Love Chub?! BxG

[NatsukiDeath]

If any one knows of this Game Of course this Is A cool Plot to use!~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcmnHk-jIjk

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Title: Love Chub
Genre: Romance / School life
Game play: Visual Novel / Dating Sim / BxG or BxB
Story-type: Stats raising / Choice making

Rating: T for Language , Implied adult situations and Health issues

Summary: As a stunning child Kai Perishtion was lavished in luxury but finally it caught up with him leading to his over weight self and low social level, now in his 2nd year of high school he is shoved off to a perigee school and is living with his older sister at a large apartment with the top 5 hottest girls of the school; who all in fact dislike him right off the bat.

Features:
- 10 Eligible characters
- At least 20 different endings
- Have a relationship
- Play the 1 year
- Stats to lower your weight or become more popular
- CG gallery


Lead the way for Kai's decisions by taking on the role of his pitiful self, and allow him to face many different scenarios!

...Or face Death as your bride if you fail...


Character Profiles:

Kai Perishtion:
Age: 17
Height: 173 1/2
He use to be a sweet & handsome kid shooting for a model job, but now hardly getting a second look at school.He is really spacey but fair grades to help, dark skin and jutted nose, black hair covered with a ragged volcom hat.He has a Sweet tooth like no other.

--But as the game will progess Kai will "Hint" off the true reasons for his sudden fitness plan.

Can Kai mange with all the stress?
Will he be able to build up a healthy life?
It's all up to you!

1.) Renai Miyazaki:

Age: 18
Birth date: March 8th
Blood type: A
Height: 182 cm
Weight: 59 Kg
Likes: Yoga , Modeling ,Leadership
Dislikes: Questions, Failing and Gluttony
Quote: "What is it? it better be worth my time."
Background story: She is the idol to the school, has a model contract with "Liz & Bon" Takes an instant disliking to Kai and always shoves her paper work off on him as she is busies her self some where else, but something about her seem so sacred,what could be shaking up the Ice Queen?

2.) Maya Koizumi:

Age: 16
Birth date: January 31
Blood type: O
Height: 152 cm
Weight: 52 Kg
Likes: Art, Hamburgers, Winter
Dislikes: Summer ,Vegtables
Quote: “The rain creates music which designs the words we speak to one another."
Background story: Maya is a shorty girl with a Huge complex about it but eats truck loads of junk food every day .She has her own individual classes for her art and music majors she is working on. Somehow any time adults ask to meet her parents or want to meet them to prasie them she get all mean and depressed.


3.) Natsuki Kojima:

Age: 17 1/2
Birth date: May 15
Blood type: B
Height: 158 cm
Weight: 67 Kg
Likes: Reading, Warm weather, Theatre
Dislikes: Junk food , rain , Restriction lines
Quote: "Oh sorry, I don't mean to stare so intensely."
Background story: Natsuki is pretty average Student, but is know for her amazing Track skills but keeps backing out of the deals schools present her but isn't seen hanging out with friends but always gets people following her to and from classes.


4.) Tai-Lee Hara:

Age: 18
Birth date: October 12
Blood type: AB
Height: 168 cm
Weight: 64 Kg
Likes: Fighting, Sweets,Kendo training, Hair styling
Dislikes: Jerks, Sweatshirts , Wilting flowers
Quote: “Take what they fear and throw it back 100% harder!”
Background story: Tai-Lee is your sports enthusiast; with a little problem with aggressive fighting tactics and not telling people the whole story which is still why no one knows who her family is or where she goes after school and pratice is over with. She tries taking care of the garn club's flowers before school but they keep kicking her out.

5.) Claire Skari:

Age: 15 1/2
Birth date: November 12
Blood type: O
Height: 175 cm
Weight: 82 Kg
Likes: Sleeping , New cultures, dominates
Dislikes: Staring ,Check ups , loud noises
Quote: “What wranker-babo!”
Background story: Claire is a foreign exchange student for the next two years from (Korea or Britain ; she switches between the two all the time). She is quite polite when you first encounter her but that is out of school but at school she is rude to anyone ,sleeps about in unsual places, plus seems to be afraid of the monthly check ups the school.

