Get that thing off your chest... Now...

[Squid]

Uhg.
Relationship stuff.
Money issues.
feeling unwell.
Thinking too much about work (as usual when I have a job)
Family (the biggest stress causer of them all)

Just suddenly stressed.
I WISH I liked the taste of alcohol...
Then again, I'd probably be in a spot like you.

I'd give you a hug, but then I'd probably hit on you.
Just not in the mood for things right now.
The worst part is that my life is okay right now...
Even though I don't have time to make VNs, I still have some free time...
Why am I not happy with things as they are?

[Kailoto]

For the sake of a counterpoint, as someone who was put on a pedestal, and was that one kid that everyone was compared to, I have to say that it's not all that it's cracked up to be. The more potential you show, the higher your expectations are... it doesn't scale linearly. You're never allowed to have off days, you're never allowed to not care, and you're always being forced down a specific path. Which, yeah, I'll admit, it nice for the people who want that kind of attention and are ambitious enough to seize those opportunities, but for those of us that don't have those aspirations, it's extremely isolating. It's not the type of attention you'd think it is; people like you for what you can do and what you represent, not who you are as a person. (If they even like you at all; most don't.)

Which is why I ended up abandoning ship halfway through, and am no longer on that path. It's a lot nicer, to be able to focus on the things I care about, rather than what I should, or what is "correct" for me to care about. And like I said, not everyone is like that; there's people on both sides of the divide that would rather stay where they are, and there's people that would rather switch places. And if you want to talk about too much pressure... well, try having stress to the point of severely under-eating and falling down two flights of stairs. It's not just a mental state that you can work through at will.

And for the sake of closure, I have to get this out.
1. You think the rest of us were allowed days off? I was forced in once with a inner ear infection and with hallucinations. Once again when I broke my coxis. And there just two examples of many.
2. Small reminded this is the UK system I am talking about. As such, everyone I've talked to under the UK system (and I've asked a lot of 'gifted/Favorited' people), have all said they never felt pushed into what they've chosen to do, in fact, they were encouraged. You know what I wanted to do when I was little? Be a doctor. You know what people did? They either laughed in my face or ignored me. Where was the pushing and encouraging I needed.
3. You want to talk about isolation? Okay. Tell me, have you ever had to 2nd guess an entire conversation because of reason's beyond your control. Guess what, that's my reality everyday for the entire of my life. Want to know why? Because I have a auditory processing disorder. And guess what else, it wasn't noticed by people in the educational system for 19 years. Despite it being their job to notice when kids have a problem.
4. Please don't talk to me like I don't know the pressure. I lost 3 stone in 2 months once because of school so "well, try having stress to the point of severely under-eating and falling down two flights of stairs. It's not just a mental state that you can work through at will." isn't really something that should be said, or even come up.
5 Sorry if I'm coming across as overly aggressive/angry, but I've have this on my chest for 10+ years, and this was me trying to de-bunk it off, if just for a little while, and I certainly don't want people going around like my feelings don't matter in the slightly. Because even if that wasn't what you intended, it's the way it felt. You know, it's not even you I'm angry at. Or this person on twitter. I'm just sick to the bones of this shitty system we like to call 'education'.

Oh no, no offense taken. I never meant my reply to be directed at you in particular, just a second viewpoint. I'm sorry if it made you feel that way.

I'm of the opinion that life is terrible in general, but then again I'm a cynic who was never satisfied with anything in the first place, so maybe I'm slightly biased there. And I don't want to enter the realm of comparing personal tragedies, not only because what may be harsh for me might not be harsh for you and vice versa, but also because there's no point in making the comparison - there's no escape from the fact that everyone is stuck as themselves.

Anyways, I don't mind your retort at all, and offer my condolences and sympathy. I might not be able to comprehend what it is that you have to go through in life, but I think we can at least share some solidarity at the unfairness of this inscrutable world. And I do hope that things improve for you; life may be indiscriminate in whom it curses, but it's just as random with whom it blesses.

