COGNITIVE DISSONANCE [GxG&B|Fantasy|Action][Art+Tumblr+Gen√]

[Kumiho]

moved (this is a link)
Please feel free to lock this thread
I'd do so myself, but I don't think I have the right permissions.

[78909087]

This sounds rather interesting. It's a cliché fantasy base with a very macabre undertone and will have to act on a mature world-view.
I'm interested to see how things can/will pan out.
(How is Alys pronounced? I'm reading it a'lease.)
If you're ever looking for someone to shoot ideas or help script, I'm up for it. Got plenty of time and not enough work.

Also- if you're looking for comments, or feedback, try leaving a few questions at the end of your post for other people to consider.

[Kumiho]

Ummm, this ended up being a much longer response than I originally intended. ;u; The more the merrier? Yay for misuse of proverbial sayings

This sounds rather interesting. It's a cliché fantasy base with a very macabre undertone and will have to act on a mature world-view.

Thank you for your comment:)

Haha, do you think the plot has a foundation that is too cliche, or that it has a cliche foundation from which it can grow? ;( Honestly, the plot only came about because I wanted to write fight scenes where I could chop off everyone's body parts without killing them outright & still call it a day/otome I initially wanted to leave specific plot details out of the first post so that I could have more flexibility to change things as I plotted on, lmao, but I see how that could have just been annoying. I'll add the following plot details, along with an explanation that they're not fixed, to the main post in a second.

For now, the basic premise is that Alys' home town is one of the towns for spider lilies that have "risen above the conflict" (or so they say), and she has accordingly been distanced all her life from the fight. When her town is destroyed, she has to leave the bubble and see the world and the conflict for what they really are. On the surface, it seems to Alys that both groups have their reasons for their actions, however trivial; as Alys progresses through the plot, she learns that increasingly brutal actions are performed, acknowledged, and/or perpetuated by near everyone for the sole reason that they can be.

Alys starts her journey recognizing that both sides have their flaws but believing the conflict is one of black and gray morality. It's not. As the reality dawns on her, she must instead to either choose the side most beneficial to her as an individual,

all the while toying with Utopian ideas that are just that--Utopian, and impossible by their very nature.

(How is Alys pronounced? I'm reading it a'lease.)
If you're ever looking for someone to shoot ideas or help script, I'm up for it. Got plenty of time and not enough work.Also- if you're looking for comments, or feedback, try leaving a few questions at the end of your post for other people to consider.

I think you have it about right. It's pretty much just Alice, except with emphasis on "lice" as opposed to "A". So I guess "Aeh-LIECE", not "AEH-liece". I never learned how to use the special looking phoenetic things, so I'll just leave it at... that mess I just wrote. Thankfully, Alys will probably just be the default name, with the user being able to decide on their own if they want.

Also, while I may seek help with fine tuning ideas in the long run, I'm not looking for any co-writers, sorry ;[ Maybe for future projects! Honestly, if you couldn't tell by the dearth of sprites/artwork, I'm a writer at heart, with VNs acting as a channel for prettifying my words with pictures and music and enabling multiple endings/final character perspectives. I'm mostly taking on this project to hone my writing skills, since I really enjoy writing and plotting 8D Thanks again so much for the offer & comment/support, though, and yes, I'll add comments asap! Just give me time to think some up first. The only thing that's coming to me rn is "what is ur opinion on this idea"

[Windchimes]

This looks pretty cool! I was drawn in immediately by the blurb/description thing at the very beginning. I love the tone/atmosphere and it just sounds really interesting xD

Anyways here are my answers to your questions:

√ What's your opinion on the plot? How do you think it could be improved?
I like the plot. I think it'll be very interesting how she tries to fit in and be a human when she isn't. Like the ultimate undercover mission -- to save your own life xD One thing though...I know you call them spider lilies, because of the mark on their skin (which I thought was cool), but they sound a lot like typical vampires to me. If they actually are basically vampires, it'd be a little...yeah, because the vampire thing is done so much it's kinda a cliche xD That's the only real comment I have tbh.


√ Which group do you think you'll prefer to side with?
Hmm. I'm not sure yet, since I don't know enough about the two groups yet. Well, which side is the cutest male love interest on? LOL Not entirely joking though, I would totally pick whichever side he's on, as long as I like him xDD


√ How do you feel about the endings? Should they be happier? I mean, this IS an otome
I don't think it's necessary to have happy endings. Personally I also enjoy a good romance book that has a sad ending. In fact those are some of the stories that stuck with me the longest, actually. Not necessarily my favorite (because I'm also a big believer of happy endings), but they were the most memorable/made me the most emotional xD Which is not necessarily a bad thing. I think it depends on if a happy ending fits with the story, and to what extent the ending is happy. Overall, judging from the theme of your story, honestly I'd say sad endings seem perfectly fine to me.

I'm so looking forward to this xD Can't wait to see more!

