Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Action]

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HeavyDevy-kun
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Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Action]

#1 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

Updates 11/1/16: Got rid of Shoichi character and transferred computer knowledge to Adrien, Got rid of the elemental powers and replaced it with weapons that grant small abilities (Trying to stick to something that scientifically believable), and refined character bios so it isn't much of an info-dump.
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It starts with one harmless 3D printing club, coming up with a project of disaster...

What does it take to create a good action packed visual novel? One that's going to appeal to all audiences. This question had been rolling in my head for a good five months now, slowly reaching answers and dead ends. There has been action-related visual novels, and my question is, why aren't there more VNs like this? A controversial topic, I'm sure, but I've decided to take up the challenge. So I'd been modifying my story I had for about more than a year now to fit the requirements of a good visual novel with lots of choices and possibly side missions.

I want to mix the cute atmospheric school life with a hardcore action story. How do we do this? Well, its been done before! This would be more of an exaggeration of the action. What is action? Its nothing but conflict, something that every story has. But what takes it away from the emotional impacts it has on characters? To me, this is a small stereotype to the action genre, and its mostly because creators try going for epic battles instead of emotional battles that will break your heart. People die, traumatic things can happen, things that will effect the character's entire life, plot twists, etc. All you need is a rich story, not a villain trying to take over the world. That's what this is.

But its hard to write action in VNs. Maybe...but it's been done before, both in many, many books and in a few visual novels; Fate/Stay Night being the most successful one in my opinion. This is where the group will become an experimental group. More CGs, outstanding writing, choice-based, possible animation, and scrolling through different frames. A big risk, I know, but in order to create something new, unique, and good, you have to take risks. I can't stress it enough.
GAME FEATURES

•Estimated to be about 10-30 hours long, expect to be working on it for a couple years
•Traditional Japanese visual novel inspired, anime/manga styled characters in an American School
•Genres: Science Fantasy, Action, Romance with Slice of Life and Comedy elements (Mostly in the common route)
•5 Romance characters, romance with alternate endings
•2 villain romances
•During the first civil war, choose your side; James Orman or Junko, what you choose in the civil war will effect the future
•Possibly a stat system for battle
•Possible side missions to spend time with your character of choice, take them with you in your free time
•Choices during battles

THE STORY

Now that my rant is over, to the brief summery.

Adrien and his best friend, Kyou, enter a new school founded by one of his idols, James Orman. Kyou is disappointed at how unenthusiastic the clubs in America are and wants to build up new clubs and make her own. Adrien gives her the idea of a 3D printing club, so they go through with idea and do everything they can to meet up to the standards of a school club. Once they become a true club, form a small business around the school, making band instruments, backpack decorations, jewelry, key chains, phone cases, and even decorative food, they come up with the Biosynth project for the science fair, and attempt to create their version of a perfect human being. Thanks to Orman's dollar sign eyes, he goes after the success of the Biosynth. His political plans leads to a civil war that shreds people apart from their rationality.
FEEDBACK QUESTIONS
So now I'll need feedback on certain things and I'll end this post with the characters below for more detail. Any questions you have, I'll be happy to answer.

Does this interest you as a consumer? Would you buy it for around $20 greens once it was finished? Why?

Which character would you choose first? Kyou, Pepper, Junko, Rin, Ran, Shoichi, Zack, Naoki, Azazel? Why?

Which villain do you like the most? Why?

How do you think I'll be able to pull off outstanding action. Is there a certain method you prefer? What's your opinion on that?

If it doesn't interest you, why?

Artists, Writers, Programmers, Composers, this is a big project and will require more positions than a regular VN. I understand it has risks, and I am in no position to offer anything right now as this is just the beginning, but this is what experimental teams are there for, they take risks in order to make something unique, new, and good. After hearing all this, would you take on this project? Does it interest you? Why or Why not?

Artists, Writers, Programmers, Composers, again, would you be willing to do the work for free until its time for release? I don't plan to do this all by email and be a complete stranger to my team, I want to be sure there's going to be communication between everyone through a Skype chat. I want this to be fun, so we can all just enjoy our passion and kick it together. I want both semi-amateurs and experienced people so we can learn from one another. I've got presentations, handouts and organization techniques all planned. After hearing that, would that be something you'd agree to?
RECRUITMENT
I'm not recruiting right now because I'm still working on the timeline and choice chart...and that I won't share because that's top secret spoiler information. After that I'm hoping to get a few pictures out including a banner and more details about each route. When I'm ready, I'll post an update in this page but also make a thread for the recruitment page. Right now I'm just trying to build an idea and see if this is going to be worth my time. Otherwise I'll just stick to writing books, the thing this was originally going be. Why I'm I making this into a visual novel though? Well...my artist and musical side of me just wasn't satisfied with creating books. Music is going to come way later though. I need to able to look at a scene in order to create music. Just the way I am.
CHARACTERS
The quotes are just there to be something they would say. Thanks for reading! I'll respond to every post I get. Feel free to browse the characters.

