Becoming Wishful (Dating/stat-building sim, GxB)

[Veniae]

@Veniae - You do know that you've called dibs on half the cast, right? D;
My poor guys. It's like being an artist of music and being stalked by screaming fans... Ooo idea!

Yeah, because they all seem wonderful.

[Aiurax]

Awhhh, thank you so much!

Okay, so, I have been writing out the 'month before' events. That are to do with how... comfortable... your life at University will be. And after writing out a few I got to thinking. Should I say 'you' or 'I'? And I really couldn't decide so; I'm posting it here.
I'll only post one scenario D:
I don't want to ruin it for everybody, so I'll put it in a spoiler box if you don't want to read it.
The, ah, question will have more than one answer, by the way, I just took them out to be more secretive.

Which description suits you?
Spontaneous
---------
---------

If spontaneous:

Lights. Microphone. Screaming fans. Lyrics:

Here I am; nowhere else I'd rather be.
I'll make my dream come true.
Shake off my past and write my future anew.
I'll show you all; you'll see.

I'll make my life full of love.
And shout it to the heavens above!
I'll hold on to it forever.
This will be my only endeavour.

Guitar solo. Dance solo. The fans scream louder.

"Excuse me, Miss?"
A greying man with a repugnant air of importance approaches.
"Could you stop dancing in the middle of the aisle?"
His hands hook into his breeches and he fails to change his grimace to a small smile.
"As much as we all appreciate your one-woman-show, you're making the children cry."

So they were my screaming fans ...I'll take what I can get.
Giving a sweeping bow to my supremely unappreciative audience, and a toothy smile to the Manager, I end the performance. Then hurriedly steer towards the next aisle.
At least my display gave me the motivation to get in and out of there, ASAP.
I even managed to grab that new 'straighter than straight' ruler I saw advertised.
Not a complete bust, overall.

[Okay, so the reason I'm asking if it should be 'you' or 'I' is because the question asks 'Which description suits you?'... So I thought it would be strange to change it from 'you' to 'I'. Please tell me I was right in having it as 'I'.....].

Oh! And thank you if you'd be kind enough to help... and get through that wall of text.

[Rewritten Ennui]

*breaks through textwall like a BAMF*
How about I suggest an alternative? Instead of changing the whole scene, just change the question to be something like this:

"How would I describe myself?"

Fixed, and now you can keep writing in a first person point of view

[Aiurax]

(Googles 'BAMF'... Then wishes she hadn't.)

I actually feel really... Idiotic.
I tried changing the question with so many alternatives and it just kept getting increasingly weirder.
Why does yours make so much sense!?
I think I'm just going to go and jump off the walking plank. Byeeeeee~

[Oh. And I read your wall of text, but I didn't say anything about it because I didn't find anything bad about it, just so you know]

[Rewritten Ennui]

^We all have those moments :3 Make sure you put on some sunscreen first before you jump in though! Oh, and could you say hi to Conley and Julian for me? Thanks <3

But really, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help on your own games or comment on other people's WIPs. This section of the forum is for feedback, so it would make sense that developers want feedback on the things that they post up. Even a comment like "It was nice," "I like how it is," or even "I don't like this part" is more useful than the common "I'm stalking you (and then not really going to post here ever again)."

[leon]

I think, using 'you' instead of 'I' breaks immersion in any game a little bit. The player will usually not notice it at all, but they will feel it.

I see 'you' in too many big production titles (Fallout 3 comes to mind) for things like a journal or character description. Third person might work too, but unless you are given instructions by someone, second person makes no sense. It feels like the game is talking to me...

As for asking a question with 'you' and then responding with 'I' - I don't see anything wrong with that. It makes sense to me...

[Aiurax]

Why would they be where I was going? D:
It's okay. I'm of clearer thinking this morning. And I shall. I'll write a 'bit' for you at some point with those two in. Although I haven't fully completed Conley's path, yet.
Mmmmmm. Yes you're right. And I appreciate your feedback, so fast, too.
I don't think I could have slept with things how they were.
And I had a dream about an alternate scenario to the answer I posted!
So all is good.

@leon
Really? I thought it would confuse the reader.

Because I was asking 'you', which means them, and then replying with 'I' which changes the perspective.

But I guess it was just me being over-analytical.
Oh well. The question's been changed now, anyway. I feel better.


And I'm happy that the both of you didn't say anything laugh about

my lyrics.

They're pretty awful, I know.

[Riviera]

Ah, see, I thought that

"you" was the game talking to the main character, so when the character responded with "I" it made sense to me...

^_^;

[Aiurax]

Huh. I guess it would make sense if you thought about it like that.

But would it raise questions about who the asker was?
I guess I could implement the events being a response to an interview, if that were the case...

But otherwise, I'll keep RE's suggestion.

It's so nice to see that I'm not losing my mind/writing skills. It's just when I get transfixed on something, thinking it looks wrong, it eventually starts to look very out-of-place.

