VN idea: feedback much appreciated! [Slice-of-Life/Comedy]

[chocoberrie]

Hello!

I recently came up with an idea for a VN, and I'd greatly appreciate some feedback! ^_^

Here’s the basic premise:

You, the player, get to watch the cute, comedic interactions between a cast of four young women and their boss in a cafe setting as they work, go to school, and learn about themselves and each other! It’s not an otome game, so there aren’t any romanceable characters; this game focuses on the friendships between the characters, and in doing so, hopes to bring you smiles and laughs!

Here are the main characters:

Their appearances aren’t 100% figured out yet, but I’m working on it! I have some hair styles in mind, and I’ve been researching references for outfits.

And here are some considerations I’m keeping in mind with regards to artwork, story, and structure:

• Art: I’d like to make chibis as the main style of character sprites. I think having chibi sprites instead of regular, “full size” ones would match the tone of the game! As such, the backgrounds will also be “chibi-fied” somewhat to match the style and proportions of the sprites. I am considering having a bonus CG gallery that unlocks a CG after each “episode” (see story structure below). These CGs would be a mix of chibis and “full size” characters.
• Plot: Will there be any? Certainly! Daily events can be fun to watch from a fly-on-the-wall perspective - that’s the main premise of most slice-of-life anime series, isn’t it?
• Settings: The cafe is the main setting, but I’d like to feature other places as well! Like the homes of the main characters, the school that three of the characters attend, etc.
• In-game choices: I’m not 100% sure about incorporating in-game choices for the player to make… If I do have some, I’d like to have an even mix of choices that contribute to different outcomes within each “episode” as well as choices that are otherwise trivial, but still give the player a sense of active participation in the story.
• Story structure: My inspiration comes from 4koma manga, so the story itself won’t be a continuous series of events. I’d like to structure it in episodes that can each stand alone as a “mini story.” I'm thinking... maybe 12 to 15 episodes? I'm not quite sure how long each one would be in terms of game play or word count, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew since this will be my first full-length project.

What do you guys think?

• Does this visual novel sound fun? Like something you would want to play?
• Do you have any suggestions for a name for the game?
• What do you think about the characters? Are they different from each other? Do you find them interesting?
• What do you think of having in-game choices for this particular genre of game? Does it work?
• Do you have any specific ideas about what you imagine each character to look like based on their profile description?

[Mama J]

•Does this visual novel sound fun? Like something you would want to play?

I actually think this is an adorable little idea! I think it's neat to kind of play the spectator to other people's lives and kind of see how their stories pan out. Definitely something I would play.

•Do you have any suggestions for a name for the game?

Hmmmm... I honestly have no idea, but when I think of one, I'll let you know!

•What do you think about the characters? Are they different from each other? Do you find them interesting?

The characters sound fun! I think incorporating more different personality types for some of them would work better. For example, you have two characters that are uncomfortable being centers of attention. Perhaps, unless you already have one, replace one of their personalities to be more outgoing and very direct / does a lot of things for attention. Just an idea (:

•What do you think of having in-game choices for this particular genre of game? Does it work?

I think in-game choices are a must-have for this game. I don't know if the MC is just a customer, or an employee in the story but my idea is letting the player make certain choices that will either build or break the relationships between the others. For example, if one is trying to flirt with another but can't find the courage, the player could have a choice of "Do I interfere and help them out?" or "Do I leave them be?" I hope that makes sense

•Do you have any specific ideas about what you imagine each character to look like based on their profile description?

Robin:
I'd imagine her to look very messy(?) Like, you know, hair that's sticking up in a few places, a few buttons in the wrong place on her uniform, glasses. Very lanky.

Nellie:
Very masculine in body but still feminine. Since it seems like she's very Type A, I would say there's not a hair on her that's out of place, she looks very polished and professional.

Lavender:
I think she'd look like those people who are very happy-go-lucky, and bright and shiny. She always has crumbs of food on her, or always has one within reach. Personally, I'd like there to be different body types to showcase how unique people are so I'd imagine Lavender to be sort-of big boned, and a little chubby

Hana:
Always has pen and paper in hand, in case inspiration for writing comes to her? It seems like the way she dresses is already decided so I won't go into detail on this one. Curvy and voluptuous lol

Sami:
Boyish haircut, very "out-there" and artsy accessories. Wears an artist hat(?)

[chocoberrie]

I actually think this is an adorable little idea! I think it's neat to kind of play the spectator to other people's lives and kind of see how their stories pan out. Definitely something I would play.

