I really don't mind whatever is being said about me here. In fact, I welcome it, it's entertaining to know what other people think and sometimes I pick up something to learn from.
When I have a thought, or a dark thought for that matter, it kinda sticks in there and hinders my thought process on whatever I have to be doing. I can think of a lot of things at the same time, it's part of being a writer, but thoughts like these are something I feel the need to vent. So...
Get back to work.
It's hard to work when you've developed this whole thought thing, it's distracting. I feel the need to let these out somehow.
This is a thread for getting things off our chests, so I think it's appropriate. I could be venting these somewhere else, but I kinda like the input given here. Really feels like people are getting out of their way to read whatever I post. Makes me feel a little better just knowing people are reading what I have to say as if it's something worth addressing.
People should be free to think however they think, and people should also be free to criticize, refute, disagree or vice versa to what other people think. So I'm not defending my thoughts, I just thought I should put this out there. If you think I'm lying, go ahead, point it out. Don't hold back what you think just to be polite. I feed off people's honesty. It's how I learn.
daikiraikimi wrote:One year ago, I made a commitment to myself that I would finish one game, even if it was a short game, even if it was just a "preview scene". That I'd do the art, programming, even write it myself if I had to, but just get something out there so that I could feel like I had accomplished something. Anything.
Several projects have risen and fallen, partners faded out-- my art and programming never put to any use. It's been a whole year, and my health keeps deteriorating, the meds keep rejecting and causing me to not even be able to think or read. I tried to express my frustration to my therapist today, but made it clear I'm still working on projects, I'm still trying, but I'm so disheartened.
She didn't listen to me at all, just seemed to be extremely frustrated with me and said that "if keep this up, she's putting me on anti-depressants." Like a threat, like I'd done something to "deserve" the punishment of anti-depressants.
I don't have any problem with trying anti-depressants if she thinks I have a chemical problem, but I wish she'd have brought up it up as if it were the next stage in troubleshooting and treatment. The way she presented it, it was like she had just given up on me, that she was just shitting on all the hard work I've done in the past year. Like she was saying "your situation has nothing to do with this, you just have a bad attitude and you are making me do this."
All of our previous sessions had been going well, she's always tried to be respectful. I'm going to talk to her about my displeasure with that reaction next session, but on top of everything else it's just horrible to hear. I was talking about feeling like I hadn't gone anywhere with my projects and I was stuck in place and she interrupted to say "no, in the negatives." Then proceeded to tell me that I've gone backwards (despite *me* not feeling like that was the case at all.)
I've tried so hard to keep living my life, to not let it get me down, to not let it hold me back from what I really want to do. This whole time, I've been actively pursuing my goals no matter how hard it was for me, no matter how horrible it is to be in constant pain and watch as my body slowly gets worse and worse, and now is even affecting my concentration and cognitive abilities. And to just look at all that hard work and brush it off as a failure, that just kills me inside. "You can't beat this. You think you're working hard, but what have you even accomplished? You're just fooling yourself."
I hate this.
Don't be ashamed of small steps. The first pitfall of being a creator is putting ourselves in the same standards as the people we admire. I'm in that same boat. It's only recently that I've learned to start over by working for a small handful of people. It really helps to step back and not try to please a whole population or community, because it's a very slippery road.
Edit: the easiest part to get stuck in, IMO, is the writing. It's hard. Feel free to show me (or Harlequin up there, if she's open) your drafts. If you need someone to talk to, someone to bounce ideas off of or show off your progress, hit me up on Skype. It's (small leter L) l.rossfellow. It really seems to me that you could use someone. I can't give you psychiatric or proffessional advice but I'll be as earnest as I can, and I know people who could offer really useful insight (If you dont mind me sharing your stuff with a bunch of really close friends).
Editedit: I once took down all my art galleries in a fit of despair for the same reasons you have. I put a lot of work over a year but it didn't feel like I was going anywhere. It was a conversation with someone I admired from long ago (who I accidentally bumped into in Lemmasoft chat. What a twist!) that got me motivated again. I hope I can do the same for you.
