A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB] [Demo!]

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Death_HUG
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A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB] [Demo!]

#1 Post by Death_HUG » Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:38 pm

Demo Link!!!(Also one at the bottom of this post)
Also, I have questions for you to answer about the demo at the bottom of the post (but you don't have to answer if you don't want to)

Plot
What Bora thought was a prank, wasn't a prank at all. Her parents are gone and she doesn't know why. The only hint she has is a ripped note she got from her parents, which tells her to go to Nabbeun High School. Nabbeun High School is known for having the worst students in South Korea. Soon after, she gets a new note. In these notes are hints to figure out the identity of the person who kidnapped her parents. If she can't do this in 6 months, her beloved parents will die, and who knows what else....

There are six obtainable guys and about 13 paths.
Surname is first.

Jung Bora
I'm 16 years old. There is nothing else to say about me.

Kim Minho
Image
According to Sujin he's 17 years old, but I forgot what else Sujin told me.
He's rude, really rude. I think he needs to learn some manners. I try to be nice to him but he is still so rude. I don't see what's to like about him. Though I guess he can be nice sometimes. He has a twin sister. I think he has a sister complex, because he's only and always affectionate towards her. He's a delinquent and he gets into fights all the time. He always win, but I wish he would lose at least once. He is a leader of a gang that most of the whole schools fear, though he doesn't abuse his power.

Oh Seunghyun
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According to Sujin he's 16 years old.
He's a stalker. I see him following Minho everywhere. He's taking some kind of notes, but he won't tell me what. When I first met him, I thought he was afraid of girls. He would always studder around girls, but he's perfectly fine around boys. I thought he was gay too, but he has a girlfriend. Juhee did say he was afraid most girls. He tries to look cool, but doesn't that attract more girls? One day I saw him surrounded by girls and I thought he was going pass out. It wasn't my problem, I did warn him, so I walked by ignoring his scream for help.

Takada Hiroki
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According to Sujin he's 16 years old.
He's Japanese, but he speaks fluent Korean. He doesn't talk much, though. He ignores everybody. Yoonmi says that when they were younger, he talked a lot and was way nicer. I don't talk to him much but I noticed he is very clumsy. He falls down and up the stairs, he trips on flat surfaces, he hits his head against doors, and so on. Suprisingly, he never gets injured.

Astor Leroy (his surname is last)
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According to Sujin he's 17 years old.
He's half French and half Korean. He speaks fluent in both. He moved here a two years ago and is the president of the student council. He's very quiet but if he says something everybody will listen. He sleeps in class but he always gets the highest grade in the class. He is very polite and helped me around the school on my first day. There's not much else to say about him, he's busy so I don't have the chance to talk to him much. He's a pushover, so our homeroom teacher takes advantage of that and makes him grade papers, and other things.

Kang Jiseung
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According to Sujin he's 18 years old.
He's very blunt, escpecially when it comes to music. On my first day in music class, I couldn't sing a song right and he told me everything that was wrong. He would stop me in the hallways just to say that I looked like I gained weight. I like honesty, but can't he be a little bit more nicer when saying that I gained weight? Eunmi says he was part of a band, but due to some circumstances, he had to quit. The bad was really popular too. I see him surrounded by girls asking why he quit and other things. But he gets rid of them by saying some mean things. There seems to be bad blood between him and Minho. Jiseung likes to keep promises, even the ones he had with Minho.

Park Kibum
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Sujin doesn't have information on him.
He's my homeroom teacher. He seems nice and caring, but I know that it is fake. He takes advantages of students too. He doesn't eat food at school and girls give him their lunches because they feel sorry for him. Even though they give him food, he doesn't eat. When I work at the convenience store he buys ten boxes of pre-made lunches. How rude! Girls give thier lunches to him, yet he doesn't eat it and buys pre-made lunches at a convenience store. He works at a sushi shop near the convenience store.
Girls

Kim Eunmi
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Her twin brother is Minho. She always give me lollipops and acts like an older sister to me. Minho is very affectionate towards her. She has a scar on her right cheek but she covers it up with a bandage. She doesn't talk much and she is very emotionless. Just like her brother, she gets into fights. Her hat is very distracting, and she's only wearing it because Minho bought it for her. She dyed her hair the same color as Minho's hair.

Choi Sujin
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All I can say about her is she is a stalker. She knows almost everything about a person in the school. But I tend to ignore her "juicy" information about guys. She's the president of the school's newspaper. She gives me the monthly newspaper and tells me to read it. She's always pestering me. Her father owns the Cherrii company,which is the best electronic company in South Korea, so she always get these "stalker" gadgets.(example: her cell phone contains four cameras, records voices at all times, and it can track down any person if it scanned their DNA.)

