Get that thing off your chest... Now...

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noeinan
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4966 Post by noeinan »

kyakyakyu wrote: First, deep condolences for students who commit suicide.
And second, that group must have been stupid. Really, the phrase 'anti-trans group' reminds me of WBC. Lol. Being a trans is being a human. What if being trans is the 'normal' thing and being cis is the contradicting thing? In this world, imo there's no more 'weird'. Trans people are normal. Why do people care about stuffs they have never experienced? Just like WBC. These people who hate trans people with no reason won't know the struggle of trans people. It's even worse if there are many closeted trans in your environment. Not only 'normal' people are stressed; trans are even more stressed.
Well, I have nothing I can do here, and said is easier than done, but those people must have several dumb reasons to not accept trans people. Perhaps supporters of trans such as you or even trans people themselves can discuss about it. So easy to said, but not everything happens without a reason y'know o3o
Thanks, I appreciate it. The kids we lost were a part of an online group, not the college, so the two aren't necessarily directly related but were just both things really stressing me out. (One of the kids that died posted in the group asking for help, and I and a few other people were trying to convince them to call an ambulance. We did manage finally, but it seems that it was too late. It's just really hard to be in that situation, talking with someone and trying to help, but it's futile and they are gone.)

The people trying to start the group are pretty much on par with WBC. Many trans people tried to discuss on the posts, and educate them about why their posts and goal was hurtful, but they just didn't care. /sigh I just hope that we can at least get through to the school administrators. (But again, likely won't hear back until after the break.)
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tamacitas
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4967 Post by tamacitas »

daikiraikimi wrote:
Thanks, I appreciate it. The kids we lost were a part of an online group, not the college, so the two aren't necessarily directly related but were just both things really stressing me out. (One of the kids that died posted in the group asking for help, and I and a few other people were trying to convince them to call an ambulance. We did manage finally, but it seems that it was too late. It's just really hard to be in that situation, talking with someone and trying to help, but it's futile and they are gone.)

The people trying to start the group are pretty much on par with WBC. Many trans people tried to discuss on the posts, and educate them about why their posts and goal was hurtful, but they just didn't care. /sigh I just hope that we can at least get through to the school administrators. (But again, likely won't hear back until after the break.)
For trans people, they shouldn't break up their hopes; at least there are still many people supporting them, and there are still many people who are willing to help~
I wish the best luck of you to make that group doomed :D

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ZennyZenZen
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4968 Post by ZennyZenZen »

I should face life for what it is. I can't trust anyone anymore, and if I can I still have to be careful.

My best friend ratted on me and put me in an iffy situation. I was able to talk my way out of it, but I can't trust him anymore. Don't know if I can trust anyone anymore.

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enta
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4969 Post by enta »

Its been 3,4 years since I had abandoned my projects and lemmasoft due to some family matters(my parents divorced and I had to get a job while studying or else we are dead).

I was working on a project but its been years and i dont remember much about my ideas back then. My drawing skills became the worst I can only draw faces. And renpy! I lost my computer three years ago and finally bought a new one lately. I totally cant program anything anymore.

Today i checked my lemmasoft inbox and ebi brain who used to proofread my project sent me a message about the progress and that was 2013 and i just sent it back today. Talk about super late replies.

Maybe i should try practicing some drawings. Right now.

Or try to remember my ideas back then.

Or just give up(last choice)

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curry nochi rice
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4970 Post by curry nochi rice »

Hey, Enta.

First off, you should practice drawing. Drawing, and ultimately becoming a good artist is what's important. Writing? Do that later. Focus on your art. After all, artists are in demand more than writers are. That skill could possibly make your life easier if you earn from it.

Don't waste what you've learned. You make give up on your game for now but drawing? Don't.
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ZennyZenZen
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4971 Post by ZennyZenZen »

It's my 20th birthday today, and this will be the first time I'll be spending my birthday alone.

Not completely alone, I have my grandparents here with me. But I politely asked them not to bother with anything for my sake.

My parents were always around on my birthday before this one. They visited the family here in the Philippines coming from Saudi for Christmas and New Year. Now, we decided that this year in particular, it was not safe to be around any airports, what with all the crazy things happening recently.