[Kumiho]

Thanks for your comment! I'll be cropping the quote so I can answer some of the questions/comments directly.

...they sound a lot like typical vampires to me. If they actually are basically vampires, it'd be a little...yeah, because the vampire thing is done so much it's kinda a cliche xD That's the only real comment I have tbh.

The resemblance to vampires is definitely something I noted while initially developing the story. The variation in the name is mostly just a case of Our Vampires are Different; the spider lilies can be considered vampires at their core, but they vary in significant enough ways that I'd feel uncomfortable calling them as such.

I'll just list the most notable differences here:

• Human blood acts as both a hallucinogen and stimulant, but is not necessary for survival/sustenance/sanity
• Spider lilies are not immortal, although they are invincible. Spider lilies age just as humans do.
• Spider lilies have no atypical reaction to sunlight/garlic/silver/whatever
• Spider lilies lack fangs, meaning they kill and pry open their prey/human victims with weapons before drinking directly from the (usually huge & gaping) wound.
• Spider lilies cannot "turn" humans into other spider lilies, with their proliferation a result of solely the reproduction of existing spider lilies. They are not, and never have been, human, although a few live on pretending to be so. This is a part of why they're so apathetic regarding each other's treatment/view of humanity.

Given that I'm still in the plotting stage, though, everything is (as I've already said a million and three times) very subject to change. I've actually been toying with the idea of changing them to resemble (or even to actually be) kumiho. For reference, kumiho are nine tailed foxes from Korean lores. They're similar to the Japanese kitsune and the Chinese hu li jing, and vary primarily in that the kumiho are evil and feast on human flesh and liver. idrk tho

Hmm. I'm not sure yet, since I don't know enough about the two groups yet. Well, which side is the cutest male love interest on? LOL Not entirely joking though, I would totally pick whichever side he's on, as long as I like him xDD

There's only one male love interest I actually am not sure though I may add a side fling If I have money and time I'll even add another route Oh my god there will be such a big age gap though Never mind I'm making a new character if I make a third route Should I go with the age gap though Alys starts out 19 she can date who she wants pls ignore everything I said.

I don't think it's necessary to have happy endings. Personally I also enjoy a good romance book that has a sad ending. In fact those are some of the stories that stuck with me the longest, actually. Not necessarily my favorite (because I'm also a big believer of happy endings), but they were the most memorable/made me the most emotional xD Which is not necessarily a bad thing. I think it depends on if a happy ending fits with the story, and to what extent the ending is happy. Overall, judging from the theme of your story, honestly I'd say sad endings seem perfectly fine to me.

Haha, awesome! I definitely agree that tragic romances are some of the best romances, and a part of me is just scared that I won't be able to pull it off. ;( Lol I remember going through a phase in middle school when I was all "tragedies are the ONLY. TRUE. FORM. OF. GOOD. LITERATURE." and exclusively read chick flicks where either the love interest or the MC died. Although nowadays, if I ever see the word "tragedy" in reference to a novel I drop it like a hot potato and run...

Also, there's a new question regarding love interests (since the former question was, as you mentioned, counterintuitive). If you could answer it, too, that would be great<3

[78909087]

Haha, do you think the plot has a foundation that is too cliche, or that it has a cliche foundation from which it can grow? ;(

It has a cliché base, which is something you can build from. Check your 'inherent' information, and double-check to make sure you're not living off of assumptions and you should be on your way.

Honestly, the plot only came about because I wanted to write fight scenes where I could chop off everyone's body parts without killing them outright & still call it a day/otome

Sounds reasonable.

For now, the basic premise is that Alys' home town is one of the towns for spider lilies that have "risen above the conflict" (or so they say), and she has accordingly been distanced all her life from the fight. When her town is destroyed, she has to leave the bubble and see the world and the conflict for what they really are. On the surface, it seems to Alys that both groups have their reasons for their actions, however trivial; as Alys progresses through the plot, she learns that increasingly brutal actions are performed, acknowledged, and/or perpetuated by near everyone for the sole reason that they can be.

This is a semi-mature view. There are many injustices in the world, and I'm damn sure 100% of all humans start out pretending like the violence doesn't include them. "When her town is destroyed" is a pretty sure way to wake her up to reality, and the real questions start there. The reality is, of course, that people are inherently irrational.

Alys starts her journey recognizing that both sides have their flaws but believing the conflict is one of black and gray morality. It's not. As the reality dawns on her, she must instead to either choose the side most beneficial to her as an individual,

all the while toying with Utopian ideas that are just that--Utopian, and impossible by their very nature.

Black and grey morality isn't something I hear often. I'm assuming you mean that she thinks it's a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils? If it isn't a 'lesser of two evils' then what is she choosing from- two complete evils? It seems odd that it isn't black and grey, but that she can somehow benefit from one side or the other. I suppose I might have thought myself into a corner- but would a better sentence be 'choose the side least harmful to her as an individual'? Of course I could be completely wrong and you mean both sides have redeeming qualities.

