Get that thing off your chest... Now...

[mugenjohncel]

What kind of landmine did I stepped (well technically rolled) into this time...

"POOF" (Disappears)

[Zelan]

What kind of landmine did I stepped (well technically rolled) into this time...

"POOF" (Disappears)

I love it.

[Morhighan]

Warning: ....uhhh medical stuff.

Hi there, this is Morgana/Mystery Corgi. I am doing a write up in this document so you know what’s going on with me as of late.
My first condition/set of conditions is/are kind of tricky, as none of the many doctors I've visited since 2013 can come to a conclusive diagnosis. The main symptom is that I have chronic pain that occurs all over my body, in my nerves, muscles, and joints. I am sometimes so exhausted that I sleep for 12-18 hours a day. I have all the symptoms of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus but my blood tests say I'm very healthy. Which I really don't feel or agree with. While my doctors agree that it seems to be autoimmune in nature, none of the tests are very conclusive, nor do they seem to stay consistent result-wise. So I've been told it could be Lupus, or Fibromyalgia, or Hypothyroidism, or Cushing's Syndrome, or that it is all "just in my head." Either way, it makes it incredibly hard for me to maintain employment. Miraculously, I've been working since May 22. I really enjoy my job, which I thought I could do, since it's in a call center. But no, my chronic pain and fatigue had to rear their ugly heads.
If that wasn't bad enough...I have some other issues. I do have a confirmed diagnosis for my second set of conditions. I have endometriosis and uterine fibroids. It's kind of a sensitive subject to talk about, but basically my uterus is acting like a "cancer" (but isn't actually cancer, don't freak out) in the rest of my body. The uterine cells spread all over the place, like my bladder (for example), where uterine cells are NOT supposed to be. And when I get my period, those cells decide "hey it's a great idea to do my natural thing and bleed" which gets blood in all these horrible places it's not supposed to be. When there is a lot of this blood, it tends to act as a "glue," called an adhesion. Which then sticks my organs together. It's very painful and I've had surgery for it. But it's come back just 3 years after my last surgery. So I went to the ER and had an ultrasound and pelvic exam, both of which were extremely painful, when honestly they aren't supposed to be. The ultrasound results revealed something else: I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So my ovaries are covered in painful cysts, on top of my uterus causing me horrific pelvic pain. My doctor, an OBGYN and experienced surgeon, agrees with me that I need surgery. But there's a catch. My surgeon says he won't do surgery until I lose weight, due to the risks of doing surgery on a morbidly obese patient.
Since I got sick in 2013, I went from 150 pounds to 340 pounds in about a year and a half. My BMI is over 55. I am considered to be dangerously obese. I have worked since 2015 to try to lose this weight. Whenever I start exercising regularly, I experience stroke-like symptoms. But either way, until I lose weight, I can't get treatment.
This relapse into my illnesses started on August 29th. I've been to the ER and various clinics nine times since then. I have only worked 9 hours in the last two weeks despite being scheduled to work 64 hours during that time period. But every time I do go to work I end up at the ER.
Additionally, on September 9th I started to experience chest and back pain when I breathed, but it was more of an annoyance in comparison to the agony I was experiencing everywhere else. Finally it got bad enough for me to go the ER on the 16th, a week later. They did an X-Ray and found nothing, so I vowed to stop being a hypochondriac and go to work. My mistake, as that landed me right back in the ER the next day, sunday September 17th.
I work as a customer service representative for an inbound call center. Part of my job requires that I read a legal disclosure at the end of every sale, so that customers know their rights. The disclosures vary in length, but generally are broken up into about 5 or so small paragraphs, two or three sentences in length. I can normally get through one or two paragraphs, going at a slow pace, in one breath. On Sunday I started to have trouble. So I slowed down. I started doing one sentence per breath. Then I started having trouble doing even half that. I took several breaks, going way over my workplace’s paid break time limit. I did not improve. I started to have trouble getting words out, even to tell my supervisor that I had to go to the ER. At the ER they did a CT scan and found that I have a small tumor in my lung, about 3cm or 1.2in in length. They say that it does not appear to be cancerous as of yet, but due to my breathing difficulties they need to monitor it over the next 6-12 months. They also are going to be putting on a Holter monitor to observe my heart for 48 hours on this thursday, the 21st. They seem concerned with the palpitations I have been experiencing.
I swore to myself that I would go to work on Monday despite this, determined to drop off medical paperwork and perform my duties so I can hopefully avoid termination. My nighttime thrashings have been so violent that I kicked my fiance out of bed, so we are sleeping separately. The couch is a good option because by putting two pieces of it together, I can prevent myself from hurting myself or throwing myself onto the floor. So, after a fretful night on the couch, I awoke at 4AM. I decided to stay up, fearful of sleeping through my alarm again, which I had done the day prior. I took my medication. I browsed the internet. And when 6AM rolled around, I got up to go to work. I started to walk out of the room. And then I woke up several hours later, exhausted and disoriented, situated halfway on the couch. I had blacked out. And I was way too late to go to work on time. Additionally, my fatigue was so severe, I was pretty sure I couldn’t drive to the clinic. I got up, got a drink, and told my fiance I that I had passed out. Then, overcome with an exhaustion I can’t even describe, I lost consciousness again. This time I remember making it to the couch as my eyes started rapidly flicking back and forth as though I was entering REM.
Today, Tuesday the 19th, I am feeling a bit better. I haven’t blacked out. My pain is only about a 7 on the pain scale. (For those who don’t know, a 7 on the pain scale equates to: “I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.”) Today is the third day I have experienced evidence of internal bleeding, which does have me a bit concerned. Breathing still hurts, too. But I’ve got to make it to tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Wednesday September 20th, I am getting legally married to my fiance, who I have been with since 2012. This will allow me to get on insurance. I just hope it will be in time. I hope I get to keep my job. And I just...feel sick of being sick, and tired of being tired.
But I am seeking treatment. I am hoping to maintain employment. And I above all I want to finish AIdol.

