Personal Rants Thread

[DaFool]

Me and My Un-Romantic Life by DaFool

I don't get it. I like reading visual novels, I like anime based on visual novels, I even like a few chick flicks and Harlequin romance novels whenever I get my hands on them. Yet I have never been in love in my life.

Hmmm... I don't think there is anything particularly wrong with me. I've had casual friends of the opposite sex, I've had roommates gay and straight, I've been flirted with by both ok people and people who sent chills down my spine. And yet I have never been in love.

You can see the result of my un-romantic experiences in my first eroge, The Nettestadt Troll. Though considered renai, there were no chocolates, the only bouquets of flowers there were mandatory, there were no lakeside walks nor kissing in the sunset. The premise was a no-beating-about-the-bush direct to the point "This = house. You = my woman. We f___k. That simple. Comprende?"

My elder brother is no help either. He often jokes about being gay then retracts the joke, but in the end his asexuality is painful to watch... when one doesn't care anymore and has no passion for men or women or people in general. He says I'll probably be the first to get married, but then I look at my own situation, and go... uhh... at least we are not contributing to overpopulation.

Did it start in middle or high school? I don't know...I transferred schools a lot. I had spent some time in a certain elite all-boys school (Filipinos will automatically know which school I am talking about) Later I went to a science and technology magnet school in the U.S. where everyone looked like horses. (It didn't help that I barely took a bath during that time in my life). 70% male 30% female ratio with some classes going up to 95% male. Well, until affirmative action or whatever. I think I got in because of affirmative action (my last name sounds Hispanic), so it's not exactly an achievement I can really be proud of. But anyway, so yeah, getting a date was the exception, not the rule.

Well, at least I went to prom. While the rest of my barkada were playing N64 and watching porn, I actually went to prom with a girl. That made me automatically cooler than my barkada. The sad thing is, was that I barely knew the person... she was just this Korean classmate and we decided, hell, let's pitch in, rent a limo, and go to prom, and not be losers. Sounds like a great idea! We danced once or twice, but otherwise she was with the girls and I was with the boys. Then that was that, literally the end of our story.

After going through college where everything seemed to go downhill (loved ones died, others suffered mental breakdowns), then came working life. I had to make a decision... bust my ass for $30K while paying almost as much on car insurance, rent, and utilities... or go back to the Philippines where my family owns a lot of things and even with a salary of $12K one can still live like a king. It may sound like a stupid choice for those with colonial mentality, but it was simple for me. Besides, my training was so specific it could have been only useful in two places... Silicon Valley and Israel. Ever worked for NASA then became a taxi driver? The feeling was still around the same, I guess.

Well, I am still busting my ass... at one time I was working 12-hour shifts. I have been a night owl since 2003... and my balding and graying hair shows even though I am still in my twenties. It is the kind of lifestyle that breeds otaku habits, that is why it is no surprise that I am an otaku now... watching nothing but torrented anime (not even TV), eating nothing but convenience store food (I did cook adobo for a while but marinating something for 3 hours is not something I was willing to do everyday), and posting my life story on obscure internet message boards such as Lemmasoft.

At least I know what the ins and outs of the outsource industry is like, having been working at several locations in the field now... from how the animation pipeline works to how to respond when Airbus Industrie calls and asks for server support at 4AM in the morning. I predict that in the future outsourcing and globalization will balance the prosperity of the nations in the world until in the end, everyone will default to a Mexico / China-level (actually, it's close to Philippine-level) of prosperity... advanced 3rd world stage. (The difference between various 3rd worlds is actually bigger than the difference between a prosperous 3rd world and a moderate 1st world) I mean, it's no Ethiopia... but it's no Switzerland either.

Okay... so how does this relate to romance? Well, it doesn't help when all the 'young' women in the office call you 'Sir' and address their tagalog sentences with 'po' and 'opo' and you feel as though you were their grandfather. An office fling? Even if I didn't care about the rules, the fact that I feel like a grandfather dashes the idea out of my head. Besides, women mostly work on day shifts. At nighttime, my best companions are construction workers, guards, and janitors. Well, the call center should have been the exception, but when I was working in one I was in technical and server support... far away from Customer Service where all the hotties were.

Also, being a night owl, you require more sleep for a smaller equivalent amount of rest. In the end, you just have less time to do anything. And even if I did have the time, what will I do? I don't have a car. I could have afforded one and bought one a long time ago, but in the end, I just don't feel like being a consumer or something...