Also, I'm 10x more interested by all this talk about Utopia. I'm a sucker for 'it's not what it seems'.

Also, while I may seek help with fine tuning ideas in the long run, I'm not looking for any co-writers, sorry ;[ Maybe for future projects! Honestly, if you couldn't tell by the dearth of sprites/artwork, I'm a writer at heart, with VNs acting as a channel for prettifying my words with pictures and music and enabling multiple endings/final character perspectives. I'm mostly taking on this project to hone my writing skills, since I really enjoy writing and plotting 8D Thanks again so much for the offer & comment/support, though, and yes, I'll add comments asap! Just give me time to think some up first. The only thing that's coming to me rn is "what is ur opinion on this idea"

Oh, I was more or less offering to copy paste and edit your writing into the script format, rather than co-write. I'm always up for helping bounce ideas. You seem the type to crop ideas quickly.

Also- totally noticed the questions! Good work on that.
I just saw your recent reply, and I have to say, I understand the whole 'they are akin to, but not' problem. Also that you really like TVtropes.

I don't have much to say about choosing a side, until I've read and fleshed out the evils for myself. Of course, re-playability means I'll probably just choose both anyway. Yes I'm a completionist.

As for happy endings, I have to say, do what fits best with the story. If the tragic ends fit, then by all means, make me cry to the best of your ability. If there is room for happy endings, or 'iffy' endings, then go for it. Just remember that the story is something like a universe, and while you can twist it to be whatever you want, things smell funny if there isn't a linear 'backbone'. Or I could just say 'substantial reasoning' and not sound like a poetic asshat.

You just added a new question- so.
To me, depending on the story, love interests can kind of be 'interest' only. Interest as in bank account interest- something added to.
Depending entirely on the scope and size of the different routes the story can take... Well let's simply say, it depends on how much work it is. Sometimes you can add another love interest without changing much at all- sometimes the new lover can bring an entirely new perspective on the story. If the perspective shift is possible, by all means add another one. Otherwise, I'd stick with fleshing out the story in all possibilities.

[Windchimes]

The resemblance to vampires is definitely something I noted while initially developing the story. The variation in the name is mostly just a case of Our Vampires are Different; the spider lilies can be considered vampires at their core, but they vary in significant enough ways that I'd feel uncomfortable calling them as such.

I'll just list the most notable differences here:

• Human blood acts as both a hallucinogen and stimulant, but is not necessary for survival/sustenance/sanity
• Spider lilies are not immortal, although they are invincible. Spider lilies age just as humans do.
• Spider lilies have no atypical reaction to sunlight/garlic/silver/whatever
• Spider lilies lack fangs, meaning they kill and pry open their prey/human victims with weapons before drinking directly from the (usually huge & gaping) wound.
• Spider lilies cannot "turn" humans into other spider lilies, with their proliferation a result of solely the reproduction of existing spider lilies. They are not, and never have been, human, although a few live on pretending to be so. This is a part of why they're so apathetic regarding each other's treatment/view of humanity.

Ahh this sounds much more interesting now. Clearly something's wrong with me since the point about spider lilies needing weapons instead of fangs to kill human victims was the most interesting one -cough- I'm really interested to see how you portray them!

I've actually been toying with the idea of changing them to resemble (or even to actually be) kumiho. For reference, kumiho are nine tailed foxes from Korean lores. They're similar to the Japanese kitsune and the Chinese hu li jing, and vary primarily in that the kumiho are evil and feast on human flesh and liver. idrk tho

Ohhh that would be cool actually. I haven't read many books/VNs that talk about different mythical creatures from other cultures (most popular ones are always vampires or werewolves or ghosts or demons xD) so it'd be a nice change. Side note: hu li jing is usually also used in Chinese as an insulting reference to the "other woman" in a relationship, so I giggled because that was the first thing that popped into my head and I was like wth? then I realized wait no, not that meaning LOL

I'm thinking of adding a third route in which Alys looks for a middle ground / compromise, but that would linearize the other two routes. Which is preferable, an extra love interest or a branching plot?
√√NOTE: If I decide to make a new route, the love interest will probably be Hans(temporary name), an existing character who already plays a very big role in the story & has an established background that requires him to be mature and, frankly, older. Hans is currently in his late forties, but if I make him a love interest, I'll probably lower his age (late 20s~late 30s), because Alys is nineteen at the beginning of the story and shipping a teen with a near-50 year old is just ridiculously creepy. Irl anything past 24 sounds super sketchy to me but THIS IS FICTION AND IN FICTION LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS MAN Tl;dr: Would it be better if I made a new character as a love interest, or do y'all like a little age gap in your otomes? How old is too old to be dating a teen in fiction?

Hmm. I would love to see a second love interest to be honest xD The middle ground/compromise seems interesting too, but I'd say it's more expected/cliche, because most stories that involve two sides or whatever, the hero/heroine always ends up being the one to "bring them together" or save the world and solve everything xD So it might be different and more interesting if you stick to only choosing one side or the other.