Image

Kyou Kanzaki
"We're not going off of faith and pointless assumptions, I saw what Orman plans to do with the biosynths, and since we can't live up to those expectations of business, we get tossed aside and its all your fault!"
─ Kyou yelling to Adrien during the civil war, choosing to side with James Orman

Name: Kyou Kanzaki (Romance)
Ethnicity: Japanese (From Japan, the only one from a different country)
Age: 17
Zodiac: Scorpio ♏
Weapons: Katana
Grade: 11th, Junior
Personality:
♏Always strives to carry out the right decision
♏Kind-Hearted, Generous
♏Protective, Great Tutor
♏Bad at hiding emotions, Stubborn
♏Sometimes acts off of feelings instead of evidence

Pepper Townsend
"Found your underwear Adrien, hahaha!"
─ Pepper annoying the heck out of Adrien

Name: Pepper Townsend (Romance)
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Age: 15
Zodiac: Leo ♌
Weapons: Jagged Flame Sword
Grade: 9th, Freshman
Personality:
♌Humorous, Cheerful, Airhead, Energetic, Gullible, Annoying
♌Hyper/Carefree when having fun with friends
♌Easily gets lonely and worried
♌Social Anxiety/Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, and Borderline (Being treated)

Junko Hackett
"I'm a rebel, which means the only way to bring down the rich is to kill James Orman and all of his business partners. I want to see them dead so minorities can be the ones to be strong. I want to see those pathetic mansions in flames."
─ Junko preaching to her fellow rebels

Name: Junko Hackett (Romance)
Ethnicity: Spaniard
Age: 18
Zodiac: Virgo ♍
Weapons: Magnetic Gloves, Pistols, Sniper Rifle, Knife
Grade: 12th, Senior
Personality:
♍ Passionate about the things she believes
♍ Strong Leader, Serious, Busy
♍ Weakness for anything Japanese food related
♍ Strong in her beliefs

Ran Orman
"I've already had my dad set up the funding to this whole club. I've done so much, why should I have to pay for the next trip? My dad could've bought me a new green car with that money. I already own the other colors but I still need green to complete my collection. You're welcome by the way."
─ Ran being her greedy stubborn self

Name: Ran Orman (Romance)
Ethnicity: Japanese, Caucasian
Age: 16
Zodiac: Sagittarius ♐
Weapons: Sword, and Saw shield
Grade: 11th, Junior
Personality:
♐ Immensely Greedy, takes after her father
♐ Hardcore Video Gamer
♐ Careless, Rude, Sarcastic, Conceited
♐ A slight bully, especially to Kyou, Refers to Kyou as "Stretch."

Rin Kano-Huang
"Sometimes...in order to achieve your goals...you have to take risks. Even if its risking valuable friendships...or even that friend's life. I can't just sit around, I have to become something!"
─ Rin in tears, during the war, siding with Junko

Name: Rin Kano-Huang (Romance)
Ethnicity: Chinese
Age: 16
Zodiac: Scorpio ♏
Weapons: Syringe talons for combat and injecting poison and acid
Grade: 10th, Sophomore
Personality:
♏ Devoted to her goals of being a manager for James Orman, possibly a president of the company
♏ Dutiful, Ambitious, Supportive, Helpful
♏ Intelligent, Fair, Business Enthusiast

Azazel Ikeda
"Hey, that's actually a good idea. Instead of spending the money on ourselves, lets spend it on things we can do together as a club. I vote first trip; the beach. Cheap and easy to get to."
─ Azazel to the club

Name: Azazel Ikeda
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Age: 17
Zodiac: Libra ♎
Weapons: Mechanical bow with blades and whip gadgets
Grade: 11th, Junior
Personality:
♎ Kind-Hearted, Generous, Spiritual, Laid Back, Patient, Well-Mannered, Humorous, Fun, Strict
♎ A great teacher when it comes to spiritual techniques
♎ Great at verbally challenging people

Zack Breaker
"I figured it out. Adrien, Kyou, you failed on your project. I know why he put me through all this ever since you began the experiment, why he did what he did with Orman and Junko. I would've never understood if he hadn't intervened. He was my teacher, and master. I get it now."
─ Zack to Adrien and Kyou, then whispering to himself during the final war

