(GxB) Aurora Spirit - Demo Very Outdated

[Riviera]

Ah I see, that's what was meant. That would need more thought then. It certainly seems like a nice idea, but doesn't really fit with what has been written so far. I hope you don't mind me saying, why would someone really want to talk her out of it? Makes life better for them. XD This wasn't meant as an attack, so I apologise if you take offence, it's just something that popped into my mind as I read your comment.

I figured the same people who'd help her escape may attempt to talk her out of it. Well, some of them. Some of them would "see the greater good", some may simply not care. But there's always gonna be the one that has to be the Tidus to Final Fantasy X's Yuna. "Just cuz that's the way everyone says it works, doesn't mean it really IS how it works! You can't go die!"

And.. stuff.

I'm pretty good at proofreading and editing, if you guys need any help with that. If a demo's that close though, you probably don't. It's great news that it is!

[PrettieAngel]

@Arithra: Thank you very much for the link! I've had a look at that generator and it seems quite useful. We generally prefer to pick names for our characters based on meaning though, so even with so many interesting fantasy names the problem of indecision still exists for us. I'm sure something like that will definitely come in handy for future projects, but the names from it don't quite fit in with this one. The insults and "Mushy" names can be quite funny, though. XD

@Riviera: Thanks for the offer, however we don't really require such services at this time. The demo that's about to be released is just for feedback purposes, so proofreading etc. isn't as important. It would be great to have your help a bit later on though, if you're willing, when there's a bit more progress with the script!

[Ulin207]

A demo of Aurora Spirit is now available. This however, isn't really a full demo. It doesn't include any CGs worthy of actually being 'CGs' and three backgrounds are just temporary stand-ins. If you find any errors please post them, as well as any feedback or comments. Currently the demo includes roughly 10-15 minutes of game-play per path.

We didn't include a Linux release as we weren't sure if anyone who uses a Linux would be interested in the demo. If there is anyone, please leave a comment and one will be put up. Thanks.

[NatsukiDeath]

I love the music choice in this game

The demo went well overall
but as it was it felt rushed (duh demo XD)

got through and finally found everybody in it
took some time to find Theron but worth it!

So it was good, Good luck on the final piece~

[PrettieAngel]

Thank for the feedback, NatsukiDeath! I'm glad you liked the music, as I wasn't really sure of the pieces I used, to be honest. You mentioned that the demo felt rushed and that's definitely a valid point, however both Ulin207 and I are more of artists than writers, so do you (or anybody else) have any suggestions for how we could flesh the story so far out a bit more? Any help with this will be greatly appreciated! I don't think, personally, that Theron is any more difficult to find than some of the others, so I hope this isn't a problem, but it's a good thing that you managed to meet all of them. Again, thanks for the input!

[NatsukiDeath]

"mary-sue's" accepting of having the Aurora spirt seem to rushed and when she discovers her fate she takes it pretty light (as it mood goes) but other than that it is story with a good flow.

The beginning was awesome gave all the details needed! Loved the drawings to that!

Theron ,oh yeah I just thought he seem more like a secret guy cause I was clicking whatever. XD

[Aetheria]

Played it through once, and I have to go sleep in a couple of minutes, so I'll try and write some more comments later. For now, though, the one thing that jumped out at me as odd was that the MC is apparently being chased at one point, and runs away, but then she comes right back to her dorm and they're gone. Since she's a student, wouldn't the guardians and the school staff know where she sleeps and eats? Why wouldn't they be waiting for her when she comes back? And if she really thought they were going to kill her, why did she go back in the first place?

[PrettieAngel]

@NatsukiDeath: I see, thanks for letting us know. We'll try our best to combat this, and hope to be able to improve on this aspect. It seems a bit difficult without repeating similar lines over, though, so I think it'll require a bit of work. Theron isn't really supposed to be a 'secret' guy but I suppose there is only one real opportunity to meet him, and the choices involved in his path are, and are going to be, a bit odd. A simple choice can allow you to at least meet him, though.

