A Mysterious Note [WIP, GXB] [Demo!]

[Death_HUG]

lol, #2 from the Idiot Trio is my favorite~ >.> I can already tell from his appearance and the dialogue.

Me too xD I just love the way I made him o3o

[therealrose]

I like Delinquent #1 For some reason I have a soft spot for dudes in glasses.

[StupidBunny]

Ah, I usually prefer to just lurk around on these forums, but I have to say I really loved the story. There's just something about it that seriously draws me in. XD
I am actually quite surprised by how much I like Bora. It is kind of refreshing to see a protagonist that won't let guys walk all over her. Still, she wouldn't usually be my type, but she just seems natural to me and hardly forced. I keep wishing for her to have some kind of major breakdown though. <3

Hmm, anything else?
Oh right... the questions. I hope you'd still like them to be anwered. I realize that I am quite late.

1. Who's your favorite character and why? Ahh... yeah, I'm gonna have to say Eunmi and Minho. I'm kind of interested on how they will behave on their own though, but don't think I don't love seeing them together! Other than that, Hiroki is quite intriguing too. He doesn't seem to be desperate to get a girlfriend and genuinely is more interested in the games. But maybe I will be proven wrong on that thought? XD So many questions...

2. Is there anything I should fix? Eh. I'm a perfectionist, so aesthetics can always be refined in my opinion. There wasn't anything that distracted me from having fun playing this game, so that's already pretty impressive. I don't think there is anything that really needs to be fixed.

3. Your opinion of the demo? I did really like it and I cared about it enough to come out of my hidey hole and say something, so you might as well pin a medal to your chest right now.

[Death_HUG]

I like Delinquent #1 For some reason I have a soft spot for dudes in glasses.

I never really expected anyone to like Delinquent #1 xD

Ah, I usually prefer to just lurk around on these forums, but I have to say I really loved the story. There's just something about it that seriously draws me in. XD
I am actually quite surprised by how much I like Bora. It is kind of refreshing to see a protagonist that won't let guys walk all over her. Still, she wouldn't usually be my type, but she just seems natural to me and hardly forced. I keep wishing for her to have some kind of major breakdown though. <3

Hmm, anything else?
Oh right... the questions. I hope you'd still like them to be anwered. I realize that I am quite late.

1. Who's your favorite character and why? Ahh... yeah, I'm gonna have to say Eunmi and Minho. I'm kind of interested on how they will behave on their own though, but don't think I don't love seeing them together! Other than that, Hiroki is quite intriguing too. He doesn't seem to be desperate to get a girlfriend and genuinely is more interested in the games. But maybe I will be proven wrong on that thought? XD So many questions...

2. Is there anything I should fix? Eh. I'm a perfectionist, so aesthetics can always be refined in my opinion. There wasn't anything that distracted me from having fun playing this game, so that's already pretty impressive. I don't think there is anything that really needs to be fixed.

3. Your opinion of the demo? I did really like it and I cared about it enough to come out of my hidey hole and say something, so you might as well pin a medal to your chest right now.

She probably does have a mental breakdown somewhere in the game ;D
and of course I still want the questions answered, I really care about people's opinion ^o^
Minho and Eunmi will probably be together for most of the game but in some scenes they will definitely be on there own ;D lol and who knows? xD
I actually plan on redrawing the characters when I finish most of the script xD so the drawings will definitely look much better ^-^
;^; Thank you so much! I'm pinning a medal to my chest right now ;A;

[therealrose]

I love the demo! My favorite dude would have to be Minho! I am very curious to what the blood type thing means, sometimes blood type determines someone's personality or something right? I'm so curious! Please tell me!

[CombatEye]

I just started it, got through the prologue and a bit after that. I have a few suggestions. The text seems a little close to the top left edge of the oval. The colors for different character's names (Kibum, Eunmi, Minho) in the dialogue were kind of hard to read. Some notes about the Korean words would be helpful.

[Death_HUG]

I love the demo! My favorite dude would have to be Minho! I am very curious to what the blood type thing means, sometimes blood type determines someone's personality or something right? I'm so curious! Please tell me!

The blood type thing means how nicely he talks to you. You know what I mean? xD For example, if you picked O, that means it's easier for Seunghyun and Astor to talk to you and other stuff, but it would be harder for Kibum and Hiroki. Though lately, I don't if I want this >3>
lol maybe for my next game, I'll let you guys pick a bloodtype to determine the MC's personality xD

I just started it, got through the prologue and a bit after that. I have a few suggestions. The text seems a little close to the top left edge of the oval. The colors for different character's names (Kibum, Eunmi, Minho) in the dialogue were kind of hard to read. Some notes about the Korean words would be helpful.

Yeah, I'm sorry about the textbox >.< I'm making a new one so hopefully, there won't be these kind of problems.
Sorry! I keep forgetting that some people don't know Korean words! I'll probably do a short FYI segment featuring the characters to explain the Korean words that show up in the game, and of course if you already know the words, you can skip it.