As for the age thing...honestly I personally am not against romance with huge age gaps (Othello anyone? xD) especially if the context of the story makes the romance make a little more sense e.g. Othello like I said, medieval times where girls are married off really young...etc. So I think one suggestion/comment I have is maybe consider the background/societal context at the time of the story? If it's just set in like, modern world though...hm, well, there's always that "half your age plus seven" rule LOL

Haha, awesome! I definitely agree that tragic romances are some of the best romances, and a part of me is just scared that I won't be able to pull it off. ;( Lol I remember going through a phase in middle school when I was all "tragedies are the ONLY. TRUE. FORM. OF. GOOD. LITERATURE." and exclusively read chick flicks where either the love interest or the MC died. Although nowadays, if I ever see the word "tragedy" in reference to a novel I drop it like a hot potato and run...

Omg I was the opposite LOL When I was younger in middle school I refused to read tragedies at all. I always said "There are enough tragedies irl, when I read I want to read happy endings because books are the only place where there are happy endings". So I did this thing where every time before I buy a book, I'd quickly flip to the end to check and guess if it's a happy/sad ending. If it's a sad one, I drop it and refuse to read it LOL But as I grew up I had more appreciation for a good tragic romance story. It's not about the destination, it's about the journey...dramatic as heck, sorry xD But yeah, sometimes a good old tragic ending is just...much more powerful than a happy ending. xD One of my favorite novels ended with the guy dying, and I was SO upset when there were sequels and the guy lived (and there was a love triangle too fml). My friends thought I was crazy for being upset he didn't die because I loved the guy in the book LOL But the ending was sooo much better when it hinted he died at the end D: to this day I refuse to admit that book is anything more than a standalone rather than part of a trilogy xDD

[Kumiho]

btw if I don't directly comment on something, it means I 100% agree & have nothing else to add.
------- will be responding to windchimes in a separate post for clarity because i'm wordy af

It has a cliché base, which is something you can build from. Check your 'inherent' information, and double-check to make sure you're not living off of assumptions and you should be on your way.

Ahhhh maybe I'm just super out of it rn and I'll have a eureka moment right after I post this, but I'm not sure what you mean by 'inherent' information. Also, assumptions of what?

Black and grey morality isn't something I hear often. I'm assuming you mean that she thinks it's a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils? If it isn't a 'lesser of two evils' then what is she choosing from- two complete evils? It seems odd that it isn't black and grey, but that she can somehow benefit from one side or the other. I suppose I might have thought myself into a corner- but would a better sentence be 'choose the side least harmful to her as an individual'? Of course I could be completely wrong and you mean both sides have redeeming qualities.

Also, I'm 10x more interested by all this talk about Utopia. I'm a sucker for 'it's not what it seems'.

Um, yeah, I was sort of talking about both of what you mentioned. Finals == procrastination == TVTropes == start making sink holes endlessly so I can justify the hours wasted on that site. Basically, what I meant was that Alys starts out believing one of the two groups must be instigating the conflict and seeking to join the side that's only reacting to the brutality imposed on them. Obviously, Alys wants to vilify one of the two groups so that she can join a side without having to admit that she's only contributing to the cycle of violence.

Haha, awesome!

An ending or two will involve Alys' attempts to actualize her Utopian ideals, and I'm not 100% sure how I want to go about them yet. I low key want to let her succeed, albeit temporarily. Her renditions of 'utopia' can seem very happy and cheerful on the surface, with their ironic nature and inevitable collapse only implied, although heavily so.

Oh, I was more or less offering to copy paste and edit your writing into the script format, rather than co-write. I'm always up for helping bounce ideas. You seem the type to crop ideas quickly.

Oh, I see! That sounds great:) Your comments have already helped me a lot! When I'm just plotting by myself, articulation/elaboration isn't all that important, since I know what I'm talking about, no matter how general or sloppily written my notes are.

Also- totally noticed the questions! Good work on that.
I just saw your recent reply, and I have to say, I understand the whole 'they are akin to, but not' problem. Also that you really like TVtropes.

haahahahahha tvtropes ruins lives

As for happy endings, I have to say, do what fits best with the story. If the tragic ends fit, then by all means, make me cry to the best of your ability. If there is room for happy endings, or 'iffy' endings, then go for it. Just remember that the story is something like a universe, and while you can twist it to be whatever you want, things smell funny if there isn't a linear 'backbone'. Or I could just say 'substantial reasoning' and not sound like a poetic asshat.

Haha, poetic asshat or not, the claim is legit. I doubt any of my endings will make people cry, and I suppose from the MC's pov, most could be considered happily ever afters. They'll depict Alys alive and happy--the issue lies with the other characters' fate. If one side wins, the other side loses. The state of "balance" already consists of hacking each other's body parts off at best, and if the balance is shifted in favor of one kind (race?), the world is only going to become hell for the losing party.

