Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB][3/6 Character Update]

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Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB][3/6 Character Update]

#1 Post by kelsaki » Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:27 am

Hello! This is a project I have been developing the story on for a little over a year and have only recently decided that the story is better suited to an otome style game rather than to a series of books. :)

[I believe this is the proper place for this topic to go… if not please just let me know and I will quickly move it or simply delete it until I have a better understanding of the forum ;) ]

With that being said…
Maiden Iron
In the world of Torria there are people that can use the powers stored in precious stones for either offensive or defensive purposes. We call these people magicians. It is but a select few that have this ability and as such an academy was founded to strengthen and bring together these people for the betterment of the kingdom. It is not uncommon for this ability to develop among the wealthy or the poor so every month knights are sent out to search the land for new 'students' for the academy. The war might be coming to an end with an alliance between Torria and their once enemies (Krota), but with Kroatinians slowly becoming a part of Torria every day life tensions are fierce.

Right after her seventeenth birthday, Ire [whose real name is Belle but don't let her know you know that ;) ] sets a ruby ablaze with only her touch. This sign of her developing ability is about to take her away from the comfort of her family and into the harsh reality of training. Leaving behind the smithy of her father and stepping into a completely different world, it is not long before things get interesting. Not a day after having her first classes, a strange boy crash lands into the garden which the academy's buildings surround. The Headmaster confines him to the garden, blocking all windows and doors so that no one can so much as see what he looks like; all except the Headmaster who makes occasional visits and never answers questions. 'Boy", as the intruder became known, is as mysterious as the Headmaster's actions. This is where our story begins.


Characters
Ire: Realistic, Blunt, Kind-Hearted
You play as Ire as she tries her best to get through the academy and what entails.


The Dateables
- The Prince -
Adair: Loyal, Strong, Clumsy (when off of the battlefield)
Prince to the kingdom of Torria. Not many people see him at court because he is always on the battlefield and prefers it that way. It's not a love of war that keeps him at the front lines but rather a loathing for court practices that drives him away. As known for his talents in war as he is they are now of little merit with the end of the battles nearing. Soon Adair will be driven to choose a wife to be the future queen, but will the warrior find enough grace off of the battlefield to find love?

- The Mercenary -
image.jpg
Kaster: Protective, Curious, Independent
A mercenary Ire meets in the woods. His warm personality can't completely mask the occasional trickle of cynical advice and he does threaten to kill you a few times, but there's just something about the childlike curiously that doesn't let you believe him. Really he only sticks around because he finds something interesting about you, but just what is it?

- The Ghost -
kai2.jpg
Kai: Cold, Sarcastic, Honest
One day on a test held out in the nearby forest Ire stumbles upon a wooden pendant with a weird design. The second she picks it up, Kai is there. He's a ghost (well, he does call it a curse instead but he sure looks like a ghost…) with a past he's not willing to tell; especially not to a commoner like Ire. Problem is he is kind of stuck with Ire as she is the only one who can see him now. With a grudge towards the current line rulers of the kingdom, what does this cursed man plan on doing?

- The Best Friend -
photo.JPG
Mitch: Funny, Energetic, Ditzy
Ire's best friend in the academy; one of the few from a different kingdom being allowed into the academy. Mitch is tall and lanky and has a tail that he can change into whatever animal tail he so desires. Mitch and Ire both started out as loners at the academy with no friends; ironically this is what brought the two together. Since then Mitch's friendly attitude has gained him many other friends where as Ire's icy demeanor keeps all others at bay. Nevertheless, Mitch makes it his daily duty to bug the smiles out of Ire as many times a day as he can.

Boy: ???





[Please let me know what you think :) This will be my first try at developing an otome game and I plan on doing everything by myself.]



Some questions you might answer for me; if it so pleases you ;) :

(1) I know it's not much to go off of, but what interests you about the story?

(2) Does the title catch your interest?