@Aetheria: Thanks for your comments, and I'm glad you brought that up. I personally thought what had occurred was fairly justified but if this is not the case, it requires revision and a bit of further explanation in game. I'm unsure if this is what you're trying to get at, so feel free to correct me, but the main character doesn't return to her dorm immediately, as a decent amount of time does pass before she gains the confidence to do so. The Guardians and school leaders don't have all the time in the world to spend on locating her, so I imagined that after a while of searching unsuccessfully, they would attempt it again at a later time. Her return is due to her being unsure at that time what she should do. Obviously for her to allow herself to be sacrificed would be the 'noble' thing to do and would please a great majority of people, but the acceptance of her death would be difficult for her. To flee without prior planning wouldn't be satisfactory either, as she has no means of survival away from the school or without the aid of others, so to do so didn't seem like a wise decision. Your input is appreciated and I hope Ulin207 and I will be able to do something about this to make it make more sense.

[Riviera]

There were some grammar issues, but overall it was fine and entirely readable.

Yeah, now that I actually see how everything was set up, the way I suggested earlier would just complicate things. I really like how you're doing this. Marcel is adorable. <3

One thing to note,

While the information that the girl (or girls) that have the aurora spirit have to be sacrificed is given to the player in narration, and not while you are playing the MC, it may not hurt to subtly let the player know some of the basic things the MC actually has been told before the big reveal in the library. It kind of caught me by surprise, thinking that what, she actually doesn't know? It does make sense that they would not tell the students everything, mostly because they didn't even seem to expect to ever find an aurora spirit, but.. anyway.

As I mentioned before, I utterly love the drawings in the sky. I'd love to see more of them, although I have no idea at all where they could be used. Maybe in the epilogues?

[Ulin207]

Again, thank you to all those who replied, your input is very much valued. Thanks!

Riviera: If there were grammar issues, please do post them. Though we try our best to proofread it. I suppose it's always different when you're the one writing becuase it's text you already know as opposed to the reader who needs to read more carefully. I'm glad that you like Marcel, we tried to make the characters different enough, but after reading through forums posts, it seems like a lot of player don't like the 'cute, younger character' that much.

Other than that we'll do some edits to the script taking everything into consideration.To those who may consider replying, and those who already have. Do you think more needs to be added to the conversations, and there needs to be more talking or interaction in general between characters? Do you feel it has been rushed or moves forward too quickly? Which parts, if any or all?

[PrettieAngel]

For anybody remotely interested in this project, I'd just like so say that it isn't dead! Both Ulin207 and I have been rather busy with RL so it isn't really moving very far, but we do intend to continue with it, however inconsistent progress may be.

In any case, the first (proper) CG has now been completed:

[Arithra]

I will be downloading the demo now

The cg looks very nice. the light coming from the ball seems very real!
Even if the blue line on the desk is a bit irritating...


Update after playing the demo:

The first thing I noticed is, that the opening sequence is awesome.
I really like thoses pictures you use there, but the font is very hard to read, after some time your eyes start to hurt, mainly because the space in between the words is very slimm.

I liked most of the music, only the one in the library when the Mc was researching was not so my tatse.
I think it did fit the mod, but it was very annoying...

All in all I liked the demo. Marcus was such a sweety :3
Looking forward to future releases!

[Poketto Kunoichi]

I thought the demo was a good read, especially the beginning. I gave the character my name since I love storyline for it. I daydream about being a chosen one to be sacrificed and such a lot. xD

The art is nice, and I liked how you made the main character gradually accept who she is as the days went by. I also liked how there were plenty of decision points. ^^ My only crit is I didn't see much personality within the characters, except Marcel, who is adorable. Lying so he can play with you, d'aw. x3 I'm sure it's because it's this way since this is just a demo, though. I'm definitely going to play this game when it's released! Good luck!

[Ulin207]

Arithra: Thanks for the kind comments, though all credit for the CG goes to PrettieAngel. We'll see what we can do for the font, as I do agree. While I like the lettering, it has spacing issues no only between words.

Poketto Kunoichi: Thank you for the comments also. I'm glad you like the multiple decision points, we were concerned that player may feel some of the choices were trivial and unnecessary, so I'm glad they were enjoyed. I hope that the personalities will be brought out more as the story progresses.

[NatsukiDeath]

Pretty CG~

Good luck on this! (not quite sure why this project excites me so much to be giddy ) But hex I'm loving the premise of the game and how the demo went !~