I can see things panning out in the long term, but within Alys' life time...

well, I could always pull a deux ex machina and be all "THE SPIDER LILIES AND HUMANS REALIZED AFTER MAGICAL MYSTICAL EVENTS THAT THEY WERE BEING PETTY AND RECONCILED. THE END."

Actually, now that I mentioned that, I kind of want to include it as a #superSecret troll ending. And make it the elusive True Ending, only unlockable after all the other endings have been unlocked & if all the major questions have been answered "correctly".

You just added a new question- so.
To me, depending on the story, love interests can kind of be 'interest' only. Interest as in bank account interest- something added to.
Depending entirely on the scope and size of the different routes the story can take... Well let's simply say, it depends on how much work it is. Sometimes you can add another love interest without changing much at all- sometimes the new lover can bring an entirely new perspective on the story. If the perspective shift is possible, by all means add another one. Otherwise, I'd stick with fleshing out the story in all possibilities.

I love your example lmao.

Even without his own route, Hans is a noteworthy character, and a lot of Alys' character development (however she 'develops', since her change will depend a lot on the choices made) stems from her interactions with him. I personally prefer him to the love interest on humanity's side. He initiates a lot of discussion and action regarding justice, utopias, peace, whatever, playing the role of an idealistic fool... but he's old, he's seen shit, and he's very obviously jaded. I feel like elaborating on his story could be really fun, although I have no idea what his endings will be like.

[Kumiho]

Clearly something's wrong with me since the point about spider lilies needing weapons instead of fangs to kill human victims was the most interesting one -cough- I'm really interested to see how you portray them!

Ditto Thanks, haha.

I haven't read many books/VNs that talk about different mythical creatures from other cultures (most popular ones are always vampires or werewolves or ghosts or demons xD) so it'd be a nice change. Side note: hu li jing is usually also used in Chinese as an insulting reference to the "other woman" in a relationship, so I giggled because that was the first thing that popped into my head and I was like wth? then I realized wait no, not that meaning LOL

Lol, that's super funny! Are you Chinese, or do you just speak the language? I'm Korean, so I have a bit more familiarity with East Asian lores, Korean ones specifically.

Hmm. I would love to see a second love interest to be honest xD The middle ground/compromise seems interesting too, but I'd say it's more expected/cliche, because most stories that involve two sides or whatever, the hero/heroine always ends up being the one to "bring them together" or save the world and solve everything xD So it might be different and more interesting if you stick to only choosing one side or the other.

He'd be a third* love interest, just the second male* one. And hahahaha yeahno a nineteen year old girl who just barely entered the "real world" has no chance in hell of uniting the two races. I want to call what I just said a spoiler but... it's really not at this point. While I don't know exactly what'll happen in the third route (since I wasn't even considering it until yesterday), I will say that not all their efforts will be in vain.

...consider the background/societal context at the time of the story? If it's just set in like, modern world though...hm, well, there's always that "half your age plus seven" rule LOL

That makes sense. Perhaps thankfully, the setting is not contemporary earth (I never did like urban fantasy), but rather a fantasy world that still has a monarchy. Yeah, the rule is how i got 24 xD but that's still so much younger than I want the character to be, and I'm just here like a;skjfa don't even want to think any more.

It's not about the destination, it's about the journey...dramatic as heck, sorry xD

Agreed. And isn't drama why we read in the first place? ;o

One of my favorite novels ended with the guy dying, and I was SO upset when there were sequels and the guy lived (and there was a love triangle too fml). My friends thought I was crazy for being upset he didn't die because I loved the guy in the book LOL But the ending was sooo much better when it hinted he died at the end D: to this day I refuse to admit that book is anything more than a standalone rather than part of a trilogy xDD

LOL what series is this? I really want to read it now.

Your story reminds me a lot of my experience with The Giver. I read that book in fifth grade (didn't we all), and it was one of those books with perfect open endings that just gave my younger self ~feels~. Then, a few years ago, I came across Lois Lowry's newest books at the school library, and I recognized her name. I was like "oh ok cool, I trust that author." Turns out, they were the last three books to the saga that The Giver only began??? I don't remember if I read the books in order, but I do remember being really disappointed in the quality of the latter books. (I mean, they were good, but they were... different from The Giver, and the sudden fluctuation in themes/ideas tripped me up pretty bad. Iirc there was some Big Bad that was a metaphor for evil, and just aisjf;l it wasn't what I expected/wanted) They completely ruined The Giver for me, and I wish she'd just have made them a separate series without involving preexisting characters whose stories were already told to their (imo best) end.

I think I'm just going to pretend I never read the latter books tho

[Windchimes]

Lol, that's super funny! Are you Chinese, or do you just speak the language? I'm Korean, so I have a bit more familiarity with East Asian lores, Korean ones specifically.