On another note, I wrote that 'bit' with Julian and Conley;

c1 "So, in a nutshell, what you're saying is that my whole life's misfortune is down to the fact I'm hated by a woman? I could have told you that."
j "...What is wrong with you!? How did you get that summary from what I just said?"
c1 "I don't like lectures about unimportant things."
j "But you're studying Archaeology..."
c1 "How perceptive of you. What’s your point?"
Julian scoffs.
j "If anything was to be the epitome of unimportant lectures, it’s that. How about the book I loaned you, did you at least get a chance to read that?"
c1 "I resent that! Learning our history prevents us from making the same mistakes over and over. It's like that time you got your hand stuck in that girl's bikini and she beat you senseless: you won't be doing that again in a hurry, right?"
j "Not to her, at least. And that was purely accidental. Anyway, the book - did you read it?"
c1 "I was hoping we wouldn't come back to that... Well, what sort of answer would you like to hear?"
j "...Tell me you read at least some of it."
c1 "I would have liked to but, then I would be lying. Ah! If it's any consolation; I read the blurb."
j "It's not much of a consolation, no. What did you think of that, then?"
c1 "The theories explained are actually very helpful."
j "Helpful? In what way?"
c1 "It helps me to sleep."
Julian blinks once, twice, then in one fluid movement turns his chair away from Conley. The sudden motion effectively ends their conversation.

mc "Hey! There you two are!"
Silently engrossed in individual work, both men are startled in unison.
mc "We're all going out to get ice-cream; Brogan's treat."
I beam at the thought of free ice-cream. There's just always something exciting about the word 'free', mostly because of it being a slight correlation with the words 'all you can eat'.
mc "You're coming, right?"
I place my hands on the backs of their chairs in a friendly manner.
Conley jumps up as if my simple gesture produced an electrically-shocked pulse; his eyes sear holes into my hand.
c1 "Don't you worry! I will definitely be there, yes, absolutely. Ah! Please, sit down. It must have been tiring for you, trying to find us."
mc "Not really. But thanks anyway."
My gaze shifts over to Julian, who hadn't moved an inch since I entered the room.
mc "Julian? Did you hear me? I said free ice-cream. Let's go!"
Without saying a word Julian rises from his seat, forgets his work entirely, fixates his eyes to the floor and heads for the exit.
mc "I'm going to take that as an 'I'm in,' from him."
c1 "Yes. Shall we go?"
Conley is already at the door, his work in one hand and the door handle in the other.
c1 "After you."

I hope you like it. I wanted to show how they acted together, and how they acted with the mc. This is pretty much at the beginning. Any criticism, good or bad, is welcome.
I edited it again, with Rewritten Ennui's help

[Aiurax]

Update!

I found someone (finally) who was willing to do my title image of the game. I didn't want to over-load h3llomiko and the image wont really feature any people so... I think it's quite unique. I'll link who is doing it once I recieve the work, or a draft, or something. I'm looking forward to it!

I've finally finished Conley's path. Man that guy was hard to finish. I'm still not totally satisfied with it, though. So, I'll come back to it some other time.

I know I don't update frequently... I like to update when I have something new to brag tell you all about.
AND. I have something to show you all. I ran out of ideas for the 'month before' events (for now) and started onnnn......
The introductions! The first time the MC meets each character, that is. Now, this is just a rough copy and probably subject to change. I decided to put a lot about Brogan in the beginning as he's more 'fun' and as of yet nobody likes him, that I know of so putting him into play might help.
I might also do what I did for Conley and Julian and show all of the characters talking to another person and then to the MC.
I haven't decided yet.
Anyway, here it is, enjoy:

Code: Select all

I had my doubts at first, not being sure if I made the right choice. However, by my first impressions, I think I'll like it here.

I guess that people are perceived differently once the element of popularity is omitted. The loners and outcasts in secondary school suddenly blossom into hot, intellectual guys in University. One of whom is briskly manoeuvring the crowd to clear a path for the freshmen. And what with being one of said freshmen... following him around for an hour on a tour isn't exactly torture.
Whisperings of his silver tongue reached me by my innately-honed ability to eavesdrop on conversations. He's also been associated with having a glare that rivals the sun. Although I have not born witness to this first-hand, the two quivering men trailing at the back of the group who dared to turn up five minutes late to the meeting point, told their tales well.
If only I could remember his name.
t "Ahoy! Conley, me man."
Woah. I did not see that coming. 'Conley' was just propelled forward by a rather brisk slap on the shoulder from a guy, assumingly, not of his right mind. Or at least, I hoped. His dress sense was something to be desired but he somehow wore it well. His confidence allowed him the right not to be made fun of but, it was obvious something is definitely amiss with him. I vote for dropped on his head as a baby. Devoid of his chosen apparel he could pass for a good-looking guy, maybe his odd fashioning could be something to warm up to.
Wait. Conley's recovered and they're talking.
c1 "I told you not to do that. I also told you not to bother me today."
t1 "I daren't recall ya ever sayin' that t' me; on both counts."
c1 "There is no need to start using your 'speech' on me. Just... don't get in the way. I want this over with soon."
t1 "I got ya. I just be goin' over thar t' those lovely lass's."
He winks in their general direction before giving Conley another slap on the back and making a beeline for them, a smug smile on his tanned face and a playful smile tugging at his lips.
Conley closed his eyes, mouthed the words 'bloody hell' and resumed the tour, in a much more fervently urgent manner than before.

