Astral Project [Medieval Fantasy]
Posted: Sun May 22, 2016 3:08 am
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Supporting creators of visual novels and story-based games since 2003.
https://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/
https://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=38631
Hey!MoonByte wrote:First of all:
Love the sketches, they really give a clear sense of the character's personalities!
Second:
That sounds like a very big project, hope you manage that (or find reliable team members to get through that)
About your questions:
He's not a bad character but he is a common one where his flaws are "softened" with his exceptions so that they're not really flaws. A way to put this in perspective is at what point does something "not" catch his eye to interfere? And does his want to get into fights coupled with his high luck end up bailing him out so that he doesn't suffer consequences? That's up to the story, but it's very easy to fall into the trap of not really committing to the flaws of your characters.How do you feel about the protagonist, is the character someone you would enjoy playing as? If not, why not, or what would you prefer?
There's nothing really stated about the story at this point, but there are some very important questions to ask.Do you like the idea of a story like this? Does anything have you going "meh"?
Whichever option shows off more of your art, it's good, capitalize on that.Would you prefer the text-box include a side image of the protagonist with a variety of expressions, or just a text-box on it's own? Why?
It depends strongly on the context of it. If this is a thoughtful part of the character, it doesn't bother me, if it's just an excuse to shove nudity or a gag in, it's not the sleeping around that bothers me, it's the decisions of the author.If the protagonist sleeps around, would that bother you?
It really depends on the story and the characters. I would at least like to see more art from this since again, it is expressive.If this story had no game-play elements, for example not even item collection, would you still be interested (if you are already)?
Three tends to be the magical number. If there are too many, there can be a lack of focus, if there are too few there can be gaps in perspective or interactions. The key is to make memorable characters rather than any specific amount of them.If the protagonist traveled with more than one character, at what point do you think would be too many?
Hey!blankd wrote:Echoing the praise for those character sketches, very lively! They have a very "classic" feel.
Valuable bit of insight, something one making the character might miss. I think in regards to catching his eye, it'll be to do with serious matter rather than common instances. You might not give a damn if someone has lost their wallet, right, not your problem? Barfight? Again, avoid, not really your problem. But you might give a damn if someone is being abused, especially if it looks like a young girl.He's not a bad character but he is a common one where his flaws are "softened" with his exceptions so that they're not really flaws. A way to put this in perspective is at what point does something "not" catch his eye to interfere? And does his want to get into fights coupled with his high luck end up bailing him out so that he doesn't suffer consequences? That's up to the story, but it's very easy to fall into the trap of not really committing to the flaws of your characters.
*He sees helping is a chore but spends time helping someone being bullied. Was it that exceptional of a bullying incident or maybe "helping" isn't so much of a chore.
I think I might have worded stuff a little wrong, or you might have gotten confused. She's not really possessed by demons, she is a demon, but I plan for there to be good and bad demons, just as there might be good and bad angels, it's not strictly a demons are bad and angels are good scenario. In regards to being possessed, I meant the individual she brings back to life is being possessed initially, and it's often a case the demon will win the body brought back to life - this is something I'm hoping to use with the protagonist, but with a slight twist.This applies to the half-demon girl too, her flaw is that she's "needy" and that she can be possessed by demons (thus the harm she causes is not REALLY her fault). Her flaws are also a result of how the world already mistreats her due to prejudice. It may sound harsh, but she honestly seems more defined by her victimhood than her personality traits.
The school uniform is something I've wanted to change. She's not really a child, she just acts like one, like some young adults do in the real world. She's small in her height so she does initially look like a little girl. The character design was not originally meant to be for this, so I just stuck with the uniform whilst exploring her personality. At the same time though, I think it gives the impression she's child-like because she wears that. It's not intended to be skimpy looking but if it comes across that way I think it could definitely do with a change.A visual crit/question is: why does she appear to be wearing a very skimpy school uniform? Are you sure you want a character who "acts like a child" to be portrayed in a somewhat sexual manner? Or is this an effect of the demon? If it is the latter, I strongly urge you rethink what you want out of this character.
I think I worded the question wrong, as I say in my previous reply haha so sorry about that.There's nothing really stated about the story at this point, but there are some very important questions to ask.
1. Is his "mysterious past" really that interesting?
2. What message or theme do you hope to convey with a setting that deals with racism (also I'm not sure how hybrids are so common when monsters are so heavily affected by prejudice to the point of bans).
2b. Are you sure you want to deal with topics as heavy as slavery and as complex as racism in your narrative?
What I'm getting at is to be careful of rephrasing what is a measure of "common sense". Most people don't do what's tedious (finding something you had but lost is always tedious, finding new treasure is exciting).Devilzk wrote:I think in regards to catching his eye, it'll be to do with serious matter rather than common instances. You might not give a damn if someone has lost their wallet, right, not your problem? Barfight? Again, avoid, not really your problem. But you might give a damn if someone is being abused, especially if it looks like a young girl.
