Get that thing off your chest... Now...

[Morhighan]

So I might have a slim chance of getting on disability, which means I'll be going without running a kickstarter for my game, since that would lessen the chances of me getting on disability. In the meantime, we're pretty strapped for cash. I really hope the application goes well, since then I could get my own place maybe and not feel the looming threat of homelessness over my head all the time. I mean, I think I'm in a pretty safe place, but this month we aren't able to make bills between the six of us living in this cramped space, so idk.
I'm just glad I can sleep in the living room now, since I was in a closet with my fiance for six months.
I'm still really bummed about the kickstarter thing though. Sigh.

[Dizzydude]

It's almost my cake day for lemmasoft and I have achieved nothing. So, there's that.

[Kailoto]

It's almost my cake day for lemmasoft and I have achieved nothing. So, there's that.

My cake day has passed twice for this forum, and I only started posting recently. And I haven't finished any VNs. But I've gained experience and grown as a person (and you probably have too), so it's not like it's a negative. :D

[YuukiCrossPudding]

It's almost my cake day for lemmasoft and I have achieved nothing. So, there's that.

My cake day has passed twice for this forum, and I only started posting recently. And I haven't finished any VNs. But I've gained experience and grown as a person (and you probably have too), so it's not like it's a negative.

lol my cake day has passed four times, will be the fifth this year :"
Hopefully before it reach the fifth I can contribute for a finished VN.

I forgot to have a dinner today and now my stomach are in pain, then I decide to eat, and it's not healthy to eat this late //sobs

One of my friend contacted me a few days ago, and I just read the message, one of her friend passed away because of an accident, motorcycle, again. I felt bitter, why it must happen to someone who have a lot of dreams and goal for their future?
The worst part is she's already near her graduating year to become a doctor, her father already passed away, her mother and sibling is in another city when she had the accident, she got into the hospital but didn't make it. I only can pray, hoping the best for her family and friends. Ugh now I need a lot of rest, the recent event opening up a lot of bad memories.

But thinking about what happened in the recent years, I felt I learned a lot and how to appreciate my life more. Hopefully things will get better each year!

[JJupiterJump]

There's so much stuff I want to say. I don't know where to begin.

I hate my job. I work at the second busiest restaurant in my city (it's the capital city where I live, so BIG) and it's a tiny place. I just started so I can't do things as fast as everyone else, so they get annoyed with me and make me do dishes (which I don't do fast enough either, I can't do an entire stack in 10 minutes and I feel like crap for it). When I get home I'm bleeding... my feet and other places. I burn myself everyday, and I already have a HUGE scar. I cried the past two days at work because my manager makes me feel terrible about myself. I wasn't trained properly, I don't know where anything is, and I keep messing up for it.

I want to quit and get another job, but my family needs money right now, and I feel like if I quit I won't be living up to their expectations since I was always to the hardworker in my family. I'm moving at the end of next month so I finally decided I would transfer to another restaurant in the small town I'd be living in, if they let me. Hopefully it won't be as busy and I won't need to do all the dishes in 10 minutes. I still feel awful about it.

Now for the next part. It might be slightly (I tried not to go into detail) triggering, or uncomfortable for some people so I put it in a spoiler.

My friend owes me 800$ but he's a meth addict, and I know he won't give it to me unless I did something to him (break a few of his ribs for example), which I don't want to do. I could have him beat up until he hands it over, because I could really use it right now, but he's my best friend... He doesn't even treat me very nice, and sometimes I don't know if it's the meth or if it's him. He treats me nice when he's sober, (he was trying to quit... he made it to 22 days...) but when he's high he's so manipulative, and I get that it's part of the addiction it just makes me question our friendship. He's the best friend I've ever had, and he told me that I couldn't expect people to be there for me when I was hospitalized for trying to commit suicide, that I had a weak mind when I told him about the times people abused me, that it was MY fault that I was abused, and then tried to manipulate me into doing the deed with him, and I know it was manipulation because he texted messed up things to me, but when I shrugged it off he went back to normal saying he was just bored (He's more than twice my age! I told him I saw him as a dad but still...). He's the best friend I've ever had, and I always want to be his friend because of it, but I also know he's an awful friend.

I just feel like... most people don't like me, and he's probably one of the only people who will. I don't feel like I'm settling for him, because he's really so fun when he's sober; I just feel like even if I did stop talking to him no one else would like me and I'd be all alone.

I wish I could get someone to kick his behind for me- I mean I can, but I can't do it. Even for 800$ I can't hurt him. I'm pretty sure he wanted to sell me, and all sorts of crap too! He said he wanted to stab me before. I hate myself. I hate that I'm so weak that I can't do this, or anything for that matter. (I know it's not a good thing to hurt people for money even if they aren't my friend of course! I'm just...)

