Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

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OoAmmyoO
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Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

#1 Post by OoAmmyoO » Wed Sep 20, 2017 2:29 am

First of all, English is not my main language. Please kindly warn me about any mistakes, thank you.

This is a small spark of an idea. Though I'm truly interested in developing it, it will heavily depend on feedback, time and a lot of other small things wheneter or not it will come to fruition. I will however, try my utmost to develop it on my free time and further detail the content on this page.

I apologize that it is initially quite empty here, but as I said, things will come in the right time.

This is supposed to be a short game (I know myself well enough to know this might become a bigger project later on), for me to try out the many Renpy features.


--
This is a story about dreams, egoism, bitterswett feelings and the wonderfully unexpected.
_






Primadonna
.
.
When the curtain finally came up as gentle crescendo began, it was as if a new world revealed itself through a hidden window.
Everything inside that frame before my eyes was so perfectly in place that I began to instinctively reject its existence.

A world where people as elegant as statues, but with the feet as light as a bird's landing,
jumped in shifting patterns within a fantasy palace.
To my twelve-year-old eyes they were impossibly perfect to be, like a whole galaxy reflecting on a winter lake.

But then, he began to dance as if blooming from within and all the stars disappeared from sight.

For he was the sun, and the sky belonged to him.
.
.



Characters


Carol White: A talented ballerina from the large (yet poor) kingdom of Iwevell, renowned for her grace and discipline in national competitions. She is a kind, shy, and determined person, whose dreams seem to push her forward to grow into something much bigger than she initially thinks even possible. She suffers from sleep disorders due to constant stress, a fact that greatly influenced her performance on the last few years and her motivation to continue studying ballet. Her biggest dream is to perform at The Meridian Theater alongside her childhood idol.

Luciano Alencar Vasconcelos : A male ballet dancer whose decorated career is the subject of many conversations among the nobles. Handsome, talented and the holder of three first places on the International Ballet Competition Senior division on solo presentations, it's hard to imagine there's anything lacking in his life. However as the years go by and his body strains more than ever to keep up with the harsh training, Luciano has secretly decided to follow his hearth to a life beyond the stages.



More to come soon...


Little questions to help me to warm my engines:


:?: Have you ever played a VN or read a book with ballet as a theme?
:?: Have you ever watched ballet or practiced it before?
:?: A Visual Novel themed on ballet is something that sound appealing for you? Why is that?
:?: How many hours long are the vns you play, usually?
:?: ...What are your feelings on drama? Of the tearjerker kind.
:?: What's your take on many possible endings, but for a single or a pair of characters?
:?: This is my first story being written for a VN, though not my first script. Any tips?
:?: Are there any characteristics that attract you to a VN in particular? Besides de 'good story' and 'great illustrations' basics. 'w'
:?: Is there anything you would like to see in this game in particular?

Thank you very much for your time~
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Re: Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

#2 Post by OoAmmyoO » Wed Sep 20, 2017 2:30 am

*Reserved*
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Re: Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

#3 Post by timepatches » Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:40 am

I can't say I've seen another VN with ballet as a theme before, but I really like the idea!
I was a dancer when I was younger, and admittedly I have a huge bias towards dance and ballet, but I think there's something really interesting about ballet as a theme - it comes with so many feelings and connotations (beauty, tragedy, hard work and commitment, striving for perfection, tradition) that it could go in so many different directions.
Not to mention all the works that come before with the same theme (Princess Tutu comes to mind immediately, among others).
Also, drama also goes with ballet perfectly imo c;
I also like that it seems to be set in a fictional/fantasy universe.
I usually play shorter VNs (3-4hrs tops) but that's mostly coincidence I think.
Many possible endings sounds great, but be careful with it. Make sure you consider how many endings you actually need during the planning process, and be wary of burnout - try writing a main route before you split off into variations. Writing them all in tandem can be exhausting.
I think what's most attractive in a VN, besides good art and writing and general polish, is the uniqueness of the story/concept, and how much I like the characters off the bat.

