Re: Doppelganger (GXB,mystery,horror)+demo+update13/7
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 7:32 pm
got the demo! I like blake & raphael so far, they're both chill dudes. :D
as for errors, I hope this list isn't too long, I'm just a tad nitpicky... I didn't give rico the letter, and later yuri said "We're even now, isn't it?" should be something like "We're even now, right?" I guess~ and later anasatsia says "there re no buts!" soon after that, "spine" should be "spines". it doesn't display lee's name when he talks about how he feels bad for letting you walk to the cafe alone. the blue-hair guy says "she knows one or two about that". maybe should be "one or two things about that"? the doorbell rang after I opened the door to talk to the policeman. he says "who do you think will do this to her?", should be would instead of will, then "like weird people or weird entity...", should be entities. showed lee's photo when jun called me after a call to yuri failed. later lucia said to her mum, "...help on something, maybe lesson." should be "maybe a lesson"? after that, "I quickly grab a bread" should be "I quickly grab some bread"/"I quickly grab a slice of bread". but I guess it could be a breakfast bread? idk~ later, "while sitting on a park" should be "in the park". later still, "why did the police left your pencil box?" left should be leave. in the lines shuang has after that, she should say "be considered a clue or not", "conducted a fingerprint test on it", and then "I really think it's the last time he'll ever go there. next, "as if saying I should've go home with him" should be "gone home with him". then lee says "In case anything happens." that's a sentence fragment.
I'll stop there, I feel pretty rude >w> great game though! I have no idea if I'm even on anyone's route yet, and I'm already wrapped up in the story~
as for errors, I hope this list isn't too long, I'm just a tad nitpicky... I didn't give rico the letter, and later yuri said "We're even now, isn't it?" should be something like "We're even now, right?" I guess~ and later anasatsia says "there re no buts!" soon after that, "spine" should be "spines". it doesn't display lee's name when he talks about how he feels bad for letting you walk to the cafe alone. the blue-hair guy says "she knows one or two about that". maybe should be "one or two things about that"? the doorbell rang after I opened the door to talk to the policeman. he says "who do you think will do this to her?", should be would instead of will, then "like weird people or weird entity...", should be entities. showed lee's photo when jun called me after a call to yuri failed. later lucia said to her mum, "...help on something, maybe lesson." should be "maybe a lesson"? after that, "I quickly grab a bread" should be "I quickly grab some bread"/"I quickly grab a slice of bread". but I guess it could be a breakfast bread? idk~ later, "while sitting on a park" should be "in the park". later still, "why did the police left your pencil box?" left should be leave. in the lines shuang has after that, she should say "be considered a clue or not", "conducted a fingerprint test on it", and then "I really think it's the last time he'll ever go there. next, "as if saying I should've go home with him" should be "gone home with him". then lee says "In case anything happens." that's a sentence fragment.
I'll stop there, I feel pretty rude >w> great game though! I have no idea if I'm even on anyone's route yet, and I'm already wrapped up in the story~
Yessss~