Yep I'm Chinese xD So same here, I'm pretty familiar with lores like that. Speaking of kumiho and Korean...you've probably heard this question a million times but...that kdrama? xD My girlfriend is a gumiho? -cough- Did you watch that? xD

He'd be a third* love interest, just the second male* one. And hahahaha yeahno a nineteen year old girl who just barely entered the "real world" has no chance in hell of uniting the two races. I want to call what I just said a spoiler but... it's really not at this point. While I don't know exactly what'll happen in the third route (since I wasn't even considering it until yesterday), I will say that not all their efforts will be in vain.

Oh yeah! I forgot about the GxG one. I usually tend to go for GxB when there's the option so I forget about the girl. Sorry female love interest who is unnamed for the moment! xD And yeah I like what you've decided, that's way more realistic xD Have you read some of those YA dystopian novels that are so popular nowadays? The heroine is always like, 18 or 19 then randomly manage to become the key factor in overthrowing the government and bringing everyone together. Pfft. Sooo predictable. xD

That makes sense. Perhaps thankfully, the setting is not contemporary earth (I never did like urban fantasy), but rather a fantasy world that still has a monarchy. Yeah, the rule is how i got 24 xD but that's still so much younger than I want the character to be, and I'm just here like a;skjfa don't even want to think any more.

Ahh I'm excited~ I really love fantasy settings. I love to see how people create a whole new world just from their imagination, with all the lores and background and societal rules and context and sometimes magic or whatnot. It's amazing.

LOL Well I think I read your post above that said he is going to be part of the catalyst for her growth and stuff? And that apparently he's jaded and all that. Honestly, from what you've said so far, I think it'd be adorable if they fell for each other xD Hey, you know what they say, opposites attract. The old jaded dude needs a bright-eyed young girl to balance him out~ Tbh, if this weren't a VN, I'd totally be rooting for them instantly, but because it's a VN and there will be sprites (and I'm assuming his sprite will look his age), it might be a constant reminder he's wayyy older. It's easier to accept huge age gaps in relationships in novels I think, at least for me, because if I get engrossed in the tale I completely forget he's like double her age unless the characters suddenly decide to point that out in the book LOL So yeahhh Idk.

Agreed. And isn't drama why we read in the first place? ;o

LOL True. Read fictional characters' drama and feel better about your own life, basically. xD

LOL what series is this? I really want to read it now.

Your story reminds me a lot of my experience with The Giver. I read that book in fifth grade (didn't we all), and it was one of those books with perfect open endings that just gave my younger self ~feels~. Then, a few years ago, I came across Lois Lowry's newest books at the school library, and I recognized her name. I was like "oh ok cool, I trust that author." Turns out, they were the last three books to the saga that The Giver only began??? I don't remember if I read the books in order, but I do remember being really disappointed in the quality of the latter books. (I mean, they were good, but they were... different from The Giver, and the sudden fluctuation in themes/ideas tripped me up pretty bad. Iirc there was some Big Bad that was a metaphor for evil, and just aisjf;l it wasn't what I expected/wanted) They completely ruined The Giver for me, and I wish she'd just have made them a separate series without involving preexisting characters whose stories were already told to their (imo best) end.

I think I'm just going to pretend I never read the latter books tho

This might actually be a little embarrassing -COUGH- It's a YA dystopian novel that I read a couple years ago and really liked it for some reason xD It's called Delirium? Some people hate on YA so please don't judge me it's my guilty pleasure it takes like no brain cells to read so it's good for relaxing xDD Gave you spoilers already, sorry xD But I totally pretend the other two books do not exist. Ugh, I hate it when authors ruin it with sequels...usually by adding love triangles, or randomly killing off characters...xD Like this other series...Court of Thorn and Roses or something. The first book was pretty good, but then at the end I could tell they were hinting at a love triangle and I was like OH GOD WHY -pretend I don't know there will be a sequel- xD

[YuukiCrossPudding]

√ What's your opinion on the plot? How do you think it could be improved?
I love the overall plot and for me it's too early to say which part should be improved.
It'll be interesting to see how the spider lilies are using their powers and their way to drink blood from humans, maybe there's another way beside the one you states above(from an open wound etc.)

√ How do you feel about the endings? Should they be happier? I mean, this IS an otome
Hm, maybe just branch them out, so there will be bad endings and happier ones.

√ I'm thinking of adding a third route in which Alys looks for a middle ground / compromise, but that would linearize the other two routes. Which is preferable, an extra love interest or a branching plot?
I think an extra love interest or a branching plot will be nice! But you can plan it out for a bonus route or something after the main route are all finished I guess

√Would it be better if I made a new character as a love interest, or do y'all like a little age gap in your otomes? How old is too old to be dating a teen in fiction?
I don't know why but almost all of the pairing I shipped have a large age gap. (Which there is 70 years old with 19 y.o. but the appearance of the oldest is a bit ambiguous so I don't know if it counts lol)
But I think as long there isn't inappropriate things, people can tolerate them I suppose? Personally I'm totally fine with it!