Nam Yoonmi
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She knew Hiroki when they were younger. She was the one who taught him how to speak Korean. She is always trying to talk to him, but he ignores her. She wears a necklace that Hiroki gave to her when they were younger. She's very mature but she wears frilly clothes to get the attention of Hiroki, because apparently he likes "cute" girls. She says she knows this because he plays some kind of game and always go after the cute girls. She is very rich, but she has no manners.

Moon Juhee
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She's dating Seunghyun. She's very shy but she wants to be a idol. She is bad at everything, except for singing. She's very polite and I help her with her homework. She doesn't have many friends, but she tries to be nice to everyone. She gets bullied a lot.

Screenshots
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Code: Select all

Statistics:

The game contains 740 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 8,143 words,
for an average of 11.0 words per screen.
The game contains 3 menus.
This is my first VN, so hopefully the demo isn't too bad! ^-^ Oh and don't click the bonus or help, they won't work!

Demo Link!!!

Just some questions for you to answer after you finish the demo (though you don't have too...)
1. Who's your favorite character and why?
2. Is there anything I should fix?
3. Your opinion of the demo?
Critiques are greatly appreciated! :D
Last edited by Death_HUG on Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:03 pm, edited 16 times in total.

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#2 Post by Mickychi » Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:58 pm

Hmm Takada Hiroki's arms look a bit to small just pointing it out
Check out my WIP Prologue: Caged Bird!
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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#3 Post by Death_HUG » Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:46 am

Mickychi wrote:Hmm Takada Hiroki's arms look a bit to small just pointing it out
ah, thanks ^^ I'll see if I can fix that!

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#4 Post by fleet » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:54 am

In the description you said Bora's father's company was scammed by her fiance. She's 16 and engaged to be married?
Is this common in Korea?
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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#5 Post by Lumen_Astrum » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:59 am

Something new! All I see sometimes are all Japanese~:)

Good luck! This has potential ^_^

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#6 Post by Aleema » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:32 am

Kim Minho's so badass.
Oh Seunghyun wears glasses? I see them. :D Also, stalkers are kinda cool. KINDA. Not totally.

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#7 Post by Nekosousei » Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:55 pm

This looks great, I love your art. :)

Takada Hiroki looks really sweet. I can't wait to see the game. Gd luck with everything

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#8 Post by Death_HUG » Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:23 pm

@fleet
Um no it's not common at all ^^; if I remember correctly back in the day they would be engaged at an early age, but now only a few families do this.

@Lumen_Astrum
Thank you for wishing me luck ^^ and I know what you mean, most games I see are set in Japan.

@Aleema
Seunghyun does where glasses when he's only studying, but I'm thinking of an option where if you say you like him wearing glasses, he'll wear it for the rest of the game. And later in the game you'll find out why he's stalking Minho ;D

@Nekosousei
Thank you >////< not many people complement my art. I'm trying my best to get the demo finished, I've only coded the first day, but I keep rewriting the script....(blame my OCD)
Last edited by Death_HUG on Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#9 Post by SilverxBlue » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:16 pm

Looks interesting and the art looks really nice.
And I love the main character's attitude! She seems snarky. ^^
Good luck~ :D
Death_HUG wrote:Seunghyun does where glasses when he's only studying, but I'm thinking of an option where if you say you like him wearing glasses!
YES! Add it! Add it... :twisted:
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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#10 Post by Death_HUG » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:39 pm

@SilverxBlue
haha, okay I'll add it ^^ and I'm glad that she seems snarky! I wanted her personality to be something like that.

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#11 Post by Riviera » Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:00 am

I feel kinda guilty, because I like Oh Seunghyun best but he has a girlfriend already.

And that would be very nice if you got the option to tell him that. :D

I'd be torn because he'd look nice both ways. I guess I'd just have to play his route twice~
Will edit/proofread for cookies.

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#12 Post by Death_HUG » Tue Jun 28, 2011 8:39 am

@Riviera
Maybe playing his route the second time will get rid of the guilt? lol >.< and yes, i like that option too so I'll probably add it early in the game.

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#13 Post by Snow Blossom » Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:36 pm

Death_HUG wrote: Oh Seunghyun
Image
Seunghyun wears two pairs of glasses? lol. I think "absent-minded" should be added to his profile XD

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#14 Post by RemnantDream » Tue Jul 12, 2011 1:49 pm

The sprites look really good. So far, my favorite is Jiseung ^^
Can't wait to see how this turns out. :]

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Re: A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB]

#15 Post by Death_HUG » Tue Jul 12, 2011 5:42 pm

@Snow Blossom
lol, yeah he wears two pairs of glasses >.< and know that I think about, he can be pretty absent minded. ^^
@RemnantDream
Thank you ^^ I'm glad you like Jiseung! (He was the only character that I had to draw multiple times >.>)


I started re-writing the story yesterday, but my grammer really isn't the best...so I was wondering if anyone wanted help me and proofread it?

Since I'm in a really happy mood(I passed my AP test!! :D) I wanted to show you guys the wip main menu! So, what do you think of it?
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