All my friends are visiting their families for Christmas and New Year as well. My one best friend is in Japan, and the other, well, i'm having mixed feelings about him.

So much yet so little happened this year. I'm not even sure if I was depressed through most of it. I must have been, since it's also been a year since I decided to make a visual novel and joined lemmasoft.

I couldn't go to my classes cuz I just couldn't get up in the morning. Even when I did get the courage to go to class, nothing was different, nothing changed. Either that or something happened that screws up my anxiety even then.

So after that semester crashed and burned, I was able to enroll for OJT in the middle of the year. That's when the depression started to wane away since I discovered that I'm not a useless worthless fuck I thought I was.

Not only that, I got to taste what it was like to truly live alone and have the house all to myself. It was dreamlike, exactly how I wanted it. I controlled what I eat, and how much I eat. And even though I remember eating a lot, at the very least, I was also controlling what I eat, and I was vegetarian for most of those days living alone. Tofu stir fry all the time.

Since the depression was fading away, my best friend, who's in Japan right now, pushed me to start jogging with him, and also play as goalie in futsal games.

I got thinner than I was last year, but I'm still a fat fuck.

The experience fueled my already existing ambition to ultimately live alone, but at the same time, it helped me appreciate family and company just a little bit more.

Even with my newfound worth and my depression fading away, I wasn't able to enroll the next semester in school, which basically knocks me away half a year from my old batch.

It was a small batch, with less than 10 people, 2 of which I was really close to. Or so I thought anyway.

If anyone in our batch was absent, or was acting weird, we always came through for them. Asking if they're okay, giving them a little more attention, asking if we can help in any way.

But when it was me who had problems, none of them came through for me. Nobody asked me how I was doing or why I was absent all the time.

Which makes me think that I really shouldn't expect anything from anyone. I've actually always known this, but I can't help but feel disappointed. It discourages me from going back to class, knowing that everyone I'm familiar with is now half a year higher than me. I'm actually familiar with others in this lower batch as well, but I can't help but feel anxiety. Not the anxiety that fueled my depression, but back-to-school anxiety, which is a much lesser hurdle.

I used to always think that it was a good thing I grew up in a school where it was normal to graduate highschool at 16 and graduate college at 21. I used to think that what matters most is getting this nightmare over with as soon as possible, and that I can find my inner peace once I live alone.

But now I can feel the importance of a few more years of education. I still feel incompetent to some extent, but at least I don't feel worthless.

I learned a lot this year, but the biggest thing I learned is that I need to be a person who finishes what he starts. I've never really completed any personal goals and projects, my visual novel is proof of that. But I need to be able to deal with negative feelings and events in order to accomplish my goals. I used to simply compensate negative feelings for positive ones by hanging out with what few friends I have.

I cherish my friendship with the friend who's in Japan right now. So much so that I really really wish he were here right now to vent all of this to. I never know if he's listening or not, and that's fine, as long as I can let it out. He surprises me sometimes though, remembering small details even though it looks like he isn't listening most of the time. And even though he's just 2-3 years older than me, he's always been my big brother throughout these years i've been in the Philippines. But now, even though I treasure him so much, I have to learn to be independent of him too.

I'm not a teen anymore, and I was supposed to be an adult a couple years ago. I'm really just a kid.

Fuck man, I'm 20 now.

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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4972 Post by kura-ou »

I can't really describe how I feel right now... I worked up the courage to post my side of a problem that made me so inactive for years on this site. I messaged the person that I had the problem with. And yes, it was initially my fault to begin with, but after re-reading his private messages numerous times and asking family members and friends for advice, I saved up again to prepare to refund him. It's not a secret that I get depressed. I got that way after I took on the commission during 3 difficult science classes with lab components. I sunk into it reading his libel (experience from other artists he had hired). It was deleted years ago but I still remember. A few months after he hired me, an uncle I really loved died. And the year after, I was close to losing one of my cousins from suicide (she recovered from her coma, thankfully). In 2015, because I passed a difficult admission exam less than a week after I graduated, I made up my mind to do more. So I signed up to do volunteer work and was accepted to do research under one of my favorite professors. In-between, I did all I could off my freelance work to save up for groceries and bills.