I really do think I'll like it here.

I was the last person to think I would be the first to get lost. Conley wasn't kidding when he said he wanted to end the tour in a timely manner. I stand and gawp at the stain glass windows for more than a minute and I'm left behind. Ditched and standing in the middle of a sea of strangers in a crowd of curious eyes I felt very aware of my vulnerability. Knowledge was power and I had neither.
The best possible course of action would be to act like I knew where I was going. So, I aimlessly wandered the halls, checking the signs on doors and walls to aid me in my misadventure, or at least lead me to an emergency exit of some kind.
I sometimes had moments where I thought I was being followed, but brushed it off as my paranoia kicking into overdrive.
A hand pressing against the top of my head, however, made me fully aware that I was being watched and that is was not, in fact, my imagination. Mechanically turning on the spot I came face-to-face with teeth. Big, pearly, straight teeth set within wide, thin lips. I gasped and he released his hold on my hair.
b "Hello there, pretty lady."
He was bent down at my eye level, his own heterochromia eyes gazing seriously into mine for a few brief seconds before he raised a hand and flicked my nose with a finger.
b "I couldn't help but notice you've been staring at the same poster on every Event Board you've come across for the last half hour. Are you having trouble remembering what it said?"
Is he mocking me?
b "I believe that I am, yes."
Can he read my thoughts!?
b "No. Don't be silly. You're-"
But… You keep replying!
b "Because you're talking aloud!"
mc "Oh."
mc "Don't scare me like that!"
b "I see. So you're blaming someone you've only just met for your subconscious spouting of insanity? Denial is not just a river in Egypt."
He chuckled at his own joke and stood up straight once again, swinging his arms up behind his head in a placid gesture.
mc "That is over-used and lame. Don't you have any better insults than that?"
I raised an eyebrow, his personality intrigued me.
b "I save my best for people I have the pleasure of actually knowing."
Another grin, almost as wide as before.
b "You, on the other hand, I have never seen before. Aren't you being incredibly rude and forward to someone you've just met?"
mc "You're right. I was just enacting my belief that stalkers are creepy guys that shouldn't be shown weakness to. I apologise."
b "Ha. Ha. Stalker. You are not funny, and you're not being cute."
He juts his bottom lip out in a pout.
mc "Alright, alright! Stop with the pouting. I'll stop being callous if you help me find the tour group."
b "Oooo~ I knew it! You're fresh meat."
I thought it not possible but, his merriment magnified tenfold at his new discovery.
b "I know exactly where you need to go. Follow me!"
He turned on his heel and walked away, his hands still knotted at the nape of his neck.
Weary and warded; I followed.

[Rewritten Ennui]

Note to self: do not drink any hot beverages while chasing playing Tai's route. I might have to brofist him though for being an awesome bro. He and I would have the most pleasant conversations; he speaks in his pirate lingo, and I converse in an archaic/Elizabethan manner well suited to a young lady such as myself. I doth proclaim that he and I shall become steadfast acquaintances for one another, quite so in that I might even grow to be smitten by his charms.

But then it turns out that we're incompatible because we can't understand what we're talking about D:

Meanwhile, excuse me as I brofist Brogan... in the face. Seriously, you do not, I repeat, do not touch a girl's hair if you don't know her. I'm sorry, he is no longer my bro by default :c

[Aiurax]

Ah. Are you going to return Tai back to me as a broken man?
I worry for his safety...

D:
Awwh. Brogan is just over-friendly. But it's okay if he's put you off

[Rin]

I love stat-building for dating game <333 So much. I really really looking forward for the character's designing xD
Also, I like how you designed the prologue, it's so catchy ~ *sparkling eyes*
Wish you luck :p

[Aiurax]

I have concept sketches on page 2. I guess I better move them to the first page now
It is?-I mean-Of course it is! D:
Thank you, Rin. Wishing is a very important element for my game
I must collect all the good will that I can.
I'll put yours in the Jar with the others

[Kura]

Wait, why haven't I commented on this before? D;

I'm not a fan of stat-raising games, but I really love the cast of characters here! I like how each love interest is really distinct from all the others, in personality as well as in how they're drawn. And you've got a lot of really strong, quirky personalities too. Pirate-speaking love interest FTW!
I also like the "moving past all the boring lousy parts of life and proving that things can still be awesome" theme of this game. >w<

Consider me a fan of Crazy Ana. But as far as our gents go, I think Brogan is my favorite. He just sounds fun and silly and awesome, plus redheads are my ultimate weakness. And I can call him BROgan. Camp also interests me, but it miiight be mostly due to his hair... xD

About quoting a song in your game, if you're still trying to decide how to handle it, I'm doing the same thing in my game--and I intend to just mention in the end credits the names of the songs and poems that have been quoted throughout. Or it's probably enough to just say in the end credits that there were words quoted from whoever-the-person-was.