(On Hiatus) Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

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Aelinau
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(On Hiatus) Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#1 Post by Aelinau » Tue Jul 25, 2017 11:04 pm

Image





Overview of the World
Eternea(WIP) use to be a thriving world of magic but due to a massive war the rulers decided to cut off the worlds magic supply. Due to this the people who once could use magic no longer had any powers..but the items that were imbued with power before hand still retained their qualities... Dark or Light. These items are forbidden for use unless given special permission. Our adventure will begin in a city named Astoria. A thriving place still ruled by a kind king and queen and home to our heroin 6th Princess Eternia and our "damsel" Knight Enlir.

Summary

One faithful night while on a mission out of town Enlir stumbles onto a cursed item in the shape of a Crystal Rose. Wishing nothing more than to give it to his beloved when he proposes he brings it back to the castle. While presenting it to her he pricks his finger on the thorn splitting his very soul and body into pieces. After seeing her love torn apart with her own eyes she searches tomes and scrolls for the cure. When all hope seems to be lost, she holds the flower to her chest and wanders the castle. While passing a guard the flower begins to shine and before her she sees the outline of Enlir and his very voice. Sadly Enlir is a mere puppet void of emotion and memories. She realizes that she must find more people the rose reacts to, to bring him back fully. Eternia must embark on a journey to far away lands to restore her love. But wait! A Shadow lurks nearby and time is running out! Will she succeed or will the journey become to much? Will Enlir be himself still or will he be a twisted being after?

Plot

Eternia must embark on a journey around the world in hope of finding the pieces of Enlir. These pieces will only be visible to the one holding the Crystal Rose. The person with a piece of Enlir will have a part of his memory, fighting style, voice or ect and a thorn from the Crystal Rose. The thorn will make the rose shine once it is near. Eternia will need to find seven pieces before time limit ends to bring Enlir back. If she fails Enlir will never be the same as he was. The Crystal Rose itself is a dark magic tool and in it lives darkness itself when Enlir pricked his finger he not only tore himself apart but also unleashed what was hidden inside.


Characters
Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

I believe these will be all the designed Chars. I may have some random "knights or people" drawn up for side chars just for talking.


Progress

Sprites: 80-100%
Outline: 100%
Script: 0%
Music:0%
CG: 0%
Programming: 0%
Background: 0%

LOGO: Finished

Demo

-Prologue-
Script: 40%
Programming:0%
Music:0%
CGs/Backgrounds:0%


Features

Demo of the prologue
Many CGs/Backgrounds (Prologue is planned to have at least 5 alrdy)
Free
Not a lot of choices but if this becomes an issue for people I can try to work in more
I'd like to add some simple games/puzzles (but I'm not 100% I'll be able to create this)


UPDATES:

7/30/2017- Updated Eternia and Enlir Profile
8/5/2017- Updated Plot
8/6/2017- Updated with Celeste Profile
8/12/2017- Updated with Villain Profile



FEEDBACK!

1. Is the general plot appealing to you? Is it boring, interesting...?

2. Is there something specific you would like to see?

3. Do you like the characters so far?

4. Any suggestion or criticism?
Last edited by Aelinau on Wed Jun 20, 2018 11:56 pm, edited 17 times in total.

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Re: Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#2 Post by Aelinau » Fri Jul 28, 2017 12:07 am

EterniaExpressions.png
Eternia Expressions (so far)

Working a few of Enlirs.. since he wont play a huge role in the expression department, he wont have many ^^;

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Re: Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#3 Post by MarkusLappalainen » Fri Jul 28, 2017 7:05 am

There is not much in terms of plot but the premise sounds like a great start. Wether you write the story into chapters or into one, it doesn't really matter, I think. As long as the narrative works and flows naturally. Chapters allow breaks and pacing if you publish as separate units. So, I guess you must decide the kind of presentation you want :)
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Re: Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#4 Post by Aelinau » Fri Jul 28, 2017 2:41 pm

MarkusLappalainen wrote:
Fri Jul 28, 2017 7:05 am
There is not much in terms of plot but the premise sounds like a great start. Wether you write the story into chapters or into one, it doesn't really matter, I think. As long as the narrative works and flows naturally. Chapters allow breaks and pacing if you publish as separate units. So, I guess you must decide the kind of presentation you want :)
Thank you so much for your insight ^.^ The plot mainly revolves around her traveling the world looking for parts the rose reacts to. Along the journey she faces danger and temptation. I naturally wanted to add some fighting scenes in the form of CGs (this is also the reason I thought of making them split into chapters so I could fully devote myself to one part of the story at a time without it feeling rushed. But also giving a part of the story out in a timely matter rather than having a huge wait time for a fully developed VN ) In any case Thank you again! I'll be sure to think on which route I wish to take. ^.^/

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Re: Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#5 Post by WizardOfWhat » Sat Jul 29, 2017 4:42 pm

Hey, this project looks interesting so I wanted to give some feedback.

