[COMPLETE] (P)lanets -GxB

[Rina]

Oh, one question about the background artist position. How many backgrounds would be required and what would the deadline be? I might be interested

And if you ever need an extra proofreader (although considering you have three already, maybe not) or help with GUI, I can help with that as well... =)

[Riviera]

Demo? There's a demo?! Awesome! *immediate download*

EDIT: ...sakfljdslokfjslkafjldskafjl;a I wrote a huge review and the site logged me out during it then lost the whole thing when I logged back in.

I'll have to replay it and rewrite all the corrections and stuff again >_<;;;

[teacup]

@Mirage
Ah well if something about my game bothers someone it's just natural for me to apologize. ^^;

@Rina
I need quite a few bgs, definitely in the double digits somewhere... But if you are willing to take on that task I won't stop you! As for a deadline, I really want to get the full game out before August because that's when I will start college (which means I will have no free time XD). Applying new backgrounds will be easy, so there isn't a rush for those to get done anytime soon. ^o^
I will keep you in mind as a proofreader! And I need all the help with the GUI I can get!! Thank you for offering your help!

@Riviera
Oh no! Don't you hate when that happens.. TAT;;
I would love to hear your opinions!!

[Riviera]

I'll post impressions/thoughts here, and the corrections/suggestions will be sent in a PM, so I don't accidentally spoil anything... XDDD

The default text speed is very slow, so I bumped it up to the halfway mark. Some dialogue screens, when clicked, automatically display all text and others simply skip to the next page. I ended up missing several pages of dialogue before I just went and turned the text speed up more. I'm not sure if this is something that can be controlled, or if it's an engine issue.

Psychokinesis is actually a specific psychic ability, and is also known as telekinesis. Instead of using it as a group term to describe psychic power, I'd just go ahead and call it psychic ability. Also, with Marin being a telepath, she can be referred to as someone with ESP. Calling their specific powers "psychs" also kinda weirds me out, but that's just because I've heard it used as a slang term so much. Plus sometimes it is "psych" and sometimes it is "psyche."

Here's a list that'll give a lot of terms, and hopefully ideas for more powers for other students in the school: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_psychic_abilities

The CGs are great!

Rui is very cute, and Lucan-sama is very sweet!~

Marin's parents are really mean. I hope they realize how important she really is to them, and end up missing her by the end of the story. What can I say, I'm a goody-goody.

Your logo is also adorable.

One thing. In the segments where Marin reads minds, for some reason the font's italics version makes some of the letters clump together oddly, or seem to be floating away from the word they're a part of. It's only noticeable in some letter/word combinations, so it's not a big deal.

Overall: I really like the story. Marin seems like a fairly well-balanced person, and it's quite cute when she does freak out. Doesn't happen often, but hey. All of the guys met her in a fairly natural way, there were no odd moments. I also like that it seems she can reasonably "go with" any of them. There aren't any that just seem to be there for eye candy. I've played some games where the heroine just... doesn't seem to work with one or more of the love interests. They get together, but the whole time you're wondering why it ever happened.

The music supports the scenes well, and the Map Select screen was especially cute. I love the chibis!

All the guys had their good qualities, and it makes it harder to choose. I think in the end I'll like Lucan-sama best, but Ryuu is a close second. Kaius is nice but too disaffected for my taste.

I've already mentioned the CGs were nice, but I have to say that the one of her on the stairs... felt wrong. It might be that it's a default one that came with the sprites, but.. it doesn't look like the actual scene being described. She looks like she's running down the stairs in the CG. It's a very minor quibble, since there might not really be an option to fix this. Plus, heck, it lasts all of a few seconds. XD

Despite how I'm going to bomb you with typos and such in the PM, I do like how you did the dialogue. I've always like a more casual approach to speaking because it feels more natural to me, especially in a high school setting.

[teacup]

@Riviera
Hmm, I'm not sure I fully understand the text issue. Do you mean it goes to the next line of dialogue without you even clicking to advance the text?

Ah, thanks for clearing the psychokinesis issue up for me. So many people have said that I used the term 'psychokinesis' wrong, but never actually told me what the proper term was... I feel like I can properly fix it now, thank you!


What do you mean "a default one that came with the sprites"??
Marin falling down the stairs was the very first CG I ever did. I agree with you that it looks pretty bad, hopefully I'll get around to redoing that XD...

Thank you for the comments!!

[Riviera]

@Riviera
Hmm, I'm not sure I fully understand the text issue. Do you mean it goes to the next line of dialogue without you even clicking to advance the text?

Ah, thanks for clearing the psychokinesis issue up for me. So many people have said that I used the term 'psychokinesis' wrong, but never actually told me what the proper term was... I feel like I can properly fix it now, thank you!


What do you mean "a default one that came with the sprites"??
Marin falling down the stairs was the very first CG I ever did. I agree with you that it looks pretty bad, hopefully I'll get around to redoing that XD...

Thank you for the comments!!

I mean that when I click the screen to get it to display all the text on the page, instead of doing that sometimes it just goes directly to the next page. I won't be able to read anything on the one I clicked on at all.

Oh, it's not that it looks bad, it's well done. It just.. looks like she's running and not falling. But.. it might just be me assuming she fell backwards instead of forwards?

[Snowflower]

I really enjoyed the demo. The scenes' transition was smooth and I like how you used effects on them.
The sprites are well drawn.

