Theo [working on alpha v.2]

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Theo [working on alpha v.2]

#1 Post by Reikun » Thu Jan 02, 2014 10:22 am

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  • resolution: 1366x768
    format: visual novel
    rating: M (16+) for violence/gore
    Est. word count: 50k+
STORY
Ezra is a 16-year-old boy living in Cliostratos, a city plagued with unending rain. Originally built as part of The Nation's northern expansion, the rains came as soon as people began moving in. The High Priest of The Order of Aulusia, said to receive messages directly from the god Aulusia, declares the population of Cliostratos cursed and forbids them from leaving the city without permission from The Order. Now raining for decades, the dark skies of Cliostratos are Ezra's whole world. Even so, he dreams of one day leaving the city for the bright pastures of The Outside, thanks to the stories his mother told him when he was younger. When The Order arrests his mother with no explanation, the only story left for Ezra is his own.

Now, attending the academy on a path to join The Order, Ezra goes through the motions of everyday life while wishing for something to change. At the start of a new school year, a school excursion to the zoo brings an unexpected meeting that gives him exactly what he wants...
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CHARACTERS

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Alpha V.1 Screenshots

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Interested in alpha testing in the future? Shoot me a PM!! <3
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State of Development
Alpha v.2 - In progress (due 14 Feb 2015 18 April 2015)
Alpha v.1 - Finished 25 Dec 2014

UPDATES:
26.12.2014 Shiny new story synopsis. Fixed logo a little.
25.12.2014 Finished outlining exposition, approaching main branching point; Alpha v.1 looking for testers
13.11.2014 Story planning is steady. Gonna try to get a butt-ton done by the end of the year.
23.07.2014 New synopsis AGAIN;;; Re-outlining... Logo pretty much finalized!
15.06.2014 New synopsis because old was outdated. Still writing. Goal is 20k words by the end of June.
03.02.2014 All character concepts finished! Goal for Feb is to have alpha version ~50% complete


Thanks for stopping by!
Last edited by Reikun on Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:34 am, edited 17 times in total.
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#2 Post by Hazel-Bun » Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:38 am

*Will answer the questions after she's off her phone* Amsjdndmdmdm Ezra is so cute and I'll protect him from everything D<
<><><>
1. No, I think that you should have something in game that shows how they're said though. Also, don't throw too many new and strange words at us all at once :) Sci-Fi stories usually have to thread lightly between having exciting new names for stuff and calling everything and anything made up stuff that just sounds strange.

2. Yeah they do.

3. Yup. I have a new computer now so higher resolutions don't make me balk as much anymore. Though, I'd stick to those for sure!

4. I like prologues to well, be prologues that don't have to be unlocked. Unless it's a prologue in the sense it takes place way before the story starts and provides clues/a better understanding as to what the story was trying to say. I like extra bits to be unlock-able because it makes me feel accomplished lol

5. None at the moment :0 You look like you're on track. Maybe an estimate of the game's length but that's about it. I'll wait to unravel the mystery behind this story.

6. Makes me feel guilty for thinking he's very attractive plus he looks scared, and I want to cover him up so I can stop that feeling. Hope that's not creepy eve"
7. I'd say anything further than him touching his shoulders or chest and I'd have to exit out. I think that'll defiantly boost the rating of this game to 18+ though if anything more, heck, even that is shown D: But I've been called a righteous prude before so eh. For personal reasons, I'd probably be doing my absolute best to skip this bit but I think it'll illustrate your point well!
Last edited by Hazel-Bun on Thu Jan 02, 2014 1:13 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#3 Post by Armee » Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:55 am

1. Ahahaha...no. Mu...why would it sound silly? Actually, it's pretty unique in my opinion.
2. Yes, they are. Though, the zookeeper and the police creeped me out a lot ^^; Though the police looks less creepy, more like evil type. I hope the lion will save the day AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...wait I have a feeling of 'Life of Pi' with Ezra and Theo.
3. Probably, mine is 1366x768 so it will work, I think :D But I think 1280x720 is fine already though. But it's pretty much your decision.
4. (yes, why do you even ask? I'm an extra digger. I like everything extra :3333) It would be lovely to dig in their stories more because I'm kinda curious about all of the characters's backstory as well as what will happen in Theo.
5. Ahhhh, not yet :|
6. I feel like something bad going to happen because he looks helpless and suggestive.
...And I was right :< That's mildly disgusting, the pedophile thing but I guess that would be suitable for creepiness and violence. Depend on what's he doing, if he's only pin Ezra down, then it would be alright to draw it but something badder might be highly creepy. So I suggest only illustrate the moment if it's light and important.