[therealrose]

I love the demo! My favorite dude would have to be Minho! I am very curious to what the blood type thing means, sometimes blood type determines someone's personality or something right? I'm so curious! Please tell me!

The blood type thing means how nicely he talks to you. You know what I mean? xD For example, if you picked O, that means it's easier for Seunghyun and Astor to talk to you and other stuff, but it would be harder for Kibum and Hiroki. Though lately, I don't if I want this >3>
lol maybe for my next game, I'll let you guys pick a bloodtype to determine the MC's personality xD

Dang! That means you have to do more work then right? I would take it away, as much as I think that it's cool, it seems like to much work to come up with different chats based on blood type. Though it ould certainly make the game more interesting.
Also in the game that girl who wants to pair the MC with one of the mysterious five(I forgot her name...) she shows a chart, is that like giving you a hint of how they talk to you?

[яєηαℓєє.]

Chuu!~ that game is so good </3. I hope you'll finish soon >w<

Now, lemme tell something. The art is really cute, you have to improve but is a mega ultra good start. The story is the best part, i really really like it.. if you were a mangaka and this would be a manga i'm pretty sure that would be popular XD this is not a manga but a game so it will popular as a game, obviously.
My fav. chara is Bora, yeaa.. i'm a rare type who likes cold-hearted people and that is what makes her special, mostly female charas are 'kawaii, adorable, awesome, lovely, etc' types x_x. I do hope she'll be more kind, but not overly.. please.

That all and good luck!
[i hope you're happy because i chose a comment about your game as my first post ;D Sankyu for your work.]

[Aiurax]

I played the demo a while back.
I actually kind of like Kang Jiseung. I like the blunt honest blurt-y guys
They's be the best.
I hope she finds out what happened to her parents!!

[Death_HUG]

Dang! That means you have to do more work then right? I would take it away, as much as I think that it's cool, it seems like to much work to come up with different chats based on blood type. Though it ould certainly make the game more interesting.
Also in the game that girl who wants to pair the MC with one of the mysterious five(I forgot her name...) she shows a chart, is that like giving you a hint of how they talk to you?

lol yeah, I'll probably take it out since I can't code it right >.< But I'll probably save this idea for my next game ;D There will be different chats, but it's based off of your choices.
Sorta.... Bora uses the chart like... I guess a reference sheet? She uses it to see who the mysterious six are and... for something else I can't remember at the moment. But if I was going to keep the bloodtype code thing, yes, it tells you how they would talk to you.

Chuu!~ that game is so good </3. I hope you'll finish soon >w<

Now, lemme tell something. The art is really cute, you have to improve but is a mega ultra good start. The story is the best part, i really really like it.. if you were a mangaka and this would be a manga i'm pretty sure that would be popular XD this is not a manga but a game so it will popular as a game, obviously.
My fav. chara is Bora, yeaa.. i'm a rare type who likes cold-hearted people and that is what makes her special, mostly female charas are 'kawaii, adorable, awesome, lovely, etc' types x_x. I do hope she'll be more kind, but not overly.. please.

That all and good luck!
[i hope you're happy because i chose a comment about your game as my first post ;D Sankyu for your work.]

Thanks ^o^ My art has improved, though really slowly, so I plan on fixing the sprites later ;D and thankssss >///< I actually wanted to make a manga version of this game xD
I hate it when female characters are like that >.< Plus... I'm not very good at writing those type of girls.... She acts kind but she won't be really kind, though I guess near the end she'll be kinder just.... in a sarcastic kind of way xD
It makes me really happy ;A; I'm crying tears of joy right not ;^; Thank you~

I played the demo a while back.
I actually kind of like Kang Jiseung. I like the blunt honest blurt-y guys
They's be the best.
I hope she finds out what happened to her parents!!

Thanks xD I expected people to really hate him o.o Though, I guess people could like this type of guy xD
She will!! But she'll find out near the end of the game~ Though if people make the right choices, you can pretty much figure out what happened xD

[HigurashiKira]

*gaps out from the abyss*
Hello there, jiust dropping by to leave a small comment on the demo~

My thoughts (Might be a bit rude) :

• Bora's POV is quite dull. She repeats quite a few of her thoughts over and over again, and her train of thought jumps around a lot as well
• The game struggles to maintain a good atmosphere. For example, the hamminess of the "culprit" sort of ruins the whole bad-guy persona. That first scene also has a sort of "I know You Know" thing going on since a lot of the traits the criminal himself lists are said again by the dad.
• The game jumps way too often from mystery to otome slice-of-life without smooth transitioning (Not the image transitions, I mean story-telling wise). Currently, the sorta slice-of-life parts are much better written than the mystery parts (which lacks a bit of that "mystery" feeling since the villans are so open about their M.O. and their emotions) This was helped even less by your intro post since, instead of detailing a bit of what's the mystery, you instead just give a bit of detail about the intro and immediately go to "there are x amout of obtainable guys" which dosen't help much to someone who just reads the first post.

