Get that thing off your chest... Now...

[Mink]

Yeah, I get if it's a story, but even then I'm like, "...What kind of person thinks this way?" There's suspension of disbelief, and then there's asking me not to think. >_>;

Though that raises a question: are you helping them because they need it, or helping them because you hope they fall in love with you? And what happens if they don't? (I mean, I imagine taking a unconscious person home without their knowledge/consent counts as kidnapping, so if the protagonist is willing to do that...)

...Well, this certainly got a bit dark. Here, have a picture of a bunny; that should help.

[redeyesblackpanda]

Aw... I've always wanted a cute 'lil bunny like that. I rather like dwarf rabbits... Unfortunately, they do things all over the place (although I've heard it's possible to potty train them), and you have to cover your wires...

That, and I wouldn't have the time to take care of them. Oh, how I can never have a cool pet like a bunny...

[Mink]

Aw. I had a pet bunny for ~ten years (she died late last year), and she was litter trained. I'll never forget when she bit a dog I had, attacked my uncle, and chased my sister down the hall.

...Okay, she was mean, but dammit, she was MY mean rabbit. (But she was always a sweetheart to me <3)

[teacup]

My friend just told me she got engaged to her boyfriend of three months, and I don't know how to feel. She only turned 19 last month. This is the first guy she's ever called her boyfriend (AFAIK she's been on other dates but never got to a second date). Of course I acted happy for her, but inside I feel very... well, I'm not sure how I feel, but it certainly isn't happy. I have not even met her boyfriend and she's supposed to be my best friend! The times we hung out before she hardly ever talked about him. My best friend of 5 years is getting married to a guy who I have never met and know absolutely nothing about, other than a few very minor details. That just seems so odd to me.
I know I should be happy for my friend, but man, I just... can't. I started crying a few minutes after she told me and they were not happy tears. I don't know what kind of tears they were but I certainly am not happy.
I should probably keep my true feelings to myself, and not ruin her happiness by telling her how I feel. She is such a level-headed girl, I honestly can't believe she would jump into something so soon. If she is truly in love with this guy, she really has an odd way of showing it (personally if I was in love with someone enough to get married, I would make sure to introduce him to ALL of my friends).
Gah, I dunno. I'm so confused at myself right now - you'd think I should be happy, but instead I feel worried, confused, and for some reason, really angry. I must be just a horrible person for feeling this way.

[redeyesblackpanda]

I'm not sure I'm the best sort of person to write up this sort of stuff, but here are my thoughts:

I don't think you should feel like a horrible person. Reading your post, I felt my eyebrow arch up a little. I think you're right to feel strange about it, because it sounds pretty strange. Three months is a very short time, and 19 is a very young age to get engaged.

If you hold in your feelings, and you two are close friends, odds are, she'll notice that something's off. With close friends, sometimes it's important to say something, even if you're not sure that it'll make the other person happy. You might want to take some time to calm down, then have a calm chat with her about it later.

Probably popping my head in where I shouldn't be :/

[Arelune]

@teacup:
That really IS odd. You say she's levelheaded and yet... Three months? Are you sure she isn't being forced or something? It's always possible...
Moreover, I think being angry isn't that weird of a reaction. If my best friend suddenly says she's marrying some unknown guy I would rage. (So that's how important I am to you, huh? ;_;) You are Best Friends for a reason.
Like redeyesblackpanda said, it's important to talk about it. Don't accuse her. Ask her if she's sure about her marriage and make clear that it kind of hurts you that she has never introduced him to you. Keeping such important feelings hidden does not tend to benefit. You start acting unconsciously, which can hurt the other person.

[papillon]

It's not wrong for you to feel weirded out by this, but that doesn't mean it's actually wrong for her either. A lot can happen in three months.

Don't pester her about it in a sort of nagging "Are you *sure* you're doing the right thing? I'm only asking because I *care* about you" way because while that may be true it's also intensely annoying and likely to make her feel defensive.

Better to focus on your own feelings - you feel hurt and bereft because you don't really know this guy and you care a lot about her and you feel left behind, like you don't really understand what's going on with her now. Your feelings are honest and you shouldn't be ashamed of them. (Obviouisly I'm putting words in your mouth a bit there, that may not be exactly how you feel, but it's an example of feelings and expressions that you could make that don't come across as "What you're donig is WRONG!" but do open those doors of communication to find out what's going on here.)

