Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<3)

Ideas and games that are not yet publicly in production. This forum also contains the pre-2012 archives of the Works in Progress forum.
Message
Author
User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<3)

#1 Post by Lotus » Mon May 02, 2011 10:51 pm

Secret 10560 is a game about a young girl and a person behind the window. That's all I can I say without revealing too much of the story. I've included more details of the story at the bottom of this post, but as it is an extremely short game it reveals some spoilers. If you want to know more without spoilers, you can beta test for me 8D.

I really need some input on the story, specifically how I wrote the main character, if I need more/less endings, what kind of music I should choose (it's currently without music because I have no clue what to use), etc. This will be the first game I've finished ever, so I'm a bit nervous.

I estimate that to get all 9 endings would take 10 minutes, 20 minutes at the most. It's a very short game, but there is an important meaning behind it that could be taken literally or figuratively.

Secret 10560 Mac/Win/Linux combined
Lint wrote:
Ren'Py 6.12.1.1520 lint report, generated at: Fri Jul 15 11:32:36 2011


Statistics:

The game contains 556 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 6,261 words,
for an average of 11.3 words per screen.
The game contains 11 menus.
So in conclusion, beta testers and proofreaders would be very appreciated C:

Edit: More details on the story below. For those who don't want spoilers, basically this game is kind of slice of life, but at the same time it may freak you out. Player discretion advised for those who are scared easily.
The game is based off of a DeviantartSecret of the same name , which means if that secret is to be believed, someone did actually go through the events in this game. If this was a normal slice of life VN, that would be nothing to worry about it, but this isn't a normal slice of life VN. There is a chance that the main character is never seen again.
The person behind the window writes sweet messages to the girl, but the girl knows nothing about the person. In the original DAsecret, the secretteller tells us he/she is in love with this person despite not knowing much about them. This puts him/her in a potentially dangerous spot.
My thoughts on the story:
Since the story was inspired by a DeviantartSecret and is not my original idea, I only have opinions on how you should view it, though you should ultimately decide for yourself how you want to view it.

It can be taken literally; it could really be about a girl dealing with someone leaving messages on her window at night. However, it could also be a metaphor for an online relationship. The story is fairly straightfoward if taken literally, though some explanation may be needed for if it's a metaphor.

The window symbolizes her computer, and the messages are online ( comments/posts/notes/pms/ims/etc). By reaching out to him, she puts her trust in him, to the point where she may give him sensitive information, such as where she lives. This puts her in a potentially dangerous situation, especially if the person has malicious intent.
Attachments
Secret 10560-all.zip
Might as well upload here as well, give you multiple choices of downloading.
(24.54 MiB) Downloaded 85 times
goodnight.png
friend.png
Still hate those trees.
Last edited by Lotus on Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:41 pm, edited 8 times in total.

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#2 Post by Lotus » Tue May 03, 2011 4:51 pm

Here's a look at what the menus look like. The main menu pretty much tells what the story is about. There was so much empty space over there I didn't know what else to do with it, and I figured I needed a disclaimer :B

I need to work on the pref screen some more. :c

I wasn't able to finish up the script today, I was busy :c But the script should be finished by the end of today or tomorrow, then I'll post a public version for you all to download and give me feedback. C:
Attachments
secretsave.PNG
secretpref.PNG
secretmain.PNG

User avatar
Taleweaver
Writing Maniac
Posts: 3428
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2003 8:51 am
Completed: Metropolitan Blues, The Loyal Kinsman, Daemonophilia, The Dreaming, The Thirteenth Year, Adrift, Bionic Heart 2, Secrets of the Wolf, The Photographer
Projects: The Pilgrim's Path, Elspeth's Garden, Secret Adventure Game!
Organization: Tall Tales Productions
Location: Germany
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#3 Post by Taleweaver » Tue May 03, 2011 5:01 pm

Looks short and sweet. I'd like to beta; will need approx. until the weekend.
Scriptwriter and producer of Metropolitan Blues
Creator of The Loyal Kinsman
Scriptwriter and director of Daemonophilia
Scriptwriter and director of The Dreaming
Scriptwriter of Zenith Chronicles
Scriptwriter and director of The Thirteenth Year
Scriptwriter and director of Romance is Dead
Scriptwriter and producer of Adrift
More about me in my blog
"Adrift - Like Ever17, but without the Deus Ex Machina" - HigurashiKira

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#4 Post by Lotus » Tue May 03, 2011 8:23 pm

I am very nearly done with the first draft of the script, all that's left is to look over it for mistakes.
Lint wrote:The game contains 239 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,205 words,
for an average of 9.2 words per screen.
The game contains 6 menus.
Oh, now there are a total of 12 endings, but I think it will still take only 10-20 minutes to get them all.