[JJupiterJump]

So I haven't posted anything here in forever even though I've been here. Now my first post since I moved will be in this thread, which is actually a good thing I mean- it means I was having an awesome time! I made a lot of better friends since I moved, I'm working at a job I love (the lady I hated most at my job got fired, and now I only dislike one other person whom I ignore easily) and I made a really really awesome friend. (Those who have seen my last post know that I hated my job, and had a really terribad friend)

Now the downside: I'm moving. I don't have to, but it's so I can live with my family again. It was a really tough decision to make, because I really do love it here. On another note, my really really awesome friend has stopped talking to me aside from at work.

It's always been really hard for me to make friends, I'm that socially awkward type. I'm not so quiet anymore, but I don't have the social skills to have "normal" conversations. The people at work all say they love me because I'm so weird and say random stuff all the time, but it's still something that makes it harder for me to make friends. So imagine what it's like for me when I make a friend, and we actually hang out outside of work.

We started hanging out almost everyday after work, and texting before and after work. We got along so well, and it was so fun. Once he got a girlfriend that all stopped. He doesn't text me anymore, and we've hung out once since they got together. His girlfriend is really nice, and I like her a lot- I'm glad he's dating her, but I feel really left out. He still hangs out with his other friend all the time, and that makes me feel worse. His girlfriend is pretty chill and he says she doesn't have a problem with him and I hanging out or anything like that. I'm also pretty sure he doesn't have a crush on me (he's made it clear I'm too young for him), so I know it's not that. I feel left out, and confused because I thought we were really good friends so I don't understand why we aren't even talking now. I knew that him getting a girlfriend meant we wouldn't be hanging out or talking as often, but I didn't think it'd be like this.

One of his other friends told me the same thing happened to them when he had a different girlfriend so it's pretty normal for him I guess. I just feel really bad about it, because I hadn't ever had a friend like that before, and now it's like I don't have one again. I just feel really lonely.

[TyberAlyx]

I am all fired up to start making some demos of songs to post here in lemmasoft but my midi cable broke. And I made soundcloud accounts and everything already. Went to 3 music stores and all of them either have those ridiculously overpriced multifeatured midi cables or their basic ones are out of stock. There goes a huge chunk of my time and motivation today..

[Eiliya]

So I'm currently living in Japan as a foreign student studying the language at a language school. We had the last test of the term last friday and for some reason still had school yesterday, today and will have tomorrow. Normally, I don't mind, of course, but having been told that there will be no tests on the stuff we study these last three days, and also that it will neither influence the grades we get nor be part of whatever new class we end up in after the three weeks long vacation makes me lose my motivation for going to school.

If what we study has no influence on the grades and our knowledge of the subject will not be tested, why bother holding classes for it? We might as well have done the same reading in the books at home. Yeah, I know 80% of the class probably would just ignore it if such was the case, but that would be on their shoulders if such was the case.

Also work. Finding a part-time job over here is way more difficult than I was led to believe when I moved over here. I apply for an average of 2 part-time jobs per week, and have a 40% denial rate and a 60% unknown rate. The unknown means that after the interview I get a "We'll contact you at a later date." reply and then that contact never comes. It's frustrating and annoying. At least have the balls to call back and explain why >_<;

[ofdawnandtwilight]

I just realised how the time when I broke down about how harsh my art was criticised and made fun of in My Teacher and how I thought of stopping to draw because of it happened when I was only 13, with only a year and more of experience in digital drawing- and the people who made fun of my art were at least two or three times older. No one knew that but it still hurts ok

[infel]

I'm getting tired of working with others. For the most part I either work with unreliable people or rude people who can take a hint that I have a life outside of visual novels. It used to be fun making them, but now it's a chore and I'm tired off it. Also depression and game creation are a terrible mix. Been sleeping for more then an entire week not writing anything. I have a decent amount of cash for game creation, but I'm seriously thinking of just blowing it all and doing something fun for myself. I'll say it's better to do that and be happy, then pay someone who isn't going to do the work or treats me poorly.

[Eiliya]

-snip-

I really know that feel. I've spent a grand total of 3480 USD on art (and other assets) that were either never delivered or delivered with such poor quality that it was impossible to tell they were from the artist I commissioned from. Although I've never had anyone be right-out rude at me (as in typing rude stuff in messages to me or while chatting), I've had people blame on stuff like "not geting in the mood" or "real life was busy" for months and months on end (while at the same time somehow finding time and mood to do other commissions, most of which were placed further down the commission queue than mine). Not rude in words, but by god rude in behavior. And then, when I try to confront said artist about the issue, I'm either given the same excuse again or just given no reply at all.

