Comedy/Mystery/Horror ~ WIP

[Meatpie]

Hey guys,
Here's a little something I've been working on for about a week and a half now.
http://www.mediafire.com/?1u8b5auy3342pe6 - Figured Mediafire was the most convenient way to get this to you guys.
It's largely unfinished, the word count is exceeding what I originally thought it would be but I'm not phased one bit.
This script will be finished, even if it kills me.

So, to garner some community interest, as well as feedback I've compiled this demo. (God I hope it works properly for you guys, first time I've ever distributed something.)
There are choices, but they some are cut off. Don't click them, I've set them up so they will just take you back to the Title Screen.
They are strictly there so the narrative will flow smoothly, and to show the reader where potential choice opportunities will be.
I'm planning 2 main routes, which both branch off into separate routes. Hopefully each route will have 2 endings. The demo has 2 complete endings, the full game should have 8. Maybe.
I'm having trouble writing happy endings.
I just don't want to.

There are no Backgrounds, or Sprites, or any sound files yet.
Hopefully this will spark some interest from potential artists.
But I do have a sketch of the character Julia courtesy of Mcandy, which you can see down below.
I think she looks cute.

Remember, that this is a work in progress. There are grammatical issues and such that I have yet to address.
I plan to just palm it off onto an editor and let them do the hard work after the script is finished.

Well anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and have fun reading the story from start to finish, there are two potential endings for you to get, so make sure you get them both!
Enjoy!


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On a side note, let me know if you want random choices that lead to bad ends. They are fun to write, I just don't know how many is too many.
Also, please critique this as HARD as you possibly can, this is my first time really putting any of my writing out there, and it is scary as hell.
I want a backlash, I want you guys to pick it to pieces.

Any issues come up in the plot that confuse you, please remember that is is suppose to be a series. Character's will return in subsequent instalments.
So if their motives seem confusing, you might understand them much much better after reading all the endings, as well as sequels.

Hell, don't judge the story just from this demo, because you're missing a very large chunk of the game.
The game is about 50% written. So I expect to be around 20k words when I'm finished, if not more.
For more of my writing, please check out the pastebin linked below, it contains links to various instalments in the Barry Book Saga.

http://pastebin.com/USyxdyeU

Be warned, this is for mature audiences primarily. Whilst it features no nudity, or sex (at least the Demo, I did do one story where... Oh I don't want to spoil it), or anything of the like, it does have plenty of swearing and suggestive themes.

But it doesn't and never will fit the hentai category. I know that may seem weird to say because I said it may feature sex in the future, but keep an open mind.

I'm still contemplating how to go about the more adult stuff in future releases.
I personally don't want to create a VN like that. So I think I'll just play around with a pretty fun idea I have, see how any future artists feel about it, and go from there.

Anyway, this is getting really wordy, so I'll stop here.

Pie out.

[mcandy]

I really do hope you finish this . Keep up the good work!

[Blane Doyle]

Uh... for some reason something else pops up when I go to play the demo, like one of those old "run windows" things. It's in the background and if I close it it closes the game as well.

I read that rather quickly and I was entertained through it. I wonder where you are going to go with this and how it will be with the backgrounds, sprites, and music added in.

[Meatpie]

Uh... for some reason something else pops up when I go to play the demo, like one of those old "run windows" things. It's in the background and if I close it it closes the game as well.

I read that rather quickly and I was entertained through it. I wonder where you are going to go with this and how it will be with the backgrounds, sprites, and music added in.

I noticed that when I ran it as well.
It's odd, I'll make sure it won't be in the full release.

In regards to backgrounds I'll just find some free ones off the net if I have to, but I doubt I could find any resembling certain scenes in the game...