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Paypal blocked my account because I forgot to remove my expired card. Arrrgh!!!


On different note....

I wonder if anyone here have any history with sinusitis?
Can it be fully treated without surgery?

I am so tired of feeling insecure about my ideas. When will I believe in myself and my ideas? When will I stop fearing failure and just do it, whether failure is a risk or not?

I want to make a visual novel. It won't happen.
My first VN ever was a disaster. Anything else I do is doomed to follow this path. Because I don't know how to present my work and I'm neither an artist not a proficient writer. Bonus: I'm not even a native English speaker.
At least my 0th and 1st VNs were a nice learning experience in many things. "My first writing: the crash course", "My first sprites: at least you look like humans", "My first code: Y U NO WORK?", "You're doing it wrong: the hard way", "Feature Creep: beware, it's burying you" and many other. Also "Crash course in teamdev", since I tried team development and that went better than I expected.
But well, I joined that team as a programmer. Ren'Py code? Please, anyone can do it, so it doesn't really count as achievement. Other skills... Well, I'm working on that. Drawing next generation sprites and maybe should try writing smth just for practice.
So, I want to make a VN. I don't have a single idea on what exactly I should do, what story should I tell.
I mean, there are ideas and there's even that Ideas Dump thread, and I'm already failing my comrade in arms?.. in pen? Not sure how to say in - on this idea. The discussion is stuck. I failed a fellow VN creator.
Other ideas just won't work due to this reason or that reason. Maybe 'cause once again I want it to be full-scale totally awesome project, which would mean NaNo'16 taught me nothing.
Curses, the word count for FiF looked this way on different stages of development:
Early Feb, project discussion: 50k should be okay.
Early March, prototypes: 30k, not less!
Mid March, beginning of the fail: 20k at least, please, damnit!
End of March, the Fail: 14k, screw everything, release time.
Maybe I should dive into short non-com and release smth short and simple within 25k words. Why not? Because there's a lot of bad short novels and I don't want there to be one more. Kinda no point in that. No, of course, there are good short novels as well, but who I'm lying to, that won't work this time.
So, what's the point in drawing sprites and nurturing awsum ideas, if it's never gonna happen?

indoneko wrote:Paypal blocked my account because I forgot to remove my expired card. Arrrgh!!!


On different note....

I wonder if anyone here have any history with sinusitis?
Can it be fully treated without surgery?

2nd Year Medical Student here! To answer indoneko's question, it really depends on the cause.
If it's due to a congenital defect or some chronic condition, then the treatment might be different than if say you were a child with a cold - the virus merely spread to the sinuses and you would just pretty much give symptomatic relief until the virus goes away.
That probably didn't help much, but all the best to you!

My parents went out of town for 24-ish hours so I figured I'd be productive in the meantime, like record some song covers or voice acting. In the end, executive dysfunction kicked me in the ass and I spent the whole day yesterday doing a whole lot of nothing, feeling numb and kinda dissociating. So far it looks like the same will happen today.

Dark Sentinel wrote:But well, I joined that team as a programmer. Ren'Py code? Please, anyone can do it, so it doesn't really count as achievement.

Shut up, you were one of the pillars carrying the project. You did stuff with code that I couldn't despite having 100k words of experience 'coding' VNs. You kept the discord alive and made sure that the code was one of the few things I didn't have to worry about in the last stretch period.

Mammon wrote:

Dark Sentinel wrote:But well, I joined that team as a programmer. Ren'Py code? Please, anyone can do it, so it doesn't really count as achievement.

Shut up, you were one of the pillars carrying the project. You did stuff with code that I couldn't despite having 100k words of experience 'coding' VNs. You kept the discord alive and made sure that the code was one of the few things I didn't have to worry about in the last stretch period.

And hey, Dark, remember I proofread your first NaNo project. Maybe you didn't reach the goal that you set for yourself, but come on, it's NaNo - hardly anyone does on just one try. I enjoyed the story that you did write; it was suspenseful, and the best ending was very sweet.

(Also, your art's great. I couldn't draw a stick figure if I tried, you had five full-body sprites, all looking different from one another.)

Navient, the dumbest Student Loan company our Government has, decided not to take out my payment for my school loan on the 28th "Due to the Holiday" and then decided to fine me a $5 late fee and ding my credit score. They refuse to let me change my autopay date and no one will answer the phone. Gotta love going through hell just so you can have more education.

There have been protests due to racial discrimination on my old college campus for weeks, following a bunch of messed up shit, and a white professor went on Fox News calling all the black students thugs and talking about "reverse racism". After he publicly made it all about himself, even going so far as to publish names of black professors to incite violence against them, the school received an active shooter threat from white supremacists causing the whole school to be closed down. Neo-nazi rallies are being planned here and in nearby cities, shit is just going further and further off the rails.

Folks' have been doing their best to help get students of color off campus and to safety, but the administration hasn't and probably won't make any actual change. I live in one of the most liberal cities in the country, so basically it's just like nowhere is safe. Probably it never has been and it just wasn't as heavily publicized. Just feels like everything is shit, always has been shit, and always will be shit.

God, that's terrible, daikiraikimi. Be safe. I hope things improve soon.

Caveat Lector wrote:God, that's terrible, daikiraikimi. Be safe. I hope things improve soon.

Thanks. The college is closed again today, and I've heard there are white supremacists planning a riot in town, but luckily no one has gotten hurt so far. I wish more folks would be willing to stand up against them, they keep coming back here every couple of months and assault people.

I'm getting frustrated with my art style. It looks bland and all...

Lunarisse* wrote:I'm getting frustrated with my art style. It looks bland and all...

mate that's probably not the case , go look at other visual novels sprites (with all respect to their artist) and compare your own works ... i'm sure a lot of people would love to work with you !
also you can draw male characters .... you don't know how hard it is for me to draw them haha...
it is always good to compare yourself with people better than you , but hey ... sometimes it is also good to look behind you and see how far you've come and how many people are struggling to follow the same path and they can't !

I hate being the Clingy Friend™.

I've pretty much had issues dealing with insomnia for many many years, but now it's not just that I have trouble falling asleep. Now I lie in bed and get overtaken with anxiety in the quiet darkness. I can't recall the last time I felt so lonely, if I ever have felt it this much. Sometimes I think I actually feel an actual physical pain in my chest just trying to deal with it. I've never really been the type to complain about being alone, and it's not like I don't have friends or anything. But everyone's life is moving along, progressing. And I'm just here. Stuck on welfare, not getting better mental health-wise, not really doing anything, not really seeing much reason for existence. Not to mention I'm a burden to my family on several levels.

I just turned 24, and I'm still no closer to at least being able to pretend to be independent. As things are now, I might just never get an actual job and relationship and be able to support myself. But right now the thing bothering me the most is the loneliness I feel when I'm alone with my thoughts, which is especially prevelant when I try to sleep. I've even gotten a prescription for some sleeping aid pills, but they're not working... I don't know what to do about it. Even when I do fall asleep I wake up constantly drenched in sweat, probably because of my other medications.

At least I've had some motivation to do some things at home again, I just picked up playing guitar lately. Though I also haven't been able to feel with my fingertips since then. Hopefully I will get sensation back into them soon. I also finally wanted to start drawing again. Only, whoops, apparently my tablet has completely given up on life now. I've tried literally everything I and the internet can think f. Reinstalling several drivers, playing around with properties, usb ports, settings and resetting to an earlier state on my PC etc.. I'm out of ideas. I sure as hell hope the store will compensate if they can't repair it.

TL;DR: Life's a bitch, and meds don't always help.