(3) Who is your favorite guy? [Again, I know there's not much there for description but I am working on their designs ;) ]

(4) Any suggestions/questions for the newbie? :)

(5) I'm still developing a style for the art. What is your opinion about the look? [final designs will be digital pieces; mostly I'm asking for critique if the characters look appearing in structure :) ]



Thank you all for reading all of that! I can't wait to really get this started :D

01/17/2014
- 1/6 concept character pieces up.
06/25/2014
- 2/6 concept character pieces up.
07/02/2014
- 3/6 concept character pieces up.
Last edited by kelsaki on Wed Jul 02, 2014 6:43 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#2 Post by akemicchi » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:07 am

So:
  1. Precious stones possess powers
  2. You need to be blessed with the ability to use it to be able to use these stones
Do all the precious stones have the same ability (rubies cast fire, etc)? Or is it the person that possesses the ability (Ire casts fire)? It sounds like the former but I just want to make sure. :D

OOH HI KASTER 8D I'm going after him first haha

Questions!!
(1) The fact that stones have magic powers and that it's a fantasy. |-D I love fantasy, especially when there are war themes because there are so many interesting things about such wide-scale conflict. An academy is cool too because it presents itself as a nice opportunity to give backstory about the world (Torria vs the academy, history lessons, etc). Now that I think about it, where's the primary setting? The academy?

(2) Honestly, I keep reading it as 'Iron Maiden'. xD I'm guessing it has to do with protagonist being a smith's daughter. Does the story revolve around her, particularly her journey (as opposed to the war or the academy)? If it does, what makes her journey more interesting than any other person blessed with the ability to use precious stones? Will she be doing something totally awesome like playing a hand in stopping the war or something along those lines? Sorry it's a spoiler-y question; you don't have to answer, haha.

(3) Kaster. *cough* I like all of them, though. They seem like they'll all be likable guys. I don't think I'd be disappointed if I played through all of their routes.

(4) Is there a word for people blessed with the power to use precious stones? Because that's kind of a handful to say, haha. xD Do you have a projected word count? How about a projected gameplay count? (1 hour gameplay? 2 hours?) How large of a project are you expecting your game to be? Do you already have some writing down? Since you mentioned they were supposed to be books. :D

Also, for Mitch, is he unique in that he's the only one that has a tail? Does he come from a people with that ability? Or is that a stone's ability?

As for suggestions... You should always remember your primary goal should be to finish! Make sure you finish, okay? You posted your idea, so follow through, okay...?! ;D

SORRY FOR THE BARRAGE OF QUESTIONS TO YOUR QUESTIONS. I am genuinely curious. :'D

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#3 Post by kelsaki » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:41 am

@akemicchi
HI! Questions are what I need to better develop this story so ALL the questions are welcome ;)
Do all the precious stones have the same ability (rubies cast fire, etc)? Or is it the person that possesses the ability (Ire casts fire)?
- The stones each produce a specific ability (ex: rubies = fire, sapphire = water, etc)
Now that I think about it, where's the primary setting? The academy?
- About a quarter of the story takes place in the academy; basically the 'beginning'. What happens after that… ;) Well, that will depend on what the player choses mostly.
Does the story revolve around her, particularly her journey (as opposed to the war or the academy)? If it does, what makes her journey more interesting than any other person blessed with the ability to use precious stones? Will she be doing something totally awesome like playing a hand in stopping the war or something along those lines?
- Yup, the whole story revolves around Ire :). Her connection to her family will become a bit of a… problem later on. Lets just say there will be a VERY urgent need for her to go back to her home village VERY quickly. Ire is special for a few reasons concerning each of the guys; it has a lot to do with her attitude and the fact that she has a very strong 'compatibility' when it comes to stone usage. (For example, some people can only manipulate a little of a stone's inner power while some can do so much more. Most magicians fall somewhere within this limit). And oh yes, she will be creating much awesome ;D She will be stopping something, but it's something BIGGER than a war ;)
Is there a word for people blessed with the power to use precious stones? Because that's kind of a handful to say, haha. xD Do you have a projected word count? How about a projected gameplay count? (1 hour gameplay? 2 hours?) How large of a project are you expecting your game to be? Do you already have some writing down? Since you mentioned they were supposed to be books. :D
- I've just been calling them magicians :) Sorry to not have mentioned it! No projected word count yet, kinda not sure what it should be set to for a VN with five routes and all XD I'm anticipating a pretty large project and I can't wait to get it started! And I have a few pages done and am revamping them to better fit a game style. It's not as much as it might have sounded but it's certainly enough to work on a demo ;) I'd guess the actual game to be at least a few hours (maybe 4-7) long, though it's hard for me to tell right now >///<
Also, for Mitch, is he unique in that he's the only one that has a tail? Does he come from a people with that ability? Or is that a stone's ability?
- Yeah, I wasn't sure how to clarify that >.<; Mitch is actually one of the Kroatinians that can use the stones' abilities but don't think that's where his tail comes from. All Kroatinians [excluding the noble family; they are full on changelings and can turn into any creature ;) ] have some feature of their body that acts like Mitch's. Mitch just so happens to have a tail and he can turn it into say a fluffy white cat tail or scorpion tail or anything he dreams of. Say this other Kroatinian and he can change what his hand is: it can become a crab claw, a lizard hand; things along those lines :)