The job, mixed with everything else made me so overwhelmed today I was thinking about killing myself. I have a lot of stuff going on, even stuff not written in this post (it's sooooo long though I know!) but I went to sleep instead. I had a plan, but I feel a lot better now. It's because I found out I was moving. I was so stressed about paying bills, and my job, but everything is ok now.. well, better. Haha.

That's about it. It's long I know, I'm sorry haha. I guess I can't talk about this with my family, so I'll post it on a forum! that's the best way to roll.

[infel]

There's so much stuff I want to say. I don't know where to begin.

I hate my job. I work at the second busiest restaurant in my city (it's the capital city where I live, so BIG) and it's a tiny place. I just started so I can't do things as fast as everyone else, so they get annoyed with me and make me do dishes (which I don't do fast enough either, I can't do an entire stack in 10 minutes and I feel like crap for it). When I get home I'm bleeding... my feet and other places. I burn myself everyday, and I already have a HUGE scar. I cried the past two days at work because my manager makes me feel terrible about myself. I wasn't trained properly, I don't know where anything is, and I keep messing up for it.

I want to quit and get another job, but my family needs money right now, and I feel like if I quit I won't be living up to their expectations since I was always to the hardworker in my family. I'm moving at the end of next month so I finally decided I would transfer to another restaurant in the small town I'd be living in, if they let me. Hopefully it won't be as busy and I won't need to do all the dishes in 10 minutes. I still feel awful about it.

Now for the next part. It might be slightly (I tried not to go into detail) triggering, or uncomfortable for some people so I put it in a spoiler.

My friend owes me 800$ but he's a meth addict, and I know he won't give it to me unless I did something to him (break a few of his ribs for example), which I don't want to do. I could have him beat up until he hands it over, because I could really use it right now, but he's my best friend... He doesn't even treat me very nice, and sometimes I don't know if it's the meth or if it's him. He treats me nice when he's sober, (he was trying to quit... he made it to 22 days...) but when he's high he's so manipulative, and I get that it's part of the addiction it just makes me question our friendship. He's the best friend I've ever had, and he told me that I couldn't expect people to be there for me when I was hospitalized for trying to commit suicide, that I had a weak mind when I told him about the times people abused me (I was forced into p), that it was MY fault that I was abused, and then tried to manipulate me into doing the deed with him, and I know it was manipulation because he texted messed up things to me, but when I shrugged it off he went back to normal saying he was just bored (He's more than twice my age! I told him I saw him as a dad but still...). He's the best friend I've ever had, and I always want to be his friend because of it, but I also know he's an awful friend.

I just feel like... most people don't like me, and he's probably one of the only people who will. I don't feel like I'm settling for him, because he's really so fun when he's sober; I just feel like even if I did stop talking to him no one else would like me and I'd be all alone.

I wish I could get someone to kick his behind for me- I mean I can, but I can't do it. Even for 800$ I can't hurt him. I'm pretty sure he wanted to sell me, and all sorts of crap too! He said he wanted to stab me before. I hate myself. I hate that I'm so weak that I can't do this, or anything for that matter. (I know it's not a good thing to hurt people for money even if they aren't my friend of course! I'm just...)

The job, mixed with everything else made me so overwhelmed today I was thinking about killing myself. I have a lot of stuff going on, even stuff not written in this post (it's sooooo long though I know!) but I went to sleep instead. I had a plan, but I feel a lot better now. It's because I found out I was moving. I was so stressed about paying bills, and my job, but everything is ok now.. well, better. Haha.

That's about it. It's long I know, I'm sorry haha. I guess I can't talk about this with my family, so I'll post it on a forum! that's the best way to roll.

I'm really sorry about everything you're going through. I understand kind of about how you feel with this job. My mom was the same way with her old one. They wouldn't help her and she was the only doctor. She's left now, but feels bad for leaving like that since the town did need a doctor.

I really think you should try and tell your family about what's going on. Even hard workers get tired and you deserve to have a job that you like and doesn't make you cry. Even if they don't understand maybe you can try and talk to a friend or someone on lemmesoft. This community is really friendly and I know of some who always like to reach out =).

As for your friend that's a really messed up thing to do. You remind me of my friend Danielle who also is treated badly by her friends. I do hope he gets rid of that addiction though =(. It's not healthy for you or him. All I can say is maybe distant yourself from him a bit if he gets too much for you.

I hope things get better for you when you move. I'm glad you are though and can get out of that job =).