Hooray! ; v ; I'm happy you think so!

Hmmmm... I honestly have no idea, but when I think of one, I'll let you know!

Ah thanks! I'll work on brainstorming titles too!

The characters sound fun! I think incorporating more different personality types for some of them would work better. For example, you have two characters that are uncomfortable being centers of attention. Perhaps, unless you already have one, replace one of their personalities to be more outgoing and very direct / does a lot of things for attention. Just an idea (:

Ohhh right! Good idea, thank you! I think that personality trait you gave would fit Sami better than Hana ^_^

I think in-game choices are a must-have for this game. I don't know if the MC is just a customer, or an employee in the story but my idea is letting the player make certain choices that will either build or break the relationships between the others. For example, if one is trying to flirt with another but can't find the courage, the player could have a choice of "Do I interfere and help them out?" or "Do I leave them be?" I hope that makes sense

This is exactly what I was thinking of, I just didn't know how to describe it/put it in words XD Hmmm... Perhaps the MC could be the player - that would add more interactivity, I think!

Robin:
I'd imagine her to look very messy(?) Like, you know, hair that's sticking up in a few places, a few buttons in the wrong place on her uniform, glasses. Very lanky.

Nellie:
Very masculine in body but still feminine. Since it seems like she's very Type A, I would say there's not a hair on her that's out of place, she looks very polished and professional.

Lavender:
I think she'd look like those people who are very happy-go-lucky, and bright and shiny. She always has crumbs of food on her, or always has one within reach. Personally, I'd like there to be different body types to showcase how unique people are so I'd imagine Lavender to be sort-of big boned, and a little chubby

Hana:
Always has pen and paper in hand, in case inspiration for writing comes to her? It seems like the way she dresses is already decided so I won't go into detail on this one. Curvy and voluptuous lol

Sami:
Boyish haircut, very "out-there" and artsy accessories. Wears an artist hat(?)

Body type variation is a great idea, thank you! I'm not too good at drawing different body types, so I'm sure I'll need to look up references, especially since I'll be drawing chibis. The challenge will be fun!

I love your thoughts about Robin!! Being very messy sounds really fitting for her! And glasses too! Brilliant

And Lavender having crumbs everywhere is so cute! My mind immediately thought of Pippin and Merry from Lord of the Rings with their indignant complaints about not having "second breakfast"

Thanks so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it!! ^_^ <3

[ashbery]

Does this visual novel sound fun? Like something you would want to play?
Yes, it does! I really like how lighthearted it sounds. The use of the highschool/café settings is risky, but these quirky and interesting characters will likely keep the story far away from the danger zone.

Do you have any suggestions for a name for the game?
Sorry, I've got nothing orz

What do you think about the characters? Are they different from each other? Do you find them interesting?
Oh, definitely! They are indeed different from each other. The age gaps are also nice to keep the variety, and the fact that they have aspirations is very good. They give me the Nozaki-kun feels, which I consider a good sign of uniqueness!

What do you think of having in-game choices for this particular genre of game? Does it work?
In this case, it sounds like choices wouldn't add much. The magic of this genre is to observe how the situations and interactions flow, more like watching the girls' lives than actually shaping their story. But who knows? Maybe it can work!

Do you have any specific ideas about what you imagine each character to look like based on their profile description?
Oh, indeed! Some of them inspired me more, though. For Nellie, the megane comes to my mind. Still, her name also has a "something else". Perhaps braided hair? The graphic designer thing makes me think of her as a cool girl, maybe with a smart casual style. If she had glasses, I'd imagine them as coloured.
Lavender makes me think of a blonde, wavy-haired lady with a girly (but still somewhat very casual?) dressing style.
Sami sounds like a classy tomboy. Stained jeans (maybe shorts?) and pastel shirts could be a nice match. She also seems like a girl who would wear boots and all-stars.

[gekiganwing]

... there aren’t any romanceable characters; this game focuses on the friendships between the characters, and in doing so, hopes to bring you smiles and laughs!

There are a number of visual novels which feature a group of friends. That said, in my opinion, this idea has not been explored much in a visual novel format. I haven't seen many examples that focus on people who remain friends, rather than be (or become) significant others.

I don't know if you'll benefit by writing this idea as a series of short stories, or as a single visual novel broken down into chapters. Think about whether the reader could read them out of order and still understand what's happening.

What do you think about the characters? Are they different from each other? Do you find them interesting?