As for suggestions... You should always remember your primary goal should be to finish! Make sure you finish, okay? You posted your idea, so follow through, okay...?! ;D

SORRY FOR THE BARRAGE OF QUESTIONS TO YOUR QUESTIONS. I am genuinely curious. :'D
If you can't tell… I'm VERY happy for all the questions! :D It helps me explain things so much better ;)

THIS SHALL BE FINISHED!!! I promise ;D
And you must finish Magicians of Delphine… 8l XD

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#4 Post by akemicchi » Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:29 am

kelsaki wrote:- The stones each produce a specific ability (ex: rubies = fire, sapphire = water, etc)
That's definitely awesome then. *U* Do magicians have affinities, like they're better at one type of stone, or are they equally able to use all stones (I mean, within the limits of their strength, of course)?
kelsaki wrote:- About a quarter of the story takes place in the academy; basically the 'beginning'. What happens after that… ;) Well, that will depend on what the player choses mostly.
I see! Would that first quarter be considered the prologue/common route, then? :D

And awesome! So she's a special type of magician. :D That makes much more sense; I was under the impression that she was just average or something. Haha, it was a silly thought now that I think about it. I'm definitely more excited to play as Ire. \o/
kelsaki wrote:She will be stopping something, but it's something BIGGER than a war ;)
Exciting! I want to know more...! orz
kelsaki wrote:- I've just been calling them magicians :)
Hehee, magicians. High five! You should probably mention that in your first post though, so people will know what to call them.

4 to 7 hours. I will look forward to it! |-D I'm guessing it has branching routes? Like, pursuing Prince Adair will give us a completely unique story from, say, Kai? Does it extend until the ending? Are there just 5 endings? ALSO I JUST REALIZED THERE'S A BOY LABELED '???' WHO IS THAT

On Mitch: so it's a characteristic of the Kroatinians! That makes sense. Do you have some sort of backstory about why they can do that? Well, not really a backstory-- I mean like a creation myth or some history explanation you can put in the game about them, just so we get a sense of the Kroatinians. :D I'm guessing they play a pretty important part in the big thing Ire is going to solve (which we can see through Mitch's route, amirite amirite).
kelsaki wrote:THIS SHALL BE FINISHED!!! I promise ;D
And you must finish Magicians of Delphine… 8l XD
Yay! \o/
ffff fine, I'll finish after you finish |-D *slowpoke*

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#5 Post by kelsaki » Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:01 am

@akemicchi
Do magicians have affinities, like they're better at one type of stone, or are they equally able to use all stones (I mean, within the limits of their strength, of course)?
- Hmm, good question. So far that is not the case :) The only thing limiting them is, like you mentioned, their strength.
I see! Would that first quarter be considered the prologue/common route, then? :D
- I would definitely say so ;D