[Mad Harlequin]

Now for the next part. It might be slightly (I tried not to go into detail) triggering, or uncomfortable for some people so I put it in a spoiler.

I'm not treating your "friend's" addiction as a character flaw, but it's clearly exacerbating whatever issues he does have. He shouldn't have said those things to you. You've also said he's threatened you physically and tried to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do, so I don't really understand where the "He treats me nice when he's sober" line is coming from. It doesn't matter if he was high when he did this. The fact that it crossed his mind at all raises a huge red flag.

When I shrugged it off he went back to normal saying he was just bored (He's more than twice my age! I told him I saw him as a dad but still...). He's the best friend I've ever had, and I always want to be his friend because of it, but I also know he's an awful friend.

Someone who tries to do something like that and then attempts to justify it with a bullshit excuse is not friend material. Ever.

I just feel like... most people don't like me, and he's probably one of the only people who will. I don't feel like I'm settling for him, because he's really so fun when he's sober; I just feel like even if I did stop talking to him no one else would like me and I'd be all alone [...] That's about it. It's long I know, I'm sorry haha. I guess I can't talk about this with my family, so I'll post it on a forum! that's the best way to roll.

I think you need to reread the definition of "like." This person does not like you, and he is dangerous. Stay away. I know you feel you can't talk to your family, and that you'd feel alone without your not-friend, but this post has shown that he cares about you far less than your family does.

[PyTom]

That is not a good relationship. That's not even a good relationship in the "we know society won't approve, but" sense. That's just outright abuse - and, forget the money, you need to get yourself out of there ASAP.

[ThisIsNoName]

You've also said he's threatened you physically and tried to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do, so I don't really understand where the "He treats me nice when he's sober" line is coming from.

I have a friend with Bi-polar disorder, so I can see where JJupiterJump is coming from. When he's on his meds, he's almost a completely different person than when he's off them. Fortunately, he almost never bullies me when he's off his meds, but I know he's bullied other mutual friends to the point of them getting a restraining order.

But I definitely agree with the others, the best thing to do is to just cut off any ties, if not for you, then at least for him. Just remember that both of you are enabling each other's problems, it doesn't matter whether he's a good person or not, it's a destructive relationship.

FWIW, you might want to try researching co-dependency to help you understand what you're going through, and maybe find a few forums for co-dependency. You definitely aren't alone in what you're feeling and it's not your fault, but ultimately it is harmful to you, and it's something only you can change.

[Squid]

If I was local, I'd get the money for ya...

[Mad Harlequin]

I have a friend with Bi-polar disorder, so I can see where JJupiterJump is coming from. When he's on his meds, he's almost a completely different person than when he's off them. Fortunately, he almost never bullies me when he's off his meds, but I know he's bullied other mutual friends to the point of them getting a restraining order.

Don't get me wrong---I understand how it works. I'm not the type of person to blame someone for mental illness. I live with it, and I have several friends who live with it. I'm also trying to forgive someone who treated me horribly a while back, offered a not-apology, and then blocked all contact we had as if I'd done something wrong. I acknowledge his distress, but I don't believe it's fair to treat someone like that and then refuse to accept responsibility for it after the fact.

That's one thing. But when your emotional or physical safety's at stake, you really have to draw a line.

I was once friends with someone with depression (possibly bipolar disorder, but I don't know) who was hurting so much that he hurt me. I tried to help him as best as I could. I urged him to get help, because I'm not a qualified mental health professional. But it got so bad that I had to break it off. He did not trust doctors, so he tried to make me into his psychologist, accessible 24/7. We were in different time zones, and I was in high school, so I couldn't be around as often as he wanted (and needed, but I've covered that). I received constant messages demanding to know where I was. I explained the situation, but he accused me of abandoning him, threatened to harm himself, and blamed me. The last note I got from him said that I would have his death on my conscience. I fight depression myself, so this was one of the most painful experiences I've ever had. I lost a friend because he wanted more from me than I could give him. I don't know what happened to him.

You're right to mention codependency, ThisIsNoName. It can put a person into very unhealthy situations.

[Rinima]

I have to agree with the others, cut it off as soon as a relationship starts getting harmful to either of the participants.

I can say I've been in the position before, and I know how hard it is to cut off someone you love/get on really well with, and I know how painful the experience is, so if you ever need someone to rant to, feel free to PM me.

[noctos]

There's so much stuff I want to say. I don't know where to begin.