And then we have what I like to call the Firework artists. I contact them and explain what I wanna use the art for and how much it'll be and they're all like "Yeah, yeah, this seems awesome! I'm sooo raging to go for this!" and then we proceed and after I've commissioned 3-4 pieces (usually at around 80-130 bucks per piece), they go like "Yeah... No, sorry, this is too big. I got burned out working on that other big-ass project that I took while working on yours. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to find someone else." and I'm like "........." and cry inside about the money I lost ordering art that I now can't use because of continuity.

If you have already signed up for a big-ass project (like a game) why the hell would you go and accept another one at the same time? Are people too stupid (pardon my language) to understand how burn-out works? Or is it just a matter of not being professional enough to stick to a single project until it is done, without undertaking other stuff at the same time? This really, really gets me riled up. I only have 3 projects going, all of which I have been forced to reboot at least twice because artists have bailed on me. The only one who was loyal without a fault I instead lost contat with -.-

I wonder if I'm just unlucky... That might be it.

[infel]

-snip-

I really know that feel. I've spent a grand total of 3480 USD on art (and other assets) that were either never delivered or delivered with such poor quality that it was impossible to tell they were from the artist I commissioned from. Although I've never had anyone be right-out rude at me (as in typing rude stuff in messages to me or while chatting), I've had people blame on stuff like "not geting in the mood" or "real life was busy" for months and months on end (while at the same time somehow finding time and mood to do other commissions, most of which were placed further down the commission queue than mine). Not rude in words, but by god rude in behavior. And then, when I try to confront said artist about the issue, I'm either given the same excuse again or just given no reply at all.

And then we have what I like to call the Firework artists. I contact them and explain what I wanna use the art for and how much it'll be and they're all like "Yeah, yeah, this seems awesome! I'm sooo raging to go for this!" and then we proceed and after I've commissioned 3-4 pieces (usually at around 80-130 bucks per piece), they go like "Yeah... No, sorry, this is too big. I got burned out working on that other big-ass project that I took while working on yours. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to find someone else." and I'm like "........." and cry inside about the money I lost ordering art that I now can't use because of continuity.

If you have already signed up for a big-ass project (like a game) why the hell would you go and accept another one at the same time? Are people too stupid (pardon my language) to understand how burn-out works? Or is it just a matter of not being professional enough to stick to a single project until it is done, without undertaking other stuff at the same time? This really, really gets me riled up. I only have 3 projects going, all of which I have been forced to reboot at least twice because artists have bailed on me. The only one who was loyal without a fault I instead lost contat with -.-

I wonder if I'm just unlucky... That might be it.

That's so much money 0_0. I'm sorry that happened to you . For me it's I get a good and/or friendly artist, but something always happens. I'm okay if things take time and if life gets stressful. It does for everyone. However, what I'm not okay with is not talking to me for three weeks and then coming back saying the same thing. I'll tell you now this is happening. One person keeps saying "I'll have art by this date,' and "I'm very busy right now, can I give you the art on this day,' and they don't deliver! If you can't give me what you promised on the date, then the least you can do is tell me so I'm not waiting like a fool for you to get back to me. I do have this one artist though who is pretty good at keeping in contact. She's very busy, but is finding time to also work on my game. On Monday she told me she couldn't do any work during the weekend because she was sick. See this is what you're suppose to do. Sure she couldn't do the art this weekend, but she contacted me and told me why. That's what all people who commission need to do; STAY IN CONTACT! Sadly she and two others (one being a CG artist) are capable artist in about a pool of 10 I've tried to work with Most either stopped talking to me once they got paid, gave me the art two months later, or bailed on me right in the middle of the project.

I get it that life is stressful and things can happen. However it's their responsibility of those who one commissions to tell the person they are working with and not leave them hanging.

As for what happened to you, I highly suggest making a contract. It's needed especially if you're doing a big game. As for payment I personally think you should not pay a dime till the thing is finished. You've lost way too much money and it's not right for that to happen.

