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- Any comments on the plot?

Well from the premise alone and the quick description of the character, it does sound cheesy to me, or kinda like a synospis I'd have read quite a number of time before (you know, the seemingly weak/clueless hero who's suddenly tasked to save the world) — BUT you seem ambitious (~10h of script!) so you probably have a good idea of where you want to lead your story and how you want to develop your universe.
So regarding your second question, I wouldn't provide more details on the plot, but on that said universe. What about the political zones you talk about? How's the world functioning with all those time travel capacities? Maybe include part of those answers inside your synopsis to create a more unique feeling.

- Would this type of plot be well received?

Again it's quite typical for me, but I admit it's not my cup of tea (not too fond of action stuff, unless it's exceptionally well done) so I'm not the best judge. I do think one or two striking visuals would add a lot to your pitch, as it'd unfog the mystery a bit.

- For script

I'd vote for longer script, but that's just me picturing your story more as a big fantasy novel (or sci fi... or both) than anything else.

Kayseur wrote:- Any comments on the plot?

Well from the premise alone and the quick description of the character, it does sound cheesy to me, or kinda like a synospis I'd have read quite a number of time before (you know, the seemingly weak/clueless hero who's suddenly tasked to save the world) — BUT you seem ambitious (~10h of script!) so you probably have a good idea of where you want to lead your story and how you want to develop your universe.
So regarding your second question, I wouldn't provide more details on the plot, but on that said universe. What about the political zones you talk about? How's the world functioning with all those time travel capacities? Maybe include part of those answers inside your synopsis to create a more unique feeling.

- Would this type of plot be well received?

Again it's quite typical for me, but I admit it's not my cup of tea (not too fond of action stuff, unless it's exceptionally well done) so I'm not the best judge. I do think one or two striking visuals would add a lot to your pitch, as it'd unfog the mystery a bit.

- For script

I'd vote for longer script, but that's just me picturing your story more as a big fantasy novel (or sci fi... or both) than anything else.

Hey! Thanks for your feedback! I do admit that the plot seems a bit typical on the front. hmm, I guess the best way to put it would be I'm writing it in a way such that people go in expecting a typical happy-go-lucky adventure and defeating mighty foes. But when the twist happens, the reader will feel surprised and engrossed. Or at least that's the plan. The plot will be a bit more focused on characters than action but I do understand where you're coming from.
I guess I wasnt very clear on the time travel aspect either. Without going into too much detail, that segment is planned for arc 2.
I agree as well on the visuals. I'm still looking for some artists right now since atm I dont think I can do my story justice with the skills I have right now.
Hmm, The original vision was a 30-40hr script, but realistically, I think that I can commit to a 10-15hr one and finish it. The reason I ask though is I was wondering whether or not having a longer script would be meaningful (contribute to worldbuilding/char growth? That wouldnt be possible in 10hrs)
Once again thanks for your input, I'll be trying my best to improve and I'm hoping that by the time I'm done, It will be a story that you enjoy!

updates! We have more people on the project :^)

Updates! CH 1's first draft is complete!

arcdawn wrote:Dimensional Beasts (DBs): These are unknown life forms that began to show up and terrorize humanity.

Are they essentially animals which only exist to survive and reproduce? If they have human-level intelligence, can people communicate with them? Do they have motives which can be discerned?

arcdawn wrote:She ends up joining a group of heroes known as The Troupe on their quest to save the world...

Why do these people work together? Why are they (seemingly) the only people opposing the Dimensional Beasts?

arcdawn wrote:Ana - A carefree gunslinger girl who wants to fight the DBs. She is the only survivor of her hometown...

Can a person be carefree, but also the survivor of a traumatic event? I'm not sure. It might be possible. Show through your story how her personality works, and how she is dealing with her past.

arcdawn wrote:Updates! CH 1's first draft is complete!

I'm glad to know that this project is active.

gekiganwing wrote:

arcdawn wrote:Dimensional Beasts (DBs): These are unknown life forms that began to show up and terrorize humanity.

Are they essentially animals which only exist to survive and reproduce? If they have human-level intelligence, can people communicate with them? Do they have motives which can be discerned?

arcdawn wrote:She ends up joining a group of heroes known as The Troupe on their quest to save the world...

Why do these people work together? Why are they (seemingly) the only people opposing the Dimensional Beasts?

arcdawn wrote:Ana - A carefree gunslinger girl who wants to fight the DBs. She is the only survivor of her hometown...

Can a person be carefree, but also the survivor of a traumatic event? I'm not sure. It might be possible. Show through your story how her personality works, and how she is dealing with her past.

arcdawn wrote:Updates! CH 1's first draft is complete!

I'm glad to know that this project is active.

Ah, thank you for your post! I appreciate your comments. I guess I haven't been descriptive enough of certain parts of the story. I will try to explain these parts and see if you have any more opinions on it!

DBs represent chaos in times of tension as well as sin (For lack of a better word). In the story, they are completely alien life forms with seemingly hive-mind like tendencies. (Acting independently for a common goal, which is to pillage and expand their territory) part of the mystery of the story is uncovering why these beasts showed up and what purpose they serve in the grand scheme of things. (The reveal is in the final chapter)

The group known as "The Troupe" are a group of "investigators" who are trying to figure out what is driving the DBs, information on if they can communicate or if they serve a greater purpose, and why/how they even came to earth in the first place. The information they are trying to seek will assist in humanity's rebuttle against these savage life-forms. The main character joins the troupe initially out of need, but eventually gets invested in their endeavor. The Troupe's members are all employees of their sponsor, but they have their own personal reasons for their investigation that get elaborated on throughout the story.

Ana's carefree nature is a facade that she puts on to draw attention away from her empty feelings. I do plan on elaborating it further throughout the course of the story.

I should probably update the description as well haha. Although these past few weeks have been nothing but busy!

updates: Backgrounds have begun production!

Updates! CH 2 is almost completely scripted!

updates! CH2 is completely scripted, CH 3 underway.
Obtained a sprite artist and monster sprite artist! Also working on a few of the OST tracks!

Updates! Ch 3 is under Review and Ch 4 is being scripted!
We have obtained a new editor and are working to produce the demo slated for the end of August!

Stay tuned for more news!

(Also if a mod could move this thread to WIP? That would be awesome)