Name: Zack Breaker
Ethnicity: Caucasian, German
Age: 16
Zodiac: Gemini ♊
Weapons: A long talon equal to a short sword, with tri-bladed electric whip gadget
Grade: 10th, Sophomore
Personality:
♊ Emo/Gothic but with incredibly good reasons
♊Submissive
♊Awkward, Hateful, Paranoid

Naoki Jarvis (Jericho)
"Everyone's basically telling me to be strong or weak. I'm told to man up, then I'm told being sensitive is okay. I don't get it! If I'm suppose to be perfect, then what is perfect? You gave me free will, but I can't be a certain way. Its confusing! Does this mean I don't have free will? I have access but I can't use it?"
─ Naoki to Adrien

Name: Naoki Jarvis (The Biosynth, also known as Jericho by James Orman)
Age: 1 month
Zodiac: Aries ♈
Personality:
♈Swaps back in fourth from strong personality traits to weak personality traits
♈Listens to random people, gullible, abnormal
♈Confused

VILLAINS

James Orman
"With money, comes, power..."
─ James Orman's famous quote

Name: James Orman
Age: 38
Zodiac: Scorpio ♏
Occupation: Business Man, Founder and Owner of Orman Industries Conglomerate Business
Personality:
♈Energetic, Wisecracker, Fast-Talking, Blunt, Greedy, Professional Speaker, Persuasive
♈Inspirational and a hero to his fans through hope and encouragement
♈Always trying to make a deal and promote business, Knowledgeable about business
♈Lover of anything including Rock Music \,,/,
♈A fraud, a liar
♈Government and media friendly
♈Will easily fire anybody

Deathshroud
"It's the harsh truth. It's nothing but humanity at it's finest. So what to do? It's your turn now."
─ Deathshroud

Name: Deathshroud
Age: 44
Zodiac: Cancer ♋
Weapons: Disintegration Staff, Regenerating Healing Factor Pack
Occupation: Anonymous Criminal Business Man, Runs a Bounty Hunter Business, Partnership with Orman Industries
Personality:
♋Pessimistic, Realist, Cruel, Torturous, Intimidating, Calm, Intelligent
♋Strong dislike for competition
♋Humanitarian

Kaori Townsend
"If Adrien and his friends pull it off, we might be able to use him somehow."
─Kaori to James Orman

Name: Kaori Townsend
Age: 39
Zodiac: Leo ♌
Occupation: Business Woman, Owner of Worldstones Medical Hospital/Healthcare, and OmegaBank, Partnership with Orman Industries
Personality:
♌See's people as a useful tool if she likes them, otherwise everyone else is worthless to her
♌Just work and money
♌Calm, Arrogant, High-Class, Tries to be hip to get people to like her when she likes them
♌Government and police friendly

Koldril Avanook
"We'll start the operation by replacing the skin around your stomach with a glass sheen since I'll need to be able to monitor progress from every possibly way. Your organs will have to be moved to a life support machine. The Arctos Plant will attach itself to you as your body will feed it the proper nutrients, similar to an infant."
─ Avanook explains to Ran in chains while she cries in fear and apologizing to Zack

Name: Koldril Avanook
Age: 44
Zodiac: Virgo ♍
Occupation: Scientist Criminal, Partnership with Deathshroud, Adds to a Sci-Fi horror scene
Personality:
♍ Kuudere, Calm, Super Intelligent
♍ Doesn't give a damn about anybody or anything but his experiments
♍ Comes up with horrific experiments
♍ Known for taking a human and turning him into an immobile and emotionless machine of labor.

Kiara Maddox
"Stop missing, come on I'm right here. Open your eyes you stupid Asian. Hahaha!"
─ Kiara bullying Kyou while pushing her around and dodging her punches

Name: Kiara Maddox
Age: 18
Zodiac: Taurus ♉
Grade: 12th, Senior
Personality:
♉Immature, School Bully, Smart-Mouth
♉Competitive, Always has to win
♉Despite her being a delinquent, she's quite smart
♉Violent, Delinquent
♉Takes her anger and hate out on Pepper most of the time

John Creed
"My info helps stop cyber-bullying. I'm actually helping society."
─ John to Kyou

Name: John Creed
Age: 23
Zodiac: Pisces ♓
Weapons: The Deep Web, Sometimes The Dark Web
Occupation: Information Broker/Doxer, Partnership with Junko
Personality:
♓ Intelligent, Computer Hacker
♓Uses rational talk to try to challenge people and defend his way of thinking
♓Obedient to Junko

Skull-Face
"You have a deal! One more thing before I leave, your watch?"
─ Skull-Face to James Orman making a deal and stealing his watch