[Rinima]

I'm really sorry you two had this experience My suggestion is to actually commission them a couple of times for small things (like, one CG or one sprite) before asking them to do work for a big project. I've found that works wonders for me. Or even better, see if they have any positive comments left on their commission thread (if they have one). I don't usually bother with artists that have no comments on their threads, or I commission them maybe 3 times before I throw all my money at them.

[Katta]

This happens all the time to me too, so I don't think it's bad luck - people just are much more unreliable than I thought before I started commissioning(
Not paying before your commission is finished would be a good option if any artist ever agreed to that (and you can't really blame them here).

[MomoiroGirl]

I just can't catch a fucking break. I'd decided I was going to this really big party this Friday with my friends at a university I've been considering attending. It's this REALLY well known annual party that's supposed to be AMAZING, and my friends and I've been really looking forward to finally get together for fun times at a party with friends again. Now apparently someone in my family just died (he basically slept in at the age of 94) and the funeral is of course scheduled on Friday as well. My sister, who's also supposed to attend the party (it's her university), has decided she's going to the party, since she's going to the party earlier. I wasn't really close to him, but he was the nicest guy ever and I feel guilty that I hadn't seen him for a while before he passed. So in a way it might feel sort of like a final goodbye if I could go to the funeral. But then I might not be able to go to the party, since the funeral is taking place like 1,5 hours away from the party, and there's no way for me to get home on my own from the funeral, since it's in the middle of nowhere. So now I might have to choose between the funeral or the party. And I really wanna do both.

I honestly feel like a shit for even considering going to the party, but I've just been looking forward to it for SO long, and I've really needed it for a while. This is a really special party, it's not just like, getting drunk at a shitty club and then going home feeling shitty. This only happens once a year, and it's supposed to be amazing every time. It feels like "we weren't really close" is a bad excuse, and it's not like it's a parent or anything, it's my mom's uncle, but still. My mom says that she was the only one who was directly asked to go and that my sister and I shouldn't feel bad for a second about not going and that he had wished for a small gathering anyway. But it still doesn't seem right not to go. I mean, it's like if I imagine choosing either one of them, I'll still be sad.

If I go to the funeral I'll be sad because:
1. He's still dead, so it doesn't really change anything
2. It won't even feel like grieving when my mom's with me, since I barely noticed her feeling anything when she and I were at her brother's funeral a couple of years ago, who died in an accident.
3. I'll be sad not being able to see the university I've been considering and get a feel of what the place is like and what the people there are like.
4. I'll be sad that I won't be able to let loose and just have fun and meet new people and socialize. Probably other reasons too I can't think of right now.

If I go to the party I'll be sad because:
1. I feel like I'm being disrespectful missing the funeral so I can go to the party afterwards.
2. I feel guilty that I hadn't seen him for a while before he died. I didn't think he would die this soon. And everyone around me, who has seen him since I last saw him, says he was reeeally weak and sick, but the last time I saw him he was still able to walk around by himself and capable of having conversation (although not really for long) and everything.
3. I might just end up getting depressed at the party anyway due to me not going and not having fun (and that mixed with my other problems may have me just up and start crying.
4. If I decide I shouldn't feel guilty about going to the party, I will feel guilty about not feeling guilty, because it doesn't seem like my mom or sister really seem overly sad because of it. So if I don't step up to be the one who cares, then who will care?

It seems like I shouldn't feel guilty going to the party, since my sister and mother seem fine with it, but maybe that's what's making me feel even worse about the thought of not going to the funeral. 'Cause they don't really seem affected by it (and I don't mean in the "they're acting overly normal and nonchalant"-way). They just took it like, "Wow that's horrible... Well, we saw it coming, so it's not a surprise, but that's still sad... (My sis) can't go because of the party? Okay, don't worry, then (my mom)'ll go by (herself), don't worry about it". Like, I feel like I HAVE to give a shit about going, because they don't really seem to. It's just like if I don't try to care about the funeral, I feel guilty, because then who of us three does give a shit?