Kaius

Teehee. Me and my fascination for the unsocial guys Kaius is definitely my favorite amongst them. I cannot wait until I see more development between him and Marin. His interactions with Marin is natural, and basically, I am in loveee <3

Ryuu

AHHH, i was going to use that name for one of my character's before Gotta love that name. Cheerful, cute guys are great to have in VNs, (although I get annoyed with them sometimes, but that hasn't happened with Ryuuu yet!) I can totally see a great relationship between MC and him. He pays attention to MC a lot more than any other guys.

Lucan

I don't see how he'd develop a relationship with Marin quite yet, but I assume I will once I download the full game. I am not a big fan of reserved guys quite as much as bad guys XD but nonetheless, he's not an unreachable type

Haruhi

GASP! At first I though he was a totally a girl! I really want to see him develop romantic relationship with Marin and how it will go I wanna know if he'd change once he starts noticing the love. EPPPP

Overall

Overall, it was a well-balanced demo. I am highly anticipating the full version. The plotline is good. I like the whole psychic thing going on (I love supernatural stuff).

I have couple questions regarding effects though (for myself actually if you don't mind.)
How do you get all those transition effects? like the characters changing expressions, and scene bg in like a slowly fading way? Mine always end up changing abruptly. Also, how did you get the shaking effect on the scene?

[Rina]

@teacup: Sorry for late reply! ;_; I'm not sure if I have the time to draw that many backgrounds, but I'm definitely willing to draw 5-10 or more, depending on what kind of backgrounds you want (I might not be able to draw really complicated backgrounds, though.)

I have a bedroom here (that is obviously a WIP) - which I hope gives you an idea of how I draw/colour.

[veela]

*_* Ahh, such a cute demo. I loved most of the characters (well... except the bitchy mom :/ maybe a punch in the face would improve her personality...? hehe). Ryuu and Kaius are definite favorites for me. :D

Ugh, the demo left some nagging mini-cliff hangers (for the busybody part of me XD;;).... I totally want to know what book Ryuu was hiding... and what the hell Kaius was doing in the bushes... O_o (HAHA, I'm sure it was innocent.......... >>;) and a bunch of other stuff!

Overall, loved Ryuu for all his cute jokes and the bickering between Marin and Kaius cracked me up. 8DD Ruiko and Haruhi are very adorable....:3

I'm curious:

will we be able to decide how developed Marin's skill becomes in the future (like by making her practice more/not skip her telepathy class)? I really want to go exploring off-campus too..... *o*

I did notice a few spelling issues - off the top of my head: site --> sight; infirmiry --> infirmary, etc. Nothing was too distracting compared to other games I've played. Also, one small error: in the demo

around where Ruiko is asking what your ideal type is

- she is speaking to Marin, but the menu says that "Ryuu" is speaking, not Ruiko.

Love the music, art, and dialogues!
Looking forward to your final result! :DDD Thank you for your hard work!

[YuukiCrossPudding]

Whee~
Just download the demo and play it.
it's so cute!

The story is good, I like the way you write it.
and the way you make the sprite movements is good, when he's close the sprite become big etc.
I love the BGs!

I love the way you make it, and with the sound, menu etc.
especially the music!
and the chibis too *melting*

I'll look forward for the release of the full game!
When the demo finished, I was just like
"NOooooo!"

xD, well good luck with it and ganbatte!

[teacup]

@Riviera
Hmm, that shouldn't be happening.. I think there was one instance when the text advanced automatically but if it happened more than once, its an error. >_< I will look into fixing that.
Haha yeah, that's probably why! Maybe I should have elaborated that she fell forward XD

@VampireZero
Ahaha, so you fell into Haruhi's trap.. XD I won't guarantee that there will be much romance in his route (he's only 13!) but he will definitely have a route!!
Thank you for your comments! ^o^
To answer your question, did you ever look at this before?
http://www.renpy.org/wiki/renpy/doc/tut ... ransitions
It describes how to use the transitions. For changing expressions I always used dissolve, and for the scene, I use fade.
Shake effect:
http://www.renpy.org/wiki/renpy/doc/coo ... ake_effect

@Rina
Your WIP looks good!! I don't need any complicated backgrounds. It takes place in a boarding school, so I would need things like a classroom, hallway, cafeteria, bedroom ect. If you decide you want to do it, I can give you more specific details. However I have free backgrounds to use, so it's not absolutely necessary I have a bg artist (but it's always better to have original backgrounds!)

@veela
Thank you so much!! XD lol!

Well... you won't be able to control how much Marin can develop her telepathy, because she is a 'special case'... and certain... unexpected things will happen regarding her powers XDD Sorry, that's all I can say for now~!

But I can tell you that there is another selection screen similar to the lunch one that pops up on the weekends, when you can go off campus! So you will definitely be able to explore!
Thanks for pointing out the errors, I have proofreaders who will help me with that now. ^o^

@YuukiCrossPudding
Haha, thank you for playing! I'm glad you like it! ^^

[azureXtwilight]

Haruhi has a route?

ME WANTS >D

[Snowflower]

YAYAYAYAY
I'm so glad!!!!! & yes, I did fall into his trap.

[teacup]

@azureXtwilight
Indeed! Little Haru needs love too. Even if it isn't romantic love. XD

I've nearly finished the first draft of the script now! Well. Excluding coding and menus. OTL.
Here's a Haruhi picture to thank all those who have played the demo & given feedback!!

[Snowflower]

Oh my goodnesssssssss
i know you just posted the picture like 30 minutes ago, but i am obsessed XD
he's so... delicate and cute... and adorable
that I just want to hug him