Silence [Dystopia][Science Fiction][Adventure]

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Eken--Death
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Silence [Dystopia][Science Fiction][Adventure]

#1 Post by Eken--Death » Mon Jun 15, 2015 5:12 pm

BACKGROUND
After stumbling upon both my old journals and old Lemmasoft account from back in the day, I decided to revive an old universe of mine to spend summer on a little project. To indulge myself. Recreated some sketches and dug up an old screenplay and here we are. Because this story is something I made up a really long time ago, I ask you be kind for the moment as I try to revise some of the universe and the plot, thanks.

I'd like to say this is an open project right now, so if you're interested, feel free to contact me; I'd like to work with some people to make sure this gets done. I'm not a very good artist nor a good programmer, so I'd really appreciate the help. (In the future, I'd also hope to create a group, but that's for the future, I suppose). I've got the writing covered, but if you'd like to provide art, music, programming skills, or proofreading help, I'd reaaaaaally appreciate it. Otherwise, I'm fully prepared to do this entire thing alone. It's a story quite dear to me.

The idea is to have a nonlinear storytelling method. As the game moves back and forth between time periods, your choices in the past have impacts on the future. For a while, I also thought it'd be interesting to have a feature where the player could choose when to move back and forth between the timelines, but it'd progress in parallel fashion so you'd have to be careful how much you'd want to stay in one time period and risk missing out on information or events in another, but it may be too ambitious for this first project.
PREMISE
It is some time after nuclear war has ended, the remains of the earth shivering in defiance. A small group of survivors, many disfigured from genetic disarray, form a coalition to prevent the tragedy from ever happening again by implementing an invasive device designed to monitor what thoughts and words were running through the mind -- checking on one another .

The expertise of the group members erects not only a new government but new infrastructure, and soon a village crops up. As more and more survivors gather, the population swells and the influence of the original members spreads -- as well as the technology under their control. The device's purpose expands to include recording vitals and providing a reference for polling and inventory, but its original intention of marking dangerous individuals persists. Every once in a while, a person is marked for terrorist ideals and is exiled to protect the haven from corruption.

The system works well for a while. Civilization begins to rebuild under the new regime and the village becomes town becomes a city becomes a state becomes a nation. History passes, areas are partitioned, resources are siphoned, but still the old procedure remains a protocol for citizenry -- if you don't have the collar, you are not allowed within the walls of the land. But the collar evolves, it becomes a commodity, a product to buy; without a plan (by the word, by the syllable, or by word lots), people are left mute -- the poor slowly become more and more silenced. You purchase your voice, now.

On the fringes of the society live the Hush, a community of outsiders that refused to join the original city. With their vine tattoos and notorious lack of speaking abandon, they draw the distaste of the government and the people within the compounds. Several massacres, one genocide, occur over the course of their existence -- by now, they have shrunk into relatively harmless villages between the cracks of the states.

But trouble is stirring, it has always been stirring. There is unrest within the Hush, rebel forces mobilizing and attacking with gusto once again, harking a new age of terror for the civilians of the compounds. Meanwhile, the poor within the slums, with collars etched into their necks, are beginning to assemble as well, with varying degrees of cooperations with Hush rebel forces. Still more corruption in higher officials begins tearing the government into factions with different ideas of administration. Time will only tell how well the system will continue.
PLOT
Just a disclaimer, this is a rough idea of a plot currently, resembling my notes and the screenplay.
As a child, Zhu Hei Ling is a member of the Hush, raised in a remote village far west with her mother, though her knowledge is limited to the expanse of the space she lives in and the people she has known for her entire life. One night, she returns from the fields to her home, but instead of dinner, she finds a man with a pork pie hat over her mother's corpse. He vanishes, leaving her with only a picture of a man and a string of letters and numbers on the back.

She leaves for the city to hunt down the man who killed her mother and to investigate the subject of the photo, but he is elusive and the government is out to catch her. As she attempts to avoid the officials, she is taken by her brother, a major leader of Hush rebel forces.