This relates to that other thread... nowadays for more money, you get less car. Unfortunately, I think this applies to people and candidates for spouses. For more time and money, you get less of a date. Then less of a spouse. Before, you never saw your spouse till your wedding day, and then you stay together forever. Today, you date for what? 4 years? 7 years? then get married for 2 years, have all the "communication" in the world, then get divorced. I mean WTF. Sure, there is technically no divorce in the Philippines, but I feel that the separations and annulments about equal the rate in any urban nation.

So yeah, I'm feeling very unromantic. I really should try to reverse this, as my life should head somewhere soon. Maybe I should start with the car. After all, no car, no date

[lordcloudx]

Hmm... entertaining. You should consider adding cutenews or something to your website and make this a blog post.

I've always been a "do what you feel" type of person and honestly, romance has never been high on my list either. Anywayz, in my case, I don't particularly care. If love finds me or something like that, then fine, I wont reject it. If not, then I won't go out of my way to seek it out and that's that.

[Sailor Kitty]

Warning: This is no article, it is a full rant.

Ok, I'm growing so tired of this.

I love my GBC very, very, much. And my GBC is a GBC not a GB or GBA!

But yet, when I went to the store where I am going to buy a GBA-game. I come in and what do I find?

GBA-games all over the shelf clearly marked "gameboy" Not coulor, not advance, just gameboy. A clerk asks if he can help me with anything, so I tell him "Pokemon Sapphire. Do you have it?" And he tells me "It's for gameboy, right?"

I swear, I could have slapped him, then and there.

I am so friggin' tired of people who think Nintendo+hendheld=gameboy

And don't get me started on the people who think my NDS is a GB...

SNES!

I love pixels. They are the most beutiful thing there is. You can see how the games are made, it blends so perfectly together, on DS or SNES.

mostly SNES.

I met a boy on a forum who told me "How can you play SNES? You where only, like, 2 when it came out in europe" (I am 14)
Truth is, in my Sailor Moon period, I found a SNES emu and some sailor moon games, that rocked. That is how I got to be the neighborhood streetfighter 2 champion.
And this guy thinks I play for nostalgia!?

Heck, I play because I love all my consoles! Every console has fun games to play! Even if I don't have a SNES right now, I play SNES because of the pixels and the good games. I mean, a 3-d game has to be master-class for me to play it. Too much dark and shooting in 3-d. I prefer top-view RPGs, I prefer pixel fighters and side-scrolling. Can I help that I was built that way!?

If I want a nostalgia trip, I look at my small collection of 1st gen pokemon junk, sigh, and find some new old pokemon junk online, then nag my dad.

[Sed]

DaFool,

If it helps any, I can certainly relate. I'm in a similar position. I work long hard hours as a system admin. The hours are more unpredictable than long. Without a predictable schedule, it's pretty hard for me to have much of a social life. I can't sign up for fun activities or plan much of anything. A single phone call for a broken server can ruin my day or even my next week.

I own my own place and earn a decent salary and have money in the bank. Still, I have terrible luck with women. Most women turn up their noses or roll their eyes when I tell them what I do. Even worse, when I tell them about anime and computer games. Pretty much, my entire life is offensive to women. There are women who like anime and stuff, but so far most of them seem pretty unstable people. One wound up screaming at me saying I destroyed her life and that I was worse than Hitler. Okay.....

I've dumped money into countless dating websites such as eHarmony and Chemistry. One year on eHarmony resulted in a rejection list of 1000 women, and 2 dates. One with the woman mentioned above. The other was big into WoW and anime, but never called me back. I considered tracking her down in WoW and demanding an answer. With Chemistry, I've pretty much exhausted their supply of women. Had a date with one woman, but she became 'too busy'. Another did show interest in me, but all of a sudden she won't email me back. Oh well....

I've been struggling with this for over 10 years now. All I can say that it is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship. If you are in a bad relationship, it really f's up your life. God help you if you have kids involved. The truth that I have realized is most people are afraid of being alone. So afraid, that they will do anything or take anyone as a partner. Their fear doesn't stem from being alone, but from being alone with their own thoughts.

Being alone used to bother me alot, but not so much anymore. I'd like to have someone to share my life with but I'm not holding out.

