Regarding "The Controversy"

[Alera]

This might be a bit off topic, but I have a question. Say you did feel offended by somene's post. Would it be considered harrassment or be considered responsible to PM that person and tell them that it upset you rather than make a public statement about it?

I just ask because I am a very private person, and I think that things, sometimes, get resolved a lot easier when you work it out one-on-one.

I think dealing with it personally would be best. Because if you announce that in public- then there's a chance of a new war to start. People will start taking sides and so on.

Though it depends on what way to put your words. If you decide to go public- then you have to be careful not to offend the other side too, because it will become an endless cycle.

[Friendbot2000]

This might be a bit off topic, but I have a question. Say you did feel offended by somene's post. Would it be considered harrassment or be considered responsible to PM that person and tell them that it upset you rather than make a public statement about it?

I just ask because I am a very private person, and I think that things, sometimes, get resolved a lot easier when you work it out one-on-one.

Edit: Alera, you are a ninja poster!

Actually I think that is the more appropriate method of dealing with things instead of dragging it out to the public forum where feelings will get hurt. It opens lines of personal communication that you can't get in a thread. I think that opening a thread to talk about the "Controversy" was a rash move. Conversations like that should be kept to the parties involved because they hold such explosive feelings. However if such a conversation does come into the public it needs to be handled by all members in a manner that doesn't make us all divide into camps and make it an "us against those ignorant people" situation. I know a lot of people that feel very strongly about homosexuality and they know that I am gay, but we are still friends because we enjoy each others company. We often talk about homosexuality and some of our opinions have changed just by being exposed to one another. That is how you change opinions, not by waging a verbal war. Nothing gets accomplished that way. You just have to have exposure to one another as people and PMs are a method to doing that.

[Alera]

Edit: Alera, you are a ninja poster!

O: Wait- wha~ Why am I a ninja poster? XD

[Friendbot2000]

Haha because you ninja'd me while I was posting! I didn't get a chafe to press submit before you posted, which means you must be a ninja!

[Alera]

Wow, but I posted my reply a lot earlier... O.o

Hah- anyway! ^^

[Tachyglossus]

Hmmmm maybe I'll put a message in my signature to say something like "If I ever cause offense, PM me so we can work it out privately."

[pondrthis]

Hmmmm maybe I'll put a message in my signature to say something like "If I ever cause offense, PM me so we can work it out privately."

Please don't. If you do I won't be able to resist changing my own signature to "If I ever cause offense, suck it up," just to be an ass.

EDIT: jk, just trying to be inappropriately light-hearted.

[LVUER]

Perhaps we could ask admin to make it as forum rules. "If someone offend you, bring it to PM, not to the open, public, thread.

[papillon]

Perhaps we could ask admin to make it as forum rules. "If someone offend you, bring it to PM, not to the open, public, thread.

That could be a problem if it results in an offensive statement sitting unchallenged in a thread because people are only talking about it in PMs, and then other people wandering by think that the statement is apparently endorsed by the entire forum because no one's complaining.

[musical74]

*SIGH* Kinou sure seems to have a lot of venom (reading the kinougames blog)

It seems part of the problem (besides feelings getting hurt) was *I'm right, and if you disagree with me, you are either slime or disgusting* I didn't see the original thread (probably just as well) BUT I don't understand her *if you don't agree with my mentality you must be a jerk* either. She seems nice enough. Deji's nice. To quote, "Can't we all just get along?*

Those that know me, know I much prefer compromise than conflict. I can't help thinking if it had been behind closed doors (ie between kinou and Deji and maybe a mod) and no one else, this would have been resolved without a huge blowup.

[LVUER]

Perhaps we could ask admin to make it as forum rules. "If someone offend you, bring it to PM, not to the open, public, thread.

That could be a problem if it results in an offensive statement sitting unchallenged in a thread because people are only talking about it in PMs, and then other people wandering by think that the statement is apparently endorsed by the entire forum because no one's complaining.

Then perhaps after the conflict/situation is resolved, the party involved have to announced how they solved it together? Like "OK, it's alright, now he's understand and apologized to us. The mod helps too and say this this and that" etc etc...

[lordcloudx]

I would advise that in order to avoid arguments in the first place, that the participants in serious discussions should keep things at an impersonal level. If things get personal, there should be a rule that no other parties are allowed to get involved in the discussion unless they are directly involved. I'm not sure if many would agree with this because it would involve some degree of restriction of ZOMG AWESUM FREE SPEACH YO, but I think it would help to keep similar controversies from erupting into intellectualized flame wars.

In any case, people should know when to stay away from a controversial topic and not needlessly involve themselves in the first place. This is especially true if it's obvious that you are not going to convince the other party.

[Blue Lemma]

@musical74: And now she's starting to accuse me of things, painting extremely negative interpretations of my communications with her. She's also making major personal attacks on PyTom, leading people to believe that he is some sort of giant racist. And some people have been posting on the blog making themselves out to be others (such as leading people to believe they are PyTom) to inflame things.

I want to let this drop, but sadly, people on the net seem to think silence = agreement. Part of me really wants to just post the entire threads somewhere, the entire email correspondence, and the link the forum post with the "disgusting words" she accuses me of, so I can prove I have nothing to hide and this isn't some big cover-up. Let people make up their own minds instead of having the only version out there be her interpretation.

*sigh*

Still, no trolling, please everyone. It's pointless and stupid.

[Taleweaver]

BTW, if anyone's wondering, the "Taleweaver" in the KINOUgames blog is me. Even though I don't share their attitude towards this community, I can somehow relate to them. If you're doing your best to change public attitude towards minorities and it backfires the way it did here (or rather, the reaction is suddenly overwhelminly negative), that must be pretty disheartening.

[Kittylove]

@musical74: And now she's starting to accuse me of things, painting extremely negative interpretations of my communications with her. She's also making major personal attacks on PyTom, leading people to believe that he is some sort of giant racist. And some people have been posting on the blog making themselves out to be others (such as leading people to believe they are PyTom) to inflame things.

I want to let this drop, but sadly, people on the net seem to think silence = agreement. Part of me really wants to just post the entire threads somewhere, the entire email correspondence, and the link the forum post with the "disgusting words" she accuses me of, so I can prove I have nothing to hide and this isn't some big cover-up. Let people make up their own minds instead of having the only version out there be her interpretation.

*sigh*

Still, no trolling, please everyone. It's pointless and stupid.

Then why don't you? Sometimes it's better to just nip some things in the bud and if the best way to prove your innocence is by posting proof then I think you should. I just hope it doesn't inspire any more blow outs like the last one.