... I'll stop rambling now... So yeah... I just have no idea what I should do if nothing can be done, so I can do both. Or if I should take my mom's word that we didn't have to consider going in the first place. I have no idea what to choose. Isn't it horrible to miss out on a funeral, on just ANYONE, to go to a party?

[Amecha]

-snip-

This is a really crappy situation and for that I'm sorry. Could you maybe promise yourself that you'd visit the grave, bring flowers, and say a private goodbye at another time? I know me personally, I avoid funerals but I have personal reasons for doing so and I cant imagine going to any funeral that wasn't for someone very close to me personally and even then it'd probably be harder still.
I understand that your feelings are different and you'll have regrets either way but do you think the person who passed would be happier to have you, or happier for you to do the thing you had looked forward to? Maybe if you do what you think is in best respects to the person who passed away you will feel best.
Some people think of funerals as being about paying respects to the person who passed, and others feel as though funerals are for showing support to the family. Maybe your feelings for funerals is part of this.
Sorry if my opinion is unwanted, I've elected not to go to funerals before for a myriad of reasons and I get the guilt is tough, I mostly just wanted to express sympathy.

[MomoiroGirl]

-snip-

This is a really crappy situation and for that I'm sorry. Could you maybe promise yourself that you'd visit the grave, bring flowers, and say a private goodbye at another time? I know me personally, I avoid funerals but I have personal reasons for doing so and I cant imagine going to any funeral that wasn't for someone very close to me personally and even then it'd probably be harder still.
I understand that your feelings are different and you'll have regrets either way but do you think the person who passed would be happier to have you, or happier for you to do the thing you had looked forward to? Maybe if you do what you think is in best respects to the person who passed away you will feel best.
Some people think of funerals as being about paying respects to the person who passed, and others feel as though funerals are for showing support to the family. Maybe your feelings for funerals is part of this.
Sorry if my opinion is unwanted, I've elected not to go to funerals before for a myriad of reasons and I get the guilt is tough, I mostly just wanted to express sympathy.

No, thanks for your answer. I woke up with a much clearer mind this morning so I could think it over properly. I think you might be right, and a lot of people have told me the same regarding what the person would want. Although I'm never sure I actually believe it. It seems I will end up paying my respects on a later point and try to have fun at the party. Yeah, funerals feel really strange to me. It mostly feels like it's meant for showing support, but for me it's mostly about the dead person. But then I think to myself that it's not like showing up to say "goodbye" is really a goodbye, since they're already gone... I don't know, it's a really strange feeling. But it seems like it won't really make anyone else happier if I go to the funeral instead, so looks like I'm going to the party. Fingers crossed it'll be a nice one then. Thank you for your advice.

[Amecha]

-snip-

This is a really crappy situation and for that I'm sorry. Could you maybe promise yourself that you'd visit the grave, bring flowers, and say a private goodbye at another time? I know me personally, I avoid funerals but I have personal reasons for doing so and I cant imagine going to any funeral that wasn't for someone very close to me personally and even then it'd probably be harder still.
I understand that your feelings are different and you'll have regrets either way but do you think the person who passed would be happier to have you, or happier for you to do the thing you had looked forward to? Maybe if you do what you think is in best respects to the person who passed away you will feel best.
Some people think of funerals as being about paying respects to the person who passed, and others feel as though funerals are for showing support to the family. Maybe your feelings for funerals is part of this.
Sorry if my opinion is unwanted, I've elected not to go to funerals before for a myriad of reasons and I get the guilt is tough, I mostly just wanted to express sympathy.

No, thanks for your answer. I woke up with a much clearer mind this morning so I could think it over properly. I think you might be right, and a lot of people have told me the same regarding what the person would want. Although I'm never sure I actually believe it. It seems I will end up paying my respects on a later point and try to have fun at the party. Yeah, funerals feel really strange to me. It mostly feels like it's meant for showing support, but for me it's mostly about the dead person. But then I think to myself that it's not like showing up to say "goodbye" is really a goodbye, since they're already gone... I don't know, it's a really strange feeling. But it seems like it won't really make anyone else happier if I go to the funeral instead, so looks like I'm going to the party. Fingers crossed it'll be a nice one then. Thank you for your advice.

Well I'm glad you found a solution and I hope you have fun at that party.