When I say being helpful is a chore, it's more typical questy stuff and common courtesy, so he won't be doing that stuff for free unless it's a girl and he thinks it'll benefit him. This stuff is something I'll definitely need to look into and explore.
In regards to his luck, again, this is a good comment. I'd say there will be some instances where luck will just play out and he'll get off lightly, but I also envision there will be quite a few moments where he is in trouble because of luck not playing out, and it's stuff he'll have to get out of with his skills. Like I say, he isn't bad at battle, he's stronger than the average person he's going to meet, but some things will play down to luck, adding to his ego, and that will provide consequences.
I think I may have had this misconception due to the character sketches where it appears she is possessed. Regardless it's more or less an issue of a character's agency. If she has a "flip switch" to a 180 personality, I strongly recommend against that.Devilzk wrote:She's not really possessed by demons, she is a demon, but I plan for there to be good and bad demons, just as there might be good and bad angels, it's not strictly a demons are bad and angels are good scenario. In regards to being possessed, I meant the individual she brings back to life is being possessed initially, and it's often a case the demon will win the body brought back to life - this is something I'm hoping to use with the protagonist, but with a slight twist.
That's fine, I do appreciate that you are willing to tweak the design.Devilzk wrote:The school uniform is something I've wanted to change. She's not really a child, she just acts like one, like some young adults do in the real world. She's small in her height so she does initially look like a little girl. The character design was not originally meant to be for this, so I just stuck with the uniform whilst exploring her personality. At the same time though, I think it gives the impression she's child-like because she wears that. It's not intended to be skimpy looking but if it comes across that way I think it could definitely do with a change.
It doesn't really sound necessary since a child doesn't really have to spend as much time acclimating to a new world since they tend to have less responsibilities and attachment than an adult. Functionally it would be the same as him being an orphan. Sometimes simplicity is the better option.Devilzk wrote:1. Hard to say, exploring his past is just an idea, it could be boring and I'll go with something else. The initial idea I had was that he was from modern-day earth and has appeared in this other world as a child without his memory. What happened on earth for him to get there? What about his parents, were they brought to this world too, but placed elsewhere? Why are there all these species and races in this world? It could be something out of my scope to explore, but it's something I'm going to look at and see if I think it's viable.
Racism and prejudice often comes from systems and reinforcements that benefit some group at the expense of another. It really does depend where you want to go with this story, but these topics are complex and take a skilled hand to explore in a respectful manner. If it's oversimplified you run serious risk of sounding disrespectful. But again, this is your story and it can go in many directions.Devilzk wrote:2. I'm not sure yet to be honest! Obviously, the idea is that they're not bad just because they're different, so I'll definitely be exploring that to some extent. Not everyone will be prejudiced obviously but I'd imagine a lot will follow the stereotype, "those monsters killed some of our people, they're all bad, we can't let them in our town". The population of this world will have more humans than monsters and such, but they aren't rare. They each have their own lives, think for example those tribes that still live in the jungle away from civilization.
Er, pardon my confusion, but if he's treated and lives like a slave, isn't he a slave?Devilzk wrote:2b. In terms of slavery, I assume you're using the protagonist's example. In this case he's not a slave, he's just treated and living like one. It wouldn't be unheard of for people to get away with shoving these things onto the helpless. I do think slavery is something that will be in this world though, more of an underground thing than something out in the open. Selling monsters and such as slaves might be something to look into. I might not even explore this stuff though, it ultimately depends where I take the story.
Thanks, they certainly help, no matter how early!blankd wrote:Most of these replies are to give you options to think about rather than something you have to do since you said you're still deciding your story.
I certainly get what you mean, thank you.blankd wrote: What I'm getting at is to be careful of rephrasing what is a measure of "common sense". Most people don't do what's tedious (finding something you had but lost is always tedious, finding new treasure is exciting).
Most people tend to avoid getting involved in things unless it benefits them or is abhorrent (a person may not try to solve world hunger, but it will be harder for them to withhold food if the one starving in front of them is asking for spare food). People tend to be bystanders when they fear for their own safety or they find their time better spent elsewhere. Moral "Right" vs Material Gain is a classic conflict, it's good because it's universal, it's 'bad' because there is no shortage of these stories.
I agree with this too, and I've been reflecting on this. It's a very common setup and I've thought up some ideas to change this up, especially on how they are in the situation they come to be in when we meet them. I wasn't even thinking about this until you made this point, so thank you, it's allowed me to focus on this a bit.blankd wrote:How he meets her is also a very common setup, it's not bad, but it doesn't hurt to think of a more creative way that they meet. A general rule of thumb to think of is instead of "this happens to a character" approach it as "how did this character get themselves in this situation". The former is a world detail and makes the character the one acted upon, the latter is how to give a character agency.
