Delete this, please.

[Star]

Delete, please.

[fleet]

From what you've written it appears that English is not your native language. I suggest that you have your writing thoroughly reviewed by someone who is a native English speaker.

[Star]

@ fleet: English is my native language actually. ^^; What gave you cause to think otherwise?

[broken_angel]

I think Fleet made that mistake based on the way your "voice" comes through in your writing.

It sounds very stiff, and the word choice and sentence structures are a bit odd at times. There's also a lot of incorrect punctuation used, namely commas in places where they don't belong. The result is that it sounds like someone who is trying way too hard to speak proper English, which is typically how non-native speakers sound.
EDIT: A good example of this is, in fact, your reply, "What gave you cause to think otherwise?" Generally, one would simply say "What made you think so?" or something similar. One of my English teachers once preached that you should say what you have to say in as few words as possible. If you can use two words ("made you") instead of four ("gave you cause to") without losing the meaning, then it's best to do it.

In any event, it would have been more appropriate for Fleet to have simply said "Make sure you have someone proofread your work."


About the actual game, the world sounds very interesting. I'd like to know more about the characters involved, though, as will anyone wishing to help with the art and other things.

[fleet]

@ fleet: English is my native language actually. ^^; What gave you cause to think otherwise?

Please accept my apologies. You did ask for my first impression. My reasons for my assumption were already expressed by broken_angel.

Very respectfully,
fleet

[Star]

Ah. I understand better now. Sorry about that. ^^;

I do have a bit of a hard time with grammar and punctuation. I no longer have Microsoft Word to help with checking it. I'm trying to figure out a solution to this. As of right now, I don't have a proofreader. I would rather they not sound so stiff, but I am not sure how to go about writing it in a different manner. In any case, I will be adding some character information to my initial post today.

[fleet]

If you are using Writer (Open Office word processor), you might want to look into adding "After The Deadline" It is supposed to work in a manner similar to the spelling and grammar checker in Microsoft Word.

You might consider making a post in the Recruitment sub-forum for a proofreader.

Your visual novel idea is interesting. I wish you success.