Name: Skull-Face
Age: 46
Zodiac: Capricorn ♑
Weapons: Pistol, Mechanical Arm made out of programmable matter
Occupation: Comedy relief villain, Anonymous Criminal with government connections
Personality:
♑Clumsy, Silly, Energetic, Intimidating through psychotic behavior, Easily persuaded
♑Loves to play small games and bet on someone's life
♑All the skin was blown off half of his face, leaving his skull, modifying him to become half cyborg (I say this because I don't have a picture of him yet)

Heath Knox (Koma)
"A cold sloth like me could never comply with a deadly executioner like Deathshroud, I run my own business."
─Koma to Pepper

Name: Heath Knox (Koma)
Age: 21
Zodiac: Aquarius ♒
Weapons: Hypnotic and sleep inducement technology
Occupation: Scientist, School Consular
Personality:
♒Kuudere, Appears to be one of the most nicest and generous people alive
♒Emotional despite his strong attitude
♒Always wears a gentle smile on his face
♒Fair, Rational, Neutral between disputes
♒A manipulative liar, though he does have feelings and good intentions
Attachments
Adrien.png
Last edited by HeavyDevy-kun on Wed Nov 02, 2016 1:50 am, edited 9 times in total.
Image
"With Money, Comes Power."
+
"Forget the evolution, start the revolution."
=
"It's the harsh truth. It's nothing but humanity at it's finest. So what to do? It's your turn now."

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#2 Post by gekiganwing »

HeavyDevy-kun wrote: What does it take to create a good action packed visual novel? One that's going to appeal to all audiences. This question had been rolling in my head for a good five months now, slowly reaching answers and dead ends. There has been action-related visual novels, and my question is, why aren't there more VNs like this?
Sounds like an interesting idea. I haven't read many VNs which focus on combat. Therefore, I checked TVTropes' guide So You Want to Make a Visual Novel, and then looked for the word 'action.' A moment later, I found specific mentions of Muv-Luv Alternative, Demonbane, and Fate/Stay Night. I haven't read any of those three titles. Though I know they have good-to-great VNDB ratings.

Appealing to all audiences isn't easy. Nor is appealing to just one audience. I am familiar with the concept of the four quadrant movie. Today, I looked for specific examples of them in order to consider "do they appeal to one group of people more than others?" I wasn't sure even after looking at the examples which were named in the article 10 Great Quadrant Movies Screenwriters Can Learn From.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#3 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

Thanks for the feedback gekiganwing.

Muv-Luv I haven't read yet...I want too since it's the story that supposedly inspired Attack on Titan. So that's what got me curious. But! I've heard that the action was a little ridiculous in some places, characters sliding from screen to screen. That's what I heard. Fate/Stay Night I've read about half. Very good action! Still reading through it. Demonbane I have never heard of so I'll have to check that out! But...referring to the description of demonbane...XD Arkham City? Arkham Protector? That's hilarious! And makes it a little awkward knowing Batman and someone who as played the whole Arkham series. I'll check it out nonetheless.

I could've probably worded that a little better, its not a four quadrant. A four quadrant is "both male and female, and both over- and under-25s." - Wikipedia. Even though I did have an Otome hybrid planned for this, I cut it at the last minute and might make a sort of addon later, IF I decide to make it. I figured it was going to take too much time as it is already.

I was mostly talking about people who enjoy action, light-heartedness and yet the emotional rich stories at the same time. So many action stories lack this quality, its a rarity. But I've seen it done before. Grisaia No Kajitsu is an example. It had the light hearted anime feel, then a rich story once you choose your route, and sprinkles of action. This would be more of an exaggeration of that considering the action and rich stories. So I'm attempting it.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#4 Post by gekiganwing »

HeavyDevy-kun wrote: Traditional Japanese visual novel inspired, anime/manga styled characters in an American school
Use any kind of illustrations that you like. I usually recommend a style which reflects your story's theme, unless you intend to create a deliberate contrast. Would your story work if the illustrations looked like Daniel Clowes' comics? Or one of Jhonen Vasquez's series?

Consider what you like about individual creators' works. For instance, while Mitsuru Adachi's characters are plain in appearance, I think they're surprisingly expressive with subtle gestures. Naoki Urasawa has written about adult characters who act their age, and his current style is distinct.
HeavyDevy-kun wrote: Right now I'm just trying to build an idea and see if this is going to be worth my time. Otherwise I'll just stick to writing books, the thing this was originally going be.
There's a huge market for prose fiction and comics. From what I can tell, there's a growing market for story-driven video games. Visual novels are still mostly unknown outside of a few online communities. If you want to tell your story as a VN, then you might have an advantage.
HeavyDevy-kun wrote: I was mostly talking about people who enjoy action, light-heartedness and yet the emotional rich stories at the same time.
That's an interesting goal. I think it's a good idea to get people to care about the characters and their plight, even if there's an action driven plot.

