Transformation Sequence - By The Power Of Art, Be Reborn!

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Tsundere Lightning
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Transformation Sequence - By The Power Of Art, Be Reborn!

#1 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Fri Jul 11, 2008 2:10 am

And with my ability to Art removing the last obstacle to the completion of this game, this thread rises from it's grave. (If this is a problem for the mods, let me know, close this thread, and I'll start a new one.)

There be spoilers in this here thread. Read at your own risk.

Now that we're actually trying to be a Big Damn Game company, I'm working with Perpetual Motion Entertainment to create a commercial release of Transformation sequence for $10.00.


Transformation Sequence
is the story of Talia Andrew Black -

Image

- a transgender girl, born Timothy Andrew Black, and her attempts to come out to... and win the heart of... her best friend in college Ethan Sinclair. Helping her with this is her confidant Cassandra Grist, the only person on campus who she's come out to... who secretly harbors feelings for Talia herself.

Will she end up with Ethan, in the end? With Cassandra? Or is there someone else...? There are seven different endings - no bad endings, but some better endings... including the secret True Ending.

And you can still get the second draft here for free!
Transformation Sequence draft 0.2.0.zip
The second draft.
(3.9 MiB) Downloaded 306 times
This is a PG-13 game: I don't go into the... mechanics... of Talia physically expressing her affection. About the most she does is hold hands with or kiss the object of her desire. It's not hentai or ecchi ...well, Cassandra is a little ecchi. :roll:

The full game will feature:
  • DAAAWsome art penciled by yours truly, Tsundere Lightning!
  • The absurdly low price of 10 US dollars, repeat, $10.00!
  • Three romantic paths and seven endings, including the secret True Ending!
  • The satisfaction of knowing that the funds go straight to producing Bliss Stage and other character-driven video games by Perpetual Motion Entertainment!
  • Too many shout-outs to OELVN what are awesome to list!
  • And bulleted feature lists with too many exclamation points!
Last edited by Tsundere Lightning on Thu Feb 03, 2011 5:16 am, edited 12 times in total.
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Bliss Stage: Love is your weapon! A sci-fi visual novel about child soldiers coming of age. Kickstarter prerelease here. WIP thread here. Original tabletop game by Ben Lehman here. Tumblr here.

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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#2 Post by Mistik » Fri Jul 11, 2008 10:53 am

LOl.
on my ren'py I created a new project then I replaced that script with yours so I could open it in a game format. I must admit
I'm not into the whole transsexual thing, so I tried my best not to hook up with anybody, especially since I didn't know if the game was going to get graphic or not(got the Liz and Izzy ending), but I enjoyed the writing and script. It had a very very realistic feel to the story since it was all real life. I enjoyed the D&D and acting menu choices. It helped me feel as the character. Lol, but with out pictures, the two names, the D&D character names and the stage names got a little bit confusing; only a lil bit, and so did the anime club lingo at the beginning, but I guess that was on purpose. Anyway That's a lot of words you wrote and it was entertaining good job and good luck.
Lol I'm going to try to go for Izebel next.

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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#3 Post by chronoluminaire » Fri Jul 11, 2008 12:37 pm

I've not had time to read all of it (that's a hefty chunk of script you got there!) But so far:

Well, there's certainly a lot of ellipses. But you know that ;)

You don't give much explanation of D&D at first. For those who're not familiar with the game, saying "Especially because he was the DM." / "..." / "He's a great DM." is going to be a bit confusing. (And there must be some people in anime fandom who aren't familiar with D&D... somewhere... right?) Similarly, when the game starts, it might not be clear to people which player-character is playing which character-character. Possibly you could make the dialogue labels go "Timothy (as Yurika)", etc, when they're speaking in character?

A little trick: rather than going:

Code: Select all

c "Line 1..."
c "Line 1... continues like this"
You can insert the text tag "{w}":

Code: Select all

c "Line 1... {w}continues like this"
A few typos: "He's likes the same anime as me...", "agent provacatuer" (should be "agent provocateur"), "npc's" should probably be "NPCs", "Yuriko" should be "Yurika" (several times), and "commanding officer - come - lover" should be... well, rephrased, if possible, since the "a-cum-b" turn of phrase is spelled "cum", as in the Latin word.