Oops! I didn't give much to indicate that she was anything special (Ire's the one that needs the most development unfortunately DX ). Glad you're excited now though :D
Exciting! I want to know more...! orz
- Kekeke… Maybe I'll tell more about that later ;)
Hehee, magicians. High five! You should probably mention that in your first post though, so people will know what to call them.
- Booyah! *high fives back!* Will edit! :)
4 to 7 hours. I will look forward to it! |-D I'm guessing it has branching routes? Like, pursuing Prince Adair will give us a completely unique story from, say, Kai? Does it extend until the ending? Are there just 5 endings? ALSO I JUST REALIZED THERE'S A BOY LABELED '???' WHO IS THAT
- Yup to the branching routes with different stories :) And each one will extend into it's own different ending but I have yet to decide if there are going to be different endings for each (ex: not sure if there should be multiple good and bad endings for each guy). Concerning ???, well he is obviously ???! >:D Ha! Don't worry though, he is obtainable starting at the beginning. It's just for the story's sake that he stay a mystery for now :)
On Mitch: so it's a characteristic of the Kroatinians! That makes sense. Do you have some sort of backstory about why they can do that? Well, not really a backstory-- I mean like a creation myth or some history explanation you can put in the game about them, just so we get a sense of the Kroatinians. :D I'm guessing they play a pretty important part in the big thing Ire is going to solve (which we can see through Mitch's route, amirite amirite).
- I do but it may surprise you to find out there will be more of the Kroatinians' history coming from a different route than Mitch (though saying who's specific route might be a little too spoilerly yah little questiony person XP ).
Yay! \o/
ffff fine, I'll finish after you finish |-D *slowpoke*
- Yahoo! Good :D
ppfffffftttttt. We'll see who is the slower slowpoke l-p

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#6 Post by fleet » Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:09 pm

Your original post mentioned Ire's seventieth birthday. Did you mean seventeenth birthday, or do the characters mature at a slower rate than humans?
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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#7 Post by kelsaki » Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:20 pm

@fleet
- Oh my goodness, thank you for catching that :) It's supposed to be Ire's seventeenth birthday. Sorry about the confusion! >\\\<

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#8 Post by akemicchi » Thu Jan 16, 2014 2:48 pm

kelsaki wrote:Oops! I didn't give much to indicate that she was anything special (Ire's the one that needs the most development unfortunately DX ). Glad you're excited now though :D
Haha, I was actually the same with my MC. She didn't even have a personality until two months in. 9w9; Just keep at it! It's still in the early stages of development. :D Hopefully you'll get her down early, though-- that way you can edit your drafts so she reacts appropriately.

On the branching routes and multiple endings: my suggestion is to hold off on that while you write a true ending for either the whole game or each individual routes. That way you can get a feel for the scale of your project. You can always decide later on whether you want to implement multiple endings; they're a lot of work. You also have the option to just having lots of bad endings (ie, endings that end the game early) and one normal/true ending! That way you don't have to think about numerous good endings that depend too much on your choices and conditional statements and etc. |-D
kelsaki wrote:- I do but it may surprise you to find out there will be more of the Kroatinians' history coming from a different route than Mitch (though saying who's specific route might be a little too spoilerly yah little questiony person XP ).
Ooh! Then it's Prince Adair! Okay, I'm going to stop guessing now. Haha. o|-<

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#9 Post by Anne » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:38 pm

Are the stones disposable? Do they vary in power? (like the bigger the better)

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Re: Maiden Iron [Fantasy][Otome][GxB]

#10 Post by kelsaki » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:55 pm

Are the stones disposable? Do they vary in power? (like the bigger the better)
@anne
- Hey Anne! :) The stones are as easy to dispose of as tossing them into the garbage. Also, you are right about the bigger the better. The only two things that makes a stone more powerful is it's size and the 'affinity' the magician has in manipulating the magic from stones in general. :) Some people just aren't strong enough to pull out the full potential a stone might carry just because they do not have a strong enough affinity.

I hope that cleared a few things up :)

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