Re: Get that thing off your chest... Now...
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:15 pm
It is annoying when those people act like that stuff is anything new.
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I have a feeling I've lost a few job opportunities because I don't seem to be someone that prospective employers like enough. (It's not as if I behave poorly during interviews, etc.) I don't know what they think is wrong with me, but I'm neither a bad person nor whatever it is that apparently makes me useless to them.yoshibb wrote:I'm just stressed. I'm tired of people telling me that aren't hiring me or letting me go because of my shy personality. I'm tired of not having friends like others cause I'm too antisocial. I wish I was wired differently.
That's basically how I am too. It's not like I'm not nice or that I'm rude. I'm just not outgoing or a good conversationalist. I'm amazed how many times I've interviewed for a job as a massage therapist and we've never even gotten to the massage part. I've had people tell me what they value most is how personable someone is. What about the job I'm actually being hired for? Did I miss the personality course at my trade school?Mad Harlequin wrote: I have a feeling I've lost a few job opportunities because I don't seem to be someone that prospective employers like enough. (It's not as if I behave poorly during interviews, etc.) I don't know what they think is wrong with me, but I'm neither a bad person nor whatever it is that apparently makes me useless to them.
I don't have too many friends either, but I look at it this way: I'd rather have a few people always standing by me instead of a thousand fair-weather friends.
Being personable is pretty important, though. I wouldn't want to get a massage from someone who's awkward or frigid, as much as I'd rather have a teacher who is sociable and fun to be with. Communication and interpersonal skills are vital in any line of work you pursue, with the exception of those jobs that don't involve people in any capacity. Even there, they're useful.yoshibb wrote:That's basically how I am too. It's not like I'm not nice or that I'm rude. I'm just not outgoing or a good conversationalist. I'm amazed how many times I've interviewed for a job as a massage therapist and we've never even gotten to the massage part. I've had people tell me what they value most is how personable someone is. What about the job I'm actually being hired for? Did I miss the personality course at my trade school?Mad Harlequin wrote: I have a feeling I've lost a few job opportunities because I don't seem to be someone that prospective employers like enough. (It's not as if I behave poorly during interviews, etc.) I don't know what they think is wrong with me, but I'm neither a bad person nor whatever it is that apparently makes me useless to them.
I don't have too many friends either, but I look at it this way: I'd rather have a few people always standing by me instead of a thousand fair-weather friends.
I've personally found a lot of interpersonal skills are learnt. Sure they come easier to some people then others because of their personalities, but you can always get a lot better at them. Before my first job I was ridiculously shy and anxious, and with each job I had I got much better. I still get very nervous sometimes but I can totally hold conversations, call people, stand up for myself etc. I can honestly say life is way better when you learn how to deal with others. People like to deal with positive, happy and productive people so that's where you need to be. If it helps, try and imagine a person that /you/ would like to work with and be that person! You have to try and step outside of your comfort zone and be willing to engage with other people. It's not easy, but it's just something you need to do, especially for work. I think it also makes your life richer when you have these experiences that you aren't naturally inclined to take, even if they make you uncomfortable at first.yoshibb wrote:That's basically how I am too. It's not like I'm not nice or that I'm rude. I'm just not outgoing or a good conversationalist. I'm amazed how many times I've interviewed for a job as a massage therapist and we've never even gotten to the massage part. I've had people tell me what they value most is how personable someone is. What about the job I'm actually being hired for? Did I miss the personality course at my trade school?Mad Harlequin wrote: I have a feeling I've lost a few job opportunities because I don't seem to be someone that prospective employers like enough. (It's not as if I behave poorly during interviews, etc.) I don't know what they think is wrong with me, but I'm neither a bad person nor whatever it is that apparently makes me useless to them.
I don't have too many friends either, but I look at it this way: I'd rather have a few people always standing by me instead of a thousand fair-weather friends.
I can relate to you a lot, and hopefully offer some advice.yoshibb wrote:I'm just stressed. I'm tired of people telling me that aren't hiring me or letting me go because of my shy personality. I'm tired of not having friends like others cause I'm too antisocial. I wish I was wired differently.
Best advice I ever got about interviews was to treat them like you're meeting an old friend you haven't seen in a while. Really helps take the edge off the nervousness and the bubbly act seem more natural.yoshibb wrote: That's basically how I am too. It's not like I'm not nice or that I'm rude. I'm just not outgoing or a good conversationalist. I'm amazed how many times I've interviewed for a job as a massage therapist and we've never even gotten to the massage part. I've had people tell me what they value most is how personable someone is. What about the job I'm actually being hired for? Did I miss the personality course at my trade school?