They have an age range between 17 and 30. They seem to have a variety of personalities, ambitions, and hobbies. In other words, I think they're interesting. I assume that one of your goals is to make sure that the characters don't adhere to any stereotypes.

I assume these women and girls often interact with men. They have family, friends, coworkers, mentors, and perhaps love interests. That said, how often will the reader see these women interacting with guys? Will there be scenes in which they talk with each other, and discuss things other than men? (In other words, the Bechdel Test.)

By the way, which of the characters is the boss of the cafe?

What do you think of having in-game choices for this particular genre of game? Does it work?

It could work. Does the reader see the story through one of the women or girls' perspectives? (Or someone else's point of view?) Which character would be making decisions?

[chocoberrie]

I really like how lighthearted it sounds. The use of the highschool/café settings is risky, but these quirky and interesting characters will likely keep the story far away from the danger zone. They are indeed different from each other. The age gaps are also nice to keep the variety, and the fact that they have aspirations is very good. They give me the Nozaki-kun feels, which I consider a good sign of uniqueness!

Fantastic! I'm happy to hear that! I hope that I'll be able to develop the characters even more once I start writing the script! ^_^

In this case, it sounds like choices wouldn't add much. The magic of this genre is to observe how the situations and interactions flow, more like watching the girls' lives than actually shaping their story. But who knows? Maybe it can work!

Hmmm... I see what you mean! Perhaps I could add choices as a bonus feature? Some slice-of-life animes have specials or OVAs, so maybe I could make a few bonus episodes and add choices to those?

For Nellie, the megane comes to my mind. Still, her name also has a "something else". Perhaps braided hair? The graphic designer thing makes me think of her as a cool girl, maybe with a smart casual style. If she had glasses, I'd imagine them as coloured. Lavender makes me think of a blonde, wavy-haired lady with a girly (but still somewhat very casual?) dressing style. Sami sounds like a classy tomboy. Stained jeans (maybe shorts?) and pastel shirts could be a nice match. She also seems like a girl who would wear boots and all-stars.

Ohhh awesome! I pictured Nellie having long wavy hair, so she could definitely wear it in braids! I agree with your idea of Sami being a tomboy, I have it in my scribbles that she doesn't like overly girly things. Thanks for the fashion/style suggestions, they're quite fitting! ^_^

[chocoberrie]

There are a number of visual novels which feature a group of friends. That said, in my opinion, this idea has not been explored much in a visual novel format. I haven't seen many examples that focus on people who remain friends, rather than be (or become) significant others.

Wow, that's a huge list! I had no idea there were so many! I'll check them out for ideas and such

I agree, from the handful of visual novels I've played, I don't recall any of them being focused on friendships. I wonder why!

I don't know if you'll benefit by writing this idea as a series of short stories, or as a single visual novel broken down into chapters. Think about whether the reader could read them out of order and still understand what's happening.

This is a great point; I'll have to consider this issue carefully. Thanks!

I assume these women and girls often interact with men. They have family, friends, coworkers, mentors, and perhaps love interests. That said, how often will the reader see these women interacting with guys? Will there be scenes in which they talk with each other, and discuss things other than men? (In other words, the Bechdel Test.)

By the way, which of the characters is the boss of the cafe?

Excellent point as well! I am thinking of developing an older brother for Robin, who despite his exasperation with her seemingly endless bouncing from one job/area of work to another, works hard to help her put the cafe together - in addition to reminding her business-related things 103492397 times so she won't forget. XD

The boss of the cafe is Robin! I didn't make that clear; sorry about that! ^^;;

Does the reader see the story through one of the women or girls' perspectives? (Or someone else's point of view?) Which character would be making decisions?

Hmmm... I am not sure about writing the story in the perspective of any of the main cast of characters... I think this would be better left to the reader! I'll think about this more carefully too.

[King-sama]

seems like a game I would love~ lol
hmmm if you need food/drinks art, I am here~

[chocoberrie]

seems like a game I would love~ lol
hmmm if you need food/drinks art, I am here~

Oh yay!! I'm happy to hear that!

And food/drinks art would be much appreciated, thank you!! ;v; (Or even tutorials or something for how to draw nice looking food and drinks!)

[King-sama]

Oh yay!! I'm happy to hear that!

And food/drinks art would be much appreciated, thank you!! ;v; (Or even tutorials or something for how to draw nice looking food and drinks!)

Can I be your artist? I would like to be a background artist, too but I am amateur and don't have examples of my work right now ^^'
(tutorial will be very hard to do..but, the main secret is to make them shiny~)