The Girl in the Mirror

[demonicbagel]

My friends tell me I'm odd for being so interested in "old, boring things" - this in reference to my fascination with antique items. "It's the history behind those things that interests me," I would always reply with a embarrassed, yet certain smile. They don't understand. They can't understand - not if they don't try to, but that's okay. Every day on my way home from university, I stop by the small antique shop across the street from my mother's bakery. The old couple that owns the place look forward to my visits, as I have visited many a time over the past decade. They say I am a pleasant constant, which I suppose is meant to be a compliment.

The familiar ding of the tiny bell meets my ears as I open the small wooden door and enter.

"Hello, sonny." The old man, Albert, greets me with a wide, toothy grin as he enters the main room of the store from the back. I smile back and greet him in turn.

"Anything new today?" I ask. To my pleasant surprise, Albert smiles even more widely and nods.

"As it so happens," he starts," there is." As he speaks, he points to the back room. The door is closed, as it is mostly meant for the storage of antiques that have yet to be cleaned and displayed to customers, and isn't accessible by most who enter. I look at him inquisitively, and he gives another smiling nod.

"Go ahead!" I thank him excitedly and walk quickly to the storage room. As I open the door, light seeps through the widening crack from the main room, giving an almost mystical, haunting glow to the stark white of the myriad cloths used to covered the, as of yet, unrecorded items. I flip the light switch, filling the room with a welcome brightness. Before me is a covered object. From the shape of the silhouette, I gather that this new item is square or rectangular and thin.

Unable to wait any longer, I quickly, yet carefully, remove the cover, and gasp with awe.

Before me was a mirror. It was beautifully crafted. The smooth reflecting glass was framed within ornate silver with designs that spoke of a time many years ago. Despite its supposed age, the mirror showed no sign of dulling or scratching. Whoever had owned this before giving it to the antique store must have taken great care in keeping it pristine. I nodded with approval for the unknown caretaker.

I stood in continued awe for several minutes, asking many questions. Where did it come from? Who made it? How old was it? From the design, I gathered that it must have been at least a hundred years old. I wasn't knowledgeable enough to discern exactly when it was made, however.

It was a marvel to behold, indeed. I would love to take it home with me, but my budget as a self-efficient university student would not allow it for the time being. Eventually, I managed to pull myself away, albeit with a sad longing. It was getting late, and I had promised my mother to help her close the bakery. I moved to leave the storage room, and turned off the light. I turned to give the mirror another admiring glance, and....

... I stop and stare. "What the...?"

Surely it wasn't possible. I stared for a few moments, mouth agape, but nothing... I shrugged and closed the door behind me.

I waved goodbye to Albert and his wife, Loretta, who had just returned from some outside business, and left the antique store, heading to see my mother.

"Impossible..."

It must have been the light from the outside playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn I had just seen a pair of eyes staring at me from the mirror just a moment ago...

[Zelan]

Nice hook! c: I'm definitely interested in what might happen next.

A few grammatical errors (and a few suggestions):

The old couple that owns the place look forward to my visits

look --> looks (Although a couple is made up of two people, it is referred to as one entity.)

he gives another smiling nod.

"Go ahead!" I thank him excitedly

I would put "Go ahead!" at the end of the last paragraph instead of the beginning of the next one. It keeps Albert's speech with his actions, if that makes sense.

used to covered the

covered --> cover

my budget as a self-efficient university student

self-efficient --> self-sufficient

I had promised my mother to help her close the bakery.

This should be changed to "I had promised to help my mother close the bakery" or "I had promised my mother that I would help her close up the bakery." Both of these are a little more natural. c:

Also, starting from the paragraph that begins with "Before me was a mirror," and going on to the end, you start to shift between present and past tense. It's an easy mistake to make (I can't tell you how often I do this myself), and I actually didn't notice it the first time that I read it, but I would definitely go back and give that a look. c:

Besides those tiny things, this is great! Do you plan on going forward with this anytime soon?

[demonicbagel]

Note: I wrote this in about 10 minutes really early in the morning before going to sleep xD I wanted to get it done quickly, thus the few mistakes.

And I would like to expand upon this story, but alas, I am but a writer without a budget. I would need to find a couple artists and a composer and the like who would work on this for fun (It being a Non-Commercial, Potentially short story).

[Zelan]

Note: I wrote this in about 10 minutes really early in the morning before going to sleep xD I wanted to get it done quickly, thus the few mistakes.

Oh, you're fine! It's really just a habit of mine to edit everything I read like that. I still loved your writing! And it's very good for ten minutes. It would probably take me half an hour to write something like that.

And I would like to expand upon this story, but alas, I am but a writer without a budget. I would need to find a couple artists and a composer and the like who would work on this for fun (It being a Non-Commercial, Potentially short story).

Aww, that's a shame. :c Maybe if you worked on it in your spare time you could at least get the story part done and then think about those things later? That's what I'm trying to do myself.

[demonicbagel]

Yeah. I could, but I have a bad habit of not putting a lot of effort into something if I don't think it'll go anywhere. Though, my other projects seem to be going nicely despite the lack of a proper set of backgrounds for both...