[ThisIsNoName]

I agree with the others in that you should really talk to your friend. It won't do any good to keep it to yourself other than creating a gap between the two of you.

On the other hand, I'm not really sure how "weird" it is. 2 of my friends were married by twenty, and two more engaged. All of them were dating for less than 6 months, and I only really knew one of the fiances before the wedding. I think part of it is that sometimes people like to keep their romantic lives and platonic lives separate. Managing relationships is hard... and there's nothing harder than when the person you love doesn't get along with your best friend.

Then again, you know your friend better than any of us do. The best advice I can give you is to go with your gut instinct.

[Sapphi]

...Welp, years ago, I was a member of another site in which I posted some pretty personal details about my life. Back then I was like "It's cool, whatevs." Today I thought, "You know, it would probably not be so hot if somewhere down the line I actually got famous, then someone found these details and used them to make fun of me." So today I went to go edit/delete what I deemed necessary.

Except after awhile, this freaking site, they don't let you edit your posts. And they don't let you delete your posts. And they specifically go out of their way to say they won't do it for you, because "NYAH NYAH IT'S ALL CACHED SOMEWHERE ANYWAY!" Seriously?!!

Now I have these two choices... Either I:

1. Mysteriously vanish from LSF and be reborn as someone else, acting completely differently and never speaking any words that could identify me as my past self (I will miss you guys ;___;)

2. Just blithely go forward and know that one day some trolls from 4chan will get ahold of my old posts from that site and proceed to humiliate me for fun...

OR, the hidden third option, BRIBE the mods at said other site!! Yeah, that's it!! ...but probably not... OTL

[redeyesblackpanda]

I think many of us look at our older posts and cringe. Even over the short course that I've been on LSF, I've looked back at my old posts and thought "I was such an idiot!" (As for my much older posts in other places... They don't exist [or so I keep telling myself that])

I think most of us will understand, since I think most of us are in the same boat

Odds are, one day, I'll look back at my posts from now and be ashamed of them.

[Argeus_the_Paladin]

"You know, it would probably not be so hot if somewhere down the line I actually got famous, then someone found these details and used them to make fun of me."

I would personally think that e-fame doesn't come that easily. The easiest way to gain fame on the internet is to be a complete tool and/or intolerable jerk AND show that on the net at large. The second easiest is to create a morally questionable, yet high-quality work like Touhou. I doubt any run-of-the-mill internet citizen can approach that level before they grow bored of the net.

Which is why I never disclose my interest in visual novels and Japanese culture anywhere outside a selected few people.

Now I have these two choices... Either I:

1. Mysteriously vanish from LSF and be reborn as someone else, acting completely differently and never speaking any words that could identify me as my past self (I will miss you guys ;___;)

2. Just blithely go forward and know that one day some trolls from 4chan will get ahold of my old posts from that site and proceed to humiliate me for fun...

OR, the hidden third option, BRIBE the mods at said other site!! Yeah, that's it!! ...but probably not... OTL

I'd say that the first option is the choice for people who have, for lack of better words 'outgrown' the internet's vanities and drama and want to live in peace. The second, on the other hand, is for people who considered the consequence, shrug, says, "bring it on" and continue their merry way. Suffice to say, the finest people the internet has to offer as a rule find the vagaries of other people's opinions on them as exactly what they are - opinions of strangers who have no bearing whatsoever on your life.

Not to say I'm one of them, however.

I think many of us look at our older posts and cringe. Even over the short course that I've been on LSF, I've looked back at my old posts and thought "I was such an idiot!" (As for my much older posts in other places... They don't exist [or so I keep telling myself that])

I think most of us will understand, since I think most of us are in the same boat

Odds are, one day, I'll look back at my posts from now and be ashamed of them.

That's the power of hindsight. Once you've seen the consequences and results of what you did or said, it's much easier to say 'I shouldn't have done that', albeit in the same sense that 'No shit Sherlock' is easier to say than blind guessing.