If you are going for a mix of mystery and slice-of-life, I would ask you to put a bit more emphasis on the "mystery" part since it's a bit weak right now, and also the transitions between mystery and Slice of Life.
(Pardon me if this sounded a bit too harsh, wasn't going for harshness.)

[Death_HUG]

*gaps out from the abyss*
Hello there, jiust dropping by to leave a small comment on the demo~

My thoughts (Might be a bit rude) :

• Bora's POV is quite dull. She repeats quite a few of her thoughts over and over again, and her train of thought jumps around a lot as well
• The game struggles to maintain a good atmosphere. For example, the hamminess of the "culprit" sort of ruins the whole bad-guy persona. That first scene also has a sort of "I know You Know" thing going on since a lot of the traits the criminal himself lists are said again by the dad.
• The game jumps way too often from mystery to otome slice-of-life without smooth transitioning (Not the image transitions, I mean story-telling wise). Currently, the sorta slice-of-life parts are much better written than the mystery parts (which lacks a bit of that "mystery" feeling since the villans are so open about their M.O. and their emotions) This was helped even less by your intro post since, instead of detailing a bit of what's the mystery, you instead just give a bit of detail about the intro and immediately go to "there are x amout of obtainable guys" which dosen't help much to someone who just reads the first post.

If you are going for a mix of mystery and slice-of-life, I would ask you to put a bit more emphasis on the "mystery" part since it's a bit weak right now, and also the transitions between mystery and Slice of Life.
(Pardon me if this sounded a bit too harsh, wasn't going for harshness.)

Thank you for telling me this ^o^ I didn't find it harsh at all, just really helpful! I'm not really good at writing mystery at all, so I guess I have to go study on how to make mine better >.< Since this is the first time I've written anything, I really didn't know what or how to write. I'll make sure to try to fix what you mentioned! Also, could you tell me how to transition between mystery and slice-of-life? I have no idea how to make it better >.<

[jaysilver]

1. Who's your favorite character and why? There's not much to really go off of, but I do like Kibum the most out of the guys I think; just because he seems cute and kiddish. I also like Eunmi, because she has the same name as me lol. Also, the dynamic between her and her brother is pretty funny.
2. Is there anything I should fix? I get an error when I try to go to the 'help' or 'bonus' sections on the main menu.... but I'm guessing you're planning on adding those in later. I also thought that the text box was kind of funky looking (it being bright purple and all) but I think I can get used to it. It just annoyed me a little that the lines of text didn't match up with the lines in the box
3. Your opinion of the demo? I liked it a lot, actually. I really liked the main menu image, and the story was intriguing enough that I'd want to keep playing. I really want to know who the mysterious evil guy is: if he was an available romantic interest I'd probably pick him just because I have a thing for villains haha.

I love the fact that this takes place in Korea, since I am Korean and I'm biased lol
In any case, good luck! I'll be watching out for the finished version of this

[HigurashiKira]

*gaps out from the abyss*
Hello there, jiust dropping by to leave a small comment on the demo~

My thoughts (Might be a bit rude) :

• Bora's POV is quite dull. She repeats quite a few of her thoughts over and over again, and her train of thought jumps around a lot as well
• The game struggles to maintain a good atmosphere. For example, the hamminess of the "culprit" sort of ruins the whole bad-guy persona. That first scene also has a sort of "I know You Know" thing going on since a lot of the traits the criminal himself lists are said again by the dad.
• The game jumps way too often from mystery to otome slice-of-life without smooth transitioning (Not the image transitions, I mean story-telling wise). Currently, the sorta slice-of-life parts are much better written than the mystery parts (which lacks a bit of that "mystery" feeling since the villans are so open about their M.O. and their emotions) This was helped even less by your intro post since, instead of detailing a bit of what's the mystery, you instead just give a bit of detail about the intro and immediately go to "there are x amout of obtainable guys" which dosen't help much to someone who just reads the first post.

If you are going for a mix of mystery and slice-of-life, I would ask you to put a bit more emphasis on the "mystery" part since it's a bit weak right now, and also the transitions between mystery and Slice of Life.
(Pardon me if this sounded a bit too harsh, wasn't going for harshness.)

Thank you for telling me this ^o^ I didn't find it harsh at all, just really helpful! I'm not really good at writing mystery at all, so I guess I have to go study on how to make mine better >.< Since this is the first time I've written anything, I really didn't know what or how to write. I'll make sure to try to fix what you mentioned! Also, could you tell me how to transition between mystery and slice-of-life? I have no idea how to make it better >.<

It's no problem, mystery really is a hard genre to write. One thing I would tell you is to probably read a few mystery novels or True Crime stories for a bit of help.
As for transitioning, that's up to you to figure out. A lot of mystery stories maintain the "dark" atmosphere throught the tale, not really giving much to regular life. Though you can have Bora "calm down" by having her slowly ease back in to regular life when not trying to figure out what happened to her parents.