Lemma Soft Forums

Posted: **Mon Jan 16, 2012 3:27 am**

Hi! This is my first VN in the making, combined by many inspirations from other KNs/VNs and books. I've had this idea for some time, but I've never really tried before to execute it entirely. I'll give it my best shot!

STORY
When Raina wakes in the rainy streets of Citronwood, she remembers nothing. The only clues to her past are two scant memories, one gruesome and the other enigmatic. She is able to escape the rain when a girl, Elise, and her parents take pity on her, taking her back to their home. Everything seems normal as she is shown to her room for the night and is told that she will be sent to the police station the next afternoon. However, after discovering a strange secret between Elise and her friends, Raina realizes that her amnesia is somehow connected to the idea of their group: helping find the balance between the spirit and human world. However, she realizes that there is much more to learn, and that there is more to than what meets the eye...

CHARACTERS

Raina
The character you play as. She wakes up in the street remembering almost nothing.

Asher
The leader of the "supernatural" group. Asher is deliberately and selectively rude, and if the occasion is right he can become quarrelsome. Despite this he is patient and intelligent.

Tobias
A member of the "supernatural" group. Tobias supports their idea strongly, and can be seen as the driving force behind it. His moralistic and impulsive nature can be seen as his fuel, though he's very quiet.

Chase
A member of the "supernatural" group. Chase is an honest, humorous voice in the group, though his dislike for Tobias can show his meaner streak. He enjoys cracking terrible and awkward jokes.

Elise
The girl that takes Raina home. Elise loves to talk, and her persuasion skills are well refined. She's also a member of the "supernatural" group.

**The sprites displayed are not the official sprites, so I might change them as I write the story.
PROGRESS
Plot: 70% (revamping)
Script: 0%
Sprites: 10%
CGs: 0%
Music: 20%

TEAM
Writing/Art/Programming - Maltagliati
Music - JDarryl

FEEDBACK
So, do you guys like the idea of this VN? If yes/no, why? Do any of the characters appeal to you? Would you want to know more about them?
And most importantly, would you play this game if it came out?
I know the story is quite cliche with the whole amnesia factor, but I was interested in doing my own variation of it.
Thanks!

Posted: **Mon Jan 16, 2012 5:05 am**

If you're a good writer, I think this plot could be executed very well. With Tobias, I'm having trouble picturing an impulsive quiet person and I think that if you are able to write him as that and have it make sense, he will be very interesting. I like the idea you have.

Addressing the cliche part: Amnesia may be cliche, but if you use it well, that shouldn't matter.

As for me playing it? I can't be sure. As a guy, I mostly play BxG and I've been pretty busy recently and am having trouble even doing that. I guess whether or not I play it will likely be determined by the length, the art (which looks nice so far!), and how much of a GxB game this is (if it's pretty much friendship routs, I think I'll do fine, but I don't think I can bring myself to flirt with another guy). That all being said, do what you want to do. I think that even if I'm not necessarily going to play it, this game seems to have the potential to be played by many others. (after all, there's a 2:1 ratio of girls to guys in this forum)

Posted: **Mon Jan 16, 2012 6:19 am**

It sounds pretty interesting. Will definitely play it

Love the art, can't wait what the final sprites will look like

Hm..seems like I like Asher's description the best. But my mind might change after you upload pictures of the other guys xD That tends to happen.
Anyways, good luck on the project. Will be stalking this thread 8D

Posted: **Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:18 pm**

@redeyesblackpanda
Thanks for the feedback.

I'm not sure if I'm a good writer or not (lack of experience, I guess), but I hope to make this story as interesting/engaging as possible.
Hmm, I think the story will have to involve some flirting or at least some kind of romantic elements to get the best ending. But there still will be a sort of friendship route for the normal endings. I wanted to apply separate friendship routes to other projects, but wasn't sure if I should do it for my first try.
By the way (offtopic), is your username based on the Yu-Gi-Oh Blue Eyes White Dragon? It had a certain ring to it that I couldn't ignore...

@Princess Akina
Thank you! C: I have yet to put up the rest of the characters. xD
Haha, that happens to me too. Seeing the WIP games in this thread, I'm excited for this year's games.