Finally, you mentioned The Fruit of Grisaia. I haven't read that either...
Back when I was reading computer VNs, I chose what was readily available in English at the time, and what looked at least somewhat appealing. This is why I purchased and read both Come See Me Tonight 2 and X-Change 2.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#5 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

@gekiganwing

Welp, I added the sketch. I'm not taking the illustrations that seriously haha! Mangas can be serious just like any other comic out there. The only art style that wouldn't go with my story would definitely be anything in the Moe art style. Can't think of anything else that wouldn't go good.

I'm definitely trying for a visual novel. When the day comes and everything is set out on virtual paper, hopefully people will be interested enough to help out.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#6 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

Just thought I'd post an update. The sketch for Adrien is out. Take a look at the art style and let me know your thoughts.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#7 Post by indoneko »

Nice design... though he looks more like a sweet, docile innocent sheep to me than a serious freak with anger management problem...
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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#8 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

indoneko wrote:Nice design... though he looks more like a sweet, docile innocent sheep to me than a serious freak with anger management problem...
Yeah, and that's the thing ^-^ most of the time he's not a freak with anger management problems. He is really sweet! I quote: "Easily angered and sensitive after using his abilities too much which drains his chi rapidly, causing him to freak out." - This is a rare case and can be quite damaging...physically.

"The ability to control negative fire, a deadly element, makes people think he's a violent delinquent, sometimes comes true when not in control of his abilities, although he's quite the nerd." - There's a reason why he's mistaken for a violent delinquent, it's not about his looks like your typical comedic anime.

Another note...I haven't done the battle poses yet. So you haven't seen him with his weapon yet and he ain't going to look like that, trust me :mrgreen:

Hope that cleared things up. Thanks for the comment!
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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#9 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

Updated colored image for Adrien! I'm quite proud of it actually. My apologies for taking so long, its takes time to make these. Also it took me forever to find the right coloring style. I couldn't decide over cartoonish or realistic style, but I chose realistic because I wanted something a little more professional looking since its just an image. Should be a smooth cakewalk now. The only thing that can slow me down is designing the characters but that shouldn't be a big deal. Anyway, cheers!
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"With Money, Comes Power."
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"It's the harsh truth. It's nothing but humanity at it's finest. So what to do? It's your turn now."

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#10 Post by Zelan »

I like the logo. c: It would definitely catch my eye if I saw it somewhere online.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#11 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

Zelan wrote:I like the logo. c: It would definitely catch my eye if I saw it somewhere online.
Oh, hey Zelan! Thanks! Photoshop at it's finest!

___________________________

Just a couple of updates for this thread. I've decided no, on the affection point system because I came to the conclusion that it was a little stupid. I'm just going to have to go with the old traditional choices system and make it clear that you'll be getting close to one of the romances via choices. I might do something similar to Clannad on making it clear. So that's another thing that has been crossed off the list, and I'm not one who cuts things like this all the time. Its still in early development, plot holes are still present, you get the idea. However, if you don't like this, tell me!
Last edited by HeavyDevy-kun on Wed Nov 02, 2016 1:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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"With Money, Comes Power."
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"Forget the evolution, start the revolution."
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"It's the harsh truth. It's nothing but humanity at it's finest. So what to do? It's your turn now."

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#12 Post by LizardRobot »

Does this interest you as a consumer? Would you buy it for around $20 greens once it was finished? Why?
Honestly, it's a tough sell for me! There's so much going on in this story, and so many characters, it's hard to get a feel for what's going on. The escalation from characters discovering they have powers, technology arising to enhance those powers, a school being founded, forming a 3d printing club, printing a synthetic person, and then war breaking out is immense. I think, if the project were a TV show, that would be at least 3-4 seasons of content, and if it were books, a series of at least three YA novels. It's a lot to take in. The format and quantity of the character profiles is something of an information overload for me, too.

Also, I'm kind of a cheapskate... I don't generally pay more than $15 for a game, unless it's from a developer that's already proven themselves to me. I don't play AAA titles, I mostly play indies, and I'm a patient gamer who waits for sales. I would probably take the plunge at $10, and maybe at $15, depending on other people's reviews. But again, I'm a cheapskate!

Which character would you choose first? Kyou, Pepper, Junko, Rin, Ran, Shoichi, Zack, Naoki, Azazel? Why?
Choose as in romance? I've mentioned on other threads, I'm a really visual person, so it's hard for me to judge by text alone, but I think Junko. She seems like an admirably strong person. Ran sounds cool, too! Maybe Shoichi? I like geeks. In general, I prefer characters who are more serious, or ornery, and not loud or super-happy all the time.