6.) Selena Oono:

Age: 17
Birth date: November 12
Blood type: O
Height: 175 cm
Weight: 82 Kg
Likes: Sewing , Singing, Bubble tea ,Clothes
Dislikes: Rude people/Immature people ,lying and celebrities
Quote: “Oh my!”
Background story: Selena is Kai's long time childhood friends but as for herself she caught on to Kai's habit and is over weight as well but hasn't let that stop her from being popular but she gets all kind of rude remarks from many boys of older grades, she spends her time sewing new clothes for "Liz & Bon" in hopes of getting a job there.

7.) Nina Tachibana:

Age: 16
Birth date: June 16
Blood type: AB
Height: 167 cm
Weight: 66 Kg
Likes: Impulse decisions ,Movies ,Friends,Hard work
Dislikes: Strangers , Ramen , Pocky , langugage barriers
Quote: “You how today are?”
Background story: Nina Is a Traveling companions of Claire Skari but hasn't learned japanese really well so she frezzes up at normal conversation but drops out of the school and works at downtown restaurant instead, but she can write her words ;so try emailing her if you can get her to understand that.

8.) Hana Kodo:

Age: 33
Birth date: August 1
Blood type: B
Height: 156 cm
Weight: 78 Kg
Likes: Dancing Magazines , Perfection
Dislikes: Scary anything, Nicotine
Quote: “Shut up I can smoke I'm an adult..*Cough*!”
Background story: Hana is the School nurse which you meet after a serious incident but you see another side to her which most don't know of; she is sassy beyond belief, blunt with her remarks but chews over her words before speaking them jumps at the slightest nosie, she smokers most of the time but no one supects it is her doing. Everyone esle in school knows her as an queit almost mute lady with a nervous stutter and a mousy look about her self. Has plently of diet tipsfor you and Shortcuts to the game for ya.

9.) Haruhi Perishtion:

Age: 25
Birth date: July 27
Blood type: O
Height: 160 cm
Weight: 58 Kg
Likes: Animes, Otomes , Mangas ,Spicy foods, Texting, Dying her hair
Dislikes: Math No phone , being told she did wrong, Brother upset
Quote: “Kawai is perfect, and so is anime!”
Background story: She is Kai's older sister who is in college at the moment and has a Brotherly complex over him she is out most of the week doing college internships for a news channel that is on at 5 AM! She cooks all the meals but has spoiled kai with whatever he wants with not a second though and busies her self when at home with texting serveal men she works with but mostly just force Kai to watch or play her Otaku products or get him to allow her to color his hair.

10.) Aoi Tsukino:

Age: 17
Birth date: September 16
Blood type: B
Height: 176 cm
Weight: 88 Kg
Likes: Sports ( Lacrosse, Archery ,Soccer & Tennis) ,Sushi , Skipping class
Dislikes: Hugs, Yuri , Quiet hours , Day time
Quote: “Yo, Man!”
Background story: You meet Aoi on your first day but meet in an awkward way...(Nah Just kidding) you were searching the clubs out and ran right into him starting up a conversation but strange Aoi doesn't takes to glare on Kai's weight issue but talks about the school in a high manner till rushing off but he'l pop out of no where throught the year ;so keep watch or you'll lose him.


Dear Goodness This Will be My grave stone But I needed to Announce this or else it would vainsh so When ever I first My other Two Projects The i'll do this But The Story is Done and script will be done soon on it as well!~ Art is going to be a while Since Mother freaking 10 people and maybe the hero's face!!!!

[gekiganwing]

So you want to create a game inspired by Otometeki Koi Kakumei Love Revo, aka Ugly Duckling's Love Revolution? That could be quite a task. The original console game has nine potential love interests and elaborate simulation gameplay. (You can read all about it on two parts of GameFAQs. Haruno_hyuuga created a walkthrough for the PS2 version, and Heliumsy created a walkthrough for the DS version.)

If you think you're ready to create a complex dating simulation, go for it... but it might be wise to reduce the scope of your game. Unless you have a dedicated group of people working on it, the game you've planned will probably take a huge amount of time and effort. And unless you're planning to create a commercial product, it might be tough to invest all that time into a freeware title.

Two questions about your main character that you might want to consider...