Lucy's introduction is a bit unsubtle. "I wonder... what changed?"

I'm delighted at the ethics of the in-game choice. That's a spicy way to let the player direct the protagonist's emotions and ethics. Very nice: I hope there's more of them. One thing is that we don't know

I also like the banter and references (many references) between the friends. Lots of TV Tropes there. I do wonder how comprehensible it'd be to someone who's seen the shows, but doesn't know all the fanspeak terms... but hey.

I wasn't sure about how I'd feel about a game with a trans-gender protagonist. But the story seems to do a good job of getting the reader inside Talia's head. So keep it up!


EDIT: Gosh, I didn't realise this was the whole script. It might not be immensely desirable to publish that, particularly without a Ren'Py installation around it, because people's natural inclination (well, mine >.>) is to look at it in a text editor, which means we see all the variables and so on. I suggest you reattach as a black-screen Ren'Py installation, as otherwise there's a likelihood people will read through the Ren'Py script rather than play through the game.
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#4 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:22 pm

Mystik:

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I should probably clearly label that this game does NOT go into the, uh, mechanics of Talia and whoever hooking up. In fact, with the possible exception of Izzy, there's a surprising LACK of innuendo.
Although some of the endings do make it clear she gets horomone therapy later.

I rather like Lisa by Izzy myself... not that there are BAD endings.
Bonus points if you get the *painfully* extended reference.

Did your playthrough end on (in game) Wenesday or Friday? Enquiring minds want to know.
Good hunting.

Chronoluminare:

...damn...
...I can't stop...
...I can't stop using ellipses!
:roll:

How's this for an explanation of a Dungeon Master's duties?

----
"He's a great DM."

"..."

"A referee, sort of... though that's not a Dungeon Master's only job."

"He comes up with situations for us to overcome."

"Tries to make sure we all have a good time."

"He's never failed yet..."

"...mainly because he let's us come up with our own solutions..."

(Insert the rest of her blathering about how insanely wonderful Ethan is.) :shock: :lol:
----
Mystik does seem to have the same problem identifying who's who... what with all the plays, roleplaying, and the Arty-Farty flip flops between calling her Talia or Timothy.
...and the flops aren't arbitrary at all. ...why is this spoilered? :roll:
Is there any easy way to append another part of the name? As in "Izzy as Tokho:"" or "Lisa as Megan:" ...?

Thanks for telling me about the continue wibbly thing.

I should really ease off on the references, except where they make sense.
Which means that Alex's magnum opus is probably going to stay. And they do explain the Iris and Megan allusion ('Meganekko' = Japanese for 'Girl in Glasses,' from 'Megane' = Japanese for 'Spectacles.' Anyone that gets the reference will understand why Talia tells Alex how groan-worthy that is) :twisted: thing in character.
Can you give me some specific examples of fanspeak and WikiTropes gone overboard?
chronoluminare wrote: I'm delighted at the ethics of the in-game choice. That's a spicy way to let the player direct the protagonist's emotions and ethics. Very nice: I hope there's more of them.


Spicy, you say?

----
"How bad can one scotch bonnet be?"
-or-
"I'm not going through with this dare!"
----

...probably not what you meant. Elaborate?
And that kind of choice happens a *lot.* Prime example - the ramifications of your encounters with Greg.

The following things are my interpretation of Talia's behavior:

1) She's very childish emotionally - VERY. Partially because she felt like she had to repress her 'girly' feelings (the in-character explanation.) Partially because her holding the Romantic Idiot Ball doing stupid things drives the plot forward (the plot-device reason).

2) She's probably never really had feelings for anyone BUT Ethan before for the above reasons. This is not canon, just my own speculation.

3) Failure is not a bad thing in this game, because Talia, is fairly thoughtful, intelligent, and empathic... when she tries to be.
Exporting the game as an application would be a good idea, considering the number of codemonkeys around here. Ren'Py does that automatically, yes?

Lisa's intro is a little anvilicious, yes. This is a Show Not Tell problem, and I will need to think of various ways to show it rather than say it. Honestly, her struggling with the rules might be enough, but suggestions on how to turn this from
"HEY GUYS! LISA PLAYING THE GAME IS A MAJOR PLOT POINT!!! SHE'S MOONING OVER ISABEL, GUYS!!"
...into foreshadowing would be nice.

