Fighting demons and personal demons "Demo" of sorts

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Weakjounin
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Re: Fighting angels, demons and personal demons "Demo" of so

#16 Post by Weakjounin » Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:09 am

Tag- wrote:Okay, I finished playing it, and from what I can see, there's nothing wrong with the art (I like Zoe's design best, hehe). I really like your art, it's so cute and clean :D . I'm a bit confused about their clothes, (for example, why is Evelyn wearing normal clothes when they're going to school?) or will this issue be addressed when you've drawn more?
Haha, I found it funny when Sarah overreacted so much at Evelyn falling on her :lol: Looks like she has a bit of a brother complex...
The main problem I'm seeing at the moment is your script. There are a few punctuation mistakes and typos, but more noticeable are your grammar mistakes, you might want an editor to look over them. At the moment they make it slightly awkward to read.
Some examples are:
"Sarah, your sister comes into the room." should be: "Your sister, Sarah, comes into the room."

"Besides me actually being smart..." could be: "Besides the fact that I am actually smart..."

"Well, since you're so smart then, why don't you show us the way you're so sure of?" should be: "Well, since you're so smart, why don't you show us the way that you seem to be so sure of?"

"Let's go Sarah?" - If you're asking a question, it should be, "Shall we go, Sarah?" If not, it's simply, "Let's go, Sarah."
A little tip: It is advisable to only use one "!" or "?" in your writing, it just makes your writing look neater and nicer to read.

Okay I'm done.
agfjkadaj I am so, so sorry if I appear to be too harsh or mean >< It wasn't my intention at all D:
Thanks for your response. I really like how you picked some of the only lines that I didn't personally write. Those lines were written by the other writers. I guess I have to check over everything, but since I'm not great at english either (I'm from Hong Kong) I might have to ask my english teacher.
Should I draw additional clothes for different situations? I feel like I should, but my lazy side is screaming at me. I think I will, so expect different clothes in later versions of the game.
Sarah can get quite scary at times ~ and I plan for that to get worse as the story continues
Also, since I hate walls of text here's a pic:
CI Tracy.png

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Tag-
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Re: Fighting angels, demons and personal demons "Demo" of so

#17 Post by Tag- » Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:21 am

Weakjounin wrote: Thanks for your response. I really like how you picked some of the only lines that I didn't personally write. Those lines were written by the other writers. I guess I have to check over everything, but since I'm not great at english either (I'm from Hong Kong) I might have to ask my english teacher.
Should I draw additional clothes for different situations? I feel like I should, but my lazy side is screaming at me. I think I will, so expect different clothes in later versions of the game.
Sarah can get quite scary at times ~ and I plan for that to get worse as the story continues
Whoops, sorry about that, I didn't realise you had different writers in this demo ><. Would it be any easier if your team designated one person to look over the script?
Having different clothes to match the scene or situation would be nice to see :D It's more work, but it'll look great in the long run~
PM me if needed

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Re: Fighting angels, demons and personal demons "Demo" of so

#18 Post by Weakjounin » Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:30 am

haha We have different writers because I'm lazy, basically I write the overall plot and most of the dialogue, but other writers help fill in dialogue as well. This is because I have to juggle the art, coding, story and school work and sports. I'm thinking about getting someone to check for overal grammar problems as other things like this, but the three of us are already in the top english group at our school (in our year group) so there's not really much choice for proofreaders. I'll be a bit more strict when I read over things :D
I guess I have to design a school uniform then, hm... should I go for the traditional shirt and blazer or just collared shirts like my school?
My school has collared shirts for guys and no dress code for girls, it's so hard being a guy at our school, we have so many more limits on things we can do....
Anyways, I'm gonna get cracking on alternate costumes and other characters. :D
More random drawings (I drew this in the old style, before I decided what I wanted to do, he'll appear later on...):
CI Nick Zombie.png

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Re: Fighting demons and personal demons "Demo" of sorts

#19 Post by Dollywitch » Mon Oct 17, 2011 12:29 pm

The character design is a bit simple but quite nice. There is a nice feel from this game, I will look forward to it.

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Re: Fighting demons and personal demons "Demo" of sorts

#20 Post by Weakjounin » Mon Oct 17, 2011 12:36 pm

I can draw much more complicated characters, it's just that I'm lazy. Schoolwork is a major buzzkill and since I'm in a boarding school, I don't get many chances to sit down and draw for hours on end. i usually get a bit of work done in class or between classes or when Im supposed to be doing homework. Like right now I'm typing this while reading a history textbook witha highligther in my mouth so I can highlight stuff.
Anyways here's some proof that I draw more complex stuff (its still fairly basic, cause this might not be final.):
AudArmour.png

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Re: Fighting demons and personal demons "Demo" of sorts

#21 Post by Dollywitch » Mon Oct 17, 2011 3:21 pm

Ah I didn't mean "Not detailed" in a sense, I meant more straightforward, etc.

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Re: Fighting demons and personal demons "Demo" of sorts

#22 Post by Weakjounin » Mon Oct 17, 2011 3:27 pm

I'm not quite sure I'm following... oh well I'll learn more by the time I can drink legally

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Re: Fighting demons and personal demons "Demo" of sorts

#23 Post by Dollywitch » Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:16 pm

Haha! Well they're nice that's all you need to hear.

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