1. "Is the general plot appealing to you? Is it boring, interesting...?" Generally from what you've presented the plot has potential to carry a character driven story. Which, I'm guessing, is what your going for. To answer the question sort of. There isn't anything there that particularly grabs me. On the other hand there isn't anything that seems like a bad idea or particularly unworkable which makes me lose interest either. I think just cleaning up your pitch and throwing in a few small unique or interesting things about Seven Thorns would go a long way.

2. "Is there something specific you would like to see?" I would like to see where the tension in the story is going to come from. Obviously you have a shadow lurking and a villain planned, but I don't have a clear idea of how easy or hard it's going to be for Eternia to accomplish her goal, what or who might try to stop her, or how much time she has. Something along those lines would be a good small detail to help the story seem more engaging at a glance.

3. "Do you like the characters so far?" I would have to see how well executed they are. Visually the art is pretty good. I like the choice of colors especially Eternia's earthy palette. With their personalities there isn't much about Eternia or Enlir that grabs me right away. Presenting any quirks or eccentricities they have along with things like life goals, personal philosophies, and conflicts they have with other characters or the setting would be a way to generate interest in your characters.

4. "Any suggestion or criticism?" This may sound silly, but proofreading. I had to read through the summary a few times to parse the information you were presenting. As well in Eternia's profile the sentence "Knowledgeable, Stubborn, and Tomboyish that hates sitting around not doing anything" is an example of some grammar and punctuation issues. A better sounding version of that sentence might read something like "She is a knowledgeable and stubborn tomboy that hates sitting around and not doing anything."

5. "Would you rather I combine everything in one and just have a really long VN rather than splitting it into chapters?" I think the main thing splitting it into chapters would do is give people less more often rather than just having the whole thing all at once. Which you could leverage with some good cliff hangers or mysteries to keep people engaged. On the other hand it could be frustrating for your readers if the time between releases of chapters is inconsistent or too long. I think not splitting it into chapters is the safer bet, but either way could work.

As they say the devil is in the details. I don't see any huge glaring issues with what you've presented just little things that could be improved or changed. What you have here definitely has potential.

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Re: Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#6 Post by Aelinau » Sat Jul 29, 2017 7:34 pm

WizardOfWhat wrote:
Sat Jul 29, 2017 4:42 pm
Hey, this project looks interesting so I wanted to give some feedback.
Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my questions!! ^.^ It is in fact going to be a char driven story with Eternia being the main focus.

I'm glad you like the sprites art so far! Rather than make Eternia too girly I wanted to represent her tomboyish style while keeping to neutral colors. ^.^

I see what you mean about proofreading. (My fiance will be proof reading everything for me but I'll be sure to read through everything and make those changes mentioned above ^.^) I'm kinda keeping alot of information about the chars in the dark and I can understand how that can seem rather boring... I'll try to reveal some more about them and add more information once all the sprites are finally finished and drawn up. Thank you for pointing that out to me ^.^

I did intend to add some cliff hangers between chapters as well as add the ability to have a normal ending or a sweet ending between chapters. But I also know if I really like a story I hate having to wait for another part to be released... so I'm kinda torn myself between making it extremely long or split.
I could also make it long while also releasing the 1st chapter as a demo. So many choices!! lol Thank you again for your advice it's much appreciated!

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#7 Post by Aelinau » Sun Jul 30, 2017 8:50 pm

EnlirExpressions.png
A few of Enlirs.. More may be added but atm this is all he has ^.^

Next I'll be working on the sprite and profile of the captain ^.^

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#8 Post by Aelinau » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:49 pm

WIP of the Captain ^.^
Some things to change on her and fix but hey here's a wip anyway lol
Captain.png

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#9 Post by Aelinau » Fri Aug 04, 2017 9:01 pm

Been a couple days.. so i figured I'd give you an update on the captain she's basically colored but her weapon is giving me issues as well as some other parts.. I'm just picky i know T^T. Anyway here's an update :p
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captain WIP2.png

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#10 Post by Aelinau » Mon Aug 14, 2017 5:39 pm

I'm thinking of finally moving this to the WIP section, since I'll be working on the full story soon ^^;

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#11 Post by Aelinau » Thu Aug 17, 2017 12:13 am

Currently working on all the dialog and thinking I may add a humor tone to the overall story. I also think I may post looking for someone that would like to do the Music.. this would involve battle music/ as well as sword clashing... and at least 7 different areas music. I was going to attempt to compose all this myself or find some free tracks to use.. but I'm completely overloading myself on things to do... but if i must I will do just that lol.

Once I have the prologue written up I will start working on backgrounds and programming to get a demo out. I'm really not sure at what point an Idea can be moved to the WIP section.. probably once I have the demo down I'll move it over there.

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#12 Post by Aelinau » Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:40 pm

I've been rather busy due to work lately but I am slowly working on the CGs for the demo. I'm srry for the delay in updates lately ^.^

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Re: Divided-Seven Thorns [Romance/Adventure]

#13 Post by Aelinau » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:20 am

Work has been stressful, and I've made like no progress so far on the vn so I'm kinda happy i kept it in ideas. It is still in the works and I do plan on conting it... progress will be slow but Thank you to those still looking forward to it ^.^

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