And, oh yes, point out the references and I'll post FABULOUS prizes! Try to keep your guesses under a spoiler tag.
Last edited by Tsundere Lightning on Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:51 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#5 Post by Deji » Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:36 pm

Ok, After I dropped it in middle play twice, I went past the things that bored me and got 3 diff endings trying to get Ethan XD; (skip mode abuse)

I really liked Talia and Ethan in the end ^^
I'm not really fond of Izzy so far, but she's funny anyway.
And I dislike Greg XD;

I liked that different endings can be attained in different ways, with different things happening. I found that really enjoyable =3

Now I'll go procrastinate some more and hunt for more non-Greg endings~
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#6 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:48 pm

Deji wrote: I'm not really fond of Izzy so far, but she's funny anyway.
And I dislike Greg XD;

Now I'll go procrastinate some more and hunt for more non-Greg endings~
Good luck going for the non-Greg endings.

What particularly rubs you the wrong way about Isabel and Greg?

Isabel I can see because (without realizing it) I made her a CLASSIC tsunderekko, and her TSUNTSUN! outbursts are meant to be a little cutting.

The reaction to Greg I really don't get, though. Enlighten me.

Which endings did you get (spoiler tag please)? And was your Ethan ending ~Talia and Ethan~ or ~Talia and Ethan Forever~? I have a hunch, but telling you why would be a spoiler.

In your e-mail, you mentioned that Talia's Venus Warriors fanboygirl session with Ethan bored you to tears, and the same went for thier D&D games. Any particular reason? Can I alleviate that somehow?
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#7 Post by Deji » Fri Jul 11, 2008 10:33 pm

Ok so far i've got:
- I'm Talia: a bazillion times in different ways XD;
- Talia and Isabel
- Talia and Ethan Forever: <3
- Lisa and Isabel
- Timothy and Isabel : that one was cute X3
About not liking Isabel and Greg that much, it has nothing to do with the characters being bad or annoying, it has to do with my own picky personality ^^; But in case you want to know....
About Isabel... she's not cute/sentimental enough for me to like her... I'm a sucker for "awww" moments, and she doesn't give me much of that ^^;

And Greg... that way of calling "sweetheart" and all that, I just hate it XD; It sounds like a granny talking to her grand-daughter, and that in the body of a big muscle-y guy just freaks me out XD; Again, i hate pretty much every character who acts like that, gay or straight ^^;;
I think what bored me was me being unable to relate to the anime fangirling and Roleplaying, so it was rather long and boring ^^;

Now, specifically:
(avoid reading if you don't like people talk about how boring things you may like are for them)
I just watch anime ocassionally and now I rarely fangirl about anything... actually me and my friends, even if we *do* like anime, laugh about people fangirling over anime series/games/anything. I'm pretty sure if I was an anime fan who uses to fangirl and discuss OTPs seriouslyand such, it'd be really fun, thou. For me it was a bit too long, and the fact they were talking about pairings and relationships inside this fictional anime series made me, as the player, stand aside ad go "whatever..."... Just like when my boyfriend meets his friends and they talk about this game all of them are playing but me and I just stand there clueless and bored waiting for them to either explain it to me or change subject.

Now for the D&D session... I've never played D&D. I've only been at RP table games twice and it was a boring experience for me. Plus all the stats and numbers and terminology that somebody who plays is supposed to know and would appreciate made me skip like crazy X_x;
If you want to please non-RP-fans, I'd take the fact that Lisa is there trying to learn how to play and I'd make the session easier to follow and explain some things, and make it shorter.

Again, I guess I'm just not your target audience ^^;
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#8 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:11 am

I'm glad you like those endings.
Timothy and Isabel is one of my personal favorites.

Are you going to try for Talia and Ethan? All that requires is Talia not fully realizing how much of an idiot she was. :lol:

Also, the True Ending is full of more Talia and Ethan squee than is recommended for human consumption... and, conversely, that requires Talia to grow the fuck up. She needs to take responsibility for hurting both Ethan AND Isabel, and resolve the love triangle so that there's no hypotenuse to be rejected.

What that means exactly is left as an exercise for the reader.