Oh, it's not that I can't talk or work with other people. I do it all the time now. I used to have some trouble with that when I was in school---few of my classmates wanted to work with me---but I'm much better at it these days. I'm not unhappy either, so I don't really know what invisible signal I'm broadcasting that puts people off. I suspect, in some cases, that it's been related to a chronic condition I have, but I can't do much about that in the interview process aside from representing myself as best as I can, which I know how to handle.Auro-Cyanide wrote:I've personally found a lot of interpersonal skills are learnt. Sure they come easier to some people then others because of their personalities, but you can always get a lot better at them. Before my first job I was ridiculously shy and anxious, and with each job I had I got much better. I still get very nervous sometimes but I can totally hold conversations, call people, stand up for myself etc. I can honestly say life is way better when you learn how to deal with others. People like to deal with positive, happy and productive people so that's where you need to be. If it helps, try and imagine a person that /you/ would like to work with and be that person! You have to try and step outside of your comfort zone and be willing to engage with other people. It's not easy, but it's just something you need to do, especially for work. I think it also makes your life richer when you have these experiences that you aren't naturally inclined to take, even if they make you uncomfortable at first.
It's terrible, you should be ashamed of yourself.papillon wrote:Is it bad that my approach to bad people skills has been to find a career where I can hole up in my bedroom with a computer and never have to talk to anyone?
This is actually quite funny. Many people who I talk to say I'm a pretty outgoing person, because I laugh a lot (funny how that works) and I'm rather talkative. I'm also the sort who'd chat you up randomly on the bus or out on the streets. But after a while talking to people, I gotta have some 'me' time as well where I just want to coop myself up in my room and not deal with anyone for a few hours. My family accepts I don't attend parties overmuch because I get unwell when surrounded by too many people, and we've a large family.yoshibb wrote:I can't spend more than a few hours in the company of others before wanting to retreat to my room.
This is probably the most frustrating thing to have. It's something I suffered from as well, to the point that I'd rather just avoided those kind of situations altogether. Being afraid of taking a wrong step every time you talk to someone is frustrating, because you inevitably make some kind of mistake while worrying about doing the right thing. What eventually helped for me at least, was that I told myself it's OK to make mistakes sometimes and insult people unintentionally or upset them. Just be upfront about it: "I'm really not that good with people, so if I do something stupid, sorry about that." If someone can't deal with that? Not worth your time and effort.2. I have pretty awful social anxiety. I'd rather have my teeth pulled then introduce myself. I clamp up in front of people because I'm so afraid of doing or saying something stupid. I am better at it than I used to be (my relatives say I used to just make nondescript noises when I was little), but even though I believe I've improved it's amazing how many comments I get about being quiet or shy when I didn't even notice I was acting that way.
That's understandable. I've a fear of rejection, which I still struggle with, so it also hampers me in some aspects. I hate asking to be made part of something, or to join a group, so whenever I do ask (because I feel I have to to move forward), I'm usually agonising over what to say and keep telling m'self it's OK to be rejected and I didn't want it that badly anyway. Everyone's got a fear somewhere, but as they say, courage is facing your fear head on. If nothing else, if you have someone you trust to listen to you, air your worries to them and tell them about it. You only need one good friend, even if they're family.It's weird to say the least but it's left not wanting to try again for fear of getting hurt.
You're not mentally screwed up. What you've all described is perfectly normal. Perhaps not standard, but normal nonetheless. You're not the only one who's felt like this and who acts like this, so you're not some kind of screwed up weirdo. The best class is real life, and the best practice is doing it. You can try approaching people online at first, which is a lot less scary. If you find you're comfortable talking online, try upping the ante and using voice chat. Worst case, practice makes perfect! If you can't fake it right now, keep trying until you can.Sorry, I don't want to whine. I'm just so mentally screwed up that even when someone doesn't text me back right away, I automatically assume that they hate me or that I did something wrong. Or when I over analyze everything someone says or does. I want nothing more then just interact normally with people, but I'm so scared of it and even when I try to fake it, most people still notice. I wish there was a class I could take so maybe I could learn how to better interact with others. It wouldn't be so awful but for it to be affecting my work now, too, it's driving me nuts.