Idol WIP (+Demo v0.03)

[umemi]

(I believe I posted another thread with Idol as the title. That project's still in development, but it's a little to big for me to focus on right now.)

This is a pretty early demo. I'm doing everything by myself, so nothing's customized yet. I have to learn more about Ren'py first. No character sprites either, as I'll draw everything at the end (Takes the most time). I'm still unsure as to what style I can visualize the characters in (Not a visual person). Some suggestions would be great.

Idol ~アイドル~

Format
Kinetic for now, though I am thinking about a branched version as I write. That's for another release, though...

One Sentence Summary
An undercover idol encounters a normal guy and her past.

Demo Folder: Version 0.03

[deerchan]

This is really interesting so far ^__^ I like the realistic feel. Are you going to add character artwork or have it as it is?

[umemi]

Deerchan: Thanks. Glad you like it so far. I hope I'm not going too far with it. (I don't want to offend anyone... orz)

Sprites are last to do on my list (after writing, programming and crediting things, of course). I hope to finish writing by next month (September) and editing/programming in the next (October). I've been pretty horrible with deadlines already, so don't take those as concrete deadlines, lol...

[pinkmouse]

Hi umemi

Thanks for posting the demo, I enjoyed playing it.

I liked the way the style shifted between NVL mode for her thoughts and ordinary mode for the conversation; I thought that was very effective.

The first scene with Jou "at work" on the stage seemed well balanced to me, but I found the second scene on the street a bit slow - if you could tilt the speaking/thinking balance a bit more towards speaking, maybe?

I know it's only a first draft, but I noted a few spelling errors (listed below so you can just do a cut and paste).

Lastly

I was a bit surprised at the description of the audience having "trickling nostrils" - my first thought was that they all had heavy colds, and I wondered why (as well as being a bit squicked). After a moment's thought, I got it - the anime convention of nosebleed = lust. Of course in the final version there will be a big visual clue( !), but I wonder if using the text to describe them (glaze-eyed, sweaty, panting, pulling at their suddenly too-tight collars) might give the hint to those not familiar with the genre?

oh yeah, and those typos:

asphault --> asphalt
clumbsiness --> clumsiness
crotch ---> crouch

oh, and just wanted to say: "faceplat" - great onomatopoeia! I like it!

You mentioned that you were worried about offending people, but so far it all seems fine to me.

Looking forward to seeing more of your project.

PM