[WIP] Memory;Eternity

[Pyonkotchi]

About

A Visual Novel I've been working on for a few months now.and by working on I mean, Daydreaming about it when i should have been drawing the art or studying coding

Memory;Eternity is a visual Novel, Stat raiser Fantasy game



The Story:
Zane Legacy, his younger sister, Celeste, and his best friend Joshua Millar were on their way home from a grand festival just in the next city over, when Celeste decides to play a game of tag. Zane, tired and worried for his sister's safety, asks her not to run off to far, But she doesn't listen. Cheerfully she runs off, It's nothing serious, they're near home anyways and its just an innocent game, But today isn't a good day for that innocent game. Nearing their town, they realize that its under attack, and Celeste is no where to be found.
Seven years later, everything is how it should be, or at least, thats how it seems. everyone has moved on with there lives, and no one remembers that terrible day, or the little girl, Celeste.


The Main Races
This is a fantasy story, so naturally we;ll have different creatures.
these are the main races, to help you understand the main characters a little better

Humans: They are a jack of all trades. Their bodies contain DNA from all the different races which allows them to easily adapt. They have the ability to master any one trait. but their other skills suffer (For example, a Human who masters magic will become weaker as a fighter)
Demons: The Demonic race is a mysterious race. They're masters of dark magic and have powers centered around death and manipulation. They're usually feared and thought to be evil, but most are merely mischievous.
Elves: Elves have enhanced senses. such as the ability to sense others Potential Magical Energy. They're most skilled in natural magics, and are very intellgent.
Aeronians: Winged people. Their extremely light-weight bodies allow them to fly with ease. their defense is abysmal so they are not very good with fighting, but their magical abilities and intelligence more than makes up for it.
Felixians: A race of cat-people.They have fabulous reflexes. which makes them great with fighting. Like other beast-type races, they're great hunters and are excellent in the wild
Hybrids: People who are a mix of two or more different races. They can display some, all, or none of the abilities of their parents.
Elemental Spirits: spirits who rule over the elements..
Must be summoned from their Elemental Tear, a magic crystal that serves as their power source. If they die, they will be reborn again. The basic 5, Fire, Wind, Ice, Lightning, and Earth are the lowest form of deities. Light and Darkness are at a higher level and are far stronger than the Lower-Spirits


Characters


Zane Legacy
Age: 17
About: An energetic, and determined guy. He's a strong young man, although he can be gullible, and very selfish. He is the "hero" of our story. both of his parents passed away when he was younger, and he's been in the care of the Millar family ever since. His sister vanished years ago and no one seems to remember how. He's unique in that he has the ability to summon spirits and use their power.



Joshua Millar.
Age: 16
About: He's Zane's best friend since childhood, Known for his lazy personality and sarcastic attitude. He's a brilliant young man, and a sweet guy, but doesn't show it. He has issues with his mother and often leaves home for days on end. He has an older brother named Daniel, who left to fight in the army.


Nikolas Winlan
Age: 18
About: Kind and gentle, Nikolas is a weak, sickly boy. And the prince of Aeronia
Fused to his forehead is the Wind Tear, and he is sharing it's energy with Aria
He is very intelligent, and a skilled magician, but because of his illness, he doesn't use strong spells, which makes him feel rather useless.


Anika Scarlet
Age: 16
About: Anika is a friendly, tough elf girl with a competitive spirit. She is unusual in that she isn't capable of using magical spells like normal elves. but she more than makes up for it with her fighting skills. She really admires her brother, Liam, who is rebel leader.




Nina Mage
Age: 13
About: Nina is a kind, friendly, curious, and VERY energetic felixian girl, a bit ditzy and a daydreamer. She used to be bullied as a kid because she is also half witch. Zane and co were the first people to truly be nice to her.
she has a huge, unrequited crush on Zane. She tends to let her emotions get in the way of things.



Vira Midnight
Age: 13
About: Joins the team later on. Because she is a demon, the party is reluctant to let her tag along.
She is very reserved and an insanely skilled fighter. she seems cool and mature, but is really just a kid on the inside and can act very unreasonably and childishly if provoked.


Features:
This game will hopefully include

- Stat Raising! Including...
- Relationships! Raise your friendship with your partners and get a better of the many...
- Multiple Endings!
- Custom artwork

[sayuri]

Wow, the character art is very nice. I'm curious, is this VN going to have RPG aspects? With the races and abilities listed out it seems like a possibility. I have to say though, Vira looks more like fifteen and Anika looks to be twenty. I'll be watching for this!

[Gryphbear]

Awesome idea I think it'd be fun to play this -- can't wait to see more progress on this idea.