1. Why do the girls in your story "dislike him right off the bat"? If he's rich, does he come across as snobby or self-absorbed? Does he seem ill-mannered or perverse?

2. From what I read about the backstory of Otometeki, the main character Hitomi sounds kind of like a Mary Sue, in that she once was beautiful, and in that she can attract a variety of guys even while having weight problems. (And even though I can believe that the male characters would be more attracted to her after she loses weight, the whole concept seems kinda shallow and in bad taste...)

That said, in your game, you want to make sure that Kai doesn't become a Marty Stu. Be sure to read advice on how to avoid writing a Sue/Stu.

[NatsukiDeath]

Yeah this Game it'll be Commercial and I'll be Scoping out for a true team no short cuts to this at all.

1.) He is hardly self absorbed more insecure for the record , but he makes horrible jokes if that makes people hate you at first conversation .Not all the girls Dislike him as much as Renai does(for Secret reasons) but the 4 other top "five" were disappointed more in meeting Kai when his sister told them of his soon arrival and Stretched the truth about his smarts and good looks to find an over weight dweeb in place of their dream like prince man.

2.) Kai is going to have the Worse time even getting any of them to find him suitable to date or be a possible love interest for all, no way is his life to have love anything Mary sue, so no cheap tricks or flashy smiles to win these chicks over with.

@gekiganwing
Thank you very much for your much needed critique I'm gald I had to make sure Kai Wasn't mary sue that would flush this down so fast. X D

[afu]

I liked the original game because it has a lot of comedy in it despite stat focus on loosing weight. I would like to point out that the heroine wants to lose weight for herself, and not necessary for the aim to "get a guy". The story routes for each character where also very nicely done, though I may sound biased because I do like the game. I do know its not the greatest type of theme to build a love relationship otome game out of, but there is also a cultural aspect to the whole idea to even make the game. (I doubt seeing this sort of game being in the states I mean...) Sorry cant explain it every well XD

Does the Kai have other reasons or motivations for loosing weight other than wanting to become a model? Or more popular in school? Also having a foriegn name, does this mean he is a nikkei born in Japan?

Is there a reason tachibana has the same last name as tachibana in the original? Or why she doesnt seem to know a lot of Japanese with a Japanese name? It could easily be that he wasnt brought up in Japan, but it seems a little odd. I guess its something one would find out over the story?

I was also wondering, having a Korea or Britain exchange student and people not knowing where she is from... wouldnt some people know based on her accent? I dont know if you were planning to add voice actors for this but it might not be very convincing unless she doesnt talk alot to pick up an accent.

Lastly, brother complex or not there isnt a lot of older siblings who would call their younger brother onii-chan. It sounds very odd, and in the situation I think it would be more convincing to have her call him by his name, or a lovingly family petname. Its much more intimate than Oniichan which is only really used by younger children to address their older brother.

Anyway though, good luck with the game!
Sorry if my comments may of sounded hurtful - they are just suggestions and things I was wondering about the game. ^^;;

[NatsukiDeath]

Kai has other reasons to lose weight of course ( but it is secret since the story once you finish all find the true meaning why) Oh he doesn't want to be a model anymore (The beginning will explain that very harshly)

nikkei born in Japan : (Yup Another plot point)


tachibana: (Yeah I realized after putting it there and had to laugh, but it is important to her route) Well she slacked off in her studies and didn't want to learn but Claire forced her

Korea or Britain exchange student: She keeps her life to her self and doesn't talk right usually words are slurred or mumbled or has her back turned to the conversation.

--But Yeah Since this will be commerical I'll put voice actors in it but not quite sure if just for small words

Yeah Onii-chan will bug me if I continue to write it for her but truly she just calls him "Kawai"~

Thank you afu for The Good Help I appreciate it!~

[J. Datie]

she just calls him "Kawai"~

Like the brand of piano? Because that's the first thing I think of when I hear "Kawai".

[NatsukiDeath]

Yeah Haurhi Likes the panio brand a little bit to much! X D

[LVUER]

I don't know if you're all joking or not... Kawai (kawaii) basically is cute in Japanese. And Japanese are crazy for cute things (they even have the cute culture).

