Fatal Hearts - Awaiting Release

[papillon]

(As I said, the 'German' I gave came from Babelfish, not me. I can't speak the language at all. So I *know* it's messed up. )

Tense, on the very first statement, is sort of confusing. In English, I did originally want it as "The devil betrays his own followers" - present tense, but present tense in a way that IMPLIES both past and future.

What he's saying, really, is that the devil in question has betrayed people in the past and will do so again. The devil _is the sort of person who_ betrays his own followers.

Since that's a particularly my-English phrasing, any sort of dramatic statement about how the devil is a treacherous bastard will work just fine. Any suggestions for a ringingly dramatic way to say that the devil WILL betray you in the end?

(Also, he's not actually talking about the Devil-devil. This isn't Satan. This is just someone he thinks is utterly evil. If that makes any difference.)

[mikey]

Dramatic... How about...

Dem Teufel fliesst die Verrat im Blut. Am Ende spüren es alle.
[Betrayal flows in the Devil's blood. In the end, everyone will get to feel that.]
The second sentence is a typical German way of putting things like that, but that literal English translation doesn't sound so great. But in German, it works.
You can also say "Am Ende spürst du es auch." - In the end, you will feel it as well. But the former is more dramatic and IMO does the job better.

I assume it's some smart/experienced Yoda person who is saying it to the person who is afflilated with the devil.

[papillon]

Not really very Yoda-ish. It's a... gang member, sort of, who's been taken prisoner by a... cult... (Fudging details a lot so as not to completely ruin the plot. ) He's currently locked up inside a metal dog cage, rattling the bars and yelling, but nobody understands what he's saying, because the only characters present don't speak German. Or even know who he is.

Imagine breaking into a prison and finding a prisoner in there loudly cursing his captors and threatening to kill them or anyone he can get his hands on. It's sort of like that. You fools, you're all doomed!

He'll switch to threatening them in English in a minute. So it's not too important, and your dramatic version sounds good enough for me.

[Alessio]

I'd go for

Der Teufel verrät seine eigene Gefolgschaft. Nach mir sind Sie an der Reihe.
(The devil betrays his own followers. After me it is your turn.)

Ich werde Ihnen nichts erzählen.
(I'm not going to tell you anything.)

[mikey]

Yes!

Gefolgschaft is a good word for that original sentence.
The second one could be "Am Ende wird es auch Ihnen so ergehen."

Actually, those statements: "Der Teufel verrät seine eigene Gefolgschaft. Am Ende wird es auch Ihnen so ergehen." I like them as a whole, when you say it's a kind of prisoner gangster, those verbosities are not really fitting. This could be said by just about anyone, by a normal or a raised, or a yelling voice and it would still sound good.

Note that "Ihnen or Sie" is the honorific "you", that you talk to strangers by. If you want to say this to a good friend who is equal to you, you would go for "Dir or Du".

^_^ this is like a translation conference... ^_^

[Alessio]

^_^ this is like a translation conference... ^_^

Let's have a new sub-forum "translations and localizations" ^_^

[mikey]

Actually, MW has been translated into Czech, and GR has a Slovak translation as well... You should do G!MB too, call yourself Finsani ^_^.

[papillon]

Okay. I have an initial build for the first major branch that is mostly story-complete - epilogues and two nonessential passages will be put in later when I have more detail from other branches to refer to. There are four reachable endings. Playtime is a couple of hours. Graphics are, as I always mention, thoroughly placeholder. Music isn't done at all. Some sound effects exist. Most engine functions are there, although the flags for "has this text been read before?" will not go in until near the end, so skipping works differently for now.

I want my primary tester to look at it before I pass it to anyone else, and he's not online yet, but that shouldn't take long.

The download for all this runs 7.8 MB rar'ed.

The storyline *will* leave lots of questions about other characters (which you will have to play other branches to find out) but it should be a complete experience in itself, and that's part of what I'm needing fresh eyes to find out. My primary tester knows the whole plot already.

I want STORYLINE feedback - how you feel about different characters, whether you felt involved or bored or too rushed during the third day or whatever, anything that's nagging on your mind when you finish...

So. Any volunteers?

(Anyone who will be *offended* by occult nonsense and blood should steer clear. Simply not preferring occult nonsense is fine for a tester. )

[musical74]

Sure, I'll volunteer...how full a descrpition of everything do you want? i.e. Do you want my thoughts on how each character is, acts, etc or do you want just what I feel is wrong with it? I think it would give you a better idea of what works and what doesn't if you have a full descrpition of everything. And, since I'm on dial up, 7.8 MB RAR isn't too bad a DL time...

Let me know where to DL it, and I'll give my honest feedback on everything.

[Watercolorheart]

Okay. I have an initial build for the first major branch that is mostly story-complete - epilogues and two nonessential passages will be put in later when I have more detail from other branches to refer to. There are four reachable endings. Playtime is a couple of hours. Graphics are, as I always mention, thoroughly placeholder. Music isn't done at all. Some sound effects exist. Most engine functions are there, although the flags for "has this text been read before?" will not go in until near the end, so skipping works differently for now.

I want my primary tester to look at it before I pass it to anyone else, and he's not online yet, but that shouldn't take long.

The download for all this runs 7.8 MB rar'ed.

The storyline *will* leave lots of questions about other characters (which you will have to play other branches to find out) but it should be a complete experience in itself, and that's part of what I'm needing fresh eyes to find out. My primary tester knows the whole plot already.

I want STORYLINE feedback - how you feel about different characters, whether you felt involved or bored or too rushed during the third day or whatever, anything that's nagging on your mind when you finish...

So. Any volunteers?

(Anyone who will be *offended* by occult nonsense and blood should steer clear. Simply not preferring occult nonsense is fine for a tester. )

I will play it for you. My e-mail address is buttercupsaiyajin@gmail.com

Mind you, it might take me a little while because I am knee-deep in my own project, but I definitely know what it's like to be hurting for feedback and having nothing to go on except your gut feeling that it'll all turn out okay in the end. But I will get back to you with a long, detailed review soon enough.

Goodness knows, I don't mind a lack of graphics. Hopefully, the writing is solid enough to keep my interest.

[Alessio]

Unless my job comes up with nasty surprises, you can count me in. By when do you need the feedback?

[papillon]

Well, as I'm still going to be working on this game for many months to come, it isn't THAT urgent to get feedback Right Away. I've got to start preparations for an entirely different path now...

[papillon]

(From lack of emails/pms lately, should I assume that it's taking more than a couple of hours to get through, or just that you're all really busy? )

Increased temperature at the moment has been keeping me from getting much done. Too hot to write....

[Th3_uN1Qu3]

I guess i'll test it for you too.

Just tell me where i can dl it or send it to me at th3_un1qu3@yahoo.com.

I'm currently working on my Nocturnal Illusion remake, but that's not much of a priority, and since i have no more good hgames to play - in fact no more good games of any genre at all - i guess i'll test your game and give you my opinion about it.

But just tell me what you're wanting - i mean, what should i look after - ways to improve the storyline or stuff like that?

Ah, and i have no special interests in the occult, but i don't find myself disturbed about it either.

[papillon]

(Not looking for new people at this point - just waiting for them to get back to me. But thanks anyway. I'll probably look for an entirely DIFFERENT set of people whenever I get a new path done.)