You have the option of raising Hei Ling as a child, developing relationships and skills in the past, for her future -- where she will be able to tear down the regime with her brother, find the truth behind the man who killed her mother and the photo, or rise to power to control the system from the top down (for good or for evil).
CHARACTERS
ZHU HEI LING
taurus // entp // type three
ImageImage
The main character. Under normal circumstances, she would've developed into a fun-loving, talkative jitter bug, but because the various experimentation performed on her, her voice is restricted. She is very strongwilled, having the ability to hyper-focus on her tasks once they catch her attention, though often leaving minute tasks out of her head. She is a big-picture kind of person, with an idealist streak to bring down the system. Her sense of justice is very strong and her stubbornness reflects very obviously in both conversation and action.

As a child, she was very open and trusting. As a young adult that has learned her lesson, she is more closed off to interactions. Though she

She is quite stocky, taking after her brother with sinewy muscles and brutish force. She is a bit leaner than him, so she's more inclined towards speed than power, but nevertheless can pack a punch in a pinch. Her hair is black and her eyes are dark, irises nearly indistinguishable from her pupils. Her vine tattoo creeps much higher than the average Hush, even appearing on part of her left cheek.
ZHU XIAO DONG (EZEKIEL)
aries // enfp // type ?
ImageImage
Hei Ling's brother. He used to be Minister Jaha's second-in-command, a significant leader of the rebel forces in the west. He was recruited when he was seventeen and chose to leave his family with his father to defend against encroaching government forces into the reservation, but later stayed when he showed promise as a military strategist. After his father died in combat, he cemented his loyalty to the force and Minister Jaha began his mentorship over the boy.

He loves fiercely, almost to the point of stupidity, with an intense drive for remaining loyal to those he respects. In conversation, he may appear hot-headed and emotional, but in meetings, he becomes cold and calculating. He can come off a little forward because he values directness and honesty, but he means well nearly always. Regarding Hei Ling, she is very dear to him and he has tried to keep tabs on her throughout her childhood, despite being estranged.
MINISTER JAHA
dunno yet
The leader of the Hush rebel group. He spent most of his time adopting the various technologies from the compounds then adapting them to his own cyber warfare uses. His ideal is to take down the government and dismantle the system of patrol via collars, then implement his own control -- administrating a loosely centralized bureaucracy stationed at the Hush village he came from.

He's ruthless, a sharp mind, even sharper wit. His subordinates obey him because they respect him, but also because they fear him. His wrath is scathing and cold, and he is extraordinarily patient. He plays the long game and is apt to sacrifice the few to save the many (providing the many are more important than the few). The ends justifies the means for him.
JANICE HEPLAND
dunno yet
The head of the eastern Hush control department, co-chair of the Technological Advancement board. She rose to the ranks because of her ruthlessness, similar to Jaha, rather than her connections. Because of this, she is rather detached from her colleagues, a pure devotion to her work that has cultivated a killer reputation.

Despite that, she truly believes wholeheartedly in the mission of the government. She believes what she is doing is for the good of the public and that rebels are disrupting the peace and balance of a timelong system that has worked for the good of mankind.
RAAHIM HAQUE
pisces // i??? // type ?
Image
my tiny son. Raahim is a member of the Zoroastre compound, company IT guy by day and street performer by night. He's a bastard of the Sovereign Governor, so his word allowances are unusually large for his status.

He's bright but naive, very gullible. He doesn't like to question the good things and he prefers to push the bad things to the back of his brain. He prefers to avoid confrontation and he doesn't like to hold grudges. Sometimes, he can be a pushover, but he's good-natured and respectful enough that it isn't annoying.
MAURIA "MAU" SAUVETERRE
aquarius // i??? // type ?
A low-level technician in the headquarters. Mau is wicked smart, but rather lazy, inspired in short bursts of attention. Mau is less concerned about justice than revenge, especially after their parents were kidnapped, tortured, then killed in front of Mau for false allegations of conspiring with neighboring rebel forces. Because of this, Mau is bitter towards both the Hush and the government, a lone wolf slowly building up to taking down the mainframe their own way.
PROGRESS
I have a small portion of the prologue done and coded.
QUESTIONS
How realistic is the premise currently? Do you prefer a detailed backstory or does the worldbuilding only have to extend to the status quo for you?
How interested are you about the gameplay?
Are the characters appealing? How so? Are there any qualms about design or personality so far?
Do you prefer characters to be romanceable (or otherwise able to "end up" with them)?
Any other comments or concerns?
Attachments
silence.pdf
the original screenplay i wrote in eighth grade lol
(32.94 KiB) Downloaded 16 times

micey13
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Re: Silence [Dystopia][Science Fiction][Adventure]