Isabel is who she is. If I knew how to up the squee quotient without the Izzy in my head making gagging noises, I would.

"Honey" grates on my nerves too, honestly. It was a cheap and sterotypical bit of forshadowing that Greg is, in fact, gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous, and my parents, who are gay, NEVER use that word. I'll try to tone it down, but "Sweetheart" stays. I just wanted to make him a very affectionate person.
Deji wrote:If you want to please non-RP-fans, I'd take the fact that Lisa is there trying to learn how to play and I'd make the session easier to follow and explain some things, and make it shorter.

Again, I guess I'm just not your target audience ^^;
Having Lisa be the eyes of the uninitated is a really good idea.
And could easily be justified story-in-a-storywise with an assasination attempt on Asilana.
I don't know what to tell you about Talia's rampant Venus Warriors fangirling. (Now there's a word you didn't hear before you went to a con. Oh, shut up. It's a perfectly cromulent word.) Making Ethan a more casual fan I can see. I guess I keep thinking of Talia as being young for her age.

Thanks for your candid comments.
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#9 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:30 am

Since no one is actually trying to hunt down and destroy the hurricane of references, I'll post Deji's wonderful character sketches anyway.
trans_roughcolor.jpg
It's the gang!
TALIA IN BOTH PERSONAS IS SO KYOOT X3 *Ahem* ...She did a fantastic job.
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#10 Post by Watercolorheart » Sat Jul 12, 2008 8:57 am

Better than mine turned out to be ...
I'm not even the same person anymore

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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#11 Post by chronoluminaire » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:05 pm

Coo. I salute you, because you managed to write a story that, after I'd read the first bit of and then had to leave... got inside my head. As a result, I've spent a sizeable chunk of today playing and re-playing the game. (Many OELVNs I'll play once or twice, get an ending or two, and then leave.) Talia is a compelling character, and I found myself really wanting to see the different ways her story could pan out. So many congratulations.

You were a bit hasty in posting the character sketches (and particularly in claiming that nobody's trying to find the references). I only got a chance to look at most of the rest of the script today; and a lot of regulars don't necessarily check the forum every day. On the other hand, WOW those character sketches are AWESOME :) At first I wasn't that fussed about seeing Ethan's route(s), but he looks really cool (in a geeky way) in his sketch, and having that mental image of him makes me want to see more of his story. Also Talia and Tim are indeed awesomely cute :)

So, some thoughts from my playthroughs. I found a number more typos, which I've sent to you in a PM as there's no need for them to be in this post.

Something I wasn't sure whether was deliberate or not was the inconsistency on the names of Lisa/Liz vs Lucy/Luce, and "ordering Tai". The dice-rolling had inconsistent capitalisation of "*roll*" / "*Roll*". And also, far too many critical hits, unless the dice are loaded ;)

You probably want to end after the endings with "$ renpy.full_restart()", rather than just looping through the game again and again. Not that I minded, mind you, since looping through the game again and again was what I wanted to do :)

I like Izzy quite a bit. She doesn't strike me as a tsunderekko at all. Just sassy, sarky, and ecchi in just the right way.