Thank you for your patience with me in these trying times.

[Zelan]

Morgana, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. It sounds like a lot of pain and anxiety and fear rolled up into one nasty package and dropped into your lap for you to deal with. I admire your determination and dedication in the face of it all, though, and your passion for all of the projects that you have been involved with.

It seems like sort of an empty sentiment, but I honestly hope that things improve for you, in any way that they can. I'll be thinking of you. c:

[ggenogold]

And what the hell are they waiting for the surgery? For you to get even worse?

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your problem Morgana, and if it's any worth about it, just try and remember there's always someone out there rooting for you. 'Cause I am, and I hope you get better.

[Morhighan]

Thank you @Zelan and @ggenogold for your concern. <3


Unfortunately, when it rains, it pours. Buckle in.

So, as said in my previous post, I've been very sick since August 29th. I've been to the ER twelve or thirteen times now, and I was hospitalized for a short period. I had to stop working on September 25th, though I hoped to return to working. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, as the family member my husband and I were staying with kicked us out on October 13th. We gathered the belongings we could fit into my car and drove down to my mother's house in a different state. She gave us permission to stay for two weeks while we tried to get ourselves sorted.

I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety and not having a job tends to make them worse. Not having a home is causing double that. Thankfully my mom is letting us extend our stay.

Without a job, both my husband and I have run out of medications, and we can't get more until we get insurance or find money. We've been looking for local jobs, work at home gigs, and commissions. At the same time, we are behind on our cellphone bills, car insurance bills, and car payments. All of those are pretty necessary for a job (especially out in the country and farmland area) and we're about to lose them. (I am making phonecalls to work out payment arrangements to try to postpone this.)

All this combined is making both my husband and I feel pretty down in the dumps, but it gets worse.

Yesterday we were contacted and informed that my husband's mother has been missing for three and a half days, and a missing persons report has been filed. All the other stuff happening to us pales in comparison to the grief and worry we are feeling over her disappearance.

I want to try to make money, and I'm so scared that I won't be able to work on commissions (or even a normal job) due to my health and mental health.

Thank you for listening, and for being supportive.

UPDATE/EDIT:
11/7/2017 12:31AM - I managed to contact my husband's mom! She is okay.

[LeonDaydreamer]

I'm sorry to hear about all the things you've been going through, Morgana!
I think you're really brave to talk about it openly, and I hope you are getting good support in your life.
Also, it's crazy about your mother-in-law going missing on top of everything. I hope things resolve all right...

[aliciarune]

Hey Morgana, I'm really sorry this is happening with you. That's a lot to handle and it seems your plate is full. I really hope you mom does the right thing and let's you guys stay for as long as you need. I find it iffy that she's not and iffy that your husband's relative threw you guys out. I'm really sorry about that =(.

Like you I suffer from a mental illness and it's made things hard for me with school and friendship, so I know how you feel with depression and axniety. For your meds, maybe you can get some help with that? I'm not sure though....