[PyTom]

I love my GBC very, very, much. And my GBC is a GBC not a GB or GBA!

The GBC is an overclocked GB with a color screen.

As to the DaFool's point, maybe it's because I spend all my time knowing things like this that I don't get the dates. Heck, many of his points apply to me as well.

[papillon]

The other was big into WoW and anime, but never called me back. I considered tracking her down in WoW and demanding an answer.

... This probably isn't the best way to make a good impression on a girl.

I tend to think dating sites are an almost automatic fail. You don't sign up for one unless you're bored and trying to amuse yourself (I know there were times when I was much younger when I'd post on them just so I could get the instant pile of 'PLZ DATE ME!!!' from men who clearly had not read word one of my profile) or you're desperate and don't care who you're dating. Which might work out if you're an incredibly boring generic person looking for another boring generic person, but the odds of finding anyone good...

In the US (not just the US but I expect most users are) there is OkCupid which because of the quizzes and all has tended to be signed up for by a lot of geeks just as a personal homepage system, even if they are not looking for a date. Pro - better place to find interesting people. Con - not all of those people are available, and you can't always tell by their profile because since they are not completely treating it as a dating site, they don't remember to update.

I guess my thinking is that if you don't have time to be involved in friendships and activities where you might meet people and slowly develop things with them, you don't have time for a relationship either.

[PrettySammy09]

Okay, my turn.

Hey-Ho, Hey-Ho, A Doormat's Life

All right, I have an older sister who I love very very much. She's my best friend and I would do literally anything for her. We get into sibling tiffs, but on the whole, she's a person that I respect and love with all my heart.

However, my sister has a big problem: she's a doormat.

My sister has a group of close friends, and these friends have, on more occasion than one, treated her like crap. A few examples include:
***
One friend, who shall be known as "K" is never on time. For anything. Never. It could be a birthday party or a special event, and she will be at least two hours late. Usually for a very dumb reason such as "I was taking a shower" or "I fell asleep". She has been late to MANY of my sister's events since Middle School. My sister is now nearly 20 years old.
***
A group of friends, consisting of "A" "K" and "J", promised that they would be staying in our hotel room at Anime Expo. Now, this is a big deal because my sister needed people to help pay the hotel fee. We all agreed to split it, therefore, making the cost severely less. It was a must for us starving students.

TWO DAYS before the con, A, K, and J pull out of the hotel room, saying they're staying at their apartment. This means that the group still in the hotel is hit BIG TIME. We have to pay nearly double the amount of money from before, and many people just don't have it. My sister is reduced to tears that they would do this to her. Not only this, but A, K and J actually had the balls to ask for our complimentary parking spot that came with the hotel.

I was furious, of course, but with a bit of miracle working, I was able to grab my two friends to stay in the room with us. The cost was bought down a bit, and all was "well".

Now, although the monetary issue has been fixed, the "holy crap you treated us really badly" issue has not been. My sister's other friend "N" says quite clearly, "Well, now they can't rest in our hotel room or hang out there. That's the rule." I thought that was quite fair.

Guess what? By the first day, A, K, and J are hanging out in our room. I am FURIOUS. I tell my sister straight out that she and Niki are doormats, and she gets pissed at me. I talk to N, who I respect very much, and say, "This shouldn't have happened. Why are they resting in our room?"

"If we didn't let them, it would be vindictive."

What?! What happened to "it's not personal, just business"?! Not only that, but the group was generally rude and obnoxious while in the room. A blatantly INSULTED my friend (she called it "constructive criticism on his costume", but it was an insult, considering the fact that she has NEVER made a costume). And when I told A off, my sister got mad at me. Me!

Basically, my sister is still not okay with what happened, but she refuses to tell them.

***
This happened just yesterday, and such is fresh in my mind.

My sister had invited N, her best friend, and M, another girl who is actually nice, to watch a movie with her at our house. Now N had gotten a text message from K and J asking what she was doing that night. Because my sister and N did not want to invite K and J over to our house to watch the film (last time they invited them over they talked though the entire thing and were generally obnoxious) N lied and said "nothing". Bad move.

Fast forward. N is supposed to show up at our house at 3 PM. By 5, she hasn't shown. My sister can't get through to her. Finally, she gets a call and N immediately says, "Sorry!".