Which villain do you like the most? Why?
Geez, there are so many characters! Most of the villains seem interesting. John Creed, Koldril, James Orman, and Deathshroud all seem like highly competent people. As above, I like the more serious types. Cruel characters can be fun! I noticed there were a lot of different ethnicities among the good guys, then it seems like all the villains are Caucasian?

How do you think I'll be able to pull off outstanding action. Is there a certain method you prefer? What's your opinion on that?
That I couldn't really say. I'm not huge into action, I prefer strategy or puzzle. Sorry I'm not more help! It's just not an area I have much experience with as a gamer, or one I've thought much about.

If it doesn't interest you, why?
I think I need to see more visuals for the character, and have a clearer idea of the game mechanics.

After hearing all this, would you take on this project? Does it interest you? Why or Why not?
No, it seems very ambitious, and a little chaotic. I understand the need to take risks, but it's just too risky for me given the scope of the project. I like to stick with things that are smaller and more manageable. I like finite projects with more easily-attainable goals.

Artists, Writers, Programmers, Composers, again, would you be willing to do the work for free until its time for release? ... After hearing that, would that be something you'd agree to?
Alas, I can't see myself working for free for someone else! I pay the people who work on my projects, and so I would expect to be compensated working on someone else's project. I mean, I might work for free/profit-share on a small project that could be realized within a short period of time and then released, but your project seems really ambitious. Given that what you're presenting feel to me like 3+ novels or seasons of a TV show, I think it would require many, many months of work to realize this game, with no guarantee that everyone involved is going to pull their weight enough to actually finish it, since people are working for free. If you can get through all the things that you can do yourself (writing, initial character art), then you could probably get people to come on and polish the project once the base is there.

I really do admire your ambition! If you can stick with it long enough, you do have a really cool premise and some interesting characters and it could end up being really awesome because of the ambitious scope.

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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#13 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

This, helped a lot, so thank you!
LizardRobot wrote:Does this interest you as a consumer? Would you buy it for around $20 greens once it was finished? Why?
Honestly, it's a tough sell for me! There's so much going on in this story, and so many characters, it's hard to get a feel for what's going on. The escalation from characters discovering they have powers, technology arising to enhance those powers, a school being founded, forming a 3d printing club, printing a synthetic person, and then war breaking out is immense. I think, if the project were a TV show, that would be at least 3-4 seasons of content, and if it were books, a series of at least three YA novels. It's a lot to take in. The format and quantity of the character profiles is something of an information overload for me, too.

Also, I'm kind of a cheapskate... I don't generally pay more than $15 for a game, unless it's from a developer that's already proven themselves to me. I don't play AAA titles, I mostly play indies, and I'm a patient gamer who waits for sales. I would probably take the plunge at $10, and maybe at $15, depending on other people's reviews. But again, I'm a cheapskate!
I know about this information dump and was too busy working on art in the meantime. My mistake. If it were without the powers then that would get rid of a lot of things and action would have to be a different style of fighting. Ugh, its possible though. If you want some history, this goes all the way back for when this was two stories instead of one, but one was too cliche and the other had suckish characters, so I merged the two stories and it became this. It sucks though, all the other stories I have don't pass as visual novels because of specific reasons; it's not a choose-your-own-adventure, and only has very limited amount of characters, like 4-3 main ones that aren't romanceable. That's not how it goes! :lol: Otherwise there'd be no way this would be my first choice. This was an underdeveloped story so I made it into a visual novel before it was too late, you know?

Getting rid of the characters is a big no no to an extent, and your explanation to that is some of them only appear in certain routes and have very limited amount of screen time, so you're not having a character overload, I promise you that! Its like featuring the parents of a certain character in their route, only instead of parents its villains. Hope that clears that up!

I'm going to tell you this; I'm going to save this in a document somewhere on my computer and edit this to try it without the elemental powers sprouting a new revolution and just have a regular school owned by Orman Industries, including cutting the concept of chi. Which would make it pure Sci-Fi. I'm strict when it comes to using bad science! I try to be very careful at least.