Not only that, I'm kind of happy that I put in countless extra hours into some of my older commissions. I'm hoping that my severe anemia and random bouts of depression don't affect my workflow as I continue to wait for grad school.

However, I've been pretty depressed because it took me this long to improve on art, and I think that no matter how much I improve, I will probably never be taken seriously. I could spend over 24 hrs on a single piece--over a slow decade to refine those skills--and people would still look down at me. My prices are overrated, my being human and not as professional as a bona-fide artist who actually has a degree in the Arts is a turn-off. I put in so much time to get a degree in Biology and a minor in Art, and this is all I could muster.

I also have parents nearly 80 and 70 yrs old even though I'm only in my 20's... So as long as I'm living at home and waiting, I want to be able to work my butt off for some income and not worry them about my student loan payments...

At the moment, I'm still waiting for grad school and the commissioner I want to refund. It was almost as depressing seeing the chibi work I did almost 3 years ago removed from another commissioner's project thread. It was the FIRST and ONLY work I did for a visual novel. I only charged $10 for each and put in the extra work to paint them with my skill level at the time... Maybe I offended her, too, and didn't know. It feels sad to have your work credited at some point and then entirely removed without a word... Is my reputation that bad?

I've only had 2 bad commissioners in the past 5 years, and both problems occurred when I was depressed. So much time passed and I still don't know how to fix this. I've completed over 30 small commissions last year, both online and in person at Anime Expo. More people took me seriously in person, but online, I just feel depressed all the time...
my portfolio
=>my *FREE* sketch request thread<=

I am currently booked for May/June/July, but if you would like to buy my ANIMU MERCHANDISE and ADOPTABLES to give them good homes and help keep my college finances afloat over the summer, it would be greatly appreciated ;w;

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Rinima
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4973 Post by Rinima »

What happened to my week off?
Grandparent's have gotten ill so they've had home helps in, had to go down every morning to let them in, do some tasks for them, do the shopping, clean out my Granddad's (rather messy) room, have to go tomorrow to get the bed out so a hospital bed can be put in, keeping my Nan happy (she's not happy about all of this, she's grumbling and pushing back and being a general pain in the arse), ect ect. Thank god the carers are good at their job.

I'm tired, I was fine doing this all when I was paided for it (use to be a home help), but this is knackering.


Also, had to pay 3K for a new car, help my bro with his uni application (urg bro, why have you left it so late), have to plan for next week when I go back on placement (37.5 hours a week, with grandparent's on top), have to sort out my finances for March (start 2nd year of uni), and have to sort out my new job with a DBS and training.

EDIT: Now I'm even more pissed off. My Mum (bless her, she's been helping as well), has been on the phone to my aunt (who has done fuck all, and has just come off a holiday ect ect), Mum told her "Lotte has been really good, bless her, she was hoping for a lay in this week (lay ins to me are a rare event that I only get here and there, and I love them. Give me a lay in over a trip anyday)." My aunts response? "What's a lay in?//sarcasm" ...... Right, so I'm the lazy one, despite I'm the one who has been up early every, looking after grandparent's, sorting everything out with Mum, moving beds around, and I've not actually had a lay in at all over the last 5 weeks despite me you know, BEING ON HOLIDAY. I WON'T BE ABLE TO FOR ANOTHER 7 BLOODY WEEKS, AND YOU'VE JUST SPEND 2 WEEKS SWANNING AROUND DOING FUCK ALL AND ACTUALLY GETTING ALL YOUR BLOODY HOLIDAY TIME.
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ZennyZenZen
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4974 Post by ZennyZenZen »

I fucking swear... Every fucking day without fail...

It's super sunny, bright, and hot during days you have to go to school.

And it's freezing and even raining sometimes during days you don't have to.

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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4975 Post by Shinoki »

Recently, I've been having nightmares. Except, that's not a big problem since they're mild and are funny in that bad way that happens to include bad things happening in social situations--that type of romcom type stuff without the romance, and to me.