Posted: **Mon Jan 16, 2012 3:11 pm**

Maltagliati wrote:Hmm, I think the story will have to involve some flirting or at least some kind of romantic elements to get the best ending. But there still will be a sort of friendship route for the normal endings. I wanted to apply separate friendship routes to other projects, but wasn't sure if I should do it for my first try.
By the way (offtopic), is your username based on the Yu-Gi-Oh Blue Eyes White Dragon? It had a certain ring to it that I couldn't ignore...

There's nothing wrong with flirting. I'm not the person you're making this game for, but if I was a girl, I probably would be.

I hope you don't let what I've said keep you from writing a good game. Otome games definitely have an audience (especially on these forums), and you should write one if that's what you want to do. You should never force your game to be something it isn't just because one person says something. There are always going to be people who like your game and people who don't. It's unwise to try to make everyone happy, because that often has the opposite effect.

@ your (offtopic)

Have you heard of Red Eyes Black Dragon?

Posted: **Mon Jan 16, 2012 6:48 pm**

The amnesia plot has been done before, but there's always ways to make it interesting. The Experiment - 112 found an interesting way to deal with the amnesia plot, so that's a game you could look up, to see how they did it. Also, here's the Extra Credits episode on amnesia.

As for characters I like, I don't know...looking at Asher I think "WEREWOLF!", probably because of the grey hair and yellow eyes. I'm probably jumping to conclusions, though. He'd probably be my favorite character because I ~~clichedly~~ have a thing for jerks.

As for whether I'd play the game, sure; I like supernatural/paranormal stories, and your art is nice.

Posted: **Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:48 pm**

@redeyesblackpanda
Definitely.
(oh, right! now I remember. I just thought of blue eyes white dragon because it's Kaiba signature card xP your username is a cool reference to REBD, though.)

@Mink
Thanks for the feedback; I'll search it up. (:
Haha, really? I never thought of it that way, but it does make sense. Don't worry, he's not a werewolf though. No mythological creatures except demons in this VN. xD

EDIT: Changed Tobias' hair color to make it look...less off-putting. xD

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:14 am**

Ohhh glad to see you are making fast progress on this.
Me likes Tobias' new hair colour

Naww. Now all the characters looks soo cool.
I'm torn. I can't choose.
In my opinion, Asher's personality is the best.
~~Now I'll just take him and run away...~~
Your art looks so amazing. I just..love it ;;
~~The demons better look epic~~ Can't wait to see what the demons look like

Posted: **Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:45 pm**

I would play this game ^_^ It seems interesting enough and I'm glad you're not worried about being cliche because it's your own spin that you will put into the theme right? I'm always looking forward to people who do that.
I'd love to know more about the characters and the art is really nice!
keep it up!

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:14 pm**

@ princess akina
Haha, thank you. (:
LOL I'm happy to hear that Asher's the favorite. It makes me slightly surprised but then again I never knew people liked that kind of personality. xDD
Hmm on further thought I might put up some character info on one of the main demons...
@ asterisk
Thanks!

I'm glad to hear that.

Posted: **Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:16 pm**

... Dear god, please give me Tobias for my birthday.

True, the amnesia concept has been used quite a bit, but as long as you put your own twist on things, Im sure it'll be fine.

I love the art @.@ BEAUTIFUL~ best of luck to you <3

Posted: **Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:28 pm**

Thanks Chushiki. XDD Ahaha everyone so far has liked Asher...it's interesting to see how the guys rank according to appearance/personality.

Posted: **Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:20 pm**

The idea of this is cool and the sprites look cute~

All the guys look good but Asher looks best since his head isn't the only thing showing.

Posted: **Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:28 pm**

LOL, seriously? ~~Wow, then can I have Tobias all to myself? :3 I can't help but like him, since the moment I saw his face, my mind screamed "MOE!!!!!" and I fell in an extreme, intense fictional love.~~

Anyways, you can just call me Maho.

Posted: **Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:14 pm**

I love you're art(: The premise seems very interesting, so I wish you the best of luck and can't wait to play it.

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