[Agashi]

√ What's your opinion on the plot? How do you think it could be improved?
It sounds interesting, and while it DOES have a YA kind of feel to it, that in itself makes the plot pretty unique for an otome. At least, among the ones I've seen and played. I haven't really seen enough of the writing to feel comfortable suggesting improvements, but as long as your plot is leading up to something, and the characters have understandable motivations, you should be fine.

√ How do you feel about the endings? Should they be happier? I mean, this IS an otome.
I mean, it would be a bummer not to have a CHANCE at a happy ending. I don't really enjoy playing games where I can't "win." But you shouldn't feel like you have to add happier endings just because. My suggestion is to have at least one happy ending per romance route, but overall stick to your vision for the game. Shoehorning content that you're not happy with will show to players, after all.

√ I'm thinking of adding a third route in which Alys looks for a middle ground / compromise, but that would linearize the other two routes. Which is preferable, an extra love interest or a branching plot?
IMHO, that would depend on whether the focus of the story is on the plot, or the characters. Whichever it is, stick to that.

√Would it be better if I made a new character as a love interest, or do y'all like a little age gap in your otomes? How old is too old to be dating a teen in fiction?
This is a tricky subject that I'm dealing with in my game as well. I got around it in mine because I made the MC's age vague. It is literally never explicitly stated how old she is, because it wasn't crucial to the plot. Physically she could be a young-looking 25 or an older-looking 18. Is it crucial to yours that the MC be exactly 19? Either way, I'm a big fan of age gaps in fictional romances, especially if it's addressed in a sensitive way. I wouldn't make the guy older than early-mid thirties if you decide to go that route, though, just because this IS still an otome.

Feel free to take or dismiss all of the above comments. I won't be offended. Good luck with your project!

[Kumiho]

I feel super awkward responding three separate times, so, um... I'll be even more pretentious and use headers? Some days, I wish I knew how to shut up.

Also, (and this assumes/hopes people will continue to respond) I will be taking a four day hiatus. And if I don't, y'all have full permission to punch me. I have finals and projects due between tomorrow today, since it's past midnight, and Tuesday. I've been procrastinating way too much. I'll start responding & plotting again afterwards, though!

@Windchimes

Yep I'm Chinese xD So same here, I'm pretty familiar with lores like that. Speaking of kumiho and Korean...you've probably heard this question a million times but...that kdrama? xD My girlfriend is a gumiho? -cough- Did you watch that? xD

LOL no, I haven't. It's been on my bucket list for a really long time, though, just because it's so long. I love the plot idea, but it's a drama, and I'm not as eager with TV shows/dramas/anime/anything that progresses at its own pace, as opposed to mine (idk how to explain it). Game of Thrones, Madoka Magica, and EVA are my only guilty pleasures/exceptions.

This might actually be a little embarrassing -COUGH- It's a YA dystopian novel that I read a couple years ago and really liked it for some reason xD It's called Delirium? Some people hate on YA so please don't judge me it's my guilty pleasure it takes like no brain cells to read so it's good for relaxing xDD Gave you spoilers already, sorry xD But I totally pretend the other two books do not exist. Ugh, I hate it when authors ruin it with sequels...usually by adding love triangles, or randomly killing off characters...xD Like this other series...Court of Thorn and Roses or something. The first book was pretty good, but then at the end I could tell they were hinting at a love triangle and I was like OH GOD WHY -pretend I don't know there will be a sequel- xD

Oh. OH. Oh my god, I was obsessed with Pandemonium three years ago. I found it at the school library, and the cover looked cool so I decided to read it. I fell in love, despite not knowing wtf was going on (I'd never read Delirium, and I didn't know at first that Pandemonium was a sequel). Alex' reveal (it was in the end of the second book, right?) wasn't as big of a deal to me, just because I assumed he was some side character or w/e and I didn't have enough context to understand wtf his return meant. Iirc someone stole our school's copy of Delirium, and I was too lazy to look for pdfs, so I was still missing a lot of context when I read Requiem the year after lmao.

On another note, someone stole the first volume of Helsing, too. Thank god for manga sites (the best ones are now either completely down or have a lot of their mangas removed, though;;) and torrents.

I totally understand what you mean about YA. There are moments when I really don't have the time or dedication to read a full-fledged series or novel that's either a "classic" or otherwise "has merit", and moments when I'm down and all I care for is reading a fluffy af book about a girl stuck in a reverse harem. I think that's fine. Better to read something than nothing, y'know?

I mostly read Korean (fantasy) chick lit though, just because they cater to my tastes better.

I feel like nowadays 99% of American YA novels released are dystopian/supernatural, and I generally don't like either. Note: I make an artificial distinction between crapsack worlds and dystopias in terms of how they are utilized. idk how to explain it, but basically, I feel like crapsack worlds are more "this world sucks" and dystopias are more "this world sucks because [insert really simplified, strawman attempt at social commentary here]! The MC can change it! *MC changes it* Yay! Now the world has a better [depicted as genuinely better, as opposed to better for the MC & those around them] future!"

