Geist of Demonic Absolvement

[DrakeNavarone]

Just finished it, and I'll say I did enjoy my time with it mostly, but have to agree with NOUGHTS in that it suffers from the familiar problems afflicting a number of amateur works we see here. Admittedly, from someone whose writing also contains many of the same mistakes, it isn't easy to rid yourself of, but being aware that they are there is a good start towards correcting it.

The "philosophastering" scene about luck and such was a put off. Even if it was somewhat amusing, it just wasn't done quite right. For one, long monologues are a little unnatural. Having the hero interject with an opinion every so often to break it up is a possible solution. But the bigger issue is unloading the whole lecture right in the beginning. It's something that deserves a place much later in the game, preferably after a related scene, after the player has grown to know Natsume better too, to heighten emotional response. Having it right at the first isn't the way to go. You're trying to draw people in, not scare them away.

Another of my complaints is that it seems to take some time and quite some words to get things done so far. Granted, there's not much you can show in the intro, you don't wanna give it all away. But I would like to see things done a little quicker, a fewer wasted words. Of course, I'm one of those "bizarre" types who appreciates shorter stories more than epics, so it might just be my bias leaking through here. This is likely a first draft, and these things can be cleaned up in editing though, so do give some thought to quickening some of the slower scenes.

( As for the "weeaboo" thing... I say do what you want to do! You shouldn't let others force you into a change you disagree with or dislike... and it sure looks like you're not the pushover type so this won't likely be a problem. Now, I also realize this may render everything I've just said meaningless to you, but at least I said it instead of keeping quiet.)

I'll be keeping an eye on this one, and will play the finished product, as anything Higurashi-esque shoots right to the top of my watch list, so I wish you the best of luck on this one. It managed to be entertaining thus far in spite of its flaws, and I'm sure the completed game will be even better.

[N0UGHTS]

Would you also like some cheese with your whine?

Huh? I didn't mean to whine... I tried to help and failed?

[Jake]

You shouldn't let others force you into a change you disagree with or dislike...

(Counterpoint: Not all criticism is trying to force you into a change, and ignoring all criticism will more than likely stunt your growth just as much as trying to pander to all of it.)