Lemma Soft Forums

I finally managed to get something close enough to finishing. Well I need someone to check my gramar as my english isn't very good. Both story and code are almost complete. What is missing is character graphic, few backgrounds and music.

Posted new version, see my new post for download.

I have a lot of problems with downloading. It never really starts, and if it does, it stops at 22kb or something and the file is corrupt. I tried it many times, yesterday and today, nothing...

It downloaded just fine for me. I'll send the file to you in an email.

Quick thoughts:

This reminds me of GSK in a few ways. It has the meeting someone for the first time vibe, it has photo-backgrounds, and it has a similar internal game structure. On a first play-through, the story seems reasonable, if perhaps cramming a bit too much into one day.

Since this is a call for beta-test, I'll put some critique here:

- The writing needs to be edited by someone who speaks English fluently, preferably a native speaker. Much of the dialogue comes off quite stilted, and while the story of the game is okay, it's often hidden behind very unrealistic dialogue.

- The photo backgrounds are okay, but seem to come from a variety of places, with words in several languages. While one sees that in big cities, it seems somewhat distracting in the game. I'd consider applying filters to or otherwise modifying the backgrounds to make them less distinct. (Many of the backgrounds are okay, it's just a few of them that have signs in multiple languages that are confusing.)

- There's no character art. This is a design decision, and a valid one, and the al|together games didn't have much of that... but...

- The endings aren't made distinct. When I first played through, I got an ending I was okay with, and since there wasn't any indication that there are better endings, I stopped. It was only when I looked at the game with my magic Ren'Py vision that I saw that there were other, much better, endings. You may want to put an "Ending 1/4", "Ending 2/4", and so on at the end of each path.

Anyway, I think this game has quite a bit of potential, which is why I wrote this post. I would suggest recruiting an editor and perhaps a character artist, now that you have a script, and turning this into a polished release.

PyTom >> Thanks! I'll get some late lunch and then it's playtime

Right, so I've played it, and it's really just about everything PyTom said it was. The story is very easy-going, no drama, just a summer romantic thing and most of the backgrounds fit very nicely.

I actually think ALICE's Alice doll would be perfect for Katherine and as for the filters, I do think they would help the game as well. Here's what I thought... (it's just a mock-up, I haven't hacked your game or anything ^_^) http://atp.manga.sk/_others/game.gif

If you want, I just ran all the background images in the game through the same filter, added a bit of summer colors to the less green/yellow ones, so you can try it and use them if you like.

It's here: http://atp.manga.sk/_others/summer.zip [6 MB]
BUT: it's more or less only for you, so translate the file name to Czech, like winter.zip >> would be zima.zip
I can make you more such pictures if you send me photographs. PM me or write, whatever you like.

PyTom wrote: - The writing needs to be edited by someone who speaks English fluently, preferably a native speaker.

I know, that's why I asked for betatest.

PyTom wrote: - There's no character art. This is a design decision, and a valid one, and the al|together games didn't have much of that... but...

There will be character art in final version. I just hadn't time to make it.

PyTom wrote: - The endings aren't made distinct.

Okay I fix that.

mikey wrote: I actually think ALICE's Alice doll would be perfect for Katherine and as for the filters, I do think they would help the game as well.

I considered that already but I try drawing it myself first.

mikey wrote: It's here: http://atp.manga.sk/_others/summer.zip

Looks good. I send you link to rest of backgrounds later. Or is there a tutorial?

Thanks for respose anyway.

denzil wrote:

mikey wrote: It's here: http://atp.manga.sk/_others/summer.zip

Looks good. I send you link to rest of backgrounds later. Or is there a tutorial?

A tutorial on how to do that kind of filtering? I suppose not, it's our in-house technique (somewhat altered), we used a similar one with IdolType. I just wanted to help if I can (mainly because processing the pictures is very easy for me now that I've got some filter sets saved). You can send me the BGs, but from Thursday, I'm probably going skiing for a week, so I won't be available.

I can't download this neither...
I tried download at different times with Firefox and IE.

I've added alternative download (see first post).

I'd suggest just attaching the file to your post. This way, if people can read the forum, they can download the post.

Decided to put here new beta. You need RenPy again.
Backgrounds are done, character art preview. (Thanks again for the backgrounds Mikey)
Music takes 7 MB so I keep it for final version.
And finally I am still looking for someone to edit it.

Download here.
(I wanted to post it as attachment to forum but got error message. I try it again but for now...)

Edit:
Still getting "Tried to upload empty file" error. Can it be this problem?

I thought it was pretty cute. Short and sweet.

As I played I went through the script and did a little editing, like adding apostrphe's, fixing typos, and making some of the English sound more natural. I didn't make any really big changes and only edited the path I played, but if you think it could help my changes are in this attachment.

Thanks for the editing. I've updated the download.

I finished the character art and fixed some typos so there's a new beta to download.
I still need someone to edit it...

The swimsuit really helps, as well as the 2 moods and the textbox.

Perhaps endings 3 and mostly 4 could have a small epilogue, as a reward, and also to conclude the story. I don't mind abrupt endings, in fact I like them, but even a few lines or a special picture in the best ending would probably round it up nicely, as a sort of an indication of the fact that you have found the good ending. On the other hand, it's also good the way it stops, so I suppose it's how you look at it ^_^

Anyway, even though I played it, I'm still looking forward to the official release. Good luck.