@YuukiCrossPudding

Yaaas! I've been waiting for your comment
Thanks for your thoughts! I'll take them all into account.

It'll be interesting to see how the spider lilies are using their powers and their way to drink blood from humans, maybe there's another way beside the one you states above(from an open wound etc.)

Regarding their bloodsucking methods, uhm... there is a way, kind of. However, it's arguably more violent than drinking from an open wound--not at its core, but in its execution--so I'm not sure if it's what you're looking for.

I don't know why but almost all of the pairing I shipped have a large age gap. (Which there is 70 years old with 19 y.o. but the appearance of the oldest is a bit ambiguous so I don't know if it counts lol)
But I think as long there isn't inappropriate things, people can tolerate them I suppose? Personally I'm totally fine with it!

LOL I assume he's immortal/doesn't age? I guess my 40 year old love interest could have a massive babyface or something Haha, that's great!

@Agashi

I haven't really seen enough of the writing to feel comfortable suggesting improvements, but as long as your plot is leading up to something, and the characters have understandable motivations, you should be fine.

Thanks:) I fully expect you to play the demo when it comes out ok. You can comment again then.

I mean, it would be a bummer not to have a CHANCE at a happy ending. I don't really enjoy playing games where I can't "win."

That does make sense, lol. I guess it kind of ruins the point of the choices if you're just aiming for different variations of "bad ends". What's your definition of a happy ending, though? Does it count if the FMC and her lover are happy, but the others aren't & the world as a whole is still crappy?

IMHO, that would depend on whether the focus of the story is on the plot, or the characters. Whichever it is, stick to that.

That's a nice way to put it. I suppose my emphasis is primarily on the characters, haha.

This is a tricky subject that I'm dealing with in my game as well. I got around it in mine because I made the MC's age vague. It is literally never explicitly stated how old she is, because it wasn't crucial to the plot. Physically she could be a young-looking 25 or an older-looking 18. Is it crucial to yours that the MC be exactly 19? Either way, I'm a big fan of age gaps in fictional romances, especially if it's addressed in a sensitive way. I wouldn't make the guy older than early-mid thirties if you decide to go that route, though, just because this IS still an otome.

That's a really good idea! The age is actually pretty arbitrary. I definitely don't want her any younger, though, since then she'd realistically freak out a lot more than she will in the VN. And Hans could be a baby faced thirty five year old

[Windchimes]

Oh. OH. Oh my god, I was obsessed with Pandemonium three years ago. I found it at the school library, and the cover looked cool so I decided to read it. I fell in love, despite not knowing wtf was going on (I'd never read Delirium, and I didn't know at first that Pandemonium was a sequel). Alex' reveal (it was in the end of the second book, right?) wasn't as big of a deal to me, just because I assumed he was some side character or w/e and I didn't have enough context to understand wtf his return meant. Iirc someone stole our school's copy of Delirium, and I was too lazy to look for pdfs, so I was still missing a lot of context when I read Requiem the year after lmao.

Omg Delirium is way better than Pandemonium imo xD But yeah, when Alex came back at the end I was like NOOOO ARE YOU JOKING ME? And then it turned into a love triangle and the ending of Requiem was like such an open ending to please both camps of shippers that I got even more pissed and decided I will pretend those two books never existed xDD But story-wise, Delirium trilogy is really good. I just have serious problems with Alex coming back and then the love triangle.

For a person who loves playing otome games, I hate love triangles in books with a fiery passion. idk why. I think it's because in otome games, at least I can pursue the other guy in the next playthrough xD But in a book I can't do that, and then I always feel so horrible for the guy who wasn't chosen. And also, most YA authors portray love triangles so badly...1) why does the girl always end up choosing the kinda crazy abusive guy who threatened to kill her/tortured her at the start??? (looking at you, Shattered) 2) why do they always make the girl an unfaithful cheating jerk?!?! Maybe that's why I like otome games more than books like that xD There isn't cheating and usually you lock in a romance route with only one guy so you won't end up kissing one guy then kissing guy B then dating guy A for a month then dating guy B again for 2 months (whatareyoudoingvampirediaries) -cough- Anyways. That was a long random rant. xD

Good luck for your papers/school stuff! I'm excited to see the character descriptions on 16th as you said or whenever you decide to post them xD (PS you can totally PM me any time if you want to talk, especially about books and VNs xD)

[Kumiho]

Hahaha okay! I'll PM you a response regarding Delirium/YA:) since we've already derailed so much from the vn xD Not complaining tho

I've slowly been plotting while cramming for finals, and a lot has changed some things have been bettered even the names, including some things I initially assumed to be fixed. Nothing broad has been altered, of course. Only specific plot details have been changed. Thank god this is on ideas, not WiP Thank god this is on ideas, not WiP.

Character descriptions may instead be up later tonight or tomorrow, depending on whether I decide to blow of finals steam by working on the VN or by sleeping.