[machinist]

for music you can use free ones out there

http://wiki.renai.us/wiki/Music_%26_Sound_Effects

[Aleema]

Zane is so cool. I love ponytails on guys. <3
I'm all for supporting fantasy games. It's my favorite genre! Interested to see how all the elements interact with each other.

[IceD]

Felixian: A race of cat-people. they have slited cat like eyes. they are fast and have excellent reflexes. its possible for them to learn magic, but must be trained at an early age.

Hoho, you mean something like this:


or:


or maybe:


But don't worry! almost every single idea was already used thousands of times and I'm not the first one either. The real thing lies in the way you will design and bring your creations to life, and you can always aid and inspire yourself with other's works, there's nothing wrong in that I'm already liking Nina very much - she has that kind of spirit similiar to my felidians, so kawai I hope to see more of your designs soon!

I like your current story concept, but to be honest you could rewise it to make it better, because some things are greatly incoherent, such as:

• "Celeste runs off a little too far. well she usually runs off and it can't be helped." What?! No, it's a lame excuse for story to go on, or at least needs a good explanation why she does so usually.
• "they are shocked to see the entire village is engulfed in flames. the evil big bad Empire of Xhenovya, has attacked the village. and Celeste is no where to be seen"... Both heroes don't remember such traumatic experience? not believable, unless they got some sort of amnesia, which will be a cliched way of foreshadowing things to come; an easy excuse for the story to exist.
• "evil big bad Empire of Xhenovya"... Nice name, reminds me of towns from Howard's Hyperborea realm. Anyway, I hope you're just playing on cliches now Even if they're classic "big" and "bad", and by bad I mean the worst badass in the whole wide world, they had to have some reasons for their doings. I hope you add something interesting.
• Main character finds a small hairpin in the forest after 7 years and he is suddenly struck by memories of what happened ago? No can do, unless you want your story to be perceived as naive. You have to workout something else.
• "he soon meets the Fire Spirit, Ember. who tells him he is to fight the empire"... The biggest question of all. Why? Why him? Why not somebody else? Better find a good explanation Nothing in this universe happens out of a whim, everything has it's own way. Being a chosen one sucks, and may lead to unexpected consequences

It doesn't mean your story is bad, no. you jut have to fill all the blank spaces hidden deep within the cracks of walls, not only the elevation, or your story might crumble later on. Eitherway, I think you won't have any problems with art, moreover - you're a decent artist. Keep up with this. I hope to see some progress soon!

Also, I'd be willing to lend a helping hand, if you would like to. I was looking for some kind of additional work with someone else, but with something at least promising. Your project has the potential, kinda similiar to my older ideas and it's a fantasy, which is a big "+". I can help you with the story, characters and GUI programming to some extent. Of course, if you only want that

The all I can, is to wish you luck with this. Hope you'll succeed!

[lepapillonrouge]

I <3 the art actually.

Huh, I was reading IceD's stuff and I suddenly summed up what he was saying. "Fill the plot holes." XD
Eh, you know Celeste could've been following a butterfly or something. -shot-
Oh, hey, memory loss is in another story of mine too XD; Maybe the pin is magical and holds all his memories of Celeste -shot again- I'm not helping am I...

I like it. It reminds me of the Tales series, and since Namdai are douches, I'll never get to play another Tales game, so this sounds like a great alternative

[Pyonkotchi]

I rarely write. lack of confidence for the fail
so im glad you guys think its good ;u;

leseee
as for the plot holes.
i was thinking like magic a wizard did it like the pin would actually be magic. that Celly was given when she was smaller, from her father as a present.
a magic wishing pin
i can imagine him telling her about the special present, but Celly cant think of anything so she decides to save her wish for something really good.
Celeste never used that wish. when the town was attacked and she got lost, she wishes to be with her brother again. then throws away the pin because it doesnt seem to be working.
heh it;s probably not a really good explanation. >3>


why little Celly often runs off, i don't think i need to explain. Celeste IS a a little kid, very playful and energetic. kids are just silly

the memory loss; the Big Bad guy, (Xhelphire Anavorus II is his name. just thought i'd throw that our there)
his main abilities involve memory and thoughts. so his powers are basically screwing around with peoples head, making them forget things, or remember things they totally would rather have forgotten.
and he could read and even control their thoughts and whatnot. I know amnesia is really overused. but i liked the idea of a mindscrewy Big bad, i mean, think of all the evil manipulative things he could do with such a power D:


As for Zane being 'chosen'

i was thinking, He's one of the lucky people who's energy levels are just right enough to summon the spirits.

energy levels are like a magical, spiritual energy forces in all beings. everyones are different, but people who are closly related usually have similar levels. People with strong energy levels are often able to use special abilities like magic and stuff

/ I need to come up with a more creative name for it ><

...either that. or the Gods were playing darts or spin the wheel and it just happened to land on him

hopefully that all made some sense xD.