Spoilers for the list of endings I've got so far, as well as what seems like a script inconsistency.
In order, the endings I got were:
Timothy and Isabel
I Am Talia (About 5 times!)
Lisa and Isabel (which feels like the true ending, somehow, despite Talia not hooking up in it)
I Am Talia (4 more times)
Talia and Isabel (which I really hadn't been expecting, but was surprisingly cool)
Several more repeats of endings I've already got
Talia and Ethan (just as I was starting to think there was no way to an Ethan ending!)
2 more repeat endings (in which I discovered you can get "Talia and Isabel" having given Isabel no encouragement at all, somewhat oddly: "want him so badly", "give Ethan something to talk about", "I have a chance", "can't deal with this right now", "spell it out for him". That can't be right, surely? It jumps straight from going to a different table from Ethan into a scene where Talia claims to have hurt Izzy, despite that not being on this path.)
TsundereLightning wrote:How's this for an explanation of a Dungeon Master's duties?
Yeah, anything like that would be fine.
TsundereLightning wrote:Mystik does seem to have the same problem identifying who's who... what with all the plays, roleplaying, and the Arty-Farty flip flops between calling her Talia or Timothy.
...and the flops aren't arbitrary at all. ...why is this spoilered? :roll:
It took me quite some time to realise that those flops weren't arbitrary. Some of the time it's obviously deliberate, but when it changes back and forth in mid-conversation, it's not too clear.
Basically, she speaks as Talia when she's being confident or working towards coming out, right? And as Timothy when she's depressed, hiding, or whatever?
TsundereLightning wrote:Is there any easy way to append another part of the name? As in "Izzy as Tokho:"" or "Lisa as Megan:" ...?
TBH, the simplest way would be to just define another character for those occasions. Use the same colours but a different character object name. (You could do the same for Timothy, in fact.) There is probably a complicated way to do it using advanced character objects, but just defining a few more characters seems simple enough.
TsundereLightning wrote:I should really ease off on the references, except where they make sense.
Which means that Alex's magnum opus is probably going to stay. And they do explain the Iris and Megan allusion ('Meganekko' = Japanese for 'Girl in Glasses,' from 'Megane' = Japanese for 'Spectacles.' Anyone that gets the reference will understand why Talia tells Alex how groan-worthy that is) :twisted: thing in character.
Ohhhh. Does that mean
the "big reveal" is that Iris and Megan are the same character? There wasn't enough detail there about the play for me to figure out what the play's basic plot was.
I couldn't figure out the reason for the name "Iris" at all.
TsundereLightning wrote:Can you give me some specific examples of fanspeak and WikiTropes gone overboard?
Hmm. Perhaps things like: mentioning "Crowning Moment of Awesome in 5... 4..." is OK, since it's fairly clear what that means. But inverting it to the Awesome Moment of Crowning I think wouldn't make sense unless you'd actually seen CMoA as a concept before. Another example would be Hanlon's Razor: quoting it is fine, but you don't need to give it its name. Just having Greg quoting it as a saying works even if you don't know what it is; having Greg explain that it's a reference isn't necessary.

OTOH, I did love the "GLBTI-OMG-WTF-BBQ-LOL-STFU-KTHX-BAI center", particularly with the subtler "Oh really?" / "Yeah really." afterwards.
TsundereLightning wrote:
chronoluminare wrote: I'm delighted at the ethics of the in-game choice. That's a spicy way to let the player direct the protagonist's emotions and ethics. Very nice: I hope there's more of them.

Spicy, you say?

...probably not what you meant. Elaborate?
Heh. I guess that's an example of a reference not making sense - just so you know how it feels from the other side ;)

I was just expressing approval of the concept where you have the protagonist playing another character in-game (in D&D, in this case), and making a choice for how the character they're playing acts, based on the protagonist's OOC motivations. It's a delicious mechanic the first time you see it, and also a rather tough choice. When I said "spicy", I just meant it was fascinating, compelling, generally good VN writing, and also the kind of mechanic that could certainly be used again.

Having played through the rest of the game, I guess it makes sense that there aren't any more choices like that in Transformation Sequence, since there aren't any more D&D sessions shown (which is probably sensible for the sake of readers who aren't familiar with roleplaying). But it'd be a fascinating idea for another game, that the protagonist's out-of-roleplay mindset and destiny is decided by their in-roleplay choices, which the player gets to direct.

Any clearer?
TsundereLightning wrote:
Are you going to try for Talia and Ethan? All that requires is Talia not fully realizing how much of an idiot she was. :lol:

Also, the True Ending is full of more Talia and Ethan squee than is recommended for human consumption... and, conversely, that requires Talia to grow the fuck up. She needs to take responsibility for hurting both Ethan AND Isabel, and resolve the love triangle so that there's no hypotenuse to be rejected.

What that means exactly is left as an exercise for the reader.
Ahh, interesting. I'll take that and run with it a bit. I'd certainly like to see more
Talia and Ethan squee
.
TsundereLightning wrote:Lisa's intro is a little anvilicious, yes. This is a Show Not Tell problem, and I will need to think of various ways to show it rather than say it. Honestly, her struggling with the rules might be enough, but suggestions on how to turn this from
"HEY GUYS! LISA PLAYING THE GAME IS A MAJOR PLOT POINT!!! SHE'S MOONING OVER ISABEL, GUYS!!"
...into foreshadowing would be nice.
Well, FWIW I thought it was obvious she was doing it for romantic reasons, but (to use TV Tropes-speak) you subverted it because
I thought it was Talia rather than Izzy she was after
.