As for me? Over the course of my e-citizen life - six years exact by this September, I have probably done and said a ton of things I know today as a grown adult I should not have. But if I had known at the time, I wouldn't have been a young and naive man, now would I?

Heck, I still believe with no less sincerity that something I say on this place or elsewhere today, I will look back in another ten and find it to be utter idiocy.

[Sapphi]

I would personally think that e-fame doesn't come that easily. The easiest way to gain fame on the internet is to be a complete tool and/or intolerable jerk AND show that on the net at large. The second easiest is to create a morally questionable, yet high-quality work like Touhou. I doubt any run-of-the-mill internet citizen can approach that level before they grow bored of the net.

I really believe you're right. However, I am also extremely paranoid. OTL

I'd say that the first option is the choice for people who have, for lack of better words 'outgrown' the internet's vanities and drama and want to live in peace. The second, on the other hand, is for people who considered the consequence, shrug, says, "bring it on" and continue their merry way. Suffice to say, the finest people the internet has to offer as a rule find the vagaries of other people's opinions on them as exactly what they are - opinions of strangers who have no bearing whatsoever on your life.

Yeah, I wish I didn't care. Actually, if I didn't care, I wouldn't be on the internet in the first place - I would be out meeting and talking to people face to face. But I am a dirty coward, which is why I prefer to take risks behind a screen so nobody can see when I'm crying. (Ideally though, I would rather not be crying, hence my original post.)

[lepapillonrouge]

@ teacup: Yikes. That seems weird, but it's her decision. Hopefully soon she'll introduce him to you, or talk about it more? You could suggest to ask a little about it, but don't push for answers. (My roommate sometimes does ask me about my boyfriend and I, and I'm happy to answer. Hopefully your friend is the same?)

To be honest, I kind of understand her not wanting to talk about her boyfriend/fiancé, because I'm kind of the same way. I get a bit self-conscious talking about my boyfriend to my friends because I'm scared that they're going to get annoyed by it, even though I'm really happy inside to have such a wonderful person in my life.

[AnthonyHJ]

Regarding Teacup's friend:

I think your reaction is perfectly normal and yet at the same time, I'd have to say 'chill out' because it sounds like normal behaviour for a naive 19-year old. My niece is... I don't know actually, 21 maybe.... and she's been engaged twice to men who she barely seemed to have met before falling head-over-heels in love. It happens.

Given that 'engaged' seems to have lost its original meaning (i.e. we are planning a wedding) and has now become just another stage of a relationship that can stretch on for many years or even decades, it's no longer something to worry about. Unless they are actually picking out dresses for the bridesmaids or planning a sudden trip to Gretna Green/Vegas, I'd say it's nothing to worry about unduly.

Be supportive and make sure you are ready in case you get a late-night phone-call asking for a couch to crash on.

[Gear]

I must be just a horrible person for feeling this way.

For starters, don't feel bad about the way you feel. You can't change how you feel, you can only change how you react to it.

This story may not be much comfort, but a similar situation happened to me. Shortly out of high school, my friend Carl got engaged to this girl. I had never met this girl, seen this girl, or knew anything about this girl. At all. They'd been together for about 2-3 months (striking similarities, the more I recall). By contrast, Carl had been my friend for 5 years at this point. When I finally met this girl I had this...bad feeling about the whole thing. I didn't know how to explain it other than my empathy was just telling me that something was wrong. But I kept quiet, as did our mutual friend Jennifer, who expressed the same concerns. Ultimately, their relationship didn't work out, ending with them getting divorced, and him having an estranged daughter, and our entire friend group split in half over the affair...the whole thing was a mess.

In retrospect, I wish I had said something. Maybe not tried to break them up, but at least aired my voice of concern, give him something to chew on. If I had, what might have ended differently? I'll never know, and there's no way for me to change it now. However, I offer you this advice - take it or leave it at your leisure. Meet the guy. Get to know him. But if you have doubts, if your knowledge of your friend combined with the knowledge of her new beau gives you a bad feeling, be decisive. Your friend should understand, assuming you approach it from a sensitive angle. But definitely be decisive and don't hesitate.

But I strongly emphasize that this is my opinion based on MY experience with MY friend. Do what YOU think is right.