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Okay so this is the first Ren'Py game I'll be working on so I'm still trying to figure out how to work with it, however I already have a story in mind, so I'm going to write it here and ask for everyone's opinions.

Our main character is a seventeen year old girl named Raine Holland, she was born in the outskirts of London, both of her parents abandoned her due to the fact that they were too young to raise a child and she was given up to an adoption center where she grew up seeing as none of the families that had visited the establishment wanted to adopt the girl claiming that she looked troublesome. Raine doesn't have the most cheerful personality, she's quite the opposite actually, she doesn't see the bright side of things because she believes there is none, about to turn eighteen this year the girl has gotten used to the idea that she's going to have to start living on her own since there won't be a place for her at the Adoption center, she started to hang out with the wrong crowd and gained a dangerous addiction to cocaine. Soon enough she ran out of money and sold love to strange men to buy herself a couple of grams. But one day, after breathing in a dose Raine felt rather tired and fell asleep on a park bench, it was snowing and freezing, you could see your breath on the thick air. When Raine opened her eyes she was completely different physically and so was the place she fell asleep on earlier, she wasn't in the outskirts of London, she was stuck in her own daydream. And now Raine will have to learn how to see that life isn't that bad, and maybe find a romance in this exciting journey.

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That's pretty much it, so I was thinking that I'll probably be having 4 love interests for her, and other small characters. However I cannot decide how our Raine will look like so I've decided to drop off two sketches of possible face claims for Raine. So it'd be great if you helped me pick!

Welcome to the forum.

Your main character is certainly starting the story with a lot of trauma and emotional baggage. It's an alternative to GxB stories in which the main character is an ordinary person with only a few worries.

That said, here's some feedback/criticism. It's just my opinion, but I think this could improve your story:

gekiganwing wrote:Welcome to the forum.

Your main character is certainly starting the story with a lot of trauma and emotional baggage. It's an alternative to GxB stories in which the main character is an ordinary person with only a few worries.

That said, here's some feedback/criticism. It's just my opinion, but I think this could improve your story:

Given Raine's negative attitude, history, and addiction, I'm not sure if she should wake up "...stuck in her own daydream..." And if you ask me, I think she should hold off on romance for a while. I'd think that if the character wakes up alive and realizes how desperate her situation is, that would be a good start to her growth as a character. She will benefit from a new outlook, some new friends, and eventually a new place to live.

I realize that you might not want to create a realistic story. If you don't want to discuss cocaine addiction in medical details, that's fine. But I believe you will benefit by not giving your main character a way to escape into a fantasy world. Or, if she does end up in her daydream, then she should have to endure a trial or learn a lesson in order to continue.

I've actually been looking at the topics for a while but I decided to sign up and try it myself, thank you! Yeah, that was what I was aiming for.

I wasn't planning on making her jump into a relationship right away actually, it wasn't like as soon as she got there she'd fall in love right away, like I said she has a difficult temper and doesn't let a lot of people approach her, so it'll be kind of hard, and your idea that she should endure a trial or a lesson is a good idea, I'll make sure I can fit it somewhere. And she will obviously have other relationships other than romantic ones, she'll make friends and maybe there'll be something unexpected there as well, her daydream is going to be kind of like an alternative universe, and who knows what kind of things I'll include in it

Thank you very much for your criticism and feedback on the storyline!

It's still a little early to call this a WIP; I'm moving this to the Ideas forum for now.