Turns out this is what happened: N fell asleep (seems to be a recurring thing) until 4:30, and then she had to take a shower. Just as she got out, K and J arrive at her door, telling her that they're going to do something tonight. N, not wanting to reveal that she lied to them, goes along with them, ditching my sister. She goes off and plays games and hangs out with the rest of the group, leaving my sister on her own. Basically, because N didn't gave the guts to admit that she lied, my sister got screwed.

My sister didn't even say to N that she wasn't okay with this.

***
Last night, my sister said to me, "You know what, Sammy? I know that I can always count on you never to abandon me."

Isn't that strange? My sister is NOT a doormat around me. "Hey sis, could you turn on that light?" "Turn it on yourself!" "Could you feed the dog?" "No! It's your turn!"

And yet I'm the only one who doesn't ditch her for other people.

So why is she all pretty and nice to these friends who treat her like crap?

*endrant*

[monele]

Just as she got out, K and J arrive at her door, telling her that they're going to do something tonight. N, not wanting to reveal that she lied to them, goes along with them, ditching my sister.

That part is one of those "argh, too bad" moments. If she revealed the lie, it would make for bad relationships with K and J (wether that's good or not is up to you but I'll suppose your sister and N wouldn't want that :p). So she could only play along... While I understand why N and your sister lied on that one to begin with, it's obvious what happened was exactly the big risk of this whole thing... ^^;
For the rest, I feel for you and your sister as it's sad she's taken advantage of like this :/. Some people just refuse to be mean and strict, even when it's for their own good ^^;...

[BellosTheMighty]

Last night, my sister said to me, "You know what, Sammy? I know that I can always count on you never to abandon me."

Isn't that strange? My sister is NOT a doormat around me. "Hey sis, could you turn on that light?" "Turn it on yourself!" "Could you feed the dog?" "No! It's your turn!"

And yet I'm the only one who doesn't ditch her for other people.

So why is she all pretty and nice to these friends who treat her like crap?

*endrant*

Hehheh. You don't get it, do you? ^_^ She acts that way around you specifically because she KNOWS you won't abandon her. She's a social domanitrix. ^_^

Hmm... that would make her the Queen, wouldn't it? Maybe you could put her together with A, K, and J, find someone to be 10, then flush 'em all down the drain. ^_^

Kidding aside, though... that's what happens when you're family- since you can't really ditch one another, you pretty much "let it all hang out", so to speak. If you want to put an end to your sister's doormat status, use that to your advantage. Next time she wants to sit back and take it, make her stand up. Or, play the white knight and do it for her.

[Jake]

Hehheh. You don't get it, do you? ^_^ She acts that way around you specifically because she KNOWS you won't abandon her. She's a social domanitrix. ^_^

Frankly, I'd have said the total opposite; she sounds simply insecure. It's the same reasoning, with a totally different motive.

If this is the case, then subconsciously she'll understand that these people who are pretending to be her friends don't really like her enough to use that term - which is why she's willing to let them walk over her, because standing up to them would bring about a confrontation over that lack of friendship, which she fears she'd lose. She'll tell you off for criticising these people for the same reason - she doesn't want to give them any reason to stop hanging around with her.
She's willing to be open and normal and stand up for herself with those people that she [again, perhaps only subconsciously] knows do love her, because she doesn't have to worry about that confrontation.

Of course, rationally speaking, this lot sound - as you've suggested - like pretty crappy friends and she'd probably be better off with one or two very good proper friends than a host of people like that, but convincing her of this is another matter entirely. If it helps any, these other people probably aren't specifically consciously trying to take advantage of her, they probably just don't bother to empathise with her at all.

Next time she wants to sit back and take it, make her stand up. Or, play the white knight and do it for her.

Personally, I doubt this would help much.

If you make a stand against an insecure person's not-quite-friends, then you're introducing an element which questions that friendship - the insecure individual will try and stop you from doing this, and become angry at you, because you're bringing about a situation they fear - where their not-quite-friends are prompted to do a little mental accounting which may result in them deciding that they're not really friends with the insecure individual at all, and leave them. Of course, that's not particularly easy either...

If you want to help someone who's being walked over by their not-quite-friends, I'd suggest that the best way to do it would be to encourage them to make other, better friends. If that happens, they'll drift away from the people who are taking advantage of them and hang around with their better friends, 'cause they enjoy themselves more with those people - all without anyone getting angry or upset with anyone else.