It's not that big of a deal, but it's exam time for me. And... well, first exam, I kind of screwed up real bad. After finishing it, an English exam, I talked with some of my friends in the class. And they told me that they wrote something different for the essay prompt than what I did. Well, there just went like 65% of my exam grade.

I just hope that the teacher is lenient on the grading and doesn't completely fail me since my grades were pretty decent except for that horrible exam--because of course, I have to be bad at writing.

So, basically, what this whole mess of a bunch of paragraphs is saying is: I'm kind of stressed and my dreams are a mess and stressful as well.

At least I'm kind of confident in my other exams... because I'm actually good at those subjects, kind of.

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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4976 Post by Mariaachi »

I programmed a game and everything was good until presentation where the characters crotch ended up being zoomed upon (In front of my entire class) worse yet, he was yelling at the player in that scene so it felt like he was shoving his crotch up my face. And even better the sound effect of a grunt happened. I think what was funny was that he's a reoccurring character in all the games I make so casually he got the nickname crotch monster. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

My friends can't take him seriously anymore, even if I make him a serial killer. #embarassinglyfunnymoment

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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4977 Post by Lesleigh63 »

Mariaachi wrote:I programmed a game and everything was good until presentation where the characters crotch ended up being zoomed upon (In front of my entire class) worse yet, he was yelling at the player in that scene so it felt like he was shoving his crotch up my face. And even better the sound effect of a grunt happened. I think what was funny was that he's a reoccurring character in all the games I make so casually he got the nickname crotch monster. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

My friends can't take him seriously anymore, even if I make him a serial killer. #embarassinglyfunnymoment
I'm sorry, but that really made me laugh so much I had tears in my eyes.
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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4978 Post by Eiliya »

So, you know that feeling when you move to the other side of the world for your studies? You live a poor-ass life where you have so little cash that you seriously need to pick between food and toilet paper, but still manage to slowly but surely scrape up the cash you need to get your parents back at home to send you the desktop computer you couldn't bring with you when you flew because of weight limitations. So, well, the money gets transfered, the stuff gets posted and the package arrives as it should. All is well. Right?

Until you plug everything in and find that the hard-drive has been wrecked due to violent treatment in transit. Not only did I lose my computer, but I lost almost all of the art I had commissioned these last 10 years. A lot of it came from artists who I can't even get into contact anymore, so there's no possibility of getting it resent to me. That was well over $10000 just sent down the drain. I usually don't get depressed, but even I get a little bit sad about this. People say that money can't buy you happiness, but losing it needlessly sure as hell makes me sad T_T

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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4979 Post by fleet »

Eiliya wrote:So, you know that feeling when you move to the other side of the world for your studies? You live a poor-ass life where you have so little cash that you seriously need to pick between food and toilet paper, but still manage to slowly but surely scrape up the cash you need to get your parents back at home to send you the desktop computer you couldn't bring with you when you flew because of weight limitations. So, well, the money gets transfered, the stuff gets posted and the package arrives as it should. All is well. Right?

Until you plug everything in and find that the hard-drive has been wrecked due to violent treatment in transit. Not only did I lose my computer, but I lost almost all of the art I had commissioned these last 10 years. A lot of it came from artists who I can't even get into contact anymore, so there's no possibility of getting it resent to me. That was well over $10000 just sent down the drain. I usually don't get depressed, but even I get a little bit sad about this. People say that money can't buy you happiness, but losing it needlessly sure as hell makes me sad T_T
1) If you haven't already done so, contact the shipper and file a claim. Shipping companies carry insurance to cover such things.
2) Look into data recovery services near where you live. They might be able to recover some of the stuff you lost.
Some of my visual novels are at http://www.the-new-lagoon.com. They are NSFW
Poorly done hand-drawn art is still poorly done art. Be a Poser (or better yet, use DAZ Studio 3D) - dare to be different.

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Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...

#4980 Post by fleet »

Argh! Today I received a robo-call pretending to be the Internal Revenue Services (sic). I hung up. If I had caller identification on my phone I would have reported the number.
Some of my visual novels are at http://www.the-new-lagoon.com. They are NSFW
Poorly done hand-drawn art is still poorly done art. Be a Poser (or better yet, use DAZ Studio 3D) - dare to be different.

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