In any case, I love this idea and I'll be keeping an eye out for what you do with it! ;w;
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Re: Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

#4 Post by Zelan » Wed Sep 20, 2017 10:03 am

:?: Have you ever played a VN or read a book with ballet as a theme?: Nope.
:?: Have you ever watched ballet or practiced it before?: I've only seen videos of it, but it looks beautiful.
:?: A Visual Novel themed on ballet is something that sound appealing for you? Why is that?: It does! It's something that I haven't seen before and I'm always on the lookout for unique VNs in development.
:?: How many hours long are the vns you play, usually?: I don't technically have a limit, but considering how little free time I've had recently, I usually only have time to sit and play for about an hour, maybe two. However, I would definitely still play a longer game if it looked good - it would just take me more than one sitting.
:?: ...What are your feelings on drama? Of the tearjerker kind.: GIVE IT TO ME.
:?: What's your take on many possible endings, but for a single or a pair of characters?: I think it's great, as long as the endings don't feel unnecessary. Each one should add something to the story.
:?: This is my first story being written for a VN, though not my first script. Any tips?: I think you already know that the visuals can tell part of the story, and that's pretty much my best piece of advice for writing a VN spript. c:
:?: Are there any characteristics that attract you to a VN in particular? Besides de 'good story' and 'great illustrations' basics. 'w': That's about it! I also really love the fantasy genre, but really it doesn't matter so much as long as the story is good.
:?: Is there anything you would like to see in this game in particular?: Since the game focuses around music, I think it would be really cool to have an original soundtrack for the game. If you can't do that, I would still definitely be very meticulous in choosing the music for your game.

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Re: Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

#5 Post by Mammon » Wed Sep 20, 2017 10:31 am

:?: Have you ever played a VN or read a book with ballet as a theme?
Neither, but I loved Princess Tutu to death so if it's done well I can very much appreciate it despite not exactly being part of the expected target audience.
:?: Have you ever watched ballet or practiced it before?
Nope
:?: A Visual Novel themed on ballet is something that sound appealing for you? Why is that?
Ballet has nice music, fairy tale-esk aesthetics, could be given beautiful art, but despite that it can have any level of hardship without being more grim than reality was. There could be many approaches for both the pretty outside and the conflict of the story.
:?: How many hours long are the vns you play, usually?
I wouldn't think in such terms, rather than how long you want and can make it. Just think about what you would consider the best length to be. (Although 100.000-150.000 words is probably good maximum to not go over too much with a first project.
:?: ...What are your feelings on drama? Of the tearjerker kind.
Depends on the kind. If it's her hardships I bet I'll like them, if they're part of the relation between her and Luciano then it depends on the what, how, why and if it's well executed.
:?: What's your take on many possible endings, but for a single or a pair of characters?
One should never feel obligated to make multiple love interests each with their own large route and endings. If you don't like them and want to add them for balance or system, don't add them. Chances are, the reader will feel like those endings are slapped on too and won't like them that much. Only add those you're passionate or enthusiastic about, those you feel add something to the story.
:?: This is my first story being written for a VN, though not my first script. Any tips?
If English isn't your first language, work in something with good correction programs such as Word and use proofreaders at the very least. From what I can tell, your English is quite good, but I can't tell if this will also be in a story. Also, you won't write a good story in one draft. Whenever you feel like something you wrote a few chapters ago needs improving or that your story is developing unexpectedly in a way you want to incorporate in previous chapters, don't and keep writing forward. The second draft is for that stuff, people who do it in the first will get stuck at the beginning without really progressing much.
:?: Are there any characteristics that attract you to a VN in particular? Besides the 'good story' and 'great illustrations' basics. 'w'
Everything can be interesting if it's done well, such a broad question in such an open community is hard to answer.
:?: Is there anything you would like to see in this game in particular?
Make the MC a real person, not a self-insert blank slate. I personally would also like some bad sides to her, like envy, frustration, arrogance or whatever bad quality would fit well with her in your story. A flawed MC is more memorable and likeable than a perfect good one.
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Re: Primadonna [GxB/Slow Burn/Drama/Fictional Universe/Music]

#6 Post by Zelan » Thu Sep 21, 2017 5:36 pm

I forgot to mention that I really like the excerpt that you posted. Your prose writing is beautiful. It's almost like reading poetry. ^_^

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