Man, I wish I could help. Maybe make a gofundme page and I can donate. I really want to help DX. I really pray you guys are able to get a job and for things to calm down =(

[Empish]

Morgana, it's rough having to deal with all of that. I also have depression and anxiety that's made worse by not having a job, but my situation never got that bad because my parents have been incredibly supportive. I can't imagine I would have survived without that, so I applaud you.

As for money issues, do you have anything that you can tutor in? While I still don't have a regular job I do tutoring on Wyzant, and most of my students I teach online. I charge $40/hr for tutoring and have plenty of people willing to pay it. Wyzant does take a cut but it's not TOO much and it feels really nice to get that check in the mail a couple times a month. If you can do it at all I'd definitely recommend trying it out.

[Donmai]

BitDefender is a very good antivirus program, I have no doubt. But today I wiped it out of my system with no second thought. What did BitDefender that was so wrong? Well, not happy with raising false positives at Ren'Py games (as many antivirus programs do) BitDefender outrageously started sending Ren'Py executables to quarantine as soon as I clicked on them. No warning, nothing. Just a click and "hey, where's my executable file"? Going to the events tab I would find a note proudly stating "Potentially dangerous application blocked". When I started to uninstall it, the monster showed me a sad face, telling me something like "Why? We were so happy together". Geez, having just played Doki Doki Literature Club (before BitDefender started messing around) and of course having to

delete monika.chr from the game folder

to reach the special ending, I thought "No, not again", and killed the beast as fast as I could.
Now I'm using Panda Antivirus and everything went back to normal. But I'm warning Panda: You can burn my house / Steal my car / Drink my liquor from an old fruit jar / Well do anything that you want to do / But uh-uh, honey lay off of my Ren'Py executables.

[Yomuchan]

Remember invisionfree, right? No? Probably not.

Invisionfree is ending. Some truly vile people going around holding data for ransom, wiping olde-style forums and destroying eons of internet history of 2003~2010 in the process. This makes me sad and it hurts in places that shouldn't register pain. One of my biggest hobbies was to spelunk through those places, reading and learning of the lives of those who lived before my time.

[ComputerArt.Club]

What kind of landmine did I stepped (well technically rolled) into this time...

"POOF" (Disappears)

Subscribed

[mugenjohncel]

So uh... it's almost that time of the year guys... you know... NaNoRenO 2018 Visual Novel Game Jam... just a reminder...

"POOF" (Disappears)

[Fuseblower]

So uh... it's almost that time of the year guys... you know... NaNoRenO 2018 Visual Novel Game Jam... just a reminder...

"POOF" (Disappears)

Oh... that one, yeah. I guess I could have another crack at "The Doomed Diner". After all, my main project "Tenkeiteki Tokyo" only needs to be finished before the Summer Olympics 2020 because that event plays a major role in it.

Speaking of the Olympics and "getting things off chests".... How come the Germans are #1 in medals in Korea and we, the Dutch, are only second?! WE SHOULD BE THE ONES WHO RULE SUPREME!!!!1!!!

Damn the Jerries and their skiing! At least I'm comforted by the fact that in a single hour we did better than the Belgians did in 94 years. Now, where's that gloat emoji? Ah here

[Sunlit-Dreamer]

So uh... it's almost that time of the year guys... you know... NaNoRenO 2018 Visual Novel Game Jam... just a reminder...

"POOF" (Disappears)

Oh... that one, yeah. I guess I could have another crack at "The Doomed Diner". After all, my main project "Tenkeiteki Tokyo" only needs to be finished before the Summer Olympics 2020 because that event plays a major role in it.

Speaking of the Olympics and "getting things off chests".... How come the Germans are #1 in medals in Korea and we, the Dutch, are only second?! WE SHOULD BE THE ONES WHO RULE SUPREME!!!!1!!!

Damn the Jerries and their skiing! At least I'm comforted by the fact that in a single hour we did better than the Belgians did in 94 years. Now, where's that gloat emoji? Ah here

Oh yes, I would love that very much. I'm a very patient person. (So many vns I have yet to read, even from the nanos last year and the year before. Real life is just too blargh.)

Debating with myself whether to make a nano again this year or not, since I did participate in the last 3. However, won't have as much free time with how my work schedule is. (That and I feel like a bizarre lurker who only posts around this time of year, despite checking the website nearly every day when I'm not busy.)

And for those who don't know yet, there's already a recruitment thread with quite a few posts already.

But yeah...this work week is..."fun". I SO look forward to getting up at 3am tomorrow...in the freezing cold...here's to hoping I don't fall asleep at the wheel!

Eeyup. (No comment on the Olympics since I haven't watched anything.)