#2 Post by micey13 » Mon Jun 15, 2015 6:28 pm

I love the whole concept of your story and I really think it could be something great; I'd love to help as much as I can. Personally, I prefer stories to have detailed origins in terms of history and characters however not to the extent where it takes over half the games storyline and for players to learn the information through their own progress and decisions. Overall the character designs are fitting however I think the attire for the Hush clan should be more rough around the edges whereas those who live within the system could possibly have limited clothing options or even a uniform? Characters should be romanceable but I don't think it should be the focal point of the game ( however it shouldn't be underdeveloped). A reference point for maybe the mechanics of the game could be Chrono Days Sim Date by Pacthesis. Hope this is helpful.

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Re: Silence [Dystopia][Science Fiction][Adventure]

#3 Post by Mad Harlequin » Tue Jun 16, 2015 2:31 am

Eken--Death wrote:'ve got the writing covered, but if you'd like to provide art, music, programming skills, or proofreading help, I'd reaaaaaally appreciate it. Otherwise, I'm fully prepared to do this entire thing alone. It's a story quite dear to me.
At the moment I've got a really full plate (and I foolishly keep adding more to it :roll:), but I really like your story concept, so if you ever want to sift through any of that with anybody now and again, feel free to PM me. I enjoy getting to know people and learning about their creative processes.
The idea is to have a nonlinear storytelling method. As the game moves back and forth between time periods, your choices in the past have impacts on the future. For a while, I also thought it'd be interesting to have a feature where the player could choose when to move back and forth between the timelines, but it'd progress in parallel fashion so you'd have to be careful how much you'd want to stay in one time period and risk missing out on information or events in another, but it may be too ambitious for this first project.
I see humongous charts in your future if you follow through with this, but an ambitious first project isn't a bad thing if you can commit to it.
QUESTIONS
How realistic is the premise currently? Do you prefer a detailed backstory or does the worldbuilding only have to extend to the status quo for you?
How interested are you about the gameplay?
Are the characters appealing? How so? Are there any qualms about design or personality so far?
Do you prefer characters to be romanceable (or otherwise able to "end up" with them)?
Any other comments or concerns?
1. I really, really dig this idea. It's set in a post-apocalyptic future, so you've got space for creativity there, but your story's including things that are seen and heard and felt today---governments that squash dissent, a lack of political power and representation for those who are suffering the most---you get the idea.

I love detailed worldbuilding, but obviously it should be done in a way that won't slow the story to a crawl.

2. I'm excited to see what you do, should you successfully implement your ideas. I'm especially interested in seeing how past actions, especially those concerning Hei Ling, will affect the game.

3. It looks like you've really taken the time to flesh out your characters. They don't sound like caricatures. And your designs are neat! I don't know if this is subject to change, but their sketchiness works well with your premise, somehow.

4. Dating/relationship sims aside, I don't mind romance options if there's a reason for having them, but I don't think that kind of mechanic should be shoehorned into a story for its own sake. There are so many different kinds of human relationships and experiences, and each is multifaceted. It would be a shame to turn your idea into a mere vehicle for the question of who's going to end up together.

5. None at present! I'll be watching this thread, though.
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
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redredwine
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Re: Silence [Dystopia][Science Fiction][Adventure]

#4 Post by redredwine » Thu Jun 18, 2015 12:15 pm

I think the amount of detail in the background story depends on the scope of what you're planning. To me, as long as things are consistent and make sense, it works. I'm really interested to see how the time travel works and how much your actions in the past affect the present/future. The characters seem well thought-out and have the potential to develop with the story. And I like to have an option for romance in games, but for this type of idea I think the rest of the plot should take precedence. Looks interesting!

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