Ah - the sketch was meant to portray her in a sort of powered up state but I can see how it looks to be possessed rather. It's not really a personality switch, more a defensive state!blankd wrote:I think I may have had this misconception due to the character sketches where it appears she is possessed. Regardless it's more or less an issue of a character's agency. If she has a "flip switch" to a 180 personality, I strongly recommend against that.
No, you're right, that's my bad - this is why I shouldn't reply late at night before bed. I don't know what I was thinking there.blankd wrote:Er, pardon my confusion, but if he's treated and lives like a slave, isn't he a slave?
Either way, that is indeed another topic that some history can provide insight to and it's a sensitive topic, so best of luck with it if you choose to tackle it
Absolutely. I'll update the thread with some more story driven information when I feel it's more grounded.blankd wrote:Anyway, hope that helps, if you have further questions, feel free to ask.
Now that you mention it, Rance would be a good reference as to what he's like - nailed it! I'm likely to take a somewhat more serious approach to him though, he won't just be a comedy-gag all the way through like what Rance boils down to.hoihoisoi wrote:How do you feel about the protagonist, is the character someone you would enjoy playing as? If not, why not, or what would you prefer?
The main character reminds me of Rance from Sengoku Rance. It's a really fun personality to write about although I'd say many of Rance's actions are questionable at best. This character bio you're outlining is roughly what Rance is like.
Overall, this kind of protagonist I find is fun to play as although there is a need of balance which you'll have to experiment through the project. Too much of an a-hole and he just doesn't become a character you can get attached to or you just disagree with on the most part, too much of a nice guy and he falls kind of flat. So, yes I don't mind playing the protagonist but he has to have that balance to him with the nice guy ratio being slightly higher than the a-hole ratio.
Interesting! I've been reading up a little, and quite a lot of people like the idea of the protagonist going for one person, or at least a route to one person. This is why I asked this question, to see if people might be bothered enough that it could be considered a deal breaker. I know you can't satisfy everyone though.hoihoisoi wrote:If the protagonist sleeps around, would that bother you?
It kinda does bother me a bit. I'd rather the protagonist go for just one person who is the romantic interest in the story. But this is just my opinion on the most part of things.
Oh definitely you're right about the choice selection, even if it doesn't really make an impact - it get's the player involved, and in their head it's progressed the story based on their choice, essentially allowing them to feel involved in the story.hoihoisoi wrote:If this story had no game-play elements, for example not even choice selection, would you still be interested (if you are already)?
It sounds to me like a Kinetic Novel and no it doesn't really bother me for the most part. I would say though that giving some form of choices through the game even if it doesn't change the original story line at all will keep the player more invested into the characters. So I'd still recommend giving choices which doesn't branch the story just to give the player that feel of control.
Definitely, there will always be overused tropes in even the best of plots. The twists and turns is something I'll definitely need to limit for myself haha, there's a few ideas I want to throw in that could end up convoluted as well, I'm just going to have to balance that stuff, or scrap them.hoihoisoi wrote:Is there anything you'd dislike to see done or explored (e.g. something overused, perhaps)?
There are some pretty overused things across the board in terms of plot but they're overused because it works or at least still works, so I don't have a whole list of things I mind. But something to avoid is a plot which is too complex with too many twists and turns (Unless its a mystery/detective plot). A simple wholesome action romance plot with a twist or two at the end is fine. Just try not to go for "I knew you were going to do that so I did this instead!" and then "Hah! Your counter is useless because I knew it was coming so I have a counter to that as well!" unless its for gag or joke reasons then it's fine. But that kind of stuff usually falls flat if it takes itself too seriously.
You are right, it might be awkward and/or jarring. Personally I haven't played a VN with only the protagonist voiced, though I have played some with characters that only had partial voice acted scenes. This is why I'd like feedback on this. I have a few voices in mind for the protagonist that might compliment his personality, giving his dialogue a little more flair, but it's still under consideration.hoihoisoi wrote:Would you like the idea of the main protagonist being voice acted? If so, would it bother you if only he has a voice?
Usually in VNs all of the characters other than the protagonist has a voice. So if its just him having a voice, it's kind of going to be a bit awkward IMO. but you can try that for a few lines and see how that works out, who knows, maybe it'll turn out into something rather interesting down the line?
In terms of voice acting however, I like the idea of getting voice acting for a game but understandably, it's not very cheap to implement so even if there is none, it should be fine as well.
It has definitely helped, thank you very much!hoihoisoi wrote:Well, that's my two cents on the questions, hope it helps you in one way or another. X) Good luck with the project!
