Half Past Never

[uluuu]

For example, one of the main characters was originally my cat in the dream, hehe

Make it a neko-thingy.... their cuuute

That's a little too fantasy, ehehe. Depending on.... uh... something, she might occasionally sprout cat ears ala Natsume Rin (Little Busters!), though. We'll see~

[uluuu]

This thing is becoming a monster. The good thing about that is that it will try to eat me or otherwise discomfort me until it is done (I need all the impetus I can get), the bad thing about that is that it is, well, monstrous. I've rewritten the first day, what, five times now? And it's really only less than half of a day. I finally have a version I'm pretty satisfied with so far, at least.

Sorry to keep bumping my own thread with nonsensical "progress" reports. I'm not sure if it really helps me keep focused or not, but that's what the excuse-making portion of my brain says, so I'll listen to it for now.

[uluuu]

Warrrrrrrgh.

I need feedback. Because whenever I try to proofread my own writing I default to "wow this is awful, why are you even trying, bad bad bad". Uluuu's brain is an ijimekko. ;__;

So, yeah. I would be eternally grateful if you offered to proofread and give feedback on the fraction (5700 words) of script I have typed up! Just so your feedback isn't ripping it to shreds, since I do enough of that on my own. I just need to know if it's painful to read or boring or hard to understand or... You know.

Much much much much thanks to anyone who volunteers!

In other news, I redesigned Iris because she seemed kind of plain before. I should probably update the image in the first post, but that would lead to me attempting to update ALL of them and it would be a major waste of time, since I would just redo them again when I'm finally done with the script. @___@
But yeah, here she is, attached~

[Nicol Armarfi]

She looks pretty good now, but the eyes seem a little big/uneven, but that may just be part of your style.

[Chimerical]

I would love to proofread your script and offer feedback! School's finally out so now I have all the time in the world. :3

[chronoluminaire]

Sadly, work isn't out like school is, but even though I'm busy, I love to proofread, and offer encouragement and constructive advice. So feel free to send me your script if you want.

[uluuu]

Yay, volunteers~ I PM'ed both of you~

@Nicol Armarfi: Thanks for the feedback! I like my eyes to be larger, but not uneven, so thanks for pointing that out. Wheeeee~

[sake-bento]

Ooh, those girls look incredibly cute~. I like all the bright colors you use.

[uluuu]

Yay! I aim for as cute as possible without being annoying or ridiculous. I'm glad you like the character designs! I think they're finally finalized. Except Selene no longer has those godforsaken braids because I hate drawing and coloring them. I should probably figure out something interesting to do with her hair, though. Hmm.

[uluuu]

I added a synopsis... Thing. Feedback would be nice. :/

[chronoluminaire]

Wow. I just finished proofreading the first day's text, and... it's really, really cool! uluuu has a delightful writing style, good at both evocative descriptions of scenes and writing entertaining dialogue.

And the characters are seventeen kinds of awesome. They might not be your thing if you're not keen on the spaced-out type of character, because each one of them seems slightly disconnected from reality in her own way. But their interactions are beautifully written, and the script does a good job of combining mysterious hints of significant things to come with hilarious repartee between Elizabeth, Satomi, Iris and Selene. And that's just from the first day!

I can't wait to see the full version of this, because it's looking wonderful from what I've seen.