CE (working scirpt and title)

[Keobas]

Hello every one today I'll like to get some assistance with my script.

What I'm looking for is constructive criticism and to know if I accomplish a few thing in writing my script such as detailing scenes and dramatic scenes.

Right now I'm taking this a step a time. My first concern is my intro, i try to be a Little unique with this by making the first scene a stand alone monologue by a certain character that wont be introduce till later in the story. Though the monologue is pertaining to the whole story. I like to do this with each chapter some how.

What do you think of this? and if you want review the script pm me. This is my primary focus so every thing else will be withheld till needed. Thanks

[Tsundere Lightning]

I would love to help, but there is no link to the project.

[Aenakume]

Right now I'm taking this a step a time. My first concern is my intro, i try to be a Little unique with this by making the first scene a stand alone monologue by a certain character that wont be introduce till later in the story. Though the monologue is pertaining to the whole story. I like to do this with each chapter some how.

i don't know how often this is done in visual novels, but i have always liked this kind of intro in le cinéma and books. Sometimes it's hard in the opening to promise a lot will be coming, without giving too much away. But having a narrator who says, "Before i met so and so, they were just such and such...", immediately promises you that even if what you're seeing now seems humble and pointless, it's really just lead-in. It also promises that it's not just empty lead-in for a story that could just as well be started later, because - for reasons you don't know yet - the narrator who knows the story thinks that there is something important about starting where she did, and not for starting where she enters the story herself. So it sets up a promise of big things later, while at the same time giving an air of mystery about what's happening now (why will this be important later?).

It also has a neat effect for realism - a real life narrator who was there makes a story seem more like fact than an omniscient third-person voice. And recalling the events from a future perspective rather than telling them in "real-time" makes a story seem more like real history. It also helps that the narrator really isn't the star of the story - most historical accounts of great events aren't told by the great people involved, they're told by innocuous chroniclers who tagged along.

If you've read it, think how much cooler Dune was because most chapters were introduced by Princess Irulan's historical notes about Paul Atreides (and it was even cooler that Frank Herbert mixed it up a bit by having other people's writings and notes introduce some chapters too, making things happening in the story now seem even more significant to some future date).

[N0UGHTS]

If you've read it, think how much cooler Dune was because most chapters were introduced by Princess Irulan's historical notes about Paul Atreides (and it was even cooler that Frank Herbert mixed it up a bit by having other people's writings and notes introduce some chapters too, making things happening in the story now seem even more significant to some future date).

Not only that! The "excerpts" made the Dune universe a lot deeper, too!

The monologue idea sounds cool; it'll add a bit of individuality to your game. I'm actually sorta doing something like that... Except poems instead of monologues.

[Keobas]

I would love to help, but there is no link to the project.

Sorry I'm a bit concern about posting it publicly, if want to read the script I'll be happy to pm it to you. Besides the script that's all I have going for this project. I haven't even decide which game engine to use yet. I had some artist but they never took the work serous so I have none.

Right now I'm taking this a step a time. My first concern is my intro, i try to be a Little unique with this by making the first scene a stand alone monologue by a certain character that wont be introduce till later in the story. Though the monologue is pertaining to the whole story. I like to do this with each chapter some how.

i don't know how often this is done in visual novels, but i have always liked this kind of intro in le cinéma and books. Sometimes it's hard in the opening to promise a lot will be coming, without giving too much away. But having a narrator who says, "Before i met so and so, they were just such and such...", immediately promises you that even if what you're seeing now seems humble and pointless, it's really just lead-in. It also promises that it's not just empty lead-in for a story that could just as well be started later, because - for reasons you don't know yet - the narrator who knows the story thinks that there is something important about starting where she did, and not for starting where she enters the story herself. So it sets up a promise of big things later, while at the same time giving an air of mystery about what's happening now (why will this be important later?).

Well that's why I'm working on it. Right now I have a few fans ( if that's possible) because of this scene.