Untitled GXB

[TakeOverWorld]

Okay, this is my first VN game, so I was just getting used to the code and the way Renpy works in this, so thats why the story isn't incredibably ambitious at all. It isn't finished, and I doubt it will be, I would just like general feedback on it, please?

Story

You play as Evelyn, your everyday girl. She will soon have to choose between what's more important to her, comedy, or her grades, finding love, or friendship along the way.

(Okay, there are only two guys, at the moment.)

Characters
Evelyn - The MC
Richie - Evelyns friend from school. He often does her homework with her (or she copies from him) He can be a tad irritable, but he's also quite kind, and some of the desicions he make are confusing, but is it because he's hiding something?
Kyle - A newfound friend of Evelyn's. Seems to have a good sense of humour - sometimes. Often talks over people.

So far:
The game contains 259 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,077 words,
for an average of 8.0 words per screen.
The game contains 15 menus.

The temporary title screen

Whose this mysterious balaclava 'ed lad?

This is Richie

This is Kyle

game-win32.zip

(27.55 MiB) Downloaded 53 times

[matheus]

I liked Evelyn, and how

she takes the chocolate without caring.

I wonder how her face is.

Kyle does with her pretty much the same that she does with Richie
Kyle>MC>Richie

Not sure about what Kyle is holding in the title screen.

I don't see why not continue this, but it's your project after all...

[Kurumii]

I downloaded the game.

The "I did 20 questions and you did 1!" could relate to me. LOL.
Also, I don't really get how I can't go back to the store after Kyle said Evelyn could help with the joke contest.

[TakeOverWorld]

Thanks for the responses, they made me happy

Also, I don't really get how I can't go back to the store after Kyle said Evelyn could help with the joke contest.

Thats all because I hadn't written anything for that yet. I have now, though.

Not sure about what Kyle is holding in the title screen.

I don't see why not continue this, but it's your project after all...

Hehe, well in the title screen that was his old sprite and he was meant to be holding the

toy gun

but I really can't draw them, and the title screen is really only temporary.
I might actually continue this, since I posted the topic, Ive written quite a bit more, but I'm just stumped on the story, or, well, the lack of one.

[YuukiCrossPudding]

I think you already do great for your first VN! please finish it!
(you don't want to see my first sprite is like what orz)

not downloaded it yet, but I can see it from the pics up there

it's pretty good :3 for drawing you can practice and always practice and your drawing will be great!
(try asking critique in the skill development topic! *A* I got a LOT of useful thing I need to know there~)

I'll download it tomorrow *A* when i have better internet connection lol

or if you really want to finish a vn, try getting help! asking around here will not hurt you right?
yeeeyy I'm so excited to try this since the robber made me laugh xD

(maybe just change the gun into a knife or something if you can't draw it :3)

[Alice PH]

This game is so cute XD I <3 it! Work hard! I'll be rooting!

[TakeOverWorld]

This game is so cute XD I <3 it! Work hard! I'll be rooting!

Woah, I.. I've sorta not done anything on this in over a month. I'm surprised you found this . Thank you! But if I do continue this, I might change the ... 'plot', because there really isn't any plot to this.