---


I do want to try to put in RPG aspects, ill have to see how that'll work out though
out n_n


AHHHHH ive been working on the script.
Hopefully I'll be getting a new tablet soon, it'll make my life so much easier :C
I drew some more art,

this time of Celeste,
and Josh and Zane as kids.

http://i538.photobucket.com/albums/ff34 ... /celly.png
http://i538.photobucket.com/albums/ff34 ... zanela.png

[IceD]

I rarely write. lack of confidence for the fail
so im glad you guys think its good ;u;

You know, besides a book my friend reccomended me to read to boast my downfall confidence and my ego, he also told me to do one thing... Just stand before the mirror and tell to yourself "I am fu***ng awesome!". If it doesn't work, do it few more times and it will!

as for the plot holes.
I was thinking like magic a wizard did it like the pin would actually be magic. that Celly was given when she was smaller, from her father as a present. A magic wishing pin. I can imagine him telling her about the special present, but Celly cant think of anything so she decides to save her wish for something really good.Celeste never used that wish. when the town was attacked and she got lost, she wishes to be with her brother again. then throws away the pin because it doesn't seem to be working. heh it's probably not a really good explanation. >3>

It still doesn't make much sense You have to have a strong reason for this pin to exist, because you're making it an most important item in the story. But at least, we now know it's some sort of magical and was given to her as present, so it may have hidden powers. Maybe her father was a mage? Or a maleficar? Does he still live? What could be his backstory?

why little Celly often runs off, i don't think i need to explain. Celeste IS a a little kid, very playful and energetic. kids are just silly

Ok, so as for now this doesn't carry any importance

the memory loss; the Big Bad guy, (Xhelphire Anavorus II is his name. just thought i'd throw that our there) his main abilities involve memory and thoughts. so his powers are basically screwing around with peoples head, making them forget things, or remember things they totally would rather have forgotten. And he could read and even control their thoughts and whatnot. I know amnesia is really overused. but i liked the idea of a mindscrewy Big bad, i mean, think of all the evil manipulative things he could do with such a power D:

Nice. You can still make him an evil sorcerer (yeah). I'll give you few more things to think about: Why is he doing this? Why he wanted for the village to be burned? Did he used magic to do that, or was that done by his minions/goons? What are his other objectives (apart from world domination; and why does he want to dominate? is it for wealth, power over people, a personal whim, or maybe Knowledge?)?

At least for now, I came fast with this: Celeste is a daughter of a magi, who once fought with "this" Xhelphire and lost. Now his daughter has his blood in her veins and will be able to use incredible magical powers (because she is soo talented), so Xhelphire raided the town/village/fort/whatever (but yeah, village is kinda overused and a bit mishy for such a plot) they were living to kill her/kidnap her/use her powers to his own needs, but she manages to run away. Try to play with that idea a bit.

As for Zane being 'chosen' ...

Okay, but this won't solve anything now. Those spirits, even if they are not gods, they are propably very powerful. They have to have strong reasons. Are they so desperate choosing a mere human because they are endangered? Or maybe they are the guardians, who believe the world will be lost because of the BIG BAD GUY, because he wants to use those spiritual powers and this won't bring any good to the world? Or maybe they are the messengers from heaven and hell or whatever different place gods might belong to? Are they just the avatars of spiritual powers, or beings like humans and other creatures, with their own will, passsions, emotions and feelings? Maybe they have some personal reasons to stand with humans against the evil? Maybe that evil spirit whih is working with the BIG BAD/was imprisoned by him isn't the thing everyone is thinking off? Maybe it is something more?

/ I need to come up with a more creative name for it ><

Mana? Magicka? You might want to meddle a bit with old latin and try to find something of use to you.

...either that. or the Gods were playing darts or spin the wheel and it just happened to land on him

Propably, but this will still be unreliable. Berserk, for example, also told a story about Gods who interfere with mortals, but it gave the overall idea for that - although only a vague - God's are playful entities, no better than the worst of humans and they created the world to have a playground to entertain themselves. If you really want to go that way, you have to at least give reason why gods want to do this. You know, they are mostly very powerful beings and world and people's lifes doesn't mean anything to them - they really had to have a big reason to put their hands on the world. "Wheel of Fortune" is the most common and simple way for an artist/creator to justify their lazyness

At least with all I written above, we could tell now he has a reason, neverthless he wants to cooperate with the spirits or not - he wants to save his sister, because if they are blood related, he might also have magical powers and he just feels she's in grave danger.