I hate my job. I work at the second busiest restaurant in my city (it's the capital city where I live, so BIG) and it's a tiny place. I just started so I can't do things as fast as everyone else, so they get annoyed with me and make me do dishes (which I don't do fast enough either, I can't do an entire stack in 10 minutes and I feel like crap for it). When I get home I'm bleeding... my feet and other places. I burn myself everyday, and I already have a HUGE scar. I cried the past two days at work because my manager makes me feel terrible about myself. I wasn't trained properly, I don't know where anything is, and I keep messing up for it.

I want to quit and get another job, but my family needs money right now, and I feel like if I quit I won't be living up to their expectations since I was always to the hardworker in my family. I'm moving at the end of next month so I finally decided I would transfer to another restaurant in the small town I'd be living in, if they let me. Hopefully it won't be as busy and I won't need to do all the dishes in 10 minutes. I still feel awful about it.

Oh, no! I'm so sorry! I can relate to this so much right now, seeing as I'm in pretty much the same situation. The advice people gave me a page back or so, was to try to see if you can apply for other jobs instead. It's not supposed to be this damaging to you, and I definitely understand how it's taking such a toll on your mental health. If I were you I'd research the possibilities of a transfer for when you move! It might get better if the place isn't as busy and overwhelming.

As for your family, I know it's painful to feel like you're letting them down, but you also have to look out for yourself. Being a hard worker is a really good thing, but not if it puts you in this much pain. As others have already said, I recommend talking openly to them about how you feel.

Regarding your second issue... The only thing I can do is beg you to cut him out of your life as soon as possible. What you describe looks like a classic abusive relationship, and no amount of "nice behavior" in between the threats will make up for that. I know it feels like he's the only one you've got, but he's not worth holding on to. Urge him to get help for his addiction, but don't involve yourself in his life anymore.

[JJupiterJump]

Wow! Thank you for all the replies! (even if it's a not-so-nice topic!)

I didn't expect to get so many replies about him, and I ended up not explaining things as good as I should have! I'm so sorry to everyone who replied! I decided awhile back that he won't be in my life as long as he's actively using (which is easier said than done; I'm scared it's only working now since he's far far away from me), because I could at least realize that it wasn't healthy when he was using haha. I was originally planning to remain his friend once/if he got sober, but seeing some of the replies have put me on the fence about that decision.

I wanted to reply to each post about him, but in the end it was just me trying to justify his behavior and I didn't want to post that (and even though I didn't reply to them for that reason, I am thankful Mad Harlequin and PyTom!). I still really appreciate the responses though; thank you to everyone, really! I do see that it was abusive; I sorta always did I just blamed his meth addiction for the things he said or did.

I hope things get better for you when you move. I'm glad you are though and can get out of that job =).

Thank you! I'm telling my work today (I've been putting it off since I woke up) and I'm super nervous about it! Though, I'd be more nervous about going to that job for however much longer haha! I hope your friend Danielle can get some nicer friends, maybe that sounds hypocritical coming from me though haha!

FWIW, you might want to try researching co-dependency to help you understand what you're going through, and maybe find a few forums for co-dependency. You definitely aren't alone in what you're feeling and it's not your fault, but ultimately it is harmful to you, and it's something only you can change.

You're right about the co-dependency so thank you for suggesting forums for it- I hadn't thought about that before! I didn't think about my co-dependency as something separate from him (even though I knew it was) haha.

If I was local, I'd get the money for ya...

Thank you haha. I have a few friends who have offered to "talk" to him, but that just leads back to my main point of ranting about him. I just can't do it.

I can say I've been in the position before, and I know how hard it is to cut off someone you love/get on really well with, and I know how painful the experience is, so if you ever need someone to rant to, feel free to PM me.

Thank you for the offer! I might take you up on it if I'm ever in a funk thinking about him, or if he messages me which he won't do unless he wants something, but still haha.

Oh, no! I'm so sorry! I can relate to this so much right now, seeing as I'm in pretty much the same situation. The advice people gave me a page back or so, was to try to see if you can apply for other jobs instead. It's not supposed to be this damaging to you, and I definitely understand how it's taking such a toll on your mental health. If I were you I'd research the possibilities of a transfer for when you move! It might get better if the place isn't as busy and overwhelming.

That's what I was thinking I'd do! (the transfer, and looking for another job if it doesn't work haha) I hope I can bring it up to my family after I move; I'm scared to say anything right now since their so busy with their problems haha.

[Rinima]

Thank you for the offer! I might take you up on it if I'm ever in a funk thinking about him, or if he messages me which he won't do unless he wants something, but still haha.

Please do, my door is always open xx

So, I've just redownload the demo for Cradle Song, and had a quick playthough...
the writing isn't as good as I remember, which upsets me slightly considering it was my first OEVN that got me hyped up...