Sedatophobia (latin Sedato⋅Phobia) ___(n) 1: The averse reaction to stillness, silence and/or state of helplessness. ______2: (Psychology) A state of distress where the victim's sense of reality can no longer keep up with his or her imagination. ______Related: Madness, Paranoia, Despair
I find it odd that somebody says that the worst mistake they have made is to assume they understand what a person's depression is...
In the same post that they say another person ISN'T suffering depression.
If somebody says they are depressed, why argue with them on that issue?
It does no good "right" or "wrong", in my eyes.
I'm probably worse than depressed right now.
In fact, I'm 100% messed up.
I'm normally not exactly the most normal person, and I enjoy chaos and oddities...
But flexibility and whimsy are far from being off balance.
I'm all faded and grey, instead of whatever color(s) i would normally be.
A axe instead of a slim dagger.
Blunt.
Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what I'm even saying on half of what I've said lately.
Kinda making the worst VN just to keep my mind off of things...
Which seems to be working.
I've delayed the project I was on, because I couldn't focus on a quality, team project.
A low quality, no stress, possibly pile of crap VN is exactly what I need right now.
And because I'm in a nerdy mood lately, it's based on D&D 3.5
Hopefully the plot turns out not to completely suck, and I'll attach character sheets.
I know it enough to do when my mind is faded away, and looking through 5 books at once to try to make a character seems pretty distracting.
Still debating if I should try to make EVERYTHING myself, or if I should get some outside help, or use free music/images.
All in all...
I'm being semi-productive so I can run away from a giant mountain of problems that I have no control over...
And honestly, I wonder how much of it is even my problem.
Whatever the case, I need to get some skill in expressing creativity SOMEHOW!
Most of the people here are writers, musicians, programmers or SOMETHING...
And so far, I've got nothing. I can't keep letting my mind clog up without letting my ideas manifest once in a while...
I need to let it out.
Just so much stress, and anger, and resentment, and hopelessness, and despair, and doom...
And a fair bit of worthlessness, too.
But that's a whole separate discussion... Probably wouldn't understand if I went on that tangent.
I doubt I'd give a shit if somebody thinks my writing is "good" or not.
I still don't know what a ; DOES
And although I'm intelligent, I highly doubt I will master the intricacies of writing in the english language.
That being said, the highest compliment I can dream of is being told one thing:
That I have made them FEEL.
Maybe at my worst, I'll make something good enough to give somebody a chuckle.
Doubt I'll do more than that.
But it'll come with 5 character sheets, too.
Might have to make those available after getting the true ending...
Or maybe just throw a few pics in a folder. meh.
I've ranted a lot, too...
I'm depressed, but luckily I'm the type who hides from problems by making unfunny jokes and playing games.
For once, it's actually mildly handy right now.
Now to go back to trying in vain to make magic happen.
Still trying to keep close to the 3 core D&D books, but already using two others ^^"
Squid wrote:I find it odd that somebody says that the worst mistake they have made is to assume they understand what a person's depression is...
In the same post that they say another person ISN'T suffering depression.
I have many friends who have it (I listed most of them, I think, I can introduce you to each one if you want), and they're the ones who told me what it was like. They described it to me like I have done so here. It doesn't mean I can -relate- to what they're going through, because I can't. I've never suffered one, and at the risk of coming across as selfish I wouldn't want to go through it, either.
Does that make sense now?
If you go back a few pages, my beef is with a guy denouncing his own artist for suffering Depression because said artist is holding his project back. He claims he understands what his artist is going through, because he could power through it himself. I call BS. Try reading his complaint for yourself and see if it doesn't rub you the wrong way-- Because it should. It's wrong. This is a place for members of the community to vent, but in this case it's his unnamed artist that needs a voice here.
Or I can ignore it and wait for someone else to tell it to him straight up.
(Edit: Shoot. PM feature -does- exist. I'll keep that in mind next time.)
