Cerritulus (Fantasy/Mystery GxB)

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Empjuhh
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Cerritulus (Fantasy/Mystery GxB)

#1 Post by Empjuhh » Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:58 am

Hello everyone,
first off I'm new here so if I did anything wrong please tell me!

Anyway, let's get to the main point here.
I've been working on a fantasy/mystery visual novel for the last few months.
The game is called Cerritulus (which is latin for crazy).

The story:
Ella is a 19-year old student who lives with her sister, Nathalia, and her parents.
One day, however, her parent dissapear and her sister Nathalia is sure that is was som crazy dragon called Cerritulus.
With the help of friends and strangers she is going to find Cerritulus and rescue her parents.

The characters:

- Ella (in other words, you.)
Image
Ella is 19 years old and has a HUGE obsession with swords.
Her obsession may be of help during her quest to find Cerritulus.

-Nathalia
Image
Nathalia is Ella's sister.
Just like Ella, Nathalia has her own obsession, guys!
She always tries to matchmake her sister, who can't stand that!

And there are of course guys, but I don't have a description nor sprites of them.
I do have their names: Vladimir, Danny and Enzo.

Picture of the game menu:
Image

And an in-game picture:
Image

If you're wondering, all the art in the game is handdrawn, as in pencil + paper by my friends (and some by me, but I suck at drawing!)
Right now, only the intro and a part of chapter 1 is finished because I'm waiting for my friends to complete their drawings of the guys.

That's it for now, when I finish chapter 1 there will maybe be a demo.
(I hope I did everything right here, if not please tell me!)
Just trying out random things with renpy, and failing at it xD.

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fleet
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Re: Cerritulus (Fantasy/Mystery GxB)

#2 Post by fleet » Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:02 pm

1. Don't let critics discourage you from continuing.
2. Have several people proofread the text on the slides. Be sure to include at least one person who has NOT worked on the story with you.
3. When you get constructive criticism, read it, then 24 hours later re-read it and follow the advice if you desire. By waiting 24 hours, some of the emotional response of being criticized should have dissipated.

Enjoy making your VN.
All of my VNs are at http://wolflore.net NOTE: Downloads are now working.
Some are at http://www.the-new-lagoon.com. NSFW
Poorly done hand-drawn art is still poorly done art. Be a Poser (or better yet, use DAZ Studio 3D) - dare to be different.

armornick
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Re: Cerritulus (Fantasy/Mystery GxB)

#3 Post by armornick » Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:12 pm

The art looks cute, but there are quite a few language errors in your first post so be careful that you don't end up with too many errors in the actual game.
All in all, the story seems nice but it requires quite a bit of imagination that anyone would immediately believe a dragon kidnapped their parents. It's fine for a fantasy story, but it seems set in a modern setting so I don't know what to think of that.
I hope I wasn't too hard on you, but I'm only trying to help :)

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Empjuhh
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Re: Cerritulus (Fantasy/Mystery GxB)

#4 Post by Empjuhh » Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:03 pm

armornick wrote:The art looks cute, but there are quite a few language errors in your first post so be careful that you don't end up with too many errors in the actual game.
All in all, the story seems nice but it requires quite a bit of imagination that anyone would immediately believe a dragon kidnapped their parents. It's fine for a fantasy story, but it seems set in a modern setting so I don't know what to think of that.
I hope I wasn't too hard on you, but I'm only trying to help :)
The language errors are mostly due to nervousness, and well, English is my 2nd language but I will let other people check it :).
And yeah, the main character has a lot of imagination (she's actually based on a rl-friend) and the game takes place in 2011.
And, btw, I can handle the critique :).
Just trying out random things with renpy, and failing at it xD.

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manga_otaku
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Completed: [KN] Saving Project: Blind? (Part One)
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Re: Cerritulus (Fantasy/Mystery GxB)

#5 Post by manga_otaku » Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:05 pm

Interesting :) I like the storyline and I agree with checking for language errors.
I'm all up for proof-reading for you if you like :3
Projects:
WIP|[KN] Day Of Reckoning|
Completed|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part One|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Part Two|[KN] Saving Project Blind: Final Part|
Is available to help with proof-reading (Grammar freak...) Maybe voice-acting in the near future x]

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