Thanks for offering Taleweaver! Is it ok if I get a beta of the game uploaded tomorrow? I still need to make a few more CGs but they shouldn't take that long.

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#5 Post by Lotus » Wed May 04, 2011 9:41 pm

Alrighty, public beta time! Woo. Because of some complications today I wasn't able to get all the CGs done, but if you can forgive that I'm missing a few scenes and it still lacks music, here it is 8D

Secret 10560 Mac/Win/Linux combined
Lint wrote: The game contains 252 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,258 words,
for an average of 9.0 words per screen.
The game contains 6 menus.
There are 12 endings, but only 1 is a sweet cutesy ending. The rest are... ehm, hard to describe. There's nothing graphic, no curse words, etc, but the implications in the story are a little creepy if you think on them.

Like I said before, I really want some feedback on this, particularly on things like how I wrote the main character (should I have fleshed her out more?), what kind of music would fit this, etc. I know it's probably not going to be as good as I imagined since it's my first game and I'm still learning how to play with digital storytelling, so you don't have to sugarcoat any feedback. I want to know how I can get better.
Likewise, if there are any errors, mistakes, etc, don't hesitate to tell me c:

It's not been proofread yet; if you could do that for me I would really appreciate it! <3

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lay down with a hot compress on my eye x_X

User avatar
OtomeWeekend
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1087
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2011 1:29 am
Location: Somewhere seaside
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#6 Post by OtomeWeekend » Wed May 04, 2011 10:11 pm

I can proofread if you want. *whistles in the corner*
(----and beta test too if you don't mind) :D
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ---Mahatma Gandhi

I no longer use this account. Please refer to my new account, enta if you want to contact me. Thank you.

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#7 Post by Lotus » Wed May 04, 2011 10:16 pm

I wouldn't mind at all, please do :D Thank you!

User avatar
OtomeWeekend
Eileen-Class Veteran
Posts: 1087
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2011 1:29 am
Location: Somewhere seaside
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#8 Post by OtomeWeekend » Wed May 04, 2011 10:30 pm

hehe. your welcome :)

I pm-ed you my e-mail add. just now.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ---Mahatma Gandhi

I no longer use this account. Please refer to my new account, enta if you want to contact me. Thank you.

User avatar
Aijoran
Newbie
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2011 3:07 pm
Completed: None Yet
Projects: Beastly Beauty (working title), Black Rose
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#9 Post by Aijoran » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:39 pm

I'd be more then happy to proofread and beta test if you still need it. :3

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#10 Post by Lotus » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:17 pm

Oh maaaan, I completely forgot about this! D: I still need to finish up those cgs and add music, d'oh. Slendy has been slowly eating my brain.

That'd be awesome! It'd be nice to have at least one finished game under my belt xD

victorita9
Regular
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri May 04, 2007 4:57 pm
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#11 Post by victorita9 » Sat Jun 18, 2011 8:52 am

This was a positively scary story. it doesn't even try and be scary(special effects) and i was spooked.

I would have loved to beta it, but i cannot play that game again after i saw the shadowy figure of the person. It's scary because that could happen to someone vs. a scary story where there zombies.

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#12 Post by Lotus » Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:07 am

Thank you for trying out my game! (No worries about the beta-testing thing, I completely understand). That's the point of the game; what's even freakier is that this potentially did happen to someone, as the story is based of a DeviantartSecret someone sent in. I really hope nothing bad happened to that Secretteller ><

Edit: Should I add a warning to the first post that this game may freak you out? I probably should :s I'll update the first post in a bit, after chores are done.

User avatar
RemnantDream
Veteran
Posts: 426
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:31 pm
Projects: Pickles and Strawberries
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#13 Post by RemnantDream » Sat Jun 18, 2011 11:55 am

I like the premise of this game.
I'd be glad to either beta test or proofread. Or I could do both if you prefer ^_^

User avatar
Lotus
Veteran
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:28 am
Projects: Unnamed Slenderman VN, Secret 10560
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#14 Post by Lotus » Sat Jun 18, 2011 12:09 pm

That would be wonderful! I would really appreciate either, if you have the time.

User avatar
xxxSakura
Regular
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 12:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Secret 10560 WIP (Beta Testers and Proofreaders wanted!<

#15 Post by xxxSakura » Sat Jun 18, 2011 1:23 pm

This looks cool! I'll be glad to help you proofread if you're still in need of any help ^-^ Just downloaded the game.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users