So none of this: The escalation from characters discovering they have powers, technology arising to enhance those powers, a school being founded. Only the last part: forming a 3d printing club, printing a synthetic person, and then war breaking out. I'll get rid of some stuff in the profiles, I guess it was bad to post the entire thing.
LizardRobot wrote:Which character would you choose first? Kyou, Pepper, Junko, Rin, Ran, Shoichi, Zack, Naoki, Azazel? Why?
Choose as in romance? I've mentioned on other threads, I'm a really visual person, so it's hard for me to judge by text alone, but I think Junko. She seems like an admirably strong person. Ran sounds cool, too! Maybe Shoichi? I like geeks. In general, I prefer characters who are more serious, or ornery, and not loud or super-happy all the time.
If I were to get rid of the Otome, again, :lol: I would cut out Shoichi. I've been thinking of doing that for a long time but maybe its time I do it. -_- Sucks too because I had something planned but hey, devs need to do this some time or later, right? The only reason I kept him was because he was the 3D modeler of the group, but I could always just give it to Adrien eh? Don't know why I didn't think of that before. Stupid, stupid! Welp, I guess I better do it before its too late.

Junko and Kyou would be the most serious ones. And if you ask me, Kyou is stronger :mrgreen: she's the main route, trust me.
LizardRobot wrote:Which villain do you like the most? Why?
Geez, there are so many characters! Most of the villains seem interesting. John Creed, Koldril, James Orman, and Deathshroud all seem like highly competent people. As above, I like the more serious types. Cruel characters can be fun! I noticed there were a lot of different ethnicities among the good guys, then it seems like all the villains are Caucasian?
Hahahahaha! XD! That's because I stopped giving a crap about their ethnicity and just copy/pasted. I'm taking that out for the villains and not even going to mention it. They can be whatever you want them to be!
LizardRobot wrote:How do you think I'll be able to pull off outstanding action. Is there a certain method you prefer? What's your opinion on that?
That I couldn't really say. I'm not huge into action, I prefer strategy or puzzle. Sorry I'm not more help! It's just not an area I have much experience with as a gamer, or one I've thought much about.
Probably because I'm both a proud hardcore gamer and proud visual novel gamer. Mortal Combat and Batman forever!
LizardRobot wrote:If it doesn't interest you, why?
I think I need to see more visuals for the character, and have a clearer idea of the game mechanics.
Will do, art is still in progress after I edit this.
LizardRobot wrote:After hearing all this, would you take on this project? Does it interest you? Why or Why not?
No, it seems very ambitious, and a little chaotic. I understand the need to take risks, but it's just too risky for me given the scope of the project. I like to stick with things that are smaller and more manageable. I like finite projects with more easily-attainable goals.
I'll fix it. However if you're talking about a little 10 hour thing with three characters then that's where we have differences.
LizardRobot wrote:Artists, Writers, Programmers, Composers, again, would you be willing to do the work for free until its time for release? ... After hearing that, would that be something you'd agree to?
Alas, I can't see myself working for free for someone else! I pay the people who work on my projects, and so I would expect to be compensated working on someone else's project. I mean, I might work for free/profit-share on a small project that could be realized within a short period of time and then released, but your project seems really ambitious. Given that what you're presenting feel to me like 3+ novels or seasons of a TV show, I think it would require many, many months of work to realize this game, with no guarantee that everyone involved is going to pull their weight enough to actually finish it, since people are working for free. If you can get through all the things that you can do yourself (writing, initial character art), then you could probably get people to come on and polish the project once the base is there.
Personal preference, understandable. And, dude, I came from writing books. I work independently so coming to the story part, its up to me to do that from beginning to end. I'm open to criticism and suggestions but beginning to end is what I need to do. Plus, I need a story of deep meaning that'll make people think, and that comes from personal opinion, presented vaguely so it can be subjective to the audience. Not a story that I'm doing just because.
LizardRobot wrote:I really do admire your ambition! If you can stick with it long enough, you do have a really cool premise and some interesting characters and it could end up being really awesome because of the ambitious scope.
Hey, if you ask me, the story is still underdeveloped. Plot holes that cause some disorganization. Things don't connect. Tiny ones, but they are there. But thank you, this really did help.
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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#14 Post by HeavyDevy-kun »

I have three stories! This particular one has been giving me so much trouble it has been unbelievable. This thing has almost two years of history and still giving me trouble. The story might be cursed. Anyway, the main thread has been updated to the fullest so it isn't much of an info-dump. Lots of things changed, its more centered around 3D printing and the Biosynths instead of elemental powers. It just brings it out more.

Be sure to give criticism. Well, that's that.

Cheerio!
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Re: Bio$ynth[Bishoujo|American School|3D Printing Club|Actio

#15 Post by Aratzne »

Does this interest you as a consumer? Would you buy it for around $20 greens once it was finished? Why?

The premise of the game and characters definitely interest me as a consumer. I like the genre and the thought you've put into it. The plot sounds solid, especially as you continue to refine it. The characters seem interesting and different. I like the efforts you've put forward so far. I would consider buying it for $20. The story and writing would have to be polished and (frankly) good, and the art and music would have to stand up too. I would read reviews of it (or even better, play a demo) before I decided to purchase, so it would have to stand up to that scrutiny. I'd also be more willing to pay $20 if it were on the longer side (more than 10 hours).