Sedatophobia (latin Sedato⋅Phobia) ___(n) 1: The averse reaction to stillness, silence and/or state of helplessness. ______2: (Psychology) A state of distress where the victim's sense of reality can no longer keep up with his or her imagination. ______Related: Madness, Paranoia, Despair
He's not holding the project back. That's not what's irking me. It's the failure to live up to your own deadline that you set up.
Let me explain the context for a moment.
I draw my own art. But I kinda cracked and I went back to drawing like I'm drawing a sketch or a draft. My artist was a fan of my work, but was disappointed that I kinda went back to this non-professional way of drawing.
The subject came up that i'm doing a visual novel project and he wanted to help me on it. He insisted that he help because he has nothing better to do at home. I told him he's not being paid because this is a free project. He insisted that he just wanted to work with me as a fan of my former work and old friend. I don't need his help, I just welcome it because he wants it.
All he does is line-art my drawings and make them look cleaner. Since I already drew and colored the sprites myself, all he has to do is trace, eyedrop, and he's done. And he can finish a sprite in less than 10 minutes. Which I really praise because it does make the sprites look cleaner and more pleasant.
But essentially, the progress of my project is all on me.
So it's not me being selfish and wanting my project to be done, it's me caring about him as a person. As somebody I knew and kinda consider a little brother in a sense, it bothers me a little because, like I said, when I set a deadline on my terms, I only end up feeling horrible if I don't reach it. I'm fully supportive, even if he doesn't make up to the deadline that he made on his terms on his own estimation on when he'll feel better, I'm like, "Yeah sure, just tell me when you feel better."
I never set the deadline for him, I just asked him to tell me when he's good to go. He's the one who sets a date for himself, and that's admirable. But if he doesn't reach the date he set for himself, it irks me a little because when I think of myself not reaching my own deadlines, I end up feeling horrible.
I hope this clarifies it. But if you still think I'm a horrible person, well, I don't mind. I just wanted to clarify stuff and get that off my chest. I'm sure it also helps you get it off your chest to read at my posts, point at it and point out what's wrong. I do that a lot in a debate group and it feels nice.
If you're mad at how he viewed his friend's depression, fine.
I get it.
I wasn't around for that part, so it's late for me to bring it up.
But I will say that you shouldn't become what you resent.
If you dislike how zen presented it, then do so... (and truth be told, I think he could have started on a better foot, to put it delicately)
But then remember not to attack zen when he feels depressed, too.
You're better than becoming base impulses like that, right?
Getting a bit down in the dumps.
I was just explaining a game idea to my bf, and he though pointing out all the things it similar to was a good idea.
Now, I know that it's near enough impossible to be original, I knew this, I'd accepted it, but now...
it's just making me nervous that people are going to accuse me of stealing/copying :\
Rinima wrote:Getting a bit down in the dumps.
I was just explaining a game idea to my bf, and he though pointing out all the things it similar to was a good idea.
Now, I know that it's near enough impossible to be original, I knew this, I'd accepted it, but now...
it's just making me nervous that people are going to accuse me of stealing/copying :\
Do any other writers have this problem?
Yes! I've had this problem a few times and usually my sister was the one who pointed it out. She said though that I obviously did it unconsciously and no on purpose. In my opinion we all sometimes make a story that's based on something we watched or read and don't fully see it. I don't think people are going to accuse you of that though. At the end of the day no idea is purely original and getting inspiration off of something is okay as long as you don't steal the exact same idea.
Black Lotus(A work in progress)- (BxB,Horror,Thriller,Fantasy) Tells the story of a boy who must save his home and friends from dangerous creatures known as the Tainted. http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=28588
Catching the Sun(A work in progress)- (GxG,Slice of Life,Friendship,Drama)
Rinima wrote:Getting a bit down in the dumps.
I was just explaining a game idea to my bf, and he though pointing out all the things it similar to was a good idea.
Now, I know that it's near enough impossible to be original, I knew this, I'd accepted it, but now...
it's just making me nervous that people are going to accuse me of stealing/copying :\
Do any other writers have this problem?