Right, off to go look for another couple of endings...
(Or go to bed. One or the other.)
I released 3 VNs, many moons ago: Elven Relations (IntRenAiMo 2007), When I Rule The World (NaNoRenO 2005), and Cloud Fairy (the Cute Light & Fluffy Project, 2009).
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#12 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:52 pm

chronoluminaire wrote:Coo. I salute you, because you managed to write a story that, after I'd read the first bit of and then had to leave... got inside my head. As a result, I've spent a sizeable chunk of today playing and re-playing the game. (Many OELVNs I'll play once or twice, get an ending or two, and then leave.) Talia is a compelling character, and I found myself really wanting to see the different ways her story could pan out. So many congratulations.
chronoluminaire wrote:At first I wasn't that fussed about seeing Ethan's route(s), but he looks really cool (in a geeky way) in his sketch, and having that mental image of him makes me want to see more of his story. Also Talia and Tim are indeed awesomely cute :)
EXACTLY AS PLANNED. :twisted: Er, I mean, that's... that's an incredible compliment. :shock: :lol: :mrgreen:
chronoluminaire wrote:Something I wasn't sure whether was deliberate or not was the inconsistency on the names of Lisa/Liz vs Lucy/Luce...
:shock:

Code: Select all

$ annoyedgrunt == d'oh!
How the HELL did I miss that!? It should be either be Lisa or the pet name 'Lise' in all examples.
chronoluminaire wrote:You probably want to end after the endings with "$ renpy.full_restart()"...
Noted.
chronoluminaire wrote:I like Izzy quite a bit. She doesn't strike me as a tsunderekko at all. Just sassy, sarky, and ecchi in just the right way.
I wanted her ecchiness to be rather... affectionate. I hope I succeeded.
chronoluminaire wrote:
In order, the endings I got were:
*snip*

...Lisa and Isabel (which feels like the true ending, somehow, despite Talia not hooking up in it...

*snip*

...2 more repeat endings (in which I discovered you can get "Talia and Isabel" having given Isabel no encouragement at all, somewhat oddly: "want him so badly", "give Ethan something to talk about", "I have a chance", "can't deal with this right now", "spell it out for him". That can't be right, surely? It jumps straight from going to a different table from Ethan into a scene where Talia claims to have hurt Izzy, despite that not being on this path.)
It feels that way because the Lisa by Isabel scene happens, canonically, in the true ending. ...well, minus Ethan wanting to see the play on the basis that his best friend is in it, more because his girl is in it, but yeah. :mrgreen:
That is a bizzare inconsistency.
It's designed to go off if you pick "I can't live like this anymore..." "Let's give Ethan something to talk about," "But I love Ethan..." and, on Thursday, "I want to stay with her..." - or if the entire reason for meeting Izzy on Thursday being to confess love for her if you pick "I want him so much..." and "I should save Tokho's Izzy's character..." :shock: Wow was I writing without thinking! :lol: But if you haven't done THAT...
I may have fixed it in 0.1.1, but I need to double check. This is what I get for being lazy and using

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if whoevers_luv > 1
instead of

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if whoevers_luv == 3
.

Got it in one on the distinction between Talia - Timothy attributions.

Regarding names, bleah. I'm handling it like this:
Ethan: (Makoto) Blah blah blah.
chronoluminare wrote:Does this mean that the big reveal is
that Megan and Iris are the same character?
*snip*
I couldn't figure out the reason for the name "Iris" at all.
Bingo. The entire play is an extended ref to Ori Ochi Onoe.

Iris from 'iris, pupil, and cornea' - Megan from 'Megane.' Iris (Ori) and Megan (Ochi), with Ami filling in for Onoe. Eyes is my love. :roll:
But I've left "The Big Reveal" deliberately unexplained, because it would ABSOLUTELY spoil the plot of what I'm referencing, and what if they play Transformation Sequence before playing...
The distilled awesome that is Ori Ochi Onoe?
chronoluminare wrote:Another example would be Hanlon's Razor: quoting it is fine, but you don't need to give it its name. Just having Greg quoting it as a saying works even if you don't know what it is; having Greg explain that it's a reference isn't necessary.
True enough.
chronoluminare wrote:OTOH, I did love the "GLBTI-OMG-WTF-BBQ-LOL-STFU-KTHX-BAI center", particularly with the subtler "Oh really?" / "Yeah really." afterwards.
Brought to you by my having this exact same discussion with a friend of mine when I was at UC Santa Cruz.