Of course, if the game cost less, I'd adjust my expectations accordingly.

Which character would you choose first? Kyou, Pepper, Junko, Rin, Ran, Shoichi, Zack, Naoki, Azazel? Why?

I'm pretty strict about play order and spoilers / overall enjoyment of the story, so that's the first thing I'd take into account. Otherwise, all things being equal, I usually pick my least favorite (or least interested in) character to start off... so I'd choose Pepper first, since I tend to prefer serious/mature characters to genki ones. Although the detail you put into her social anxiety could mean that I end up liking her more anyway.

As for which character I am most interested in romancing - I'd say Ran. There's just something about that Ojou-sama personality. I might not have been into her off the personality traits alone, but the quote you provided sold it for me. And I'm intrigued to see how her character develops and reacts to the civil war.

Second mention goes to Rin, because she seems serious and passionate. I like characters with her personality traits. And story-wise, it seems like she has conflicts of interest but stands by a principle she believes in.

Which villain do you like the most? Why?

They all sound promising, it's hard to pick a favorite... If Koldril Avanook were a woman, it'd be her. But for some reason I don't care for him as a man - personal bias I guess. XD Kaori and James then come to the top, because they seem like self-serving business-type villains which can be a more subtle kind of enemy. (Is Kaori related to Pepper?)

How do you think I'll be able to pull off outstanding action. Is there a certain method you prefer? What's your opinion on that?

Since your strength is in writing, I would recommend heavily following the examples of Fate/Stay Night and Muv-Luv (disclaimer, I also haven't played through the whole Muv-Luv series). You can also read action/thriller novels for direction in how writing tense action scenes. There are a lot of techniques writers use to put action into words.

Use the advantages of the visual novel medium to the fullest potential you can -
  • Sound effects - for drawing weapons, for shooting or strikes, for injuries, etc. Partial voice acting could also be great here.
  • Visual effects - like the sword strikes used in F/SN, or moving and zooming on CGs to create a sense of motion. Muv-Luv uses a lot of good visual effects, so I'd recommend checking it out for that.
  • CGs - this may go without saying, but a good CG will go much further in portraying an action scene than sprites or NVL.
  • Music - cannot stress this enough. The right music can blow an action scene off the screen.
My opinion is that outstanding action is very feasible in visual novels - but as with anything else outstanding, it takes effort, research, and creativity. Go for it! :D

Artists, Writers, Programmers, Composers, this is a big project and will require more positions than a regular VN. I understand it has risks, and I am in no position to offer anything right now as this is just the beginning, but this is what experimental teams are there for, they take risks in order to make something unique, new, and good. After hearing all this, would you take on this project? Does it interest you? Why or Why not?

Artists, Writers, Programmers, Composers, again, would you be willing to do the work for free until its time for release? I don't plan to do this all by email and be a complete stranger to my team, I want to be sure there's going to be communication between everyone through a Skype chat. I want this to be fun, so we can all just enjoy our passion and kick it together. I want both semi-amateurs and experienced people so we can learn from one another. I've got presentations, handouts and organization techniques all planned. After hearing that, would that be something you'd agree to?

Going to take these two questions together since they're kind of compound. As a writer, I would be interested in the project, but tentatively. I'd have to believe that the leader (you) were committed to finishing the project, organizing everything and everyone, and finding new people to join the project when necessary. Your emphasis on communication and learning from one another is a good sign! But it is a long and ambitious project, which can be either good or bad (or a bit of both). I'd definitely want to see a lot of commitment and organization before signing on. I would also want to know more about what your expectations are, and how collaborative you want the project to be.

Those concerns also factor into whether I'd be willing to work for free until release. How much you expect from team members. How organized you are. How collaborative the work is. How certain I can be that you won't take the final product and sell it by yourself. How likely it is that the project will go forward as planned. How much I enjoy working on the project. Basically, a project I work on for free until release would have to be a project I'd be willing to work on for free (with the expectation that you wouldn't sell the game without payment or profit share to people who worked on it).

Other questions/concerns:

In your game features / story, you imply that you can choose which side of the civil war to support. However, later on you also make it explicit that some characters are Villains. Can you clarify how this will feature in the story? Thanks!

Also in features, you mention stat and battle systems, which would indicate a sort of hybrid VN with actual action gameplay - or a stat-raiser. However, you originally propose an action packed visual novel as one with an action story (giving the example of Fate/Stay Night, which has no combat system). Which are you planning on?

Shout-out to the inclusion of Asian-American characters.

Best of luck with the game!! :)
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