Hmm... It isn't good, but at least tyou have some stepping stones to go on further But I'll still say this story has a potential (I like the idea with spirits, alhough those things were also used many times in those, or different forms), it will only need a lot of hard work. Right now, I'd ask you - do you have some realm to put this story in? You have some vague race ideas, so at least I can see you've already done some research. It's time to move on and do some more. I can help you write this, if you want

I do want to try to put in RPG aspects, ill have to see how that'll work out though out n_n

It might be tricky, but it's doable. Rather now it's a matter of how will this mode look like and how will the gameplay look.

Kids look great

Also, you might try and PM me for more discussion

[dstarsboy]

Just stand before the mirror and tell to yourself "I am fu***ng awesome!". If it doesn't work, do it few more times and it will!

Weirdo! Just kidding.

I love the story and you art style, I think this will be very interesting. Keep it up!

[Starling]

This looks really interesting. I love seeing how these plot holes are being addressed it's making me want to play this game even more.

And the art is adorable. Young Zane seriously just about killed me SO CUTE. He seems like he would probably kill me for saying that but he is JUST SO ADORABLE.

XDXD~

Good luck on it!

[Pyonkotchi]

Thanks guys n_n
a wild screenie appeared
Just to show that something is actually getting done o3o;

[IceD]

Looks good so far. You may want to stretch Celeste's sprite a bit - this depends on what overall style and perspective you've chosen, but it may benefit a little - I've seen character sprites with average size that spans from the bottom almost to the top (with little free space) and it should be okay.

Do you have any ideas for GUI yet? I hope to see something nice, cause this project really deseves it. Also, are you going to use photos for backgrounds, or rather draw them yourself? Don't mind me for all these questions, I'm just curious

[playswithtribbles]

The Story

You will play as the Hero, Zane Legacy, a boy of 17 years old. thought to be a normal human.

Flashback. Zane is playing with this best friend Joshua, and his little sister Celeste. on the way home. Celeste runs off a little too far. well she usually runs off and it can't be helped.
but this day just isn;t the right day. when they reach their home village. they are shocked to see the entire village is engulfed in flames. the evil big bad Empire of Xhenovya, has attacked the village. and Celeste is no where to be seen

Cut to 7 years later. Zane hanging out with Josh. neither remember the terrible event. or Zane's sister, Celeste.
that day, Zane decides to go hunting. while walking through the forest paths. Zane notices a small, floral hair pin on the ground. it somehow seems familiar, and when he picks it up. He remembers everything. that Pin belonged to Celeste.
filled with rage and confusion, he runs off. how could he have forgotten?

he soon meets the Fire Spirit, Ember. who tells him he is to fight the empire, but it would be impossible for him to defeat this evil empire because they have already gotten their hands on the Spirit of Darkness, and they are searching for the other elemental spirits,
and the adventure begins. Along with his best friend Josh. he will travel around and search, he will meet new allies

Will Zane be able to find all the Spirits, crush the empire, find his little sister Celeste, and even learn something new about himself?

Wait a minute is it just me or do some plot points sound kind of familiar... Kind of... Rpg-ish. Let's see...

-The Village getting burned down while the hero is away for two minutes. check.
-Need for revenge for the little sister. check

Twelve years after Dhaos had been sealed away, a young swordsman named Cress Albane and his best friend, Chester Burklight, live in the town of Totus. One day, while Cress and Chester are out hunting in the forest, the town is destroyed by a dark knight named Mars and his soldiers. Every villager is killed in the attack, including Chester’s sister and both of Cress’s parents. While Chester mourns, Cress vows for revenge. He decides he should flee to the town of Euclid, where his uncle lives; however, Chester refuses, and Cress finally decides to go by himself. (Tales of Phantasia)

-I really like the idea of him forgetting about until he finds the pin! Selective amnesia? Check.

(Cloud from FF7)
(Terra from FF6)
(Too many others to count!)

-Searching for elemental spirits at the same time as an evil government... Check.

Throughout their travels, the trio is pursued by the Empire, which seeks to unseal the eight Mana Seeds and revive the Mana Fortress. (Secret of Mana)

-Main character with origin secrets 'thought to be a normal human' mm-hmm check

(Tidus from FF10)-I still don't understand what he is supposed to be...

It's official. This is an RPG! I love Rpg's!!!!
I'll be stalking this one... Will there be battles? A mysterious figure who knows everything. Will it turn out that the Hero is really related to the bad guys? Or is it that his sister is being held captive by the government for some mysterious reason..? We shall find out...

[Pyonkotchi]

fffffffff

i totally didn't forget about this btw. I've mostly just been working on the scripts. I do not lie!
i have about fifty million scrap sheets of paper lying around with bits and pieces of the story just waitin' to get typed up owo.

as for the art..., I've been sketchin' out what will be CG art
and sprites. haven't started on the BGs though >3>


also, there's a new dialogue box *u*

and I changed Josh's design a lil' bit

hmmmm yeah, thats about it o3o