Anyone likes poems?

[chisa-chan]

Here is my poem.

I cannot cry when I hurt
I cannot smile when I feel happy

I have no emotions in my face
But, deep inside, my feelings get twisted that I want to kill my feelings

I know that I am not a doll
But...I doubt that I'm a human

What do you think

[Counter Arts]

I'm not really a critic for poems as I just write them for fun. But here's my opinion anyways.

The fourth line is a bit long... maybe. In terms of emotions, hmm... I can't feel the intensity of the feelings. More intensity might be good.

[lordcloudx]

hehe yes http://animerd2k2.freewebsites.com/poems.htm

Hmm... this sounds alot more like a character monologue or a prose than a poem. Be a little bit less direct when trying to communicate the emotion that you want.

"my feelings get twisted that I want to kill my feelings"
feelings sounds redundant in this line. You could change that to a pronoun making a personification out of "feelings" (them, it etc.).

"I know that I am not a doll
But...I doubt that I'm a human "

to make it consistent and to add that little bit of impact, try changing "I'm" to "I am human"

show instead of tell should apply for this type of poem as well. So maybe a few more lines to expound on the emotion you tried to embody, or maybe a subtle explanation as to why the speaker feels this way.

Lastly, It should be "I'm hurt" etc. unless you did that on purpose.

btw, writing poems is a good way to get that depression out of your system as well chisa-chan