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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#4 Post by Rozume » Thu Jan 02, 2014 2:09 pm

Aaaahhhhhhhhhh I love dystopian stories~! :0

1. Not really, it sounds interesting! All though, why is the "i" in 'CLiOSTRATOS' not capitalized? Is it something that'll be revealed in the story? o.o
2. Yeah, pretty much. Although if you're still worried, I use this reference to help me age characters. ^^
3. They're kinda awkward resolutions, I would go for 1280 x 720, or 1920 x 1080 (something in a 4:3 ratio) but that's just me.
4. I'm not sure. Is the prologue/epilogue necessary to understand the story or is it something extra? Can the story stand by itself without them?
5. Not that I know of right now. C:
6. He makes me want to pinch his cheeks. >3<
It's hard to say. There will be some people that'll be disgusted by the fact that Uncle Harry's a pedophile anyway and would stay clear of your game. I think handling pedophilia in fiction is very hard and requires a lot of skill to pull off.

If it were me making this game, I would imply the actions or make it offscreen. CG-wise I was just show Uncle Harry being creepy and go no farther than show him grabbing onto Erza's arms. Alternatively, you don't need to show Uncle Harry at all. Show a creepy shadow towering over Erza.

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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#5 Post by Reikun » Thu Jan 02, 2014 4:58 pm

Thanks so much for the responses! ;u; I'll address the normal stuff and then I'll clear up the LAST BIT /sweats...
Hazel-Bun wrote:1. No, I think that you should have something in game that shows how they're said though. Also, don't throw too many new and strange words at us all at once :) Sci-Fi stories usually have to thread lightly between having exciting new names for stuff and calling everything and anything made up stuff that just sounds strange.

4. I like prologues to well, be prologues that don't have to be unlocked. Unless it's a prologue in the sense it takes place way before the story starts and provides clues/a better understanding as to what the story was trying to say. I like extra bits to be unlock-able because it makes me feel accomplished lol
1. Ahhh pronunciation guide might be a good idea! It's really only place names and "Aulusia" (the religion in-game) that are special terms so far though haha. They really are just pronounced like they are spelt but I will consider that! And yeah, I'll watch out for throwing in too many special terms all at once. Thanks for the reminder :)

4. Yeah, there's something that takes place way in the past which might be fun as an unlockable prologue! I'll see how it goes when I get more writing done!
Armee wrote:2. Yes, they are. Though, the zookeeper and the police creeped me out a lot ^^; Though the police looks less creepy, more like evil type. I hope the lion will save the day AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...wait I have a feeling of 'Life of Pi' with Ezra and Theo.
6. I feel like something bad going to happen because he looks helpless and suggestive.
Well,well~ Someone's going to be surviving.......... ;D Thanks for your thoughts!
PhoenixStardust wrote:1. Not really, it sounds interesting! All though, why is the "i" in 'CLiOSTRATOS' not capitalized? Is it something that'll be revealed in the story? o.o
2. Yeah, pretty much. Although if you're still worried, I use this reference to help me age characters. ^^
3. They're kinda awkward resolutions, I would go for 1280 x 720, or 1920 x 1080 (something in a 4:3 ratio) but that's just me.
4. I'm not sure. Is the prologue/epilogue necessary to understand the story or is it something extra? Can the story stand by itself without them?[/s]
1. AHHH I just thought it was cool It's how place names are traditionally spelt in the in-game culture! *nods*
2. Thank you for the link!! I will check it out :D
3. Haha yeah. I think it's a 16:10 res. I don't think widescreen res would be good in my particular case since there's only really 1-2 characters on the screen at a time (and this res gives me more vertical space!)
4. It's just extra stuff OTL You wouldn't really need it to understand the story since it's mostly backstory type of stuff, but it would explain some things! (hopefully)


