference where to start eating a pizza slice. Probably our only difference is our religion (She's Baptist, I'm a Catholic) and that she likes Twilight and I don't. And she lived somewhere in the city, while I live primarily on this subdivision near a farm, lol.

But in second year, we all got separated in sections. Still same school, we still see each other, but then I was lonelier. I was in the same class with a girl I met at the entrance interviews with a peanut butter sandwich (min-and-chocolate, if anyone remembers her) and another friend from last year in the same friend circle. At first I was pretty happy that I'm not a complete stranger in the class, but then as the first month was finished everything was ruined. My classmates started distrusting me because of a single mistake. I was once class president but they sorta kicked me out, lol. And so the tracks of my leadership in the class is nothing but ashes.

Now, during class I only stayed silent, doesn't really recite like I usually do and I lost the mood to study. I almost flunked Algebra because of that passing depression. I had some friends in that section, but they weren't that close. I even remembered that we have this activity in Values Ed. that we list down on how we rank our classmates, acquaintance, peers, friends, bestfriends. And I'm pretty much sad to say most of my classmates listed me on "Peers". But then I really didn't care. I tried living out my life normally. The main reason why I spend most of my time in the internet is because mostly of my closest friends are people I met in the internet. And to be honest, if anyone remembered that topic I posted months ago, the one where I was asking for comfort, one reason was that I'm too scared to tell my mother anything about it. I was actually pretty much happy that at least someone cared for me, lol.

So even if I'm forever alone, I didn't care. At least that is what defines me. At least I'm not pretending. And that's what counts to me the most.

[drama stops]

EDIT: TL;DR. sorry. XD

[MiSi]

Yes, I'm also alone - being shy is a huge burden.

I've never had many friends... a good friend in elementary school maybe. But when she changed school, our friendship broke apart somehow. It still makes me terribly sad, when I think about it. Then in the next years I never met someone I like that much again. And all of those friendships lasted even shorter. I think, now I'm too scared to make new friends, because of the fact, that I could lose them again. Also I don't like going out on parties or whatsoever and I'm extremely shy (not with customers at work, though, what really makes me wondering). I even hate the telephone... It got better after I finished school and started to work, but... I feel like I don't want real friends anymore, although others may think of me as nice and calm and good to be around with. Well... I'm a bit of hiding at home, I think. Only thing, that works better for me, seems to be the internet ._.

Well, but I better stop whining... at least I have my family (especially my younger sister, who is like the only friend I have currently.)

[azureXtwilight]

I was forever alone too, but then I realized that my bro and I had the same kind of interest. We became partners in crime and continue to haunt the world with out silliness

Then again, I have you guys here! Why would I be forever alone?

[Funnyguts]

I haven't interacted with anyone in the real world other than my family for months!

Have I finally lost it and begun to hallucinate a la a certain Jin-tan of That One Anime I Saw That Day That I Still Don't Know the Name Of?

"We Still Don't Know the Name of the Flower We Saw That Day". >_<

[Dollywitch]

spending halloween alone... sigh... halloween is like christmas for us witches...

[teacup]

I used to be a really lonely person too. In high school I never hung out with the few friends I had, and had a hard time keeping any friends because of that. I just preferred to be alone. I was diagnosed with social anxiety in 6th grade, and it's been really hard to overcome. I used to get chest pains, sweaty hands, and sometimes even have a panic attack just by being around people I didn't know. :/
Now that I'm in college though, it's a bit better for me. Although I have classes where I don't have friends, my Japanese class is my saving grace. Taking Japanese language class was a really, really good decision, because I found that 99% of the class loves anime and manga as much as I do. I have this class everyday, so there's 1 hour each day that I can socialize with friends about the things we love (Even my sensei talked about manga sometimes, lol) Being around people with the same interest as me allows me to be myself, and being accepted for who you are is the best thing ever, really. So it's all about finding someone who has the same interests as you... which can be hard, but it's worth the effort. And you really do have to put an effort. Rather it be taking a class or lesson somewhere, sitting next to someone, and striking up a conversation with them.
As for Halloween, I prefer not to do much but have a horror movie marathon with myself and pass out candy to kids. Sometimes a night alone isn't a bad thing.

[Crusher]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety in 6th grade, and it's been really hard to overcome.

Same for me (except not diagnosed). It's really putting unnecessary obstacles into almost everything you do. I hate it.