Oh, and GLBTIQ = "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Trangender, Intersexed, and Questioning." It really would make more sense as "Queer Center."
chronoluminare wrote: I was just expressing approval of the concept where you have the protagonist playing another character in-game (in D&D, in this case), and making a choice for how the character they're playing acts, based on the protagonist's OOC motivations.
I see. That's probably going to be a mechanic that rears it's head for another project I'm planning. Let's just day I'm unwilling to name it "GenreTrigger" but I've got no replacement title, and leave it at that. :shock: :oops: :lol:

Thanks for your kindness and bug reports!
She's sun and rain: She's fire and ice. A little crazy, but it's nice.
Bliss Stage: Love is your weapon! A sci-fi visual novel about child soldiers coming of age. Kickstarter prerelease here. WIP thread here. Original tabletop game by Ben Lehman here. Tumblr here.

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Tsundere Lightning
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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#13 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:24 pm

Based on the critical reation, my priorities for 0.2.0 are:
  • Rewrite the post-anime club scene so that it's not so damn referential: just Ethan having enjoyed it and talking about it and Talia Timothy being fangirlish, but not to the point of distraction. What Venus Warriors is (apart from it being a fairly generic shoujou series and shout-out to Pygmalion) is not nearly as important as Ethan and Talia sharing an affection for the series. Incidentally,
    was "Galatea Doujin by Andrew Bernard Higgens" the tip-off that VW wasn't a real series, Chrono?
  • Rewrite the Dungeons and Dragons scene so that it's more about character interaction and less about an improbable number of critical hits.
  • Any other examples of runaway references or fannishness: ref I'll cut the Awesome Moment of Crowning inversion and identifying "Never attribute to malice what stupidity alone can accomplish" as Hanlon's Razor, and so on.
  • Rewrite the choice with Lisa such that the truth comes out during a Bliss Stage one-shot: If Talia decides to play as the moe innocent Sarah in order to riff off Ethan's choice of lothario Keenan, it will confirm Lisa's mounting suspicions regarding her NAILING the role of Amy in the play. The Power Of Subtext (And Spicy Mechanics) Compels Me! :twisted:
  • Shoot unneeded ellipses on sight. And typos are considered to be armed and dangerous. :roll:
Also, regarding Chrono's confusion regarding the play...
You know, I really should include a throwaway line to address the Big Reveal:

Lisa: Please. I called Disassociative Identity Disorder moments into the script.
Talia: You have psychology training. You don't count.
...it's not that big of a spoiler to
Ori Ochi Onoe
for people who play my game first.

Also:[Professor Farnsworth]GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE![/Professor Farnsworth] :twisted:

The incredibly talented Jodie Azhar of Sweatdrop Studios will be providing the gallery scenes.

And Deji... how much would I need to pay you to convince you to do the spriting? :wink: PM me.
She's sun and rain: She's fire and ice. A little crazy, but it's nice.
Bliss Stage: Love is your weapon! A sci-fi visual novel about child soldiers coming of age. Kickstarter prerelease here. WIP thread here. Original tabletop game by Ben Lehman here. Tumblr here.

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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#14 Post by Mistik » Wed Jul 16, 2008 12:21 am

I played your game so could you play mine-in my sig- and say what you think about it. Thanks I'm, like other people, in dire need of feedback.

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Re: Transformation Sequence demo is done!

#15 Post by Tsundere Lightning » Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:22 pm

No problem - I actually downloaded it before you asked, but haven't gotten around to it. Next weekend I'll PM you my critique.
She's sun and rain: She's fire and ice. A little crazy, but it's nice.
Bliss Stage: Love is your weapon! A sci-fi visual novel about child soldiers coming of age. Kickstarter prerelease here. WIP thread here. Original tabletop game by Ben Lehman here. Tumblr here.

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