Yes! I've had this problem a few times and usually my sister was the one who pointed it out. She said though that I obviously did it unconsciously and no on purpose. In my opinion we all sometimes make a story that's based on something we watched or read and don't fully see it. I don't think people are going to accuse you of that though. At the end of the day no idea is purely original and getting inspiration off of something is okay as long as you don't steal the exact same idea.
Yea I guess.
I think it's mostly because I told him this story I've been working on for the best part of a 2 years, just for it to be immediately compared to something else. It makes me feel like I've wasted the past two years on this idea.
Rinima wrote:Getting a bit down in the dumps.
I was just explaining a game idea to my bf, and he though pointing out all the things it similar to was a good idea.
Now, I know that it's near enough impossible to be original, I knew this, I'd accepted it, but now...
it's just making me nervous that people are going to accuse me of stealing/copying :\
Do any other writers have this problem?
Yes! I've had this problem a few times and usually my sister was the one who pointed it out. She said though that I obviously did it unconsciously and no on purpose. In my opinion we all sometimes make a story that's based on something we watched or read and don't fully see it. I don't think people are going to accuse you of that though. At the end of the day no idea is purely original and getting inspiration off of something is okay as long as you don't steal the exact same idea.
Yea I guess.
I think it's mostly because I told him this story I've been working on for the best part of a 2 years, just for it to be immediately compared to something else. It makes me feel like I've wasted the past two years on this idea.
Doesn't matter where the idea comes from or what's similar to it. What matters is execution.
"Perfection goal that always changes. Can pursue, cannot obtain."
Rossfellow wrote:Edit: the easiest part to get stuck in, IMO, is the writing. It's hard. Feel free to show me (or Harlequin up there, if she's open) your drafts.
I wasn't really expecting a referral, but it's true---I try to help people with drafts.
Kimi, if you feel up to it, I'll have a look at what you've got. I'm also available just as a listener, should you need one.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
— Mark Twain
Rinima wrote:Getting a bit down in the dumps.
I was just explaining a game idea to my bf, and he though pointing out all the things it similar to was a good idea.
Now, I know that it's near enough impossible to be original, I knew this, I'd accepted it, but now...
it's just making me nervous that people are going to accuse me of stealing/copying :\
Do any other writers have this problem?
Yes! I've had this problem a few times and usually my sister was the one who pointed it out. She said though that I obviously did it unconsciously and no on purpose. In my opinion we all sometimes make a story that's based on something we watched or read and don't fully see it. I don't think people are going to accuse you of that though. At the end of the day no idea is purely original and getting inspiration off of something is okay as long as you don't steal the exact same idea.
Yea I guess.
I think it's mostly because I told him this story I've been working on for the best part of a 2 years, just for it to be immediately compared to something else. It makes me feel like I've wasted the past two years on this idea.
I know how that feels as well...Sometimes it just makes me want to stop writing all together. Still, don't give up on the idea. If you feel like it may have too much in common with something, think hard on ways to change it a bit.
Black Lotus(A work in progress)- (BxB,Horror,Thriller,Fantasy) Tells the story of a boy who must save his home and friends from dangerous creatures known as the Tainted. http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 43&t=28588
Catching the Sun(A work in progress)- (GxG,Slice of Life,Friendship,Drama)
I'm of the opinion that changing the story because it is similar is rarely the best option...
Instead, I would recommend looking to see if your characters or environment could use more depth.
Sometimes, fleshing out the people more brings it away from the common themes.
Rinima wrote:Getting a bit down in the dumps.
I was just explaining a game idea to my bf, and he though pointing out all the things it similar to was a good idea.
Now, I know that it's near enough impossible to be original, I knew this, I'd accepted it, but now...
it's just making me nervous that people are going to accuse me of stealing/copying :\
Do any other writers have this problem?
Everything is derivative in some way or another. It's hard to be truly original in this day and age. So it doesn't matter what inspirations were used in your story, just as long as you do it and deliver it your way.