[NatsukiDeath]

I thought about having it kawaii but then It just seems a little to annoying for The sister to repeatedly say

or i'll change so ...who knows it is on debate now his nickname

[afu]

Thanks for taking in consideration my thoughts and suggestions ^^ Again, good luck with the game! *sends good karma your way*

[NatsukiDeath]

Your Welcome!~ Afu

[Liminality]

I might note that "onii-chan" is pretty strictly older brother.

Younger brother, however, is otouto. So an older sister would either call their younger brother "otouto-chan/otouto-kun," their name, or a cute pet name. Kawaii is an adjective... and as an English VN, using Kawaii as a nickname is both odd, and a bit irritating.

When remaking a game, there are a lot of issues you run into. You can't slack off just because the plot and situation is already set, and you have something to base it off of. In fact, if anything, you have to put ten times more effort into it to make it worth playing. Why would people want to play a rough spinoff if it doesn't offer anything new or interesting? You have to give the player something to draw them in other than the fact that it's a game they're already familiar with.

You say that there are a lot of things that flesh out the characters in game... But instead of just saying it, how about you prove it? I'd love to see some stuff added to their profile. Especially if the information is just introduced at the beginning of the game as the situation, I'm sure it's fine if you put some of it here. You're more likely to attract people to play if you can back up your words with solid information.

You'll probably need a proofreader/editor to help you with this, because quite frankly your use of capitalization and some of your word choice sucks (I'm so sorry DX I'm a grammar nazi!). Especially if this is going to be commercial, it's going to take a lot of work! How are you going to make it commercial? Since this game has already been made, and you're even using basically the original name, you'll definitely run into a lot of copyright issues... I assumed only original ideas could be commercial, unless the spinoff was made by the original company? *frowns* You'll probably have to make it freeware.

Could be a great game~ I'll wait for it. You just seem to have a lot you need to sort out, but if you keep working on it, it'll all get figured out as you work!

[NatsukiDeath]

Yeah I remember Otouto is the correct thing to say. ^-^U

Kawai is what she calls him but fort he most part she will not be saying it that or that won't be voiced (would drive everyone crazy)

even using basically the original name, you'll definitely run into a lot of copyright issues..

Yeah The title has to go thanks for telling me.

I'll be Fixing up all the loose end soon and continue qith the rest.

You say that there are a lot of things that flesh out the characters in game... But instead of just saying it, how about you prove it? I'd love to see some stuff added to their profile

um what do you mean? I don't understand?

[Liminality]

Kai has other reasons to lose weight of course ( but it is secret since the story once you finish all find the true meaning why) Oh he doesn't want to be a model anymore (The beginning will explain that very harshly)

nikkei born in Japan : (Yup Another plot point)


tachibana: (Yeah I realized after putting it there and had to laugh, but it is important to her route) Well she slacked off in her studies and didn't want to learn but Claire forced her

You keep mentioning that things are important plot points, but you never mentioned anything about them initially... If "the beginning will explain that very harshly," it would probably be beneficial for you to go ahead and put a bit of that information in the description in your first post. The motivations and mindset of the main character are a part of the personality and a major part of the plot.

On that note, making his other reasons a "secret" is a bit odd. If we are playing and controlling the character, as a player, wouldn't it make more sense to know exactly what our goal is in the game? If we're just working to make him skinnier and date one of the girls, that's what we think our only goal is. To contradict the entire game by basically saying "actually, your goal this entire time was ____!" without hinting at another goal even existing can be a bit irritating. At the very least, you can hint at it in the beginning? Instead of "I want to lose weight but you can't know why yet!" you could make it more along the lines of "I want to lose weight... but it's for a more important reason than just aesthetics. However, I don't think I'm ready to admit that yet."

Also, I believe the term "nikkei" usually refers to (in Japan), a person whose family emigrated out of Japan, and then returned. Therefore they would NOT be born in Japan, and that is the argument about them. Although they are Japanese, they are not Japanese citizens. Also, Nikkei is a rather vague term to begin with... so you should probably explain your meaning if you're going to mention it. Give as much information as you can!

[NatsukiDeath]

Alright Now I totally understand what you mean.
I'll get correcting the flaws to this!