OKAY HFF....... NOW THE THING. SO I GUESS I WORDED MY QUESTION REALLY BAD!! I'm sorry I'll fix it!! OTL More explanation below
Hazel-Bun wrote:
7. I'd say anything further than him touching his shoulders or chest and I'd have to exit out. I think that'll defiantly boost the rating of this game to 18+ though if anything more, heck, even that is shown D: But I've been called a righteous prude before so eh. For personal reasons, I'd probably be doing my absolute best to skip this bit but I think it'll illustrate your point well!
Armee wrote:
...And I was right :< That's mildly disgusting, the pedophile thing but I guess that would be suitable for creepiness and violence. Depend on what's he doing, if he's only pin Ezra down, then it would be alright to draw it but something badder might be highly creepy. So I suggest only illustrate the moment if it's light and important.
PheonixStardust wrote:
It's hard to say. There will be some people that'll be disgusted by the fact that Uncle Harry's a pedophile anyway and would stay clear of your game. I think handling pedophilia in fiction is very hard and requires a lot of skill to pull off.

If it were me making this game, I would imply the actions or make it offscreen. CG-wise I was just show Uncle Harry being creepy and go no farther than show him grabbing onto Erza's arms. Alternatively, you don't need to show Uncle Harry at all. Show a creepy shadow towering over Erza.
Okay, haha. So I think the way I worded my question makes it sound like Uncle Harry full-on does the bad thing... actually he would never touch Ezra beneath the clothes! >__<;;;;; The worst thing I was considering was a forced kiss (yuck) but yeah. THIS GAME IS NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART............. Maybe I need to put that somewhere soon when development gets to the art stage................

@Hazel-Bun; YEAH I'M... doing my best to keep it NOT 18+ ''''orz But don't worry if you make the right choices you won't even get to this part......

@Armee; Light and important. Got it thank you >___>;;; I'm not gonna illustrate it more than I need to!

@PheonixStardust; Your points are really good and I'm going to do my best to treat this subject carefully. I'm definitely putting a warning on this thing when it's done and I'm going to try to keep it as not graphic as possible.... And if anything super bad /has/ to happen it's 1000000% offscreen OTL
THANKS FOR YOUR HONEST CONCERNS SOBB I'm sorry ARGH. I'll go re-word my question better to be more clear about the situation! If this changes anything let me know....................... /wilts
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#6 Post by Googaboga » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:27 am

1. Do you think the proper nouns (CLiOSTRATOS, Aulusia) sound silly? (this is a serious concern of mine orz)

Well they don't sound silly but I'll probably never learn to spell them or pronounce them correctly ':D.

2. Do the characters look their age?

I think Ezra looks younger than 16 but he's a shota so that he can't really help but look young and cute X3.

3. Do the resolutions stated at the top work for you? (they are proportional to each other)

Yep.

4. Do you prefer your extra prologues/epilogues in the form of straight-up bonus material, unlockable scenes (after completing playthrough{s}), or do you just want everything laid out with no need to unlock anything?

Unlockable stuff is always neat. It sort of makes it feel a little extra special even if you could just put it directly into the game without changing much XD.

5. Other comments/critiques/suggestions you have!

Just good luck. I'm very interested in seeing where this story goes and the art looks great :].

Bonus:
6. How does Ezra lying down up there make you feel?

I want him to button up his shirt like a proper young man :T. But his eyes look pretty.
1. Uncle Harry is a pedophile and at one point actually touches Ezra (over the clothes ONLY, no on-screen groin feeling if it has to happen, and possibly a forced kiss...............). How far could this be illustrated (in a CG) before you get disgusted? (The point of such a CG would not be to disgust btw. It's more for showing impact of choice and the relationship b/w the two characters)

Anything more than him just touching Ezra's arm or shoulder or something would cause me to shield my eyes and wish I hadn't seen it. I'll still play the game though I just won't be able to look at that moment >.>.
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#7 Post by Reikun » Fri Jan 03, 2014 6:27 am

Googaboga wrote:1. Well they don't sound silly but I'll probably never learn to spell them or pronounce them correctly ':D.
Anything more than him just touching Ezra's arm or shoulder or something would cause me to shield my eyes and wish I hadn't seen it. I'll still play the game though I just won't be able to look at that moment >.>.
1. Hmmm it seems like pronunciation could be an issue :/ Voice acting will solve this I'll trying to think of a non-immersion-breaking way to get a pronunciation guide in or something.

...and that seems to be a common reaction so far ``(.__.)>" Hmm. I'll just be extra careful with my CG contents. Thank you for your responses!!
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#8 Post by SilverxBlue » Fri Jan 03, 2014 7:01 am

1. Do you think the proper nouns (CLiOSTRATOS, Aulusia) sound silly? (this is a serious concern of mine orz)
Not really... It reminds me of clouds, skies and the atmosphere though. Must be because of the stratos thing. But all in all it's good... Sounds like it really is a name of a city from the distant future.

2. Do the characters look their age?
Henry and Laila look like they're both around the same age to me to be honest, but I'm thinking Henry just looks younger in general, so nevermind it. ^^;

3. Do the resolutions stated at the top work for you? (they are proportional to each other)
Never was that nitpicky with resolutions, so this one's fine. ^^

4. Do you prefer your extra prologues/epilogues in the form of straight-up bonus material, unlockable scenes (after completing playthrough{s}), or do you just want everything laid out with no need to unlock anything?
Yeeep~ I love unlockable extras... It makes you feel like you've actually achieved something. Having everything laid out for you kinda feels... meh and all that.

5. Other comments/critiques/suggestions you have!
Just a quick good luck on your project and I hope to see more of it soon. XD

6.) Slightly uncomfortable but not really disturbed. Also kinda want to run up to him and fix his clothes though. @___@
Ohh... I'm not really sure on this one. It's fine as long as it's done in good taste or something like that... though I still might be cringing a lot on that particular scene... Maybe you can do what you'll feel like drawing/writing, but have a skip-through option? Kinda like how Katawa Shoujo did with its H-scenes. Sure, it might be too much for just one scene, but at least it'd help the people really uncomforable with it to really avoid it.
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#9 Post by Reikun » Fri Jan 03, 2014 4:46 pm

SilverxBlue wrote:2. Henry and Laila look like they're both around the same age to me to be honest, but I'm thinking Henry just looks younger in general, so nevermind it. ^^;
Ohh... I'm not really sure on this one. It's fine as long as it's done in good taste or something like that... though I still might be cringing a lot on that particular scene... Maybe you can do what you'll feel like drawing/writing, but have a skip-through option? Kinda like how Katawa Shoujo did with its H-scenes. Sure, it might be too much for just one scene, but at least it'd help the people really uncomforable with it to really avoid it.
2. Yeah, I think Henry's design can definitely be improved on (he's giving me a hard time all around haha). Thank you for commenting on him.

I didn't get far in Katawa Shoujo, but an option to play w/o horrific CGs is probably a good option for me (there's probably gonna be some level of gore in this too). Thanks again! Your comments were really helpful :)
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#10 Post by Reikun » Mon Jan 06, 2014 5:31 am

Small update! The script is at about 2300 words right now. Maybe I can hit 5000 by the end of the week :P Small steps!

I made a ref for Ezra's uniform for myself and decided to use it to try out cel-shading vs soft shading. Leaning towards using cel-shading for the actual sprites because it's faster (haha). Opinions/critiques are welcome as always.
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#11 Post by Boniae » Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:35 am

1. Not really?? I think I'm pronouncing them right (they're not too complicated looking so it's good) Your settings sound really cool tbh! :^D
2. Right on!! You draw age types very well u///u
3. Yeah, I believe both of them will work fine on my computer.
4. Extra stuff being unlockable is fine with me, but if it will fit better to actually be in the story I'd prefer it.
5. Everything is REALLY intriguing and I'm really excited to see how the story will progress. I'm also taking a liking to Laila so I hope she shows up a lot!! ;w;
6. sighs i cant believe this boy rocks shorts and knee high socks better than i could ever wear em...
I'd probably start freaking out if there's a CG of him actually feeling up on Ezra?? (Haha I've played some Nitro+Chiral games before so idk if anything freaks me out anymore hhhhaHA CRIES...///)
Congrats on your updates, keep up the good work! (I'll be waiting for a demo release whenever it comes around!) :D

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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#12 Post by akemicchi » Tue Jan 07, 2014 2:26 am

I'm surprised I haven't commented here yet. I thought I did. :'D

1. Not really. I like the way they sound. :D It's a little weird for me though to see 'CLiOSTRATOS' in upper case like that (with a lower case i). It makes me want to say it dramatically everytime I see it. CLiOSTRATOS!! dun dun dun
2. Yes, they do. :D Great job!
3. I don't really like huge screens-- just a personal preference of mine-- but they're good. :D They fit in my screen at least.
4. Bonus stuff is always nice! It makes the extra scenes seem more special as opposed to having them already available in the story. It's also a nice way to share some stuff you didn't think were too relevant to the story or couldn't find a way to segue into the story.
5. I am so excited for this because the cast is so interesting. *v* I can't wait to see what kind of story this is and how each of the characters interact with one another!
6. At first it makes me want to smoosh his cheeks because he's a cutie patootie. ... And then I realized it's a pretty suggestive pose and now I feel awkward lol. y u do dis
/insert screaming
I did not expect that at all even though the signs were everywhere. o_o Honestly, it creeps me out a lot, haha. But if you feel like it's necessary to establish some things about the story, then go for it? As long as it isn't too graphic, which it sounds like it won't be.

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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#13 Post by Reikun » Fri Jan 10, 2014 7:18 am

Boniae wrote:5. Everything is REALLY intriguing and I'm really excited to see how the story will progress. I'm also taking a liking to Laila so I hope she shows up a lot!! ;w;

Congrats on your updates, keep up the good work! (I'll be waiting for a demo release whenever it comes around!) :D
Thank you for your input! I'm glad you like Laila haha. Her role is a rather strange one, so your opinion will likely change when you see her in action?? *makes cryptic unhelpful replies* As far as a demo goes I wasn't actually planning to do one since this is supposed to be rather short (current projection about 50,000 words for the final script). But depending on how what kind of feedback I want further down the road I might do a closed beta or a public demo :)
akemicchi wrote:1. Not really. I like the way they sound. :D It's a little weird for me though to see 'CLiOSTRATOS' in upper case like that (with a lower case i). It makes me want to say it dramatically everytime I see it. CLiOSTRATOS!! dun dun dun
4. Bonus stuff is always nice! It makes the extra scenes seem more special as opposed to having them already available in the story. It's also a nice way to share some stuff you didn't think were too relevant to the story or couldn't find a way to segue into the story.
5. I am so excited for this because the cast is so interesting. *v* I can't wait to see what kind of story this is and how each of the characters interact with one another!
6. At first it makes me want to smoosh his cheeks because he's a cutie patootie. ... And then I realized it's a pretty suggestive pose and now I feel awkward lol. y u do dis
1. Oh yeah xD While writing I've been torn between writing it out as "Cliostratos" in dialogue instead of "CLiOSTRATOS" all the time because you don't really... pronounce capital letters... (.___.);;; Is it too confusing to have it spelt both ways based on context..? Actually I think I may just add that to my Discussion Q's in the OP haha. Thank you for bringing it up!
4. Yeah, there are a few details I'd like to share that aren't entirely relevant to the immediate plot so, whoo! I'll probably be doing unlockable epilogues.
5. Yay! I'm glad you find the cast interesting. There are a few other characters I haven't posted yet~ I'll probably have all the main characters up by the end of January.
6. I'm evil ehehe

Thank you so much for your comments. I'm glad people are bringing stuff up I can think about while writing haha.

And another small update!
I've added the logo to the first post~ The colors are temporary since I'm not sure what I'm doing yet, but the design is probably not going to change much, if at all. I also restructured the first post a little bit. Hopefully it's easier to read and a little more organized looking now *u*;; Also I've passed 5000 words! whooo!! Next goal is the 10k :D And then I'll see how far along the story is so can make better projections for the final length.
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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#14 Post by akemicchi » Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:08 am

1a. I don't know about other people, but it'd be confusing for me if I saw both Cliostratos and CLiOSTRATOS. o_o You should stick to just one, I think. \o/

5) I love the logo. *touches* The colors make it a little hard to see the text, but I think it's just because it's so large. If there were a smaller version, I'm sure it wouldn't be that difficult to read. :)

Congrats on reaching 5k words! \o/ I'm super looking forward to this game!

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Re: Theo [survival, dystopian]

#15 Post by Googaboga » Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:39 am

I think the logo is excellent :O. And both the coloring styles look very nice on Ezra's sprite. The sprite itself is also very cute :3.

I'd personally prefer to have